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Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by ibbabs: 3:12pm On May 03, 2012 |
What your husband is asking to do is to help him in time of need and not pay part of your dowry and i c nothing wrong with that, it becomes wrong if u tel ANYBODY and i mean ANYBODY. Afterall the wedding day belong to both of u so i c no reason y u cnt help him now. He may not say it but any assistance, maturity u show now will go along way in your to-be-matrimonial home. All d best 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by abuchilag: 3:12pm On May 03, 2012 |
Why are we so myopic when it comes to the issue of marriage? Except u don't know the person you are getting married to. Sweetheart,what if he ignores the accomodation stuff and continues to live there and eventually gets married to u.....of course he would have spent all the money...and the house collapses on both of you...what would u say? If you feel you cannot assist him to foot the bill, no wahala. You have to wait till he raises money for the wedding plans and also pray that he doesn't change his mind about you afterwards. If the guy had spent the money to take of his family...u will definitely cry foul...now he used it for your comfort u are still complaining. I am talking from experience as a married man...money is a major distraction in marriage....u should see ur money as ours and vice versa 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by kay9(m): 3:12pm On May 03, 2012 |
@chaircover, its obvious the amount of respect you have for your so-called man is directly proportional to the weight of his pocket. My my. Well, i suppose the gentlemanly thing to do now is wish u the best and ignore the thread... But u know what? I dont think i wish u the best. Matter of fact i certainly do NOT wish u the best; what i wish is that a more caring, understanding, sexy-as-a-vixen woman who has bigger and juicier arsenal and manchester comes along quickly and snatches your man away! Yep, thats what i wish! - Damnn, i feel better now! Aah, now where did i leave my pack of benson...? |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Emenconig: 3:15pm On May 03, 2012 |
are you even suppose to publicize it if you are not the selfish type? you are suppose to know what to do, afterall you are a helper so in times like dis you should help if you are at reach or do you think that you the first person that has done dis so far? annoying post. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by BiafranFirstSon(m): 3:15pm On May 03, 2012 |
There are some questions that are not suppose to come here.U are not even married and u are seeking advise from people. If U did not help him,on that day if there is anything mission both of u will be mocked not the man alone.Be careful,your husband is u and u are your husband. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by abbey621(m): 3:16pm On May 03, 2012 |
It's exactly this type of mentality, that gave African women a birth right of eternal slavery. The dumb attitude that a man is supposed to take care of all the woman's needs, like seriously many women in Nigeria graduate from the university only to end up as an over dependent house wife, because they have been taught that the only way to make it is by sponging on a wealthy man. Ladies, there's nothing wrong in pulling resources together with your future husband in other to have an unforgettable wedding experience, in fact it is the right thing to do, it's one of the many projects in which total collaboration is required otherwise the man would feel exhausted financially and emotionally and would resent you for it, especially when things aren't going smoothly after a couple of years of marriage.... 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:16pm On May 03, 2012 |
ib+babs: [b]I am not sure i even like the word help in this case . . . The man and the woman are marrying and the man is not marrying himself, so i see no big deal in the man and the woman putting money together to do the wedding. The wedding ought to be the savings of both the man and the woman and not just the man . . Haba. The man could use the remaining 20% as dowry and they put money together to do the actual wedding ceremony 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Muttex(m): 3:16pm On May 03, 2012 |
why do you bring out this question in the first instance? So if pple dont encourage you here you dnt knw what to do abi? why some women are so selfish? This is one of the reasons why guys out there refuse to get marry because of this selfish pple... I dnt say you should contribute 80% or more but please do the needful jor. even if you have cash to sponsor the marriage,go ahead and if not,keep quite lady yii. I mean it pointblank. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by BiafranFirstSon(m): 3:17pm On May 03, 2012 |
Emenconig: are you even suppose to publicize it if you are not the selfish type?I wonder oooooooo |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by uncleb(m): 3:18pm On May 03, 2012 |
chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding? What in your own opinion do you think marriage is all about? is it not meant to be a partnership sort of? If someone chooses to marry u, then he must carry all ur loads? He paid heavily for rent, u have excess cash and u want him to go and borrow to finance other wedding expenses? I guess he forced/begged u to marry him. I was expecting u to say "his" wedding. If its "your" (you and him) wedding, how on earth is it a taboo for you to contribute. Hmmm, seems you are still a baby. Pls wake up. You are meant to be his help meet, a partner and source of succor. 4 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by codedguy1(m): 3:18pm On May 03, 2012 |
WOMEN!!!!!! 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Nobody: 3:19pm On May 03, 2012 |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by debosky(m): 3:20pm On May 03, 2012 |
chaircover: That is what I am trying to say. Your level of trust and respect is based on how much your husband spent on you - this doesn't apply for everyone. If that is your mentality and your husband is ok with that, then good luck to you both. But please don't paint such warped thinking as what everyone should aspire to. We are not talking 80% for him to further his career, or 80% towards an operation God forbid that his mother may need; we are talking about the actual marriage ceremony here and I dont think that people just get what it means for the woman to put up that much financial input for the wedding. Who is marrying who BTW? More insight into your thought process - the value you place in your wedding is who pays for it, we've heard that loud and clear. Please allow others to think beyond this narrow mindset. 3 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Outstrip(f): 3:22pm On May 03, 2012 |
Analytical: I still don't understand whoever gave them (or rather him) the August deadline that cannot be shifted till he has enough to reasonably foot the bill! I think every man should be proud of being able to provide and meet his obligations. Yes, the unforseen has happened, then the plans should be flexible enough to be adjusted. That would still be a matter of irresponsibility on the part of the tenant. Why give your money up when you know that landlords do this all the time. Like you said though there is the option of shifting the wedding forward |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by fmgold: 3:23pm On May 03, 2012 |
