₦airaland Forum

henchmark:
op,

i really didnt bother reading other peoples comments though because i have always been and will allways be of the opinion that a failed marriage is simply a failed MAN.

men do the wooing, so to have wooed someone you werent compatible with, someone you knew very little about, someone you pretended to love and so on, means the man failed from the beginning. he shud have done his home work very well before opening his mouth to propose. was he coerced or under duress?


interestingly, its takes me hours or days to interact with a lady to know if she is my kind of person and the moment i discover certain behaviours am not willing to accomodate trust me i see her as a man beside me . so, show me a failed marriage and i will show you a failed man.

if a man truly love the woman he married he will do everything to make sure the marriage succeeds.


thats not to say the women are without faults though.

This is very misleading and deceptive I must say. Humans are complex creatures and no one can claim to be too wise or perceptive in being an expert judge of character. The beautiful and 'good' woman you woo today might turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing today, how is that your fault? Trust me: no matter how long or how adroitly you think you can study someone, you can never know them well enough.
It is only men who have the ludicrous mindset that "show me a failed marriage and I'll show you a failed man" that would put up with their wife's atrocities and pretend that all is well - just to present a fake public image of a 'happy' or 'successful' marriage. It is such men that most women desire, so that they will deal mercilessly with them with the assurance that the marrigae will remain intact. Poor men.

Again, it is implausible to argue that if a man truly loves a woman he would do everything to make the marriage work. What if he discovered that the wife had been mercilessly cheating on him, or that the children they have aren't really his? He should continue with that farce of a marriage because he truly loves her and wants to make it work? Lets get real please.

chaircover:
@Henchmark I agree with you on this one. When people come to my husband for counseling; the man usually gets spoken to and reprimanded more than the wife.

Initially I could not understand why, but my husband explained to me that as the head of the house, the man takes the responsibility for the successful running of the house and if the man is in his rightful position as the head he will be able to steer his ship properly and if things do go wrong, the captain of the ship is blamed.

Like you, he says that in most cases the man choose the woman himself and so he has to take most of the responsibility if it goes wrong. He also uses examples of instances where the boss is held responsible for the misdemeanors of his subordinates.


Having read most of the replies I still think that both parties are to blame when things break down because no one can claim to be a saint.

Again this is deceptive reasoning. How many women in this day and age truly submit to their husbands such that the husband can truly assume full responsibility and captaincy of the ship? You gave the example of a boss and subordinates: is there any subordinate that can talk back at her boss, challenge his decision openly, humiliate him in one way or another, ridicule him, or denigrate his authority? Yet we see many women doing these things and worse to their husbands. They would fearfully (and shamelessly) obey every whimsical instruction/desire (both 'personal' and official) of their boss in the workplace, but when they come back home they gleefully and scornfully challenge their husband and frustrate him.

Your line of reasoning would have been 100% correct in the era of our parents when women were truly submisssive and in many cases even subservient to their husbands - like a child to his/her guardian. Those days a woman would even dread the touch of another man's hand, not to talk of allowing his manliness come within 100 metres of her body. Women had full respect for their husbands and the men enjoyed it. That way, no matter what, the man knows he is in charge and as such takes full responsibility for his wife whatever right or wrong.

But these days many 'enlightened' or 'exposed' or 'modern' women make life hell for their husbands, refuse to submit to the man's headship, cheat as much or more than he does and generally rub their nonsense in the man's face. So how does any reasonable man put up with such nonsense just because he "did the wooing" (as if that was what he bargained for when he wooed her) or because he is the *titular* 'head' of the home? Lets get real.

I've been following this tread all along but didn't feel the need to contribute before now. I don't understand why some of you find the story difficult to believe simply because 'cheating women know better than to leave such incriminating messages in their phones'. That is not necessarily always the case.

