[quote author=makky]Saw him just this Sunday, and today I got a text on my phone from his friend, his marriage iv!

Ive been in shock since morning, dont know who to talk to cos I don't keep friends, i absolutely may go suicidal on this. A man that didnt even have a house, a job, no money when i met him. I cook for him, he spent virtually all his time at my place, even most times borrowed as lil as N200 from me. He cried at the bus-stop one evening begging me not to let go, that single tear kept me. I don't have a regular job, I buy & sell things just to keep going till a job comes. I've chased suitors away all in d bid to make this man feel save cos i believe in tomorrow. He is a divorcee, i didnt worry abt that. I stood by him since last year till he got a house dis February. By march I started noticing things. Ive asked him severally what d problem was but he said its just stress cos he got an event contract with a company. At a point he even borrowed some money from me, got to find out that it was cos of the girl he is planning to marry that came visiting bt he was too broke to host her.

This life and the men in it are heartless. Tell me how i can ever love another? Am dying silently, please i need friends to talk to or even a proper job to help me get over this hurt, am self destructive.


That's y i dnt wana av anytin wit any gal until wen am done, cos i hate 2 hear gals said am d one dt made him or wen am wit him he had notin. But d guy rily Bleep up. Sad story indeed. Take hrt.

Pls be happy. What makes you think he wouldn't have divorce you too? Try and forgive him for your own sake, because he doesn't deserve that space in your heart. If you keep having him there you may scare another Mr. Right away. You made a mistake by not chosing right, but i'll advice you don't dwell on it. Free your mind and live your life. The good has to go sometimes for the best to come.

Op pls try to stay strong, no man is worth ur tears.. I belive Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.. the right man for you will come ur way soon...

I am so happy for you! Not just that he does not deserve you, but cos you been too good to fall into the lion's den or a life of continual misery with a man that does not love you.
Know that God has just delivered you from the trap of the wicked. Take my advice, close that chapter by thanking God you did not fall into the trap of the wicked. Or have you not heard of the husband that slayed his banker wife after how she sustained the family when the husband didnt have a job; or will you rather something of such happen to you. My sis you are so blessed! just start living your life to the full with joy, if you good as you said good will definately find you. so wipe your tears, get up and get best God is offering.

cindyrella: Op pls try to stay strong, no man is worth ur tears.. I belive Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.. the right man for you will come ur way soon...

Africa mentality....stop saying"no man worth ur tears"it's morally not acceptable

makky: Saw him just this Sunday, and today I got a text on my phone from his friend, his marriage iv!

Ive been in shock since morning, dont know who to talk to cos I don't keep friends, i absolutely may go suicidal on this. A man that didnt even have a house, a job, no money when i met him. I cook for him, he spent virtually all his time at my place, even most times borrowed as lil as N200 from me. He cried at the bus-stop one evening begging me not to let go, that single tear kept me. I don't have a regular job, I buy & sell things just to keep going till a job comes. I've chased suitors away all in d bid to make this man feel save cos i believe in tomorrow. He is a divorcee, i didnt worry abt that. I stood by him since last year till he got a house dis February. By march I started noticing things. Ive asked him severally what d problem was but he said its just stress cos he got an event contract with a company. At a point he even borrowed some money from me, got to find out that it was cos of the girl he is planning to marry that came visiting bt he was too broke to host her.

This life and the men in it are heartless. Tell me how i can ever love another? Am dying silently, please i need friends to talk to or even a proper job to help me get over this hurt, am self destructive!

Sorry ooo, ur case is sad. . . Its not only men that do it, girls do it too. . . . Its just a case of falling in love with ur eyes shut. . .

Cry me a river. Sorry to spoil d pity party but there are worse things dat could have happened to u, like getting hit by a truck for example. Look dear, life owes no one any favours, u got played, get up and try again.
The best way to achieve anything meaningfful in life is to keep trying again even after being disappointed.
Keep searching and keep loving and u'll finally get what u deserve. Lamentations and pity never helped any serious person.

makky: Saw him just this Sunday, and today I got a text on my phone from his friend, his marriage iv!

