ebosed:


I am glad you want us to discuss now.

Men like Women can be very annoying no doubt.

Any failed marriage is the result of failed compliance to the word of God.

There are no such things as Church, Mosque, Court or Traditional Marriage.

Men and Women get married because God wanted it and instituted it.

So its is God's Marriage and not Blue or White Wedding/Marraige.

Men and Women in marriage have responsibilities.

Divorce doesn't solve failed marriage, it is just the begging of the continuation of a failed marriage with lots of consequence on the children,

friends and relatives of the couples and even their immediate community and the nation.

Is part of youe evangelical training to not answer questions? I didnt ask for any of this? And i don't see any biblical scriptures written....hold on lemme check once more.......nope, none of what you said contains proof this is word of the lord. I didnt ask to discuss what marriage or divorce is. I asked you to explain why you think the woman deserves to be disrespected by her husband and why you have assumed she is an ordinary wife? Many well respected and reputable pastors have divorced so we cannot make assumptions without solid biblical backing. That is what i am asking you for.

The advice given on this thread is directed at the poster because she is the complainant.
Actually,its wrong hearing from one partner in marriage and judging on that basis.
We are not judging anyone here and we have no forum or access to counsel the husband too or to hear his own side.
The advice given to the poster is what can reasonably be given in the circumstance which can make a positive difference in the home.
If her husband happens to come across this thread,i am sure he will benefit and know what steps to take to correct the errors.

Nairaland members
Please stop all the fighting and insulting others.
Post your opinion and respect others' opinion.Contribute meaningfully and constructively,focussing on the main issue.
The world is accessing these threads and we shouldn't paint a negative image of ourselves and country.
I believe we are all above age 16 on this forum.

You said you love him and you know he loves you too, so what else are you looking for. More-so 6 years is so short period for the both of two of you to fully understand each other. To me i consider what is happening to a trying in the life of both of you and if you can stick it a bit more, then you will have cause to rejoice. Remember marriage is for better for worse, in good health and in bad health, in suffering and in smiling. So Stay put and dont go anywhere.

Tgirl4real: queensmith,

would you quit all these nickpicking. Everyone has the right to suggest whatever they think is right. Please stop picking on people's post. This thread is long enough, we don't need more E-fights. Get it

Has the meaning of forum changed?? Is it not a platform to discuss opinions? Is nairaland an exception? I am not looking to fight anyone ,nobody hates an e-fight more than i i am simply challenging the soo called pastors claim that the wife warrants abuse because she is ordinary. Am I at fault for this??

NNEKA2015: Have been married for 6 years to a pilot and we have have three kids my marriage isn't working anymore , there is no love or trust in the marriage again, my husband gets angry at the slightest thing i do and then goes out drinking and and doesn't come back to sleep in the house until i have gone to work. He only says he loves me when he wants to sleep with me , he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food and now that i am not improving in making love. he showers me with gift once in a while but claims i don't make him happy, i have tried and tried but he is never pleased, I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him but at the same time i can't take it anymore and neither can he as well. please married or divorced women advice me on what to do i can't concentrate at work , i know he loves me and i feel something for him but i can't continue like this. please i need sincere advice on what to do.

Is there anyone you who look after your kids for like a weekend?! Arrange a trip with your hubby where the two of you can talk without any distractions, try not get too much emotional or angry. Just communicate your heart felt emotions without accusation or blame, tell him how much love him and ask him what he'd like you to do to make your marriage work and he should also do the same.

If you are both honest, open, tender, still love each other and want the marriage to work, then you should both be able to get to the bottom of your problems and some workable solutions.

Wish you all the best.

My dear,wat u need 2 do is jst 2 pray for ur husband n do ur duties as a noble wife.I believe it is well n no one will t8k wat blongz 2 u.show him love n make him understand howmuch u love him.good meal,pray 4 him n dnt deny him ur body.
I will also wnt u 2 pray dat whoever/ whatever dat's takin his love away 4rm his home receive fire and let dia b enemity b/w d two of dem.pray dis prayer with all sincerity n love 4 him. believe dat it's well with u n ur home n it will manifest.i promise u.some ppl might not like it but u hav 2 pray n show him more love jst how u pipl started in ur 1st yr of r/ship.