Even if this particular story is not true, we must also realize that there are SEVERAL IDENTICAL CASES such as this all around. Anyone would be naive if not silly to doubt that these things (and even worse) do happen. Sufficient opinions have already been offered, and I have no doubt that the ONLY wise option is to kick her out and start a new life - after ascertaining the paternity of 'your' children.

Other than that, let me tell you guys the reason why the wife could be doing these things and yet fail to delete the texts from her phone: Trust and 'security' on the part of her husband: The husband must have shown the woman that he trusted her so much and was so 'secure' as to never bother to check her phone or monitor or suspect her moves. This sort of demonstration of immense trust and 'security' often lulls a spouse or better half into impunity and carelessness. And I think in the present case the man was extremely lucky to experience a much needed, albeit unexpected bout of insecurity that made him check the wife's phone to discover the painful truth. Trust is really a scam because we humans are unreliable and unpredictable. The more you trust a person, the more likely it is that you would be taken advantage of. Call me machiavellian if you like. The more a partner blabs about 'trust me', 'why don't you trust me' the more you should be assured of their deceitfulness.

You can argue as much as you want, but trust is often taken for license to misbehave with freedom and rest of mind. "oh he loves and trusts me 100% so he'll never suspect anything", the woman would assure herself or tell a close friend or the man she's cheating with. The concept of 'security' is even slightly worse. You go about with a false confidence that you can meet all your woman's needs and that you are sufficient for her in every way since you're such a 'fearfully and wonderfully created' Alpha-Male, and therefore you assure yourself that she has no reason to look outside. Even when the signs stink all over the place - your misplaced 'security' actively blocks your nose. . .allowing all sorts of atrocities to be committed right under your nose and you'll be there loafing blissfully in your own bubble of empty confidence and 'security'. Women loooove such a man, thats why they often say they want a secure man - a mumu who would allow them be 'themselves' (you know what that means) without any iota of suspicion or protectiveness. Under such circumstances - over a prolonged period - they inevitably let down their guard and can afford to be adventurously careless - e.g. leaving sensitive text messages in the phone - afterall my 'secure' darling wouldn't bother snooping into my phone anyway, she'd say. This explains why the poster's wife did not bother to be super-careful. He was most probably super trusting and super 'secure' - until some strange force showed him the advantages of 'insecurity'.

I'm not saying that distrusting your woman would eliminate possibilities of her cheating - but for sure it will reduce the chances, or at least make her more careful. Which means it is unlikely to happen under your nose, or be public knowledge in such a way that would expose you to public ridicule around your hood. Her being more careful would at least preserve your respect in some way- she knows that your antenna is sharp, and your 'sense of smell' keen, so she might either be deterred from such adulterous ativities altogether, or would go to great lengths to commit the perfect crime - both of which are definitely more dignifying for you as a man than having her shove her nonsense all over your face because she's assured that your nasal congestion (i.e. trust and 'security') has deadened your ability to perceive anything. The psychology behind this is simple: a thief is less likely to attempt theft where he knows that his plan has been anticipated or suspected than where he is assured that he is wrongly assumed to be a saint.

I can't find the right words to describe the absolute farce that the Glo 3G nonsense is. I stay around the Ikeja axis which is a very central part of Lagos, yet the 3g network signal ALWAYS breaks up relentlessly and switches between edge, gprs and 3g a million times every minute - thereby interrupting one's downloads and browsing, and forcing someone to restart downloads (after wasting precious mega bytes) or reload a page.

Is it by force to operate a 3g network? Why not stick with edge or gprs in order to ensure a more reliable and steady browsing instead of making such a big mess with this topsy turvy 3g nonsense. Despite all the idiotic noise and expensive propaganda they made about their so called glo1 submarine cable, we have yet to see any improvement or difference. The worst part is that it is almost impossible to reach their customer-care number to complain. Big Fools.

iv4real:
I agree with u.There is no crime in being richer than your man.But i guess most men are scared especially the Nigerian men because it takes Gods intervention for a Nigerian woman to have money and be respectful towards their man.