Ive been in shock since morning, dont know who to talk to cos I don't keep friends, i absolutely may go suicidal on this. A man that didnt even have a house, a job, no money when i met him. I cook for him, he spent virtually all his time at my place, even most times borrowed as lil as N200 from me. He cried at the bus-stop one evening begging me not to let go, that single tear kept me. I don't have a regular job, I buy & sell things just to keep going till a job comes. I've chased suitors away all in d bid to make this man feel save cos i believe in tomorrow. He is a divorcee, i didnt worry abt that. I stood by him since last year till he got a house dis February. By march I started noticing things. Ive asked him severally what d problem was but he said its just stress cos he got an event contract with a company. At a point he even borrowed some money from me, got to find out that it was cos of the girl he is planning to marry that came visiting bt he was too broke to host her.

This life and the men in it are heartless. Tell me how i can ever love another? Am dying silently, please i need friends to talk to or even a proper job to help me get over this hurt, am self destructive!

What a disgusting and shameful story! Who gives a hoot if you kill yourself? I wonder how some ladies subject themselves to this kind of stress. You are probably hurt because the guy has slept with you countless time and dumped you. You were busy sleeping with a jobless divorcee when your mates were planning a good life and keeping their legs closed. What result were you expecting?

I feel your pain dear. I am going through a heartbreak too though circumstances are slightly different. I keep hearing it will pass n frankly I believe that. Its been a rough couple of months but in time it will get better, U̶̲̥̅̊ will learn to breathe again n eventually move on cos life goes on. Trusting God wholly quickens d process because av come to believe its not our place to search for our mate. Last I checked, only potiphers wife did that in d bible!. (nairalanders correct me if am wrong abeg). In summary, let Go n Let God, que sera sera.

[color=#006600][/color][/i]it comes down 2 d battle of d sexes... break up story's r somwat boring jor..... He probably wasnt gud 4 u or u werent meant 4 each oda.... dont bit ursef up jor

190: No need, I believe the OP must have hung herself by now

ABEG NOR VEX - NA JOKE I DEY OOOH

Do u have to make a joke out of dis eh 190?

Makky na u kill u yaself.u chose to settle with d wrong guy.ur a fine woman no doubt.just dust urself,pick up d pieces of wat is left of ur heart and move on.ur prince charming is waiting somewhere.

Learn from ur mistake!!!

My beloved sis,
its even better it was just a year or so you guys moved out
imagine what would have happened if the relationship was longer than that
so my advise is just for you to take heart, women are no "saints" either, i can remember my ex- telling me
am not serious about marriage cos i never had it then, but now, she kept coming but it is late.

When you start giving too much importance 2 someone in your life:yo tend to lose your value in their life. Strange but very true.

Makky. You bleeped up big time,I appreciate the fact that you were helpful and assisted him. But driving away suitors because of a divorcee??what made him divorced in the first place You are either lying to us or being stupid.
You will all be amazed if you hear from the side of the man,because no sane man would actually abandon a good woman as the oster claims now ooo for another unless sometin happened which she is not telling us and from her story line here she is totally faultless haba Nlanders is she a saint ni?

It is well, I give God the praise & glory for today. It was just the shock that made me come to post this on nl and am a happier person now cos of ur criticisms and advice, thank u all.
@ndidibabe... Sex? U rather sound bitter to me, are u heart broken at the moment too? pls dnt take it out on me, ur person will come. U think a girl cries wolf in a broken relationship cos of sex? Well its ur opinion of how u understand relationshps not mine.
I didnt make him, God did and I wnt take any glory at all, i do things selflessly without expecting, just a lil sincerity wud have helped. Past things have made me independent of any man, i dnt expect u to reward me with marriage of any sort, wud have just told me as it is cos i dnt linger. What will be will be, ppl come in as chapters and not the end story, but let such chapters close well so u wnt kip adding enemies to ur list.
Am an adult, am not pain or cry proof and i have made mistakes and even made another cos am nt perfect, no one is.
Criticize me more, let it all out on me, abuse me and call me stupid, mumu, mugu and all... I only toughen up and see where i went wrong. But thank u all cos without these comments ive read so far, God knows ill still be sulking. Thank u!

Makky keep thanking God for saving you from such a heartless creature and showing u his true colors! The guy na animal and you shd give thanks that he is out of your life!

