d heat is coming, I'm feeling it. It's becoming hot in here. lol

Tgirl4real:
Don't live your life pleasing any man, rather please God. Do all within your power to be a good wife and mother, if he still doesn't appreciate you, please don"t sweat it. No man worths it. Since you guys still have sex, you can raise the issue after such event. If he sees it, praise God. If he doesn't, don't kill yourself over it. Continue living your life as normal.

If it gets out of hand, invite a third party for reference sake. If that don't work, threaten with a divorce, if he doesn't care, please don't be bothered.

I know it's not easy o. Just live youe life one day at a time and keep asking God for strength, that is if you believe in God.

I dont understand, even God says a wife should do all to please her husband abi?
Your husband is worth everything and more to a wife.

queensmith: ^^ in fact i am overly fed up! People will honestly justify a man killing his wifes confidence because she put on a few pounds. A man placing the very foundation of thier marriage on how she looks. Looks that will always fade!

Its the men that need to fix up! Im sorry but no woman can look beauiful forever! If your husband can only love you when you are pretty its a short term marriage you will get!

There is no man alive with red blood in his veins that will not consider the looks of his wife as very important. So many men have indeed based the choice of their life partners on this quality alone, a fact, though not recommended, that suggests the very high pedestal that this quality is placed. Anybody who says a woman's looks is secondary is being hypocritical. I say this not to encourage the trend of superficiality that results from an exaggerated consideration of physical beauty but I feel it is very necessary that girls and ladies owe it to themselves to maintain a sense of beauty ALWAYS.

This will probably sit with some as being chauvinistic but that's a risk I'm prepared to take.

jennykadry:

God bless you with triplets for this advise

I receive am in the spirit, but certainly after yours. ;-)

Richvkunt:

G[b]ood day Tgirl4real,
I find it quiet amusing that you do not know there exists a cabal in a section you are moderating.
You need to do your job better,and stop them getting on the case of any poor woman that as much as disagrees with their view point.
It is just like saying there are no tribalists in the political section or saying there are no smugglers in the auto section or saying there are no trolls in the romance section or saying there are no atheists and religious fanatics in the religion section.
I rest my case.[/b]

Na u know mister. All I'm saying and still saying is dat u should cut out on the cabal thingy on this thread. You raised it up even when Ronke gave her honest advice. Everyone is entiled to his/her opinion. No merit in picking fight unnecessarily.

You can do better by contributing positively to the thread. If you like misinterprete what I'm saying and by d way, dere's vacancy if you care to moderate.

Bawss1:

There is no man alive with red blood in his veins that will not consider the looks of his wife as very important. So many men have indeed based the choice of their life partners on this quality alone, a fact, though not recommended, that suggests the very high pedestal that this quality is placed. Anybody who says a woman's looks is secondary is being hypocritical. I say this not to encourage the trend of superficiality that results from an exaggerated consideration of physical beauty but I feel it is very necessary that girls and ladies owe it to themselves to maintain a sense of beauty ALWAYS.

This will probably sit with some as being chauvinistic but that's a risk I'm prepared to take.

no no no. . . U aint @ all. U made a valid point. At the same time no woman should feel intimidated cos of her looks. Ofcourse, we all need to (including d men) take time out to make ourselves more beautiful daily. but no one should be made miserable cos of it.

Bawss1:

There is no man alive with red blood in his veins that will not consider the looks of his wife as very important. So many men have indeed based the choice of their life partners on this quality alone, a fact, though not recommended, that suggests the very high pedestal that this quality is placed. Anybody who says a woman's looks is secondary is being hypocritical. I say this not to encourage the trend of superficiality that results from an exaggerated consideration of physical beauty but I feel it is very necessary that girls and ladies owe it to themselves to maintain a sense of beauty ALWAYS.

This will probably sit with some as being chauvinistic but that's a risk I'm prepared to take.