At least you realize this ugly truth. We live in this same society and we see these things daily. There.s no point talking about beautiful theory when the ugly practical realiities surround us.  It's not a personal experience, its just an observation one has made severally.

MRbrownJAY:
"whats good for the goose is good for the gander"!

the fact that you think so low and negatively of a man who is married to a more successful/rich wife says a lot about yourself.
i guess you best go look for a poorer/less educated wife to marry and never wish for her success. LOL!

. . . . . . . .then you wonder why some people will never become anything in this world?!

No matter how simple an argument is, some people always manage to arrive at baseless conclusions anchored on even more baseless premises. How does the assertion "it is not IDEAL for a woman to be MORE (operative word) successful than her man" correlate with   ". . .no wonder some people would never become anything in this world"? The foregoing conclusion made by you suggests that for a man to "become anything in this world" he has to love the idea of his woman being richer and more successful than him. I dare say that only an unrepentant gigolo for whom well-to-do women are the only sources of livelihood would arrive at such a ludicrous conclusion.

Particularly in Africa, for real. Only two possibilities exist for the sort of man in this unfortunate situation: Stay and play the tormented meek fool, OR, stay and when you try to assert yourself as the 'head' of the house you would be accused of being insecure or egotistical. . .and live a life of constant quarreling and fighting.

It's impossible for a woman to truly love and respect a man she is more successful than. Head or tail such a man is condemned to a life of misery unless he quits. Successful women are better off single and alone (see Bola Shagaya, Florence Ita-Giwa, Arunma Oteh, Oprah Winfrey, etc).

Despite its much vaunted
qualities, nobody has been able
to make any coherent sense
about the exclusive features of
the blackberry apart from the
rather dispensable Blackberry
Instant Messenger.
I don't know about the rest of the
world, but in Nigeria it is clear
that for MOST people owning a
blackberry is all about
'belonging', or showing one's
'levels'. It kinda reminds me of
the Thuraya phone that 'reigned'
many years ago - an ugly,
weighty and pretty useless
satelite phone whose only
selling point was that it can be
used anywhere that ordinary
phone networks service does not
cover. Trust shallow Nigerians,
they rushed to buy it because of
its very expensive price tag in
order to be called 'big boy' or 'big
girl'. Thats what it is with this
blackberry nonsense.

I use a nokia e72 smartphone
(whose price is similar or even
higher than many mid-range
blackberry models). With this
phone, I can receive and send
instant emails (push email), I can do instant
messaging on a multi-platform
level (Yahoo Messenger,
Facebook Messaging, MSN, ICQ,
Gtalk, etc), courtesy of third-party
apps like ebuddy, palringo and
nimbuzz. I can even send and
receive files of all kinds (pics,
word documents, etc). The phone
has a host of delightful
applications including an in-built
scanner (yes, scanner - I can use d
phone's camera to scan
documents, pictures, forms,
business cards, etc with unbelievable clarity; and can also
'copy' hardcopy documents and
'paste' in softcopy in the phone
and transfer to a pc!). And it goes
on and on. I achieve all of this
with a N1000 monthly data plan.

So when people yap on about
how you can do 'business' and
send files and keep in touch with
clients and all that, they are not
saying anything new because my
nokia e72 business phone can do
ALL of that and a whole lot more!
So what is the BIG DEAL about
blackberry? Someone should pls
explain. The fact is that the 'pin'
concept is a commercial
masterstroke by RIM (BB's
manufacturers); the pin is what
creates a sort of 'belonging'
exclusivity or 'class distinction' that is really empty
and adds no unique value. And of
course Nigerians are always at
the forefront of wanting to
'belong' in anything that even
remotely involves empty
exclusivity or 'class'. Thats why every
cheap girl would sleep around to
buy a BB or pay the mothly fees, and also why any shallow, empty-headed
hungry boy would use his accomodation money to buy BB and later look for who to squat with in school. Pity.

