₦airaland Forum

sleekch1c:
men are worse liars and cheats learn to deal with it and stop whining, its boring!

You should have at least attempted to confirm, dispute or explain the issues raised, rather than basically saying 'he is more guilty' in response to the simple and direct question 'are you guilty'? What's the correlation? Btw, why not try to be sure of what the word "whining" means b4 using it.

Dyt:
same applies 2 u 2 mr
n sorry 4 d hrtbrk
can c u r rili goin thru a hard tym

I don't recall mentioning anything about 'hrtbrk', maybe you're ' rili goin thru a hard tym' comprehending my posts.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]It's not a woman thing.  It's a human thing. 
But yes, whey can't people live with the choices they made? Because most of them make choices without thinking or through a 3rd party.[/color]

How true is that? Everyday we hear them say 'can't marry a struggling man oh, I want the good life with financial security'. Or, 'I must marry a man I love oh, even if he's struggling. Money isn't everything'. These are clearly reasoned, conscious choices. Why then later bemoan the lack of attention (in case 1) or the lack of money (in case 2) and misbehave as a result? Beats me. If I prioritize physical beauty in a would-be wife, then I'd should complain about her behaviour, or vice-versa.

^
What makes u think u deserve "it all"? Anyway why not answer for yourselves b4 turning d blame on men.

GL:
i think you're a tad insecure; but then, she's responsible for your insecurity cos she's basing her fidelity on the rich guys' self-restraint. you're uneasy about her being close to richer guys cos you feel you lack the financial clout to keep her if a competition ensues. but even if she were to break up these friendships, who's to say her male colleagues at work won't be wealthy too. i don't think there's anything wrong in a girl keeping male friends (rich or poor), as long as she doesn't flirt or allow them push boundaries. she should be able to reassure you of her love, and her ability to withstand, and deal with, unwanted advances from the richer guys. she's being delusional if she truly believes that none of her male friends would ever make advances at her. but if a girl really loves a guy and is [b]satisfied [/b]with him, she would find other guys' advances very irritating.

Thanks for this. The last sentence echoes my exact thoughts.

1. My husband is rich, but he has no time for me - thats why I cheat.

2. My husband is there for me, but he is too poor to meet my needs - that's why I cheat.

3. My husband is rich and always there for me, but I don't love him because he is not physically attractive - that's why I cheat.

4. My husband is too nice, caring, and possessive to a choking extent - thats why I cheat.

5. My husband is too uncaring and shows me no attention - thats why I have to find it elsewhere.

Why can't they understand that in life no one can have it all. And learn to live with the choices they made (with eyes wide open) without complaining and finding excuses to misbehave?

tensor777:
Seriously I don't know why you're off on a tangent with these wild views. Consider the sheer size of America . About 50 times that of Nigeria and with a very fertile land and temperate climate. These factors have enabled American companies to enjoy tremendous competitive advantage by their exploitation of low cost- high volume manufacturing.

At the end of the day though development is not about physical structures per se but rather the development of human capital . The extent to which human capital can be developed in a country is of course constrained by the culture and tradition as well as the sheer quantum of financial resources available and expended per head. However proper development of human capital would in turn lead to the development and efficient maintenance of the required physical and social infrastructure.

Lol. We are always quick to offer explanations or theories about why we remain stagnated as a people and as a race in comparison to to the developed countries like USA: if its not size, it is the weather (lol); if its not slave trade it is colonialism. And we then explain away our deplorable condition and failures with vague theoretical rationalizations and excuses. But at the end of the day these do not satisfactorily answer the question of why we are so backward. That is why you see all our 'paper' professors and intellectuals talking dust and proffering recommendations upon recommendations in this or that policy dialogue or conference. At the end of the day things do not even stay the same, they get worse.

Okay, let me put it this way. I'm not usually bothered what my girls do or who they hang out with as long as I get my 'due' from them when we're together. But this is because I usually regard these affairs as flings or casual relationships with no strong feelings. . .nothing to put my heart into.