This has nothing to do with what im saying, nobody wants an ugly partner. You may use it as a basis for choosing your partner ,but if you stake your marriage on it it wont last! Because....guess what her beauty wil not!!
You cannot place the value of anything on looks because it fades! You certainly cannot begin to abuse your wife when nature takes its course!
No red blooded woman wants an ugly husband but they dont go throwing fits when he starts growing grey hair and becomes bald in the middle?
Only the mature should marry, it seems immature men not ready for what marriage is about are the ones getting themselves into a pickle!

queensmith:

This has nothing to do with what im saying, nobody wants an ugly partner. You may use it as a basis for choosing your partner ,but if you stake your marriage on it it wont last! Because....guess what her beauty wil not!!
You cannot place the value of anything on looks because it fades! You certainly cannot begin to abuse your wife when nature takes its course!
No red blooded woman wants an ugly husband but they dont go throwing fits when he starts growing grey hair and becomes bald in the middle?
Only the mature should marry, it seems immature men not ready for what marriage is about are the ones getting themselves into a pickle!

You must not have comprehended Bawss1's post at all because he is quite clear in the second line - "So many men have indeed based the choice of their life partners on this quality alone, a fact, though not recommended, that suggests the very high pedestal that this quality is placed."

davidylan:

I dont understand, even God says a wife should do all to please her husband abi?
Your husband is worth everything and more to a wife.

My dear,

I know what the scriptures says quite well. I know a lot of people would be surprised at my position on this issue. If you read my post well, it is not suggesting in any way that the hubby isn't important. In fact, I believe love is sacrificial.

What I said is that he shouldn't be the center of her life to the point that it negates her devotion to God. If she makes effort to please God, she will def do what is expected of a godly woman.

Imagine all that will suffer if she puts all her energy trying to please one man. She will neglect her family, kids, passion, life. . . Infact, she will neglect God all in the name of pleasing hubby. Can't you see the man might be playing on her emotions?

She needs to be strong and do what is right and expected of a wife and mother not exhausting herself trying to please ONE man that is probably distracted by so many things out there.

Having said that. In reality, we might not know the true crux of the matter. We are only reacting to what she posted.

David,

I read the part of my post u highlighted again. Are you suggesting in any way that one's spouse should be placed above God?

So what exactly was the point of your post david? What is the point you are trying to make? What in what i've written did you not get?

wow @ Analytical,

I love your post. It was detailed and well written though I don't agree with a point.

Just wondering . . .how come women don't take their frustrations out on their hubby wen they are stressed from work, kids, chores and a thousand thing that crave their attention? Just wondering o.

queensmith:

i am obviously a slowpoke.

a deluded one at that, if a marriage is making one unhappy what does common sense suggest to you? How is staying in a bad marriage going to improve anybodies life? Dont make me laugh please.

The home breaking bs- if anybody is breaking their home it's the husband, i will be encouraging the husbands folly if I insist the op should remain where she is by all means. You may be an advocator of remaining in a miserable home but it's important to some to have dignity! kmt

like i said, its either you are a teen or she-devil or stupeed. what makes you think the problem op is having cant be fixed? there was happiness and love before in their relatnshp which can be reignited, she knows her husband better, all she has to do is analize the relatnshp and see where it all went wrong.

@jennykadry, you are a bloody hypocrite, are you tellin us ur husband is perfect?? no flaws why havent you divorced him?

@Tgirl4real, thanks.

Tgirl4real:

Just wondering . . .how come women don't take their frustrations out on their hubby wen they are stressed from work, kids, chores and a thousand thing that crave their attention? Just wondering o.

You are about to open a pandora's box here! You may not like the contents. Do not say I didn't warn you! Who says women don't take their frustrations out on their husbands? When you hear arguments from the bedrooms at night, don't be surprised madam has decided to 'close shop' because she is 'tired'. Some claim headaches and body pain altogether at that critical moment when the man is ready to fire!

What other release of frustration are you looking for? Some women become so moody at home because of office issues. More frustrating to the man is the fact that she expects him to somehow decode why she is moody without being told! Should I talk of countless husbands that have been told under duvet at one corner of the bed that 'if you need dinner tonight you can fix it yourself because as you can see, I am tired', leaving the man wondering what he has done wrong again?

I had better stopped.

Tgirl4real: David,

I read the part of my post u highlighted again. Are you suggesting in any way that one's spouse should be placed above God?

and how would you please God if you dont please your husband?? smh for girls of this age

Tgirl4real: David,

I read the part of my post u highlighted again. Are you suggesting in any way that one's spouse should be placed above God?

your husband stands in the place of God in your family. I'm not suggesting you forget the bible and worship your husband BUT part of devotion to God is to love your husband in total submission as God asks of you. Anything aside from that is merely deceiving yourself. You cannot claim to be devoted to God whom you cannot see while willfully disobeying his commandments to your husband whom you see every day.

neyostica:

like i said, its either you are a teen or she-devil or stupeed. what makes you think the problem op is having cant be fixed? there was happiness and love before in their relatnshp which can be reignited, she knows her husband better, all she has to do is analize the relatnshp and see where it all went wrong.