Guitarlife: Mmmhhhh soo many comments but nobody saying the truth. OP see the truth is bitter so please pardon me. Look at how pretty you are and just like you said you chose to chase single, responsible, hardworking men away because of a divorcee what were you thinking. If he was that good how come he couldn't hold jis marriage together. Upon all you have been reading on nairaland people like you ought to be spanked severally.and to think that you can now come and expect NLDeRs to pity you. I think you have a low self esteem to have condemeed yourself to a divorcee , a widower would have been better. Sometime's I am forced to ask myself wether some thing's are not diabolical especially when I read stories like your's. When you should be busy building your future with a young, single man like yourself you chose to hang out with a divorcee who might have beaten the hell out of his wife, someone who has no repect whatsoever for the marriage institution and now you want thim to behave like he is what he is not. As you lay your bed so you lie on it. I know how scarce it is to find a single, responsible man these day's but it has not gotten to a stage where a sane single lady who is not physically deformed and as pretty as yourself will commit suicide over one buffon of a man who is on his second marriage and still counting. You better wake up from your slumber admit you made a mistake and move on.

The best response so far. As said above, widower wuld av bn ok.... but a divorcee, sorry..mo pity for you. Just put urself together and move on.. U caused everything that happened to you.

190: Hehehehe - A sharp nija man don host her loco

Hehehe!

are you an idiot? Is this supposed to be a joke

ifihearam: When you start giving too much importance 2 someone in your life:yo tend to lose your value in their life. Strange but very true.

Makky. You bleeped up big time,I appreciate the fact that you were helpful and assisted him. But driving away suitors because of a divorcee??what made him divorced in the first place You are either lying to us or being stupid.
You will all be amazed if you hear from the side of the man,because no sane man would actually abandon a good woman as the oster claims now ooo for another unless sometin happened which she is not telling us and from her story line here she is totally faultless haba Nlanders is she a saint ni?

Me? Saint? Too far from it but when u consider how people came into your life then to an extent u just accept them. If u read an earlier post, i said if i had an opportunity to have asked his ex wife what happened, i will. Since yesterday till this morning he has bn trying to call me but ive been avoiding it, if i was that bad, his friends and himself wnt be wanting to reach me cos most of his close friends say they dnt even have any idea abt what he wants to do. Most ppl are just who they are even when someone nice comes to them, and after past experiences and at my age, why wud i wanna treat a man unkindly and to what purpose. If i can be in business and am upright, why wnt i want my relationship to work? Please am no saint and neither am i a mean person, its the care in my heart that played a trick on me nt to see things in front of me.

If u wonna hang ur sef u don't nid to NL to announce now or abi u don't want ur ppl to start looking around they ll just find you on the ceiling kai
Pele
Gud tinking ***** bad product

pls take a
work...i think God knows the best. Maybe u guys ar not ment 2 be together ok. Take hrt nd be strong.

You may have stayed with him due to LOVE or just plain PITY and it went the other way round, such is life. Dear poster, I encourage you becos you are one out of the few millions of Nigerian girls who are true to themselves and gave love a chance. I can feel your pains but suicide or anything harmful now would only bring more regrets and pains.
Use this as a period to take up a vocation, understand yourself better and do not generalise all men. I do not want to take sides but both men and women are guilty of this. It can be very sad to give your very best to someone else yet be treated this way in return. Leave vengeance to God.

It may look very bleak but I salute your courage for coming out to share this, You will overcome!

Stay strong, cry if you want to but harbour no negetive emotions against him or any man.

All is well with you.

slimyem: Hmmmn....
...the things women go thru in the hands of these arseholes called MEN..
Op,pele jare!
No man is worth all your tears and pain..
You get over it IN TIME!

some women are not better either, i have suffered the same fate from a girl i intended to marry. You just have to learn your lasson and move forward, what is yours is yours and what is not yours is not yours nomatter how you try to keep it...

If you like die if you like cry....at least choose one of the two. In your story the guy never promise you a marriage.

You chased suitors away because of a divorced...who knows maybe the guy divorce because of you...you are silly to fall in Love...where were you when Jesus was nailed to the cross.

Mi o raye iranu o!

poster pls tell me more abt ur products cos am interested in it. Thanks

texazzpete:

No sweat! Just don't get offended when any man with bitter experiences with women calls you an Ashawo or slut...

Anyway at least when you eventually get married you won't go into it with high expectations...because he's likely to be an arsehole too, huh?

haven't we heard it all already with all the wolf-crying here on NL sef about what Naija girls are or or not!
Mister,until my opinions about men are proven otherwise,they remain!
No high expectations no where sir,just SELF satisfaction!

