₦airaland Forum

This is Hilarious .

OgologoDimkpa:
Keep decieving yourself that you're yoruba Muslim.
Why do you guys suddenly wake up to enforce your girls to wear jihab hijab in public schools.
Is that not fanatical.

Thank God for Adewale Ayuba's life. He has realized he was in darkness before and now has seen the light.

JESUS IS LORD!

There's no light in confusion, hope you've picked between Jesus and Apostle Paul Shaa Light kor, darkness ni.

Please, Is Sambo now the President

Abdgafarplenty:
‪#‎MTN‬ be like; do u know dere r ppl in ya village dat dosen't want u to succeed QUICKY text. ‪#‎THUNDER_FIRE_DEM‬ to 33050 text cost N50 only

Hilarious, can't stop laughing

Kano Central Mosque Bombing: Deaths Surpass 100
The deaths from today’s bombing of the Kano Central Mosque have reached at least 100, according to the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA). Officials of the agency also stated that they expected the death toll to rise as more than 150 people were critically injured in the attack.eaths from today’s bombing of the Kano Central Mosque have reached at least 100, according to the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA).

Officials of the agency also stated that they expected the death toll to rise as more than 150 people were critically injured in the attack.

A security source told SaharaReporters this evening that at least three bombs exploded outside of the crowded mosque a few minutes before the commencement of Friday’s J’umaat prayers, the main prayer of the Islamic faith.

The source then disclosed that the militants who had planted the explosives began to shoot as the Muslim faithful fled in panic. The shooting ended only after armed security agents arrived to engage the militants, killing at least six of them.

http://saharareporters.com/2014/11/28/kano-central-mosque-bombing-deaths-surpass-100

wirinet:
It is beyond belief that a president of a democratic nation can utter such rubbish. His speech writers need to be fired. s like something that was written by someone with an IQ of 50.



How do you relate the current challenges Nigeria is facing with his regret of Aminu Tambuwal as Speaker of the house of representatives. I just dont get the connection.





Tribal card. The inability of Akande Adeola to emerge speaker was not due to the decision of some people from one region, but due to the decision of the whole house by representatives from all regions of Nigeria. Except he is saying that only one region can produce the speaker.



Big goof. The speaker of the house of representatives is not a party position. It is a legislative position to be determined only by the legislators themselves. And how is the National Assembly your problem. Which bill has you sent to the National Assembly that the national assembly had refused to debate. Is it the national assembly that is responsible for your failures in Security, anti corruption, economy, etc.?



Is that written in the constitution? So what happens if one party controls the executive and another party controls one or both legislative arm?



What effrontery. How can the executive openly come out and say he insisted on who would become speaker? Even though it is the aberration practiced in Nigeria's brand of democracy, you dont come out and say it for the whole world to hear. How do you hope to relate with the speaker when you were antagonistic of him from the beginning?



Another goof. How can you implement the report of a constitutional conference without is passing through the National Assembly. The last time i read the Nigerian Constitution, the power to make and amend laws lies solely with the National Assembly, the responsibility of the president is to accent or reject the laws presented by the National assembly.

I honestly do not understand how the Executive can implement the report of an executive created Constitutional Assembly.

Hmmm... I believe Nairaland managers should add the 1Billion like button. This your rejoinder deserves it. This govt is clearly tribalistic and clueless. Weep for my country

tess22:
This is fear tactics with a coating of religion to make it appealing. Please dear Nigerian Christians, remember God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and sound mind - 2 Timothy 1:7. Use your minds and be wise. Pastor Emmanuel Bosun sounds more like a politician than a pastor urging us to vote in Goodluck just because he is a Christian. He doesn't want us to think but use our sentiments instead. He paints APC as a Muslim party which will islamize Nigeria if voted into power. Far more Muslim presidents have ruled this country than Christians, why didn't they islamize the country? We all know that Islamists like Al-Shabab, Al-Qaeda and ISIS operate in countries with weakened leadership or failed states. Goodluck is not a strong leader, his careless handling of terrorism in our country has made it stronger.

There have always been Islamist riots in Nigeria, but all of them are usually crushed within a month and their leaders killed, by Muslim presidents. Think of Maitatine, Zango Kataf, etc. If a Muslim becomes president, do you think he will automatically allow Islamists to take over Nigeria? Don't you see that more Muslims have been killed by Boko Haram than Christians? There is palpable fear in the North and it affects everyone. No one is safe. Boko Haram kills Muslims who refuse to accept their violent ideology, just like ISIS. What we need in this country is a president who is committed to protecting lives. A strong and fearless leader whose passion for the country makes him intolerant of corruption, and religious bigotry.

I am not asking you to vote any particular person, I just want you to use your minds and think properly before voting in the next president. Don't be deceived by pastors and 'Men of God'. They are human and make mistakes too. Don't be deceived by claims of visions and prophecies, we all know how some of them lie in the name of God. Did Rev. Chris Okotie not tell us that God would make him Nigeria's president? Where