@OP
From your post it seems that your hubby at least still has an interest in you, so be what he wants give him the kind of sex he seeks and hold on to him. All the hags who are telling you to leave him have used up wide gaping p. ussies and this led to the men in their lives being terribly dissatisfied. Since they couldn't do much about their overused equipment they left their men and have become embittered. Let them be a lesson to you, so that when you read a post from any of them you can say "thank God, that's not me"

Johndoe100: @OP
From your post it seems that your hubby at least still has an interest in you, so be what he wants give him the kind of sex he seeks and hold on to him. All the hags who are telling you to leave him have used up wide gaping p. ussies and this led to the men in their lives being terribly dissatisfied. Since they couldn't do much about their overused equipment they left their men and have become embittered. Let them be a lesson to you, so that when you read a post from any of them you can say "thank God, that's not me"

Misery loves company

Please kindly read and know that it just a common challenges in marriage, quiters never win!
my Dear,
when your life becomes filled with anxiety and
confusion, and you become concerned about the events in
your life today, turn to our Savior Jesus Christ! For He
said, THESE THINGS I HAVE SPOKEN TO YOU, THAT IN
ME YOU MAY HAVE PEACE. IN THE WORLD YOU WILL
HAVE TRIBULATION; BUT BE OF GOOD CHEER, I HAVE
OVERCOME THE WORLD." ( JOHN 16:33 )

After all Jesus' never abandons us, or leaves us to struggle
alone! For He has promised us; "I WILL NEVER LEAVE
YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU." SO WE MAY BOLDLY SAY:"THE
LORD IS MY HELPER; I WILL NOT FEAR. WHAT CAN MAN
DO TO ME?" ( HEBREWS 13:5 ) Therefore we
can always call on Him in even the most troublesome times,
for He is always with us!

After all; THE LORD WILL GUIDE YOU ALWAYS;
HE WILL SATISFY YOUR NEEDS IN A SUN-SCORCHED
LAND AND WILL STRENGTHEN YOUR FRAME. YOU WILL
BE LIKE A WELL-WATERED GARDEN, LIKE A SPRING
WHOSE WATERS NEVER FAIL. ( ISAIAH 58:11 )

Also remember that when confusion, worry and fear
enter your life, it is not from God but from satan. For
it is written that; GOD IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION
BUT OF PEACE. ( 1 CORINTHIANS 14:33 )

So my dear, BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING, BUT
IN EVERYTHING BY PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION, WITH
THANKSGIVING, LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN
TO GOD. ( PHILIPPIANS 4:6 ) and let Him comfort,
guide and direct you through the troubling times in your life!
Amen.

All My Love & Prayers,
Mr SHUNOM

Pple av told u all u need to make ur marriage work. Just stick to dose words of advice (i trust ur ability to pick out the good ones) nd get ur man back. Stop considering divorce as an option, nd enjoy ur marriage. Best of luck.

pls neva u think of divorce if u r a tru child of God.hand it ova 2 God in prayers

Johndoe100:

Did you try this b4 he kicked you out? Anyway ask your mother what to do , she knows. She says she does it just before she goes on duty.

Lmao. Guy u harsh pass me sef

ha, na waooooo, the very purpose of this thread have been totally diverted to something else. folks, y this so much hatred and fights, nobody knows anybody here, yet people's comments have been attacked and insults raining on personalities. This is not right. Pls go read the thread on [b]'Can we please focus' [/b]I think we all need the stuff debrief talked abt in there.

I'm sure this thread has only ended up confusing our dear girl, Nneka. People pls lets act like the matured adults we are!

@poster, sorry abt this, see how NLders have turned ur thread into a battle field. I'm sure u can still pick out some useful advice that may help u sort things out in ur marriage!

Peruse thru diz among the few meaningful opinions and take the right step as God helps u to make ur marriage blissful again. All da best girl............lol

Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by NorthSharp(m): 23 hours & 18 minutes
peaceheartt: My dear, this is not the time to start thinking of divorce, this is the time to work and pray.

Two important statements you made in your post, and based on this, I think u shldnt contemplate divorce,

"I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him"
your kids still need their father,(especially if they are still very young). taking dem away from their father may affect them negatively for the rest of their lives.

"i know he loves me and i feel something for him"
There is still something there btw u two, he loves you and u feel something for him.

Your marriage need a spark, you have to work at it, prayers would help greatly, but you need to make some physical efforts like taking care of the areas he pointed out, "he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food,.......improving in making love"


Marriage is not a bed of roses, we all have our issues and crosses to bear, divorce is not the answer!

I wish you all the best as you take steps to bring back the spark into your marriage!

