ib+babs:
What your husband is asking to do is to help him in time of need [/b]and not pay part of your dowry and i c nothing wrong with that, it becomes wrong if u tel ANYBODY and i mean ANYBODY. Afterall the wedding day belong to both of u so i c no reason y u cnt help him now. He may not say it but any assistance, maturity u show now will go along way in your to-be-matrimonial home.

All d best

Emenconig: are you even suppose to publicize it if you are not the selfish type?
you are suppose to know what to do, afterall you are a helper so in times
like dis you should help if you are at reach or do you think that you the first person
that has done dis so far? annoying post.

chinwe11: Nairalanders, i have some questions oh. I am getting married in August..............my fiance and i are both working, but the house where he is staying now is having some problems, and might fall soon, so the landlord told them all to evacuate so he can renovate. (The rent was expiring in September anyway) My fiance then decided to use part of the money for the wedding to rent a new house for us. The problem now is, after renting the house, he had to do renovations etc, and now the wedding for the money is almost finished to about 20% left. he is now saying shebi i also have money that i should make up the remaining 80%. Please nairalanders what do you think? Is a woman supposed to pay the bulk money for the wedding?



Afterall what plans did he have for rent after the wedding? I told him to borrow money he said no.

chaircover: That is what I am trying to say.

I dont think that many of them understand where we are coming from on this . . . meanwhile, long term it is for their own good!!!!. I hold my man in the highest esteem; The number one in this whole world after God. You think I will respect him that much if my own bride price came from my own pocket? or he was dancing "oruka ti do wo na" on our wedding day in a suit that I paid for with my own sweat? or I if am the one who paid for his cousins aso ebi, yet the same silly rude cousin comes and gives me a hard time in my husbands house.

We are not talking 80% for him to further his career, or 80% towards an operation God forbid that his mother may need; we are talking about the actual marriage ceremony here and I dont think that people just get what it means for the woman to put up that much financial input for the wedding. Who is marrying who BTW?

Analytical: I still don't understand whoever gave them (or rather him) the August deadline that cannot be shifted till he has enough to reasonably foot the bill! I think every man should be proud of being able to provide and meet his obligations. Yes, the unforseen has happened, then the plans should be flexible enough to be adjusted.

Borrowing is a no-no. So I am on the side of the man on that. On the other hand, the attitude of the OP is off-key. Couples should derive joy in being there for each other. Howver, if it means the bride has to carry major part of the bill, then wisdom calls for a shift in the wedding date. I definitely won't be a happy husband, knowing that I couldn't meet my obligations during my wedding. Ego won't allow me.

---

It actually does happen! Some shylocks of landords will collect 2 years' rent upfront for a yet-to-be-completed building with a promise to complete it before the tenant moves in. But once money has exchanged hands, you may have no other option than to renovate/complete by yourself due to delays etc. It happens a lot in this country.

9lifes: The wedding should be postponed,this marriage is doomed already.

80% is too much for one person whether man or woman,especially in this modern era.

some women are saying culture....now woman no equal to man again?

chaircover: You people make me laugh. I respect my husband not because of the money in his pocket but because he knows the right thing to do.

If my husband was in the posters fiance's position, he wouldn't say to me "shebi you have money" He would have scaled down the wedding to an amount that he can afford. Besides if they spend all her money on the 80% shortfall, how are they going to eat or have excess for a rainy day I wonder?

Debo, I dont know why you keep on referring my way of thinking as warped thinking; the fact that it doesn't agree with your way of thinking doesn't make it warped.

9lifes: The wedding should be postponed,this marriage is doomed already.

80% is too much for one person whether man or woman,especially in this modern era.

some women are saying culture....now woman no equal to man again?

chaircover:

Debo, I dont know why you keep on referring my way of thinking as warped thinking; the fact that it doesn't agree with your way of thinking doesn't make it warped.

chaircover:

If my husband was in the posters fiance's position, he wouldn't say to me "shebi you have money" He would have scaled down the wedding to an amount that he can afford. Besides if they spend all her money on the 80% shortfall, how are they going to eat or have excess for a rainy day I wonder? The question is must they have a huge wedding?

chaircover: You people make me laugh. I respect my husband not because of the money in his pocket but because he knows the right thing to do.

If my husband was in the posters fiance's position, he wouldn't say to me "shebi you have money" He would have scaled down the wedding to an amount that he can afford. Besides if they spend all her money on the 80% shortfall, how are they going to eat or have excess for a rainy day I wonder? The question is must they have a huge wedding?

Debo, I dont know why you keep on referring my way of thinking as warped thinking; the fact that it doesn't agree with your way of thinking doesn't make it warped.

Fhemmmy:

They still both have a job.
And a woman that cant contribute into her own wedding would be the one to give some money when they broke and need money for housekeeping? I dont think so.

jason123: Chinwe; after reading your post again, I am starting to question your mental health?! Haba!

And you think your Husband (that is, if he decides not to call off the wedding) will ever trust you with money again? Why create unnecessary tension when there is none?! I am sure your husband is having a serious re-think about you! That's the truth! He might tell you no, he isn't but trust me, he is!