Op. You sound desperate,"shebi you have your own money"if those are is exact words don't marry him. If not bread can serve as cake. I spent more money on my sister's wedding than expected ask Adenuga. What kind of wedding do you want to have? Society or according to your size.People get married in Ajegunle.Happiness after marriage is the most important not before. KYS (know your spouse) |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by BiafranFirstSon(m): 3:24pm On May 03, 2012 |
A man is helping Ur family by taking out a heavy load like u and u are here seeking fro stupid advise.i will give u one advice. Change or tomorrow u will me out here to cry that men are heartless. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by recruitmnt: 3:24pm On May 03, 2012 |
Nawa oh, choi . What about putting 50% for the house and 30% for the wedding...that sounds better. Lol. If it was me, I would have suggested we pool our resources together and draw from it for both projects, while ensuring we reduce our costs... But with these comments, maybe am a 'mugu' for thinking that way, abi? Btw, am female and Yoruba . Can't wait for hubby to come so I'll show him the thread.. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:25pm On May 03, 2012 |
@ Debosky . . . I love the way you break it down . . . |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Nobody: 3:25pm On May 03, 2012 |
1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by 9lifes(m): 3:26pm On May 03, 2012 |
The wedding should be postponed,this marriage is doomed already. 80% is too much for one person whether man or woman,especially in this modern era. some women are saying culture....now woman no equal to man again? 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by jason123: 3:27pm On May 03, 2012 |
@OP I have to be candid with you. I would have called off any wedding if it was you I was getting married to. You are selfish and self-centered. While the man (your future husband) is think about giving you a comfortable life after the wedding, all you can think about is the 80%, even though you have the money?! Madam, you will be very lucky if this said man has not lost ALL interest in you! I HATE STINGY WOMEN! I am a cheerful giver and can give to a fault but if a situation like this arises and my woman is being unnecessary selfish and not thinking of us as partners, I can assure you that my love for her DIES the instant I sense such! Yes, it is the responsibility of the man to provide but in your peculiar situation, the onus falls on you to help out for now. If I'm your man what will be going through my mind is, "if I lose my job, will this woman help at all or will my life become hell?" OP, change your ways and stop being unreasonable! Read Proverbs 31 and know how a proper woman should act! I fear for Nigerian women o! See the advise most of them are giving the OP! 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by jason123: 3:27pm On May 03, 2012 |
9lifes: The wedding should be postponed,this marriage is doomed already. Talk about double standards! |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:28pm On May 03, 2012 |
chaircover: You people make me laugh. I respect my husband not because of the money in his pocket but because he knows the right thing to do. From what i have read on this post and the way the lady came out, does not sound to me, like she would agree to scale down the wedding. The wedding is not about how much the man can spend, but how much of union they both could make happen . . . The man used the money to pay for a house that they will both reside in and i can bet almost anything, the woman would have told the woman how to renovate and what she likes and all that. Now he is being crucified for providing a roof over the potential heads . . . That is totally not nice. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:29pm On May 03, 2012 |
9lifes: The wedding should be postponed,this marriage is doomed already. Now you see why our govt make rules and yet break same rule . . . |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by debosky(m): 3:30pm On May 03, 2012 |
chaircover: Any thinking that bases trust and respect on how much ONE partner spends in a UNION is warped in my opinion - apologies if you feel that is a strong way to put it. I'm not saying that it doesn't work, but that should never be presented as the ideal. I'm not forcing anyone to agree with me, I've simply given my (strong) views on this matter. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:30pm On May 03, 2012 |
chaircover: They still both have a job. And a woman that cant contribute into her own wedding would be the one to give some money when they broke and need money for housekeeping? I dont think so. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Nobody: 3:36pm On May 03, 2012 |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by jaybee3(m): 3:36pm On May 03, 2012 |
chaircover: You people make me laugh. I respect my husband not because of the money in his pocket but because he knows the right thing to do. The right thing is the woman viewing the whole situation as a joint effort rather than her being comfortable with the idea of being carted off as a commodity. Why must a fiancée plead/remodel how he communicates with his friend/lover/fiancée/partner or whatever you want to call it just because he needs to be helped because of his current situation? He didn't spend the money on a car. He spent it on a necessity that will help make the marriage a worthy/fulfilled one. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by jason123: 3:36pm On May 03, 2012 |
Chinwe; after reading your post again, I am starting to question your mental health?! Haba! And you think your Husband (that is, if he decides not to call off the wedding) will ever trust you with money again? Why create unnecessary tension when there is none?! I am sure your husband is having a serious re-think about you! That's the truth! He might tell you no, he isn't but trust me, he is! 1 Like |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Analytical(m): 3:37pm On May 03, 2012 |
The OP should be ready to be part of the bill. But 80%? I don't think so. Really, I don't even have a problem with that. My problem is why the deadline even in the face of the financial challenge? Personally, I wouldn't put myself under such a pressure. I would either scale down the wedding or shift the date. |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Nobody: 3:37pm On May 03, 2012 |
Fhemmmy: Yes I will give. I did not contribute a dime that doesn't mean I won't help him out if something God forbid happens. A man has to prove himself and he has proved himself over the years so why not? A man that is expecting me to foot 80% of the bill is ver unserious. Like condone said, you cannot compare a solid couple of 10yrs to a soon to be couple When did men stop being men? |
Re: Am I Supposed To Pay For My Wedding? by Fhemmmy: 3:38pm On May 03, 2012 |
jason123: Chinwe; after reading your post again, I am starting to question your mental health?! Haba! Hmmmmm |
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