gboyesh:
@ all. Yes . The bb is a functional phone  if you need all those functions, but why would a person who is not working or need to send files and doc's  want a bb for. FYI with my nokia 5800 or any internet enabled nokia  4 can yahoo messenger. Facebook , gmail send pics and or files n docs chat with all at same time via nimbuzz or palringo , make calls even internet calls via VOIP and recently theses even a nokia application that can enable me chat via bb messenger! So Why would i want to pay an additional monthly charge for bb , When even the most functional service of a bb (to connect directly to yr office server to retrieve office docs and forward then from yr bb ) can be done with a nokia application (mail for exchange ) so what is all this feelamongish bb crap. If you need one and can afford or dont mind payin the rip off charges then go for it , but all there daft skirts and jelly mined boys who are jumpin the band wagon ,when the new phone comes in vogue, you'll just be left with an extra stressful bill to be paying along with nepa , water, dstv, hitv,internet access ,and all there things we all "Shangree" to use. Abi you didnt notice mtn has brought their monthly bb charges to 3k to hook more daft wannabes.?

You're right for the most part. Despite its much vaunted qualities, nobody has been able to make any coherent sense about the exclusive features of the blackberry apart from the rather dispensable Blackberry Instant Messenger.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but in Nigeria it is clear that for MOST people owning a blackberry is all about 'belonging', or showing one's 'levels'. It kinda reminds me of the Thuraya phone that 'reigned' many years ago - an ugly, weighty and pretty useless satelite phone whose only selling point was that it can be used anywhere that ordinary phone networks service does not cover. Trust shallow Nigerians, they rushed to buy it because of its very expensive price tag in order to be called 'big boy' or 'big girl'. Thats what it is with this blackberry nonsense.

I use a nokia e72 smartphone (whose price is similar or even higher than many mid-range blackberry models). With this phone, I can receive and send instant emails, I can do instant messaging on a multi-platform level (Yahoo Messenger, Facebook Messaging, MSN! iCQ, Gtalk, etc),  courtesy of third-party apps like ebuddy, palringo and nimbuzz. I can even send and receive files of all kinds (pics, word documents, etc). The phone has a host of delightful applications including an in-built scanner (yes, scanner - I can use d phone's camra to scan documents, pictures, forms, business cards, etc; and can also 'copy' hardcopy documents and 'paste' in softcopy in the phone and transfer to a pc). And it goes on and on. I achieve all of this with a N1000 monthly data plan.

So when people yap on about how you can do 'business' and send files and keep in touch with clients and all that, they are not saying anything new because my nokia e72 business phone can do ALL of that and a whole lot more! So what is the BIG DEAL about blackberry? Someone should pls explain. The fact is that the 'pin' concept is a commercial masterstroke by RIM (BB's manufacturers); the pin is what creates a sort of 'belonging' exclusivity that is really empty and adds no unique value. And of course Nigerians are always at the forefront of wanting to 'belong' in anything that even remotely involves empty exclusivity. Thats why every cheap girl would sleep around to buy or maintain a BB, or any vain, hungry dude would spend his school fees to buy one.

gboyesh:
@ all. Yes . The bb is a functional phone  if you need all those functions, but why would a person who is not working or need to send files and doc's  want a bb for. FYI with my nokia 5800 or any internet enabled nokia  4 can yahoo messenger. Facebook , gmail send pics and or files n docs chat with all at same time via nimbuzz or palringo , make calls even internet calls via VOIP and recently theses even a nokia application that can enable me chat via bb messenger! So Why would i want to pay an additional monthly charge for bb , When even the most functional service of a bb (to connect directly to yr office server to retrieve office docs and forward then from yr bb ) can be done with a nokia application (mail for exchange ) so what is all this feelamongish bb crap. If you need one and can afford or dont mind payin the rip off charges then go for it , but all there daft skirts and jelly mined boys who are jumpin the band wagon ,when the new phone comes in vogue, you'll just be left with an extra stressful bill to be paying along with nepa , water, dstv, hitv,internet access ,and all there things we all "Shangree" to use. Abi you didnt notice mtn has brought their monthly bb charges to 3k to hook more daft wannabes.?

