claremont:
Is that really statistically significant?! I think NOT. I also think that even if it were true that there are 1000's of supposedly successful online relationship, it still doesn't prove that pursuing romance online at the expense of the time and evolutionary-tested offline format is a rational thing to do. My opinion on this issue is shared by the scientific community who are totally in consensus that it is irrational for a man/woman to ignore potential partners based around where he/she lives/works/plays, and would rather choose to pursue romantic bliss whilst hiding behind a keyboard. This behaviour has been deemed to be totally abnormal; our species have evolved for generations purely based on forging relationships via physical and mental attributes, these are attributes which CANNOT be evaluated whilst online. I don't know why this is so hard to understand.

sauer:

Whether it is statistically significant or not is not the point here. You know that. In addition, your insistence on proof proves nothing. What does "1000's of supposedly successful online relationships" prove then? That people can't succeed doing it? Of course, no!
You see, I'd not go that claremont way by insisting that it's not a rational thing to do. I'm as well suspicious of online relationships. However, I wouldn't totally condemn it. The internet is a new aspect of our lives as modern humans, so it's only understandable to regard it with suspicion especially regarding intimate concerns. Plato's condemnation of poetry, a then emerging art form, is apparently not justifiable today. The success and evolution of poetry attest to this. When the TV first came, conservative modern philosophers thought it would take the life off a burgeoning scientific population. Is it not the same TV that offers educative materials and audio-visual aids in the understanding of science? Same was said of the computer. . . .We can go on and on. The method of such thinkers, as claremont, is then to find a way to accommodate these phenomena when it becomes apparent that they are succeeding. Pray, you won't do same with internet dating.
I do not agree with you in your attempt to employ evolution as a tool for nullifying the potential successes of online relationships. The internet might as well be part of our social evolution as humans. And who says the internet cannot be a channel for the passage or development of our mental attributes? As an example, some people have very well not met Richard Dawkins, but are heavily influenced by him solely based on what they glean online. Are these people mentally deranged? Undoubtedly, the internet has become part of our lives, physical and non-physical. And in the forseeable future, I see the internet becoming not only a tool for giving or getting tips, but also one for managing all aspects of our lives. I do have as a prediction that subsequently our online identities will become hardly inseparable from our offline ones, such that people might go to jail, get married, win the Nobel prize, etc. based solely on what they do online! But, I digress. . .

All said, my attempt is not to completely approve of online relationships. As I mentioned earlier, I'm suspicious of it. However, I won't throw the baby out with the water. Instead I want to show that online dating is present and thriving and normal, and it's what we'll have to deal with in the coming decades.

sauer: Typical emofine thread.
While I don't generally subscribe to the idea of "falling in love", I believe people can get to like others based on what these others bring forward. It really doesn't matter what is brought forward. In "offline" relationships, physical attributes are brought forward. So, how good others find these physical attributes will determine then whether they'd be willing to go into a relationship. In "online" relationships, on the other hand, non-physical attributes are brought forward. Since everybody undoubtedly has an online personality, this personality makes up the person's non-physical attributes. Others might as well find these non-physical attributes good enough to want a relationship with the person.
These are the two attributes that make up a person: the physical and the non-physical. For some, there are equally important and for others, one is more important than the other.
Now, whether one finds "offline" or "online" relationships good depends on what attributes (physical or non-physical)are most valued by the judging parties. Claremont's dislike of "online" relationships is apparently rooted in his favoring of physical attributes as a start to a relationship. Whatever his claims are, they apparently don't form the general opinion nor are they exclusively valid, as pendo pointed out she is witness to at least two successful online relationships.
So, to me it simply has a lot more to do with how the person approaches human relationship. Some are much more interested in a person's personality than they are in the person's physical qualities. And the bulk of a person's personality can pretty much show online than it would offline. On another note, it's not unusual to find someone who was once heavily outgoing and in favour of good physical attributes suddenly become sober and choose to go online in search of the intangible in a partner.