I agree with you nothing is more important than communication, dedication to one's marriage and family. OP you are the one that will tear this family apart and leave your kids wondering where there daddy is. Dont do it, divorce is not a good thing for young children, I grew up fatherless and can really appreciate the values/benefits of growing up in a 2 parent home. Dont deny your children this!
@neyostica if you become a regular in the family section you'll begin to know the viewpoints of the regular posters, aka the divorce club, and yes they generally dont like anyone that disagrees with them

Analytical: @Tgir4real, thanks.


You are about to open a pandora's box here! You may not like the contents. Do not say I didn't warn you!!! Who says women don't take their frustrations out on their husbands? When you hear arguments from the bedrooms at night, don't be surprised madam has decided to 'close shop' because she is 'tired'. Some claim headaches and body pain altogether at that critical moment when the man is ready to fire!

What other release of frustration are you looking for? Some women become so moody at home because of office issues. More frustrating to the man is the fact that she expects him to somehow decode why she is moody without being told! Should I talk of countless husbands that have been told under duvet at one corner of the bed that 'if you need dinner tonight you can fix it yourself because as you can see, I am tired', leaving the man wondering what he has done wrong again?

I had better stopped.

You are right, that some women let out their frustrations on their husbands, for example last sunday, I was so ffrustrated, had too much to do, my job, my school work, my home, my kid, myself, my hubby, I was so mad at the situation that I was moody all through, that day,my hubby kept asking me what was wrong, I was too overwhelmed to voice anything out, he just let me have my peace and I gradually left that mood, almost ruined my Easter though.

neyostica:

like i said, its either you are a teen or she-devil or stupeed. what makes you think the problem op is having cant be fixed? there was happiness and love before in their relatnshp which can be reignited, she knows her husband better, all she has to do is analize the relatnshp and see where it all went wrong.

There can be happiness and love in a marriage where the husband is rude and abusive? Nigerian style happiness she? The one that involves suffering and smiling. Well done.

She doesnt need to analyse anything ,it went wrong when her husband started to moan. If something was wrong he should simply say and they will resolve it. He's a grown man and not a child, he has lost respect for his wife and thats what needs to be regained. It wont get any better if she's adamant to staying in a situation where she is being treated badly. She recognises her options and is willing to take them. Thats a woman that will truly be happy and not maintain false confidence from the delusion of being in a happy marriage!

Tgirl4real: wow @ Analytical,

I love your post. It was detailed and well written though I don't agree with a point.

Just wondering . . .how come women don't take their frustrations out on their hubby wen they are stressed from work, kids, chores and a thousand thing that crave their attention? Just wondering o.

I can imagine some do its probably natural. It's not right though and theres no reason anyone should endure it.

People simply need to find other avenues to vent thier fustrations. Certainly not abuse their families!

agiboma:

I agree with you nothing is more important than communication, dedication to one's marriage and family. OP you are the one that will tear this family apart and leave your kids wondering where there daddy is. Dont do it, divorce is not a good thing for young children, I grew up fatherless and can really appreciate the values/benefits of growing up in a 2 parent home. Dont deny your children this!
@neyostica if you become a regular in the family section you'll begin to know the viewpoints of the regular posters, aka the divorce club, and yes they generally dont like anyone that disagrees with them

i already know them, debrief, jennykadry, queensmith n co, i just pity any lady that listens to their fuckkdup advice. homewreckers

queensmith:

There can be happiness and love in a marriage where the husband is rude and abusive? Nigerian style happiness she? The one that involves suffering and smiling. Well done.

She doesnt need to analyse anything ,it went wrong when her husband started to moan. If something was wrong he should simply say and they will resolve it. He's a grown man and not a child, he has lost respect for his wife and thats what needs to be regained. It wont get any better if she's adamant to staying in a situation where she is being treated badly. She recognises her options and is willing to take them. Thats a woman that will truly be happy and not maintain false confidence from the delusion of being in a happy marriage!

shutup and stop talkin like a 15yr old, the man didnt just change over nite(nobody does), she just needs to figure out the problem and make adjustment, a real woman works on her mariage to make it work not jumpin from one husband to anoda in d name of happiness.

queensmith:

There can be happiness and love in a marriage where the husband is rude and abusive? Nigerian style happiness she? The one that involves suffering and smiling. Well done.