You're right for the most part. Despite its much vaunted qualities, nobody has been able to make any coherent sense about the exclusive features of the blackberry apart from the rather dispensable Blackberry Instant Messenger.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but in Nigeria it is clear that for MOST people owning a blackberry is all about 'belonging', or showing one's 'levels'. It kinda reminds me of the Thuraya phone that 'reigned' many years ago - an ugly, weighty and pretty useless satelite phone whose only selling point was that it can be used anywhere that ordinary phone networks service does not cover. Trust shallow Nigerians, they rushed to buy it because of its very expensive price tag in order to be called 'big boy' or 'big girl'. Thats what it is with this blackberry nonsense.

I use a nokia e72 smartphone. With this phone, I ca receive and send instant emails, I ca do instant messaging on a multi-platform level (Yahoo Messenger, Facebook Messaging, MSN! iCQ, Gtalk, etc), courtesy of third-party apps like ebuddy, palringo and nimbuzz. I can even send and receive files of all kinds (pics, word documents, etc). The phone has a host of delightful applications including an in-built scanner (yes, scanner - I can use d phone's camra to scan documents, pictures, forms, business cards, etc; and can also 'copy' hardcopy documents and 'paste' in softcopy in the phone and transfer to a pc). And it goes on and on. I achieve all of this with a N1000 monthly data plan.

So when people yap on about how you can do 'business' and send files and keep in touch with clients and all that, they are not saying anything new because my nokia e72 business phone can do ALL of that and a whole lot more! So what is the BIG DEAL about blackberry? Someone should pls explain. The fact is that the 'pin' concept is a commercial masterstroke by RIM (BB's manufacturers); the pin is what creates a sort of 'belonging' exclusivity that is really empty and adds no unique value. And of course Nigerians are always at the forefront of wanting to 'belong' in anything that even remotely involves empty exclusivity. Thats why every cheap girl would sleep around to buy or maintain a BB, or any vain, hungry dude would spend his school fees to buy one.

^
even Jesus is only free if you have 'direct access' to Him (i.e. pray at home alone or with family). If you go through any 'middleman' (pastors, churches, whatever) you'd pay thru ur nose for Jesus.

generalj1:
I think the issues is that these girls nowadays really want to cut corners!

They ask for help out of proportion, i meant what they should have done themselves.

Then a guy having realized this will then capitalize on it and demand what he shouldn't as well.


All of us know these ladies nowadays;

They use tier so called worthless honeypot to get job, get to work, pass exams in school, get postings in NYSC, get virtually anything and everything.

I don't feel for them,

You see them everywhere. Instead of getting a bus and paying with their money, they stand by roadside waiting for lift.

Instead of reading their GMAT, they're looking for any HR guy to seduce.

They prefer sleeping with their bosses before appraisal,


The list is endless.

The funny thing is that ALL of them wud say 'its not all girls that do that', or 'I'm not like that'. Since every girl wud claim to be innocent of these things we see daily, you then wonder whether it is spirits, ghosts and aliens that are guilty.

Most of the opinions here are quite enlightened. . . .but laughable nonetheless. How come you're all making permutations on the basis that VOTES would actually COUNT? Have you guys forgotton that clumsy little word called rigging? If Jonathan gets the PDP ticket like we're sure he will, is is possible for any other party's candidate to out-rig him at the polls? Lets get real please.