emöfine2:
Intriguing...perhaps a sort of blind date...
But does this supposed feeling occur at a faster rate online than offline?
If so is it because rejection may be easier to handle online?
Or can people afford to be a little bit more naïve online than offline as contact can always be severed if one was found to be fabricating without ever having to confront the other person in real life?

snubish:
as with all things with great promise, online affairs are fraught with significant risk, and much maturity and discretion is required. we humans in spite of having evolved intellectually are still very physical beings, i would not advise anyone to fall in "love" online. however the internet is a welcome place to meet someone, then arrange for a physical meeting and watch how things go from there. it is not a joke for adolescents. the link below from the guardian today may be enlightening.

claremont: The real question here is what will happen to these individuals assuming the Internet suddenly switches off for some reason?! Tales abound of people who committed suicides simply because they were dumped by their 'online lover', if this is not the definition of insanity, then how else can we define it?!

There is another argument that some people can interact online and then take the 'relationship' offline to assess compatibility; the problem with this is that they would have saved themselves time by meeting these same people offline in the first place, except of course they are trying to tell me that the only person they are compatible with can only be found online!

@topic But isn’t it interesting that when some people are attracted by a seemingly beautiful personality online they may want to match that with a beautiful portrait? So this sometimes failed expectation may not be through the result of a lie of any character involved but more so a fantasy...

claremont: The real question here is what will happen to these individuals assuming the Internet suddenly switches off for some reason?! Tales abound of people who committed suicides simply because they were dumped by their 'online lover', if this is not the definition of insanity, then how else can we define it?!

There is another argument that some people can interact online and then take the 'relationship' offline to assess compatibility; the problem with this is that they would have saved themselves time by meeting these same people offline in the first place, except of course they are trying to tell me that the only person they are compatible with can only be found online!

pendo89:
True,true.
Remedy? Go beyond potraits and insist on talking with the person on video if you both can.See them live as they talk like ur both in a conference room.

There's this man I was doing some consultancy work for.
Seemed pretty charming and very intelligent.Attributes I personally admire. One day he insited on letting me see him on video.So video I clicked.
Nothing silly cz it was official and I still wanted to see him to get this overall picture and background which people never pay attention to.
Now as the conversation wore on, he started picking his nose and eating potato chips while licking his fingers .Not once but several times. Nxt he was was scratching his underarms,head etc.
I put off video cz I almost puked. When we talked again he was telling of plans to build some million naira house in Abuja and he wanted me there.
Now whether he meant it or not I didn't really bother cz all I could visualise was the nose picking and body scratching.
I said to myself.Sincerely if I had any feeling towards this fellow,the annoying habits he displayed online were a put off.
I wasn't eager to meet him and discuss anything cz the image just stuck with me and it spoke of a careless dirty person.

I think it's wise to see the person you are conversing with to avoid building vain fantasies.It's easy to put up a potrait of my sis,friend or cousin and tell u fake stories.

Tales abound of people who committed suicides simply because they were dumped by their 'online lover', if this is not the definition of insanity, then how else can we define it?!

I don't think rejection is any easier to handle online or offline. Rejection is rejection, since it has to do with the non-acceptance of the qualities anyone brings forward. It certainly affects any way. This is why most try to avoid rejection by bringing forward very good qualities, while hiding the ones that could prompt rejection. Limited thinking would immediately assume this is a peculiarity of online relationships.

emöfine2:

Aww at least he wasn’t forming naa
But then again how do we know for sure that that wasn’t even an act?
Or can confirmation be exacted only offline?

sauer:
Can this occur at a faster rate online than offline? My reasoning will be that it depends on the people involved and what amount of time they have for each other. Apparently, if they see each other very often offline, perhaps as work colleagues, who says it shouldn't proceed faster offline? At any rate, it's only a measure of how well they connect with each other on that non-physical plane.
And I don't think rejection is any easier to handle online or offline. Rejection is rejection, since it has to do with the non-acceptance of the qualities anyone brings forward. It certainly affects any way. This is why most try to avoid rejection by bringing forward very good qualities, while hiding the ones that could prompt rejection. Limited thinking would immediately assume this is a peculiarity of online relationships. But cowgurl did point out, and with good reasons too, that this can happen in offline relationships as well. So, I see no reason to think one is any "safer" or "sensibler" than the other.