OP, I think this might be the best advice you could ever get on this matter; so print it out, read and digest every bit of it, act upon it to the letter -- and then pray.





Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by aremu olusegun: 22 hours & 36 minutes

Am nt married neither am I divorced,am sorry for ur predicament.my sister pls I plead with u with the mercies of God to pls do nt divorce Him.I don't no if ure a christian or nt but if ure take this matter before God.see ur pastor too.pls God hates it.dats why He says what he has joined togeda let no man put asunder,divorce will nt bring joy neither will it solve d problem,it will worsen it.pls I want u to watch dis american movie (fireproof).frm wat u said der is hope because u still love him and u sense he loved u but his temperament his d issue.I want u to study him properly because d issue is communication,u did nt study him enough in courtship.so take time to study and reflect on what brings the oda side of him.and adjust urself.for the future of ur children pls stay der. I sense dat sometin great is abt to happen in ur family and d devil does nt want you to enjoy it. Henceforth, do more of listenin and watchin him dan talkin or arguing with him.do what he likes, change ur appearance.pple may call u a fool but instead of packin ur load determine to keep him at all cost.if u are nt closer to God,dis is the tym.start now fast for him.bring out ur wedding pics& certificate and start prayin on dem.once u live ur house someone will pack in don't try it. Buy books and tapes on relationships (I recommend bimbo odukoyas books and tape).let me pray with u. I pray dat the Lord will help u in this tryin moments of ur life. My big sister,becareful of what d divorced pple u are callin on for help,dey will only advice u to join dem.u re runnin a house of a man,a woman and 3 children.now start a home of a wife,a man and ur children and dat man will be ur husband very soon.he will come back to you on his kneel begging.u just wait and see.thanks. Am nt married at all,am almost in my mid twenties,nt thinkin of married or relationship yet but av read a lot abt men and women and I no der are many out der who will be in my category and will av sometin meaninful for u.I hope to hear from u soon.God will see u tru.u will have the last laugh. (Am on facebook: FB name is aremu olusegun, crossover is my pet name) pls text me. It is well.der is no man out der dat can father ur child like him





]
Divorce by Onasa22: 16 hours & 17 minutes

Babygirl, I thank God that quality human beings like Peaceheart, Knowledge4, Ronkebp and others have contributed meaningfully to this thread. Please my dear embrace God more than ever, winners don't quit, majority of those couples you see celebrating yrs of marriage have experienced what you are going through today. Just as salvation is personal so also for your marriage to work out depends on both of you [most especially you because women are the home maker] . Politely draw your husband closer to yourself not minding what must have transpired so that both of you can deliberate on issues that he's complaining about and the way forward. Remember also that no step mother\step father that can take care of the children the way both of you will bring them up and the devil you know is better than the angel out there





Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by chaircover(f): 1 day & 22 hours

@poster, all marriages go through ups and downs all the time. My husband and I still go though phases. The prayer is that the ups greatly surpass the downs.

I notice that you have 3 kids in the 6 years of marriage. your husband also has a high pressured job and it seems that the marriage hasnt had a time to breathe. he feels suffocated and seems that he is taking it out on you. Understably, you dont feel happy too.

My simple advice is this. Prioritize. Think about what is important to you both; i,e the marriage and make that your project.

Take time out from the rat race/children/inlaws etc and spend quality time together; have long talks, talk about the old times, do things that you used to do once upon a time and wake up the marriage from the slumber. rediscover each other and breathe fresh air into the marriage.

Find a good and condusive time and Tell him how you feel and sit back and listen to how he feels. You may have been missing something. The mistake many of us make is that wives turn their children into their husbands and husbands turn making money into their wives.

One general problem that a lot of marriages face is unrealistic expectations. Too much mills and boons and when you dont experience it 24/7 you think that something is missing.
Cars need maintenance, we need health checkups, we service our gens etc how much more our marriages.

Until you have done all you can to revive this relationship, divorce shouldnt even be in your vocab for now.






Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by Tgirl4real(f): 1 day & 23 hours

peaceheartt: My dear, this is not the time to start thinking of divorce, this is the time to work and pray.

Two important statements you made in your post, and based on this, I think u shldnt contemplate divorce,

"I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him"
your kids still need their father,(especially if they are still very young). taking dem away from their father may affect them negatively for the rest of their lives.

"i know he loves me and i feel something for him"
There is still something there btw u two, he loves you and u feel something for him.