Nigerian women never cease to amaze. Why would I spend lump sums of my hard earned money in rendering so-called 'help' to a full bodied, nubile female for free when there are genuine cases of hopelessness (motherless babies, disabled children, helpless elderly people, families in crises, parents in despair over childrens' ill-health, stranded relatives, and so on and so forth)? I mean, if you need 'free' gifts, why not wait until christmas to consult with Santa Clause? Or better still, if it's 'free' help you need, why not ask your fellow women; afterall men help other men all the time. But no, you prefer using 'feminine charm' to manipulate men to render all sorts of unjustifiable help to you, and you have the guts to feel offended that the helper wants value for his money. I really have to question what this world (or Nigeria at least) is turning into. Nigerian women must be the must parasitic and unproductive women in the world percentage-wise.

MrsEve:
There are different level of jealousy, there are what you call possessive jealousy and innocent jealousy, the problem with these level of jealousies that the line is so THIN that it can easily break and therefore the innocent jealousy can become possessive jealousy.

From my experience, African men are some of the MOST JEALOUS hearted men in the ENTIRE world, and it the culture of African men.  It is cute to some women and a turn off to some women. A man that loves his wife or girlfriend is jealous if a man approaches his wife or girlfriend they ready to fight, to me IS WHY WOULD YOU FIGHT SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY APPROACHES YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND?  

I, as a woman will never understand THAT KIND OF JEALOUSY because to me it a sign of insecurity and  paranoia.  Black men in America get jealous as well, BUT NOTHING TOP AFRICAN MEN JEALOUSY, whooooweee, you can feel some HEAT in their jealousy and be ready to take cover,

They say if your man doesn't show jealousy then he doesn't love you, I THINK THAT BULLCHIT, I THINK African men just want to control and dominant and when they see other men APPROACHING THEIR TROPHY they get ignant,

But isn't it rude and disrespectful for a man to 'approach' some other guy's gf or wife in his presence? Thats seems like an act of war to me; not that I would fight him though. I'd wait to see how my gf/wife reacts: whether she'd tell him off, or 'encourage' him with warm smiles and attention. And then she would be the recipient of my reaction, not the strange man that I don't know from Adam.

But for real it amazes me when I hear of guys who fight other men who are their 'love rivals', or who kill a man they catch atop their wife. As a man, I know that guys would always try their luck with any and every woman - single, married, separated, divorced, or widowed. It IS the woman's responsibility to reject their advances if she is dating or married. As such, if I stumble upon my gf/wife making out with another man, I'd probably shake the guy's hand and congratulate him on his seducing skills (after all, its not a case of rape). The woman on the other hand, would be the object of my rage - and God help her if a gun is in sight.

mediatrix8:
Yes,but too much jealousy is Selfish and possessive? Isn't it too much, and you won't have space if he is too jealous?

well, the degree of jealousy depends on the individual involved, and I think possessiveness is not quite the same as innocuous jealousy. Jealousy merely wants to know, and to be reassured. Possessiveness on the other hand wants to control and dominate. So my earlier theory applies only to jealously, not possessiveness. There is a fine line between the two, and the latter is not such a good thing.

mediatrix8:
@ ACA77, if a person who is seldom gets jealous but shows his care and love to you by calling you often and chatting you often,giving you everything but you seldom see him being jealous even you are with your group of friends hanging out,paryting, jamming etc.What do you think of that?

All that isn't a sure sign of love. Any playboy worth his salt knows how to pamper his would-be 'victim' with fake show of attention, care and generosity until he decides he has had enough, dumps her, and moves on to the next 'victim'.

From my experience at least, affectionate jealousy proves either or both of 2 things:
1. Love/devotion
2. Faithfulness/absence of alternatives.

Trust me, when someone freely gives you 'trust' that you've not earned, or acts all 'secure' about who you hang out with or what you do, its usually because he or she isn't so crazy about you, or because he or she has got other sweet affairs/alternatives on the side.