Bisjosh: poster pls tell me more abt ur products cos am interested in it. Thanks

LOVE

slimyem: i know but can only speak from my own experiences and for my own gender whom i understand better that these ugly-arse men!
...doesnt stop me from wondering how people could be so heartless or what they get from hurting people who are good to them.does it?

Then you must be an ugly-arse person if all the people you meet are ugly-arse people.

No person of sincere conscience can say she/he never met a good or kind person. Twisted people can only see the evil in others.

Untwist your soul!

Logic Mind: can't stop laughing.
women are really stuppid

are they really?
yet there are countless topics branding Nigerian women as materialistic, greedy etc. Now one who is none of these and stood by a guy she loved is "stuppid"??

not all guys are like that, i've not seen my GF for 1yr, still i pay her fees and monthly allowance, and she's not mi fiancee just GF, u knw a guy who's serious with u and the way who's staying cos ur foolish enough tp accomodate him at his lowest.

i am so sorry, first step, open a 2go account and keep chatting until u r bored..dont forget to add me on -saemmanuel...lol

.

I am going to be brutally honest with you. Wickedness is not restricted to any gender, believe me. Women are just as wicked and promiscuous as men.
I understand your pain. Why? Because I dated a "wonderful" guy for 3 whole years, gave him my all, met his family, he met mine, and in the end, all the money we saved, all the plans we made, the house we rented, the car we bought...he gave to someone else. And now they are happily married.

Its painful, honey, but its also not going to kill you. Its only going to make you stronger. Don't let anyone try to belittle you or your grief.

A few words of advice from me to you, as a sister who's gone through the EXACT SAME THING...
1. Take time to know yourself again. My guess is that you immersed yourself totally in this relationship, so you now need time to get back to just dating yourself. Love who you are, in spite of your flaws, okay? This is very important, especially with what you've gone through. You need to love who you are before you can learn to trust any man ever again. Once you appreciate yourself, your confidence will increase and you'll see your life getting better as you throw off your sadness and learn from this experience.

2. Cry. And then when you think you've got nothing left in you, cry again. At the height of my breakup, I cried one day for 9 hours straight! I just sat down and started weeping and kind of went away from my own headspace for a while. Don't be afraid of this process; it's your heart telling you its ready to move on, but to do so, healling must come, and healing is NEVER easy or painless.

3. Reconnect with friends. Especially the ones who knew you when you were younger. They won't judge you.

4. Take your sadness, bitterness, pain and depression and DO SOMETHING WITH IT! if you moon around feeling sorry for yourself, you're just giving him the victory, my dear. Get a hobby, learn something new, explore a business. I spent a year weeping and sorrowing before I decided to use my time better. So I began a blog to deal with my depression, I taught myself to bake, and I went to french lessons. I now have a small business, am a blogger, and can read French novels. Its not much, but it gave me some of my own power back, knowing that I used the pain of what he did to me to better myself.

5. DO NOT TRY TO KILL YOURSELF. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. And trust me, you WILL try. I sat for 4 hours one day, staring at a bottle of bleach and a holding a razor to my wrist. And then an old friend called and told me she missed me. That's all she said, "Babes, I miss you". and that was all I needed to come back to my senses.

6. Take your time getting over him.

7. Don't jump into anything new just yet. Give yourself time to heal.

8. When you DO meet a new man, DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY! I gave so much to my ex, and for what? Men need to know that they are men; don't help him to be the man. if he doesn't have money, let him stay broke.

9. Don't write off all men just because one of them turned out to be a sellout. The world can always surprise you, you know. There are lots of wonderful, loving, loyal men out there...just give yourself time before you decide to get involved with any one again.

10. Next time you love, love with sense. He must be totally into you before you invest your heart, and and ONLY your heart! Not your money.

Finally, know that I am praying for you to come through this with your sanity intact and your faith in humanity unshaken. People are not bad because they are male or female; they are bad because they consciously decide to be bad. If you need to pray, do so. And don't forget to give yourself time to grieve. And when you're done, give yourself time to love yourself again, just as you deserve to be loved.

Why? Because you are a queen, and whoever ends up with you is lucky. Remember that and value yourself always.

God bless you.