Your posts are generally dumb to be honest. Nigerian marriages are not the only ones with weak women who put up with abusive husbands.

neyostica:
i already know them, debrief, jennykadry, queensmith n co, i just pity any lady that listens to their fuckkdup advice. homewreckers

You guys should quit this immature whining! Give your advise and let the Op select and chose whatever advice suits her.

You keep screaming these people are pro-divorce ,but I hardly see them advocate divorce. Or is divorce the only thing you can infer from standing up for yourself, don't let anyone shatter your self -esteem?? Y'all can't share the same opinion, so please stop all these 'take my advice' don't listen to the others. Its not some sort of competition, is it?. At the end of the day the poster \ observers pick the ones that suit them.

Ps- I'm not new here. Been a guest for years.

Tgirl4real, pls i may be wrong (and forgive me if this is true) but you dont seem to be happy in marriage?

davidylan:

Your posts are generally dumb to be honest. Nigerian marriages are not the only ones with weak women who put up with abusive husbands.

bros, i tire for the babe, sometimes i feel she does it on purpose

queensmith:

There can be happiness and love in a marriage where the husband is rude and abusive? Nigerian style happiness she? The one that involves suffering and smiling. Well done.

She doesnt need to analyse anything ,it went wrong when her husband started to moan. If something was wrong he should simply say and they will resolve it. He's a grown man and not a child, he has lost respect for his wife and thats what needs to be regained. It wont get any better if she's adamant to staying in a situation where she is being treated badly. She recognises her options and is willing to take them. Thats a woman that will truly be happy and not maintain false confidence from the delusion of being in a happy marriage!

Go right ahead and divorce your own husband my dear. Come back and tell us how that worked for ya and your poor kids. SMH

First thing i always ask my women - if divorce is going to be an option for you going into marriage then lets just shake hands and go our separate ways easily. No point being with a woman who isnt willing to be patient enough to work through normal marital problems.

StateOfMind:

You guys should quit this immature whining! Give your advise and let the Op select and chose whatever advice suits her.

You keep screaming these people are pro-divorce ,but I hardly see them advocate divorce. Or is divorce the only thing you can infer from standing up for yourself, don't let anyone shatter your self -esteem?? Y'all can't share the same opinion, so please stop all these 'take my advice' don't listen to the others. Its not some sort of competition, is it?. At the end of the day the poster \ observers pick the ones that suit them.

Ps- I'm not new here. Been a guest for years.

i will pass cos you obviously havent been reading their comments

Tasandra just said it all.Divorce is never the option please,Do not leave your hubby for another woman please work it out okay.

davidylan:

Go right ahead and divorce your own husband my dear. Come back and tell us how that worked for ya and your poor kids. SMH

First thing i always ask my women - if divorce is going to be an option for you going into marriage then lets just shake hands and go our separate ways easily. No point being with a woman who isnt willing to be patient enough to work through normal marital problems.

Just curious sir, what happens if the problems are anything but normal.

peaceheartt: My dear, this is not the time to start thinking of divorce, this is the time to work and pray.

Two important statements you made in your post, and based on this, I think u shldnt contemplate divorce,

"I don't want my kids to grow without their father because they are just getting to know him"
your kids still need their father,(especially if they are still very young). taking dem away from their father may affect them negatively for the rest of their lives.

"i know he loves me and i feel something for him"
There is still something there btw u two, he loves you and u feel something for him.

Your marriage need a spark, you have to work at it, prayers would help greatly, but you need to make some physical efforts like taking care of the areas he pointed out, "he complains about everything from my , shoes ,dress to my hair , my food,.......improving in making love"


Marriage is not a bed of roses, we all have our issues and crosses to bear, divorce is not the answer!

I wish you all the best as you take steps to bring back the spark into your marriage!

OP, I think this might be the best advice you could ever get on this matter; so print it out, read and digest every bit of it, act upon it to the letter -- and then pray.

And this thread hits the front page, now the circus will be here shortly.