Note this: you can't be completely devoted and faithful to someone without expressing some apprehension when the other gets too close to the opposite gender. If not because of love, at least because of the fear/possibility of being cheated. But on the other hand it is easy not to get jealous or insecure over him or her when you know you are already doing stuff behind his or her back, or you know you have no future together. Believe me on this one.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Cheap is relative. The one that deludes himself he can beat a basic reaction like repulsion is not only cheap but demented We are talking inherent reactions not the superficial ones that makes up most of y'all emotions and motives anyway Save me from people and their truckloads of luv. Clueless puppets [/color]

Lol at 'clueless puppets'. Seems u already have some of those repulsing u with their unwanted truckloads of love. Well, I'd rather be a nun then, if I cant get around the repulsion. But certainly if I were a girl, 'attaching' myself as an inconsequential ashawo to a 'fly-guy' who already has hundreds of my kind would not be an option to me. . .that would make me a mere statistic, and destroy my sense of self-worth & dignity.

@poster

Seriously, jealousy is perhaps the only genuine and reliable sign that someone truly truly loves you and wants u all to himself or herslf. When your supposed 'partner' doesn't care what you do or who you roll with, and you mistake that for trust or 'security' then you're getting it totally wrong. Either he or she doesnt love you (enough), or he or she has alternative lover(s) elsewhere. Period.

People get these things twisted. Perhaps thats why girls that I don't love one bit and only fool around with tend to fall more easily and cheaply than the few ones that I genuinely feel love for and let it show. I certainly wouldnt marry a woman that doesnt care who the lady that just called me is, or who doesnt worry about my female friends. It means she either doesn't love me enough, or she is up to her own dirt somewhere else.

Dyt:
sighs
now i c clearly dat dis guy is got problems wit women
shakes head

You've been relentlessly shaking your head for several days now. It's a mystery that it hasn't fallen off yet.

Dahbutter:
Good for them, just out of curiousity
are u married to or dating one

Lol. Very cynical question indeed. Guess it's mostly 'others' or 'someone I know' that is married to or dating one.

tpia@:
^^please do and stop interrupting every thread you see, with idiotic questions.

just causing problems all over the place like person wey dem don swear for.

I don't see how her innocent question is "idiotic", or how it causes problems for anyone. Clearly not everyone here is a Nigerian; why all d hostility?

tpia@:
^^shut up.

do i know you from somewhere.

stop putting your mouth in things that dont concern you.

face your ganja business.

Clearly, this is all very uncalled for.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Lol well me i'd rather be the ashawo of someone i like than the iyawo of someone who repulses me [/color]

That's part of my curiosity. So u wud be his ashawo just cos U like him, even dou u realize he doesn't 'send' u one bit? Thats d real definition of cheap if u ask me. Dou I realize it's quite hard to be an iyawo to ssomeone dat repulses u (despite his truckloads of luv for u). But I'd work on dat repulsion if I were a girl.

In other words, a girl would reject a particular guy although she knows he means well for her, loves her deeply, and has long term plans for her. But she would jump at the opportunity of giving herself to the rich or drop dead gorgeous playboy who she well knows doesn't care about her and is only interested in a one night stand or short fling. Reminds me of that r n b song 'gallery' (can't remember d artist).

Which leads me to ask: why do some girls prefer to be a LovePeddler to a fly guy (or an unimportant part of his harem) rather than be a wife to a devoted shy guy?

^
Really? So how is a brotha supposed to know who wud later blow up & who wudn't? What r d early warning signs? Got to b fore-warned in order to b fore-armed.

Cos slim girls wouldn't look like inflated amoeba after having a child or two.

Mr.okong:
if u visit any girl with teddy-beer, she is either a witch or a lesbian/frigid

The teddy bear itself is most likely the witch/wizard, not the owner. Remember Chucky?

safarigirl:
I personallw do nnt see d importance of a teddy bear cos i'm a little of a tomboy, but dat duzn't make girls who luv it witches or lesbians, it's d same as guys who luv cars, u don't see any1 calling dem wizards or frigid.