Adeniyi A.:
that 'FALL' is the problem, that's y some av broken heads,hearts,legs etc cos they 'fall' blindly. there ar +ve side to online dating cos av seen ppl brought 2geda by online chat. the truth is thru ur chats,some faithful n shy ones divulge most of their secrets to those who come to em as lambs,everyone needs love. life of 2day has gone microwave- instant fUd,s.ex,wife,husbd etc.aftA chattin wt 3 to 5 ppl u wil find dos wt same life philosophy thru questionin,while in real life no time.MOST PPL PRETEND.pcout

chucky234: Back to the topic,I think love is a very serious thing and often hard to identify when in love as people easily mistake infatuation for love.
Its hard to fall in love online without offline activities and that's to say every online relationships that involves people miles apart without offline contacts are merely built on infatuation or passion, you can be infatuated or put passionate about people's character e.g intelligence,humour,look,ambition,business or profession e.t.c

In the past few years marriages have succeeded from online relationships, I don't think all were purely based on love but as they were/are only tyring to love the ones they married and not marrying the ones they love.

In conclusion,love is hard to find online as what you call love may not be love rather you are simply infatuated or passionate about the person's online ghost personality.

cecegorz: I will say YES to the question. But the issue for me will be, where does it lead to?
Basically, online allows people to consciously project a type of drop dead gorgeous personae which they can only dream of in real life.
It only takes a careful presentation of sterling attractive qualities, meant to impress and endear the other party, who has no inkling of what lies behind the screen.
My take is that if you find yourself getting attracted to an online personality, take a pause and arrange for an offline date, it will give you room to evaluate what you have been discussing online.
That also means that having a long distance love-interest online is a dangerous thing, because you might spend years building on that fantasy, and by the time you see the person live, you'll discover it's been wasted years.

cowgurl: Hmmm! Interesting comments on here. But we all should be reminded that meeting someone online is quite similar in some ways as meeting someone offline, the only obvious difference is the anonymity that goes with the former and even that as well can also happen offline till one get to know the other in toto. Then again, people offline are also guilty of hiding them flaws or are ' professionals' in acting what they are not just to impress/get their aim targets and still get away with it. The crux; when an online personality[b] who's like you in some ways[/b] reaches out to you to get to know you better, reciprocate the gesture cos he/she may have lots more to offer than what you already see online. Just because many folks see online dating as being silly does not mean it is in totality, it's all in the way one goes about it. Let's be open minded even when finding love cos you know, it wouldn't hurt to enjoy the risks and adventures that goes with meeting an online personality u kinda have a thing for offline.

snubish:

emphatically seconded!

online "relationships" are here to stay and about time too. as long as our communities continue to lose their social cohesion, and tend towards individualism, relationships in cyberspace are bound to increase. some people have an office-home-office routine as soon as they leave school; how are they supposed to meet prospective partners. 21st century life is too fast paced, and going online to socialize is just simply practical.

in the past, u went to a get-together, meet a few people, then probably initiate a relationship with someone. nowadays we go to a forum and one thing leads to another.

people generally let down their guard when online, so we find that internet discourse is usually more obscene than real life banter. i dare say that due to this absence of pretense, relationships initiated online have the potential to be more fulfilling and meaningful than the other type.

as with all things with great promise, online affairs are fraught with significant risk, and much maturity and discretion is required. we humans in spite of having evolved intellectually are still very physical beings, i would not advise anyone to fall in "love" online. however the internet is a welcome place to meet someone, then arrange for a physical meeting and watch how things go from there. it is not a joke for adolescents. the link below from the guardian today may be enlightening.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/29/love-online-dating-websites-facebook

london2lasgidi: are you in love with an online character? lmao........................ you must be really not good looking to fall in love online lmao...

fall in love with me..... and I'll supply all your needs.

london2lasgidi: are you in love with an online character? lmao........................ you must be really not good looking to fall in love online lmao...

fall in love with me..... and I'll supply all your needs.