michelin89:


But after cutting a lot of peolple off, i'm starting to wonder if i'm not too harsh and resolute.

Well, why did you cut them off? What did they do to you?

I mean to an extent, the ladies might be right that you need to be a bit more polite to people. I'm just worried in a bid to not 'seem harsh' you will keep people that do you know good around.

I mean I used to think the same thing, but i've done very well to keep amazing close friends, and surround myself with people that inspire me everyday.

I've never regretted distancing myself from certain people and even I don't think i'm that great a judge of character. It's just very easy to tell when someone will do you no good sometimes.

It's like when a woman is walking down the street, and a man in a car or whatever is whistling, some women aknowledge, some women ignore, I'm the ignore type. You will do my life absolutely no good if you are whistling at me on the street. Some of the things we do which we consider harsh or rude, are just the methods we use to filter people.

And in all honesty it works! I mean there's also learning Tpias approach, subtly insulting people sha, but I think thats a skill that takes alot of time to get

queensmith:

Well, why did you cut them off? What did they do to you?

I mean to an extent, the ladies might be right that you need to be a bit more polite to people. I'm just worried in a bid to not 'seem harsh' you will keep people that do you know good around.

I mean I used to think the same thing, but i've done very well to keep amazing close friends, and surround myself with people that inspire me everyday.

I've never regretted distancing myself from certain people and even I don't think i'm that great a judge of character. It's just very easy to tell when someone will do you no good sometimes.

It's like when a woman is walking down the street, and a man in a car or whatever is whistling, some women aknowledge, some women ignore, I'm the ignore type. You will do my life absolutely no good if you are whistling at me on the street. Some of the things we do which we consider harsh or rude, are just the methods we use to filter people.

And in all honesty it works! I mean there's also learning Tpias approach, subtly insulting people sha, but I think thats a skill that takes alot of time to get

I do have amazing friends whom i've been friends with for years. but the waka pass many na e me i dey ask.

michelin89: Those who have known me since my early days on NL, know I'm very outspoken, blunt and harsh but let me say this trait didn't come out immediately. In my first relationship, for how absurd it looks like to me now, I was pretty much a naive girl dreaming of Prince Charming. I was really convinced that I was going to get married to my first boyfriend. Well he did propose, but I turned him down because I was not satisfied with the motivations behind his proposal.
Through the years, my rebellious and intolerant attitude grew stronger. Even though I didn't break up my second relationship, my ex made me feel he had no choice, because in his opinion I was too stubborn and too unemotional that sometimes he felt I didn't care about him. Well today I'm glad that he left me because that guy almost destroyed the love and esteem I had for myself. he would criticize anything and everything about me, whereas I kept quiet about all his flaws because I thought that was what being matured was all about. Despite his over criticism and the appalling fact that he was not even the type of man I wanted to be with, he was still the one to call it quits.
Now in my present state, I've grown totally intolerant and unemotional (even more than I was) towards guys and any form of relationship. Perhaps it has to do with my over analytical approach to life and people, but having understood that people do certain things because it's part of their character to act that way, the moment a guy (or even a person in general) does something I don't like I simply put a distance between us. Experience has taught me that the few times I didn't trust my instinct, I simply set myself for disaster.
I'm in early 20s and I'm starting to have guys approach me for marriage, but in part because of my character and in part because of my past experiences, I have become really harsh. Yes, I'm almost always right about the people I decide to do away with, but I'm afraid I have become too extreme, despite being fully aware that nobody is perfect.
Sometimes I think I might never get to the altar because I'll have dumped all my suitors for one reason or the other; or that if my husband develops a trait I don't like tomorrow, I might just decide to end everything because I believe that given the 7 billion people that live on this Earth, I don't have to stick to a sucker all in the name of marriage.
Please married folks, help me. Do I stop analysing people or do I continue, but play blind, deaf and dumb to those flaws that normally would make me send the person packing out of my life?
I believe with the right person, I can have the best relationship and marriage ever, but all the things I take for granted, are those things people seems to fail in most times. Wetin man pikin go do now?

don't worry u'll soon get tired of ur defences then u'll understand better!

filia4real: don't worry u'll soon get tired of ur defences then u'll understand better!

Yeah i do think it's my way of preventing others from hurting me.

No more off topic please.

Thank you.

YOU NEED MORE TIME TO GROW UP AND BE READY FOR MARRIAGE.

In this our "wonderful" 21st century laced with the powerful but at times "mind bending" tool of 24/7 internet access where no knowledge is hidden any more, it is becoming clearer by the day (to the "discerning" mind that is) that :-

Marriage is not a bed of roses,
Marriage is not all that it is romantically cut out to be,
Marriage is now a case of let the buyer beware,
Marriages "including those of Pastors" are falling right left and centre like packs of cards

Suffice it to say that the wedding day is a hundred metre dash whilst the marriage proper is a long marathon, and you can only last in that marathon called marriage if you marry your soulmate.

The conundrum now is how do you go about searching for a soulmate in a world where lying through your teeth (even in matters of the heart) seem to be the order of the day.

Looking for love in todays world is almost like playing Russian roulette with your life.

Most people (if they will admit it) have now decided not to look for Mr Right but to settle for Mr Available which eventually adds to the tally of failed marriages IN THE LONG RUN as anything built on a foundation of lies or half truths can not stand the test of time.

michelin89: Those who have known me since my early days on NL, know I'm very outspoken, blunt and harsh but let me say this trait didn't come out immediately. In my first relationship, for how absurd it looks like to me now, I was pretty much a naive girl dreaming of Prince Charming. I was really convinced that I was going to get married to my first boyfriend. Well he did propose, but I turned him down because I was not satisfied with the motivations behind his proposal............blah, .........blah, ........blah............I believe with the right person, I can have the best relationship and marriage ever, but all the things I take for granted, are those things people seems to fail in most times. Wetin man pikin go do now?

<Passing by whistling>
<stop. it seems little Dorothy's got a problem... is she a good witch or a bad witch?>
<naaaa, she's not a witch at all>

Woman pikin, I used to pride myself as having no patience for mumu people. Quite picky with my friends then, almost a snub i think. With time I grew out of it. I now actually enjoy the company of a variety of people, even learning how not to be yeye from my silly acquaintance (in my assessment).

I always tell myself and anyone that cares to listen that if everyone around me dey craze, then I might just be the silly one.I think what u need is wisdom. Pastor Joseph Prince preaching on the scripture:

"And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and LARGENESS OF HEART, even as the sand that is on the sea shore" (1King 4:29)

, explains that with largeness of heart, u would be patient with people while winning them over to your way of thinking which might be presently beyond what they can comprehend.

Loosen up, and ask God for wisdom. He'll give it 2 u sister dearest, and the grace to carry ur own man palava. I think he did the same for me.
...best wishes

<whistle,... whistle,......whistle>