I see. This is definitely the analogy of the year.

mamaken:
it's not as bad as you describe it.

even ugly ones, can find their luck.
and BTW, we all know that beauty is in the eye of . . . .

They often need a great deal of luck to find their luck. And yes beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. But that's beauty; all-round physical ugliness can't lie in anyone's eyes cos no one would believe it. So it it condemned to telling the, well, ugly truth.

Creamish:
. . . . in addition . . . . . most white men in naija have dem as wives . . . so . . . . i cant say it's ill-luck for dem. their kids still get to look cute.

Most? You must know an awful lot of white men in naija. But have you checked out the 'ugly' women they marry? I reckon a lot of them have typical African big butts, curves, hips or bosoms. And any woman blessed with these, irrespective of whether her face looks like a dump site, IS NOT ugly 'cos randy men would be on her case 24/7.

tpia@:
98% of the ugly women of marriageable age who I know, are married.


so what's the op's point again.

and quite a few randy men married to or dating beauty queens, cheat on them with ugly women.

abeg get a life @ poster.

you must be dreaming.

and beauty is relative anyway.

Well maybe a disproportionately great deal of luck runs in circle of the many ugly women you know. You may as such have little to worry about.

And as for cheating on "beauty queens" with "ugly women", it depends on your interpretation. If by the former you mean Agbani Darego (for instance) and by the latter you mean Mercy Johnson (for instance) then I also know a great deal of men who would cheat on "beauty queens" with "ugly women".

So I must clarify that ugliness isn't just about the face. A fine face with zero curves/flat bosoms/flat backside passes, just as a great body with a face that looks like a crime-scene also passes. Ugliness therefore means zero all thru - with no redeeming physical attractiveness.

For a woman, nothing can be worse than being ugly. No toasters, no ego-boosting harmless sexual harassment, never heard the words "you're beautiful" thrown her way. Never received anything even remotely close to flattery. Even if she becomes wealthy, she still can't attract anything close to the man of her dreams - unlike an ugly rich man whose wealth can always attract beauty queens.

And if she is also unintelligent and/or poor, then her misery is complete and her fate is sealed.

I wonder how they cope. Your thoughts please.

sleekch1c:
now i see mister,u got serious issues!

Obviously u don't see so well missus. So I'd say u need serious tissues to wipe all that pus out of your wide eyes b4 it's too late.

Dyt:
guy u v got issues seriously

No you have got issues, serious weight issues (if thats u in d profile pic). Why not deal with that, rather than look for who to nag?

honeric01:
^^^

why not just answer his questions or ignore the thread? you haven't really added anything to this thread so far so good.



@topic

some of them women do not actually know what they want, hence their windy attitude, they tend to change like the weather, they are easily influenced by the society and friends, not stable, can't blame them, blame nature.

I think you have a very valid point.
A lot of girls can't seem to make up their mind on something and can easily be manipulated by friends and whatnot. Makes it scary to think whether they can be dependable.

Orikinla:
Good reply.


But infidelity is often caused by either IMMATURITY or INSECURITY.
The lust of carnality or the fear of insecurity drives humans to rebellion.

For every act of cheating is an act of rebellion.

But some acts of cheating are justified.
If a lover or spouse is being maltreated in relationship or marriage, he or she could look for love in the arms of another.

There is woman who has been abandoned by her husband for over seven years now.
They are not divorced. He is overseas and has not returned to Nigeria.
What do you expect her to do?
She is feeling dejected and rejected.
If she should seek consolation in the arms of another man in Nigeria, would you blame her?
What of a young wife with a husband who has lost his virility and now she must have intimacy with another man?

I would think thats why divorce exists. Isn't it more honorable to leave him than to live a lie, since only the first two words of the 'for better or for worse' clause seems to be happily observed these days, the last two words are disgusting to the senses, I guess.