But now I have a pretty serious relationship and I love the girl very dearly and would be quite happy to marry her soon enough. But the fact that i love her and have strong feelings for her seems to be where the problem is. I've noticed that she has several male friends with whom she is in regular contact and she seems to make more male friends with each passing day. Sometime ago, she told me she was going to Ghana with a female friend of hers to spend a week with their mutual male friend who is supposedly a childhood friend. Well, when she returned, I asked her how things went and she excitedly told me how rich the guy is, how he lives all alone (with a gateman, cook and gardner) in a splendid white duplex in a posh part of accra, how he rides a 'latest' jeep, how he took them out shopping and to different fancy restaurants/trips, and how he is 'just a very close long time friend'. I continued probing her with great skill, and to underscore how 'close' the guy is to her, she further let out that she and her other female friend at times even slept overnight on the same 'big kingsize bed' with their host in his bedroom. I had had enough and I then unburdened my heart to her about how inappropriate it is to keep such male friends when she has a serious relationship going on, and more importantly, my fear that anything can happen between her and the so called male friends and I will be here believing her story tha nothing is going on, this is especially so with those male friends of her's that are far richer than I am and are as such better placed to tempt her with goodies and trips that I cannot. . .i know how promiscuous guys can be, even if they have their own girlfriends/wives that doesnt mean they wouldnt try to do and undo.

In response she declared that i was being unnecessarily insecure. What does that mean? In my opinion, being insecure has to do with a feeling that is misplaced or baseless. . .i.e fretting over something that is not an immediate possibility (much like a schizophrenic person is detached from reality, or a hypochondriac worries unnecessarily about his health). But in this case, is the fact of her cheating on me with one of such male friends of not a possibility? Am not even saying that she would be the one to initiate the process, but what if the male friend initiates the process. . .equipped with all the alluring advantages that his wealth brings? Is there NO possibility that she might sooner or later yield to the temptation with the mindset that I may not find out? if these possibilities DO exist then to what extent can she rightly accuse me of being insecure. . .especially as she closely associates with these male friends thereby even increasing the risk of anything happening? Being that these possibilities cannot be ruled out, is it appropriate to say that i am insecure for expressing a valid fear of thosw possibilities? From the look of things, she puts too much faith in the belief that such friends would not try to fork her because "i've known him for long, he.s not like that". But even at that, the fact that the possibility of my girlfriend cheating on me depends so greatly on the supposed self-restraint of her rich and virile male friend is very unacceptable to me. As such,being so close to such male friends makes it impossible for me to relax and trust her completely. How can you trust that someone who likes playing with fire would remain safe? He or she must sooner or later get burnt. The only reason why i am even bothered is because i love her and plan to marry her, and if i ever find out that she cheated on me i can never forgive her. . .might even be pushed to extreme reactions. If it were an ordinary affair with no feelings i wouldnt bother if she's keeping hundred male friends or even sleeping with them all.

So, what is 'insecure'? A lot of girls use that word these days, as if to say that a guy should not concern himself with whatever his girlfriend is doing or show jealousy or protectiveness when she plays with fire with other guys. I think one can only be this way in a casual relationship or with a girl he doesnt love.

tensor777:
You are too defeatist

How so? Will it be considered 'defeatist' if, for instance, sunderland FC admits openly that it cannot win the English Premiership trophy this season or next ahead of the likes of chelsea and Man U? Some truths must always be admitted. . .even at the risk of sounding defeatist.

tpia@:
you are 110% wrong.

Lol, well maybe one year is too short to put all the american-standard infrastructure in place but you certainly get my drift. . .unless you want to explain why you disagree.

See how vast segments of this thread have deviated from my simple question to all kinds of unrelated issues - from intercontinental dating to sexual orientation, to lamentations of biblical Job! Nairaland is something else, anyways.

manmustwac:
Take the whole population of the U.S and dump them in Nigeria. Then take the whole population of Nigeria and dump them in the U.S. You will see how things will fall apart in the U.S in all departments when our so called God fearing people are in control. While in Nigeria you will see the yanks doing things that Nigeria has been unable to do since Oct 1st 1960. Like constant power.

yes, but wait.

tpia@:
no need to bring religion into this.

america was started by religious people in case you forgot.


west africa has long been hazardous for europeans due to the climate, and that's why they didnt settle in the place in large numbers like they did in southern africa.

so your claims are quite doubtful.

I disagree, his claims are not doubtful at all.