Your marriage need a spark, you have to work at it, prayers would help greatly, but you need to make some physical efforts like taking care of the areas he pointed out, "he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food,.......improving in making love"


Marriage is not a bed of roses, we all have our issues and crosses to bear, divorce is not the answer!

I wish you all the best as you take steps to bring back the spark into your marriage!

In addition to what Peaceheartt posted,

I think its a phase you guys are passing through now. It could also be that your hubby has a new distraction. May be another woman is getting his attention. Hopefully it will pass soon. Just keep doing what you do, give it some time and let see how it goes.

Wish you all the best.








Re: Seriously Contemplating A Divorce by agiboma(f): 23 hours & 58 minutes

neyostica:

like i said, its either you are a teen or she-devil or stupeed. what makes you think the problem op is having cant be fixed? there was happiness and love before in their relatnshp which can be reignited, she knows her husband better, all she has to do is analize the relatnshp and see where it all went wrong.

I agree with you nothing is more important than communication, dedication to one's marriage and family. OP you are the one that will tear this family apart and leave your kids wondering where there daddy is. Dont do it, divorce is not a good thing for young children, I grew up fatherless and can really appreciate the values/benefits of growing up in a 2 parent home. Dont deny your children this!

NNEKA2015: Have been married for 6 years to a pilot and we have have three kids my marriage isn't working anymore , there is no love or trust in the marriage again, my husband gets angry at the slightest thing i do and then goes out drinking and and doesn't come back to sleep in the house until i have gone to work. He only says he loves me when he wants to sleep with me , he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food and now that i am not improving in making love. he showers me with gift once in a while but claims i don't make him happy, i have tried and tried but he is never pleased, I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him but at the same time i can't take it anymore and neither can he as well. please married or divorced women advice me on what to do i can't concentrate at work , i know he loves me and i feel something for him but i can't continue like this. please i need sincere advice on what to do.

From your posted you said your marriage was working until recently.

It means somethings have change probably necessitating this sudden change.

You need to walk it back. 6years ago you were a babe (A Romantic Partner), are you still a babe or you are now just a Madam and Mother of his Children? If he complains about shoes, then get the types he likes and admires, dress like a babe and not a Madam because he says he doesn't like the way you dress, check the kind of hair you make, do other men compliment you? Do a soul searching. If he complains about your food it means you might need to step up, if you cook the same kind of food for him in 6 years he would get bored, try other types of food, buy a cookery book, learn from other women. You must make him happy, that was why he choose you out of the thousand ladies around him 6 years ago.

For now forget about the consideration of your children, even though positives, you were 1st his wife and not the mother of his children. You must strike a good balance between the two. 20years away from here these children would leave you and go with their wives or husbands. If you know he loves you then strive to please him.

Proverbs 5:15 to 20 Advice women to give good sex in bed to their husband. KJV use the Word "Ravish" Be Excellent in Bed.

Only Few men would disdain their wives if they have the virtues of the Godly-woman explained in Proverbs 31. Please read it again.

ronkebp:

You are an empty barrel, i am still with my husband even after my son, and i still have 3 more to give him. and he will continue to speak in-tongues on my puny.......so you can go and hang upside down on third-mainland bridge, meanwhile, so rude of you to chip in my mother, anyways no be your fault, that was the same way your father sent your mother packing with the 6 of you on her chest, and that is why you are so bitter with your life and with your surroundings...Big for nothing!!!! Director of Fools!!!, dem dey hail am, he too dey open teeth....MONKEY!!!!

Ronke dear, I respect u alot, pls u dont have to rain all these abusive words na, u can do well to ignore these people that have chosen otherwise. I beg no spoil ur reputation because of anyone. This people u are insulting, they dont know u, u dont know dem, so whts d point. Just ignore and maintain ur dignity ok.

jennykadry: Is it just me or are 90% of Nigerian men really going mad?

[size=13pt]the only nigerian man that is mad is ur husband. [/size]

ebosed: [size=14pt]Even Extremely Bad Men Appreciate Their Godly Wives even when they don't openly admit it.
[/size]

[size=13pt]so so true. no man how bad a man is,he appreciates a good woman. these babes should check the kind of lives they lived. Karma is hunting them[/size]

charles316:

[size=13pt]the only nigerian man that is mad is ur husband. [/size]

Sagamite:

Wait o!

Walrus, are you reetarded?

Are you insinuating FOR A SECOND that I am interested in you blubber?

You lost yamind, morrofcker?

With all the women open to me on this Earth, I will go for a smelly, morbidly obese hoodrat with even a more stinking personality?

Is your diabetes affecting your brain?

OMG

Johndoe100:

Did you try this b4 he kicked you out? Anyway ask your mother what to do , she knows. She says she does it just before she goes on duty.

Dies

See all the "good advice" on how divorce is not the solution, simply said don't leave your cash cow cos outside no dey easy o. I wonder if the advice would be the same if she started with ...I married a man earning peanuts.....wooomeeeen....you can't understand them!

@queensmith, I read your responses and I feel pity for you. You are one of those ladies that will eventually end up alone and bitter in their old age with no one for companionship but a cat. Your advice reeks of western feminism. You can't bend over to please a man, but you will expect him to bend over to please you. You advised the lady to have pre divorce talks with her husband? You feministic nuts are just plain selfish. Reading your posts, I could see it was all about her, her, her. You didn't even give a thought to the kids. Do you think its easy to be a kid in a broken home? Its this kind of thinking that has led to the decay of family values in the western world where the divorce rate is astronomical.

@Poster did you read through your marriage vows at all? Did you think that it will just be happily ever after? Didn't you read the part of for better for worse? Does your husband beat you? Does he cheat on you? You have three kids! Not one, not two but three! You want to subject the children to the hardships and stigma of a divorce because of the reasons you gave. Its not just the two of you, there are five people involved. It will be exceedingly selfish of you to contemplate divorce because you are not happy. Fight for your marriage! I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I think you need to face the hard truth.

ebosed: You said "but I can't continue ..."

That is not True. You can if you want.

Men can disdain everything about their wife...beauty, sex, food, just name it BUT THEY CANNOT DISDAIN her prayers because they cannot disdain their maker. Please pray for your husband, pray for his likes, his passion, his conversion etc.

I suppose you are an ordinary wife and that is why your marriage is at this LEVEL. To bring joy back to your home you must be THE EXTRA_ORDINARY WOMAN.

If you don't fight your husband but don't add any value to his life, if you make plastic-apology whenever he corrects you, If you are the mother of his children -Baby Making Machine-, if you don't add to him and you don't take away from him, if you are help-to-eat wife instead of being his helpmate, then you are just an ordinary wife and that might explain why you are at this level in your marriage.

I would like to have a counseling session with you. If you don't mind meet me at RCCG-Josephs Palace, By Apple Junction, Amuwo Odofin GRA. Come on Sunday after church service in your church. You can come around 12noon and ask for Pastor Felix Oni.

Thank you.

.
Am surprise o,didn't no their is anyting as ordinary and extraordinary wife,NL commenters I hail o

@Chucks Feel pity for yourself. The problem is most men here believe they speak for men around the world. Actually they don't. Like i keep repeating, many men care love unconditionally and fully respect their wives. Save the pity for the women breaking their arms and legs for the abusive husband.

Only foolish men hate the idea of feminism. Its about time you all realise we are equal and were not placed on earth to take bull crap from men! There is no reason a woman needs to take abuse from her husband, absolutely none! And men like you try to keep women in bondage by making them think they need to serve a man with all the energy they have, for what exactly? Trade in your sanity, dignity esteem and pride for an illusion? That does nobody any good.

Maybe the women here are all in hopeless marriages but times have changed, they don't need to put up with it. If no one will say it i will. It's a shame people reason in this way, at the same time it's fantastic some of us realise how things should be!

charles316:

[size=13pt]guy, u are very wicked o.lol[/size]




[size=13pt]guilty conscience. so u are one of those with gaping p.ussies. pity. u cant eat ur cake and have it. its either u let ur husband enjoy ur pu.ssies or u let those aristos/guys enjoy it(which u`ve done in the past). when your husband comes to understand that u have lost all the meat in ur pu.ssy,he will start to act strange.[/size]

And who are you oooo? Errand boy??Oh!! errand boy to the chauvinistic cabal of FOOLS, anyways, you don't have to blind our eyes with your nonsense, Fools of a calibre think alike.....

peaceheartt:


Ronke dear, I respect u alot, pls u dont have to rain all these abusive words na, u can do well to ignore these people that have chosen otherwise. I beg no spoil ur reputation because of anyone. This people u are insulting, they dont know u, u dont know dem, so whts d point. Just ignore and maintain ur dignity ok.

Peaceheart dear, leave matter, i love you too, na for my own i dey waka for this forum, you get on my case, the person is sure gonna have it, afterall, it is faceless.