@manmustwac (lol, funny name), I agree with you. The truth is bitter but we should not lie to ourselves because we want to appear as patriotic or 'proudly nigerian'. I too have often told my friends that if you transfer nigeria's citizens to a western country such as the US, and then transfer that country's citizens to nigeria, wait just one year. Nigeria would turn around within that one year and all the infrastructures and amenities and other basic indices of development will almost miraculously work perfectly according to what the 'new' american inhabitants were previously used to. But on the other hand, nigerians would ruin their new territory (USA) within that one year. To put it simply, if americans were transfered to nigeria and nigerians were transfered to USA, in the space of one year USA would become nigeria and nigeria would become USA - in terms of physical and socio-economic development. I am 100% sure of this. As it applies to nigeria so it applies to other BLACK african and caribbean countries. The ONLY totally black country in the world that is almost as developed as europe and america without white input is Botswana (their per capita income rivals some european countries). South africa's so called development is entirely as a result of the past and present contributions of their white population - their blacks are even worse than nigerians, very violent, lazy and unproductive. In essense, there is no need to be defensive about our terribly pathetic situation, or to keep blaming slave trade or colonialism. We as nigerians and africans need to sit down, tell ourselves the truth, and jointly find solutions to our serious problem. We claim to be too religious but we are not at all godly.

Back to the topic, I am still expecting more relevant opinions as regards why america seems to be number 1 in everything. There is no need lamenting or denying that they are blessed - everything clearly points to the fact that they are superior to the rest of the world economically, militarily, and in terms of socio-cultural influence. No need debating that. The real question remains, why is the country so blessed?

You know in the Bible God promised to bless Isreal, and pronounced them a favoured people. Maybe America is that Isreal the Bible was talking about. Or is it just a matter of "empires rise and fall", since at different points in history it was Egypt, Greece, Roman Empire, UK and so on. So maybe it is America's turn now. But even that does not fully explain the American supremacy in almost every facet of life. There has to be more to it, I think.

Btw I don't think China would quite surpass America. Maybe in economy someday (not in our lifetime sha), but it wouldn't be of the total sort that America now has: social, cultural, art, science, every aspect. The whole world is under America's total influence.

Lol.

.

Everything about the USA stands out. In politics, economy, sports, music, movies (Hollywood), lifestyle. Everything! Why are they so great? Is it how God destined it (are they the new Isreal), or is it just how things played out? What explains that supremacy of almost everything American?

Just experienced something that makes me even more paranoid. What a terrible world.

.

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She's the only person with integrity in the entire FEC. How come only her had the guts to call a spade a spade? She's for real. Wish she would become the president one day.

pro01:
Ideally, beating a woman is wrong. That is a normative fact, not one that takes into account the complexities of reality. You all have not faced reality.

Some women visit wrath upon themselves and then start shedding crocodile tears like supposed 'victims'. It takes two to tango - whether for good or bad. Do you know that the tongue is the deadliest weapon? You need to see how some vile women massacre their husbands' egos and pride with deadly words. Particularly when the man is going through a rough patch financially (lost his job; business collapse, etc) when the woman should empathize with him and play the role of comforter. Rather some women would malign the man's manhood, compare him with xyz's husband who's super-rich, call him 'lazy' or 'useless' and what have you. Some would be blind to their husband's pressures/frustrations and pelt him with hellish sarcasms that seem to imply 'you aint man enough' or 'do your worst'. Through all of this a good number of men may be frustrated to the extent of dispensing a few slaps to temporarily assuage their battered egos.

I think a good, wise woman would never incur beating from the average decent man. She would never bruise his ego in trying times and would always know how to manage tricky situations. Even through arguments and disagreements (which are inevitable), she expresses her views strongly, but doesnt insult her man. She is wise enough to know that water is the best weapon with which to fight fire. In all of these things, she wins the tacit admiration and appreciation of her husband who, in his quiet times, acknowledges that he has a God-given wife; the salt of the earth.

So, it would pay you girls to try to emulate the sort of adorable wife i just described; but also marry a decent man who would brutalize you merely because you didnt catch cold when he sneezed.

I think your points make realistic sense. One never knows beforehand how he'd react at the height of frustration or pressure or provocation. May God help us find good spouses.

Whoops. I better adopt a child then. Ala Elton John, without the gay partner of course.

Amazing that you rest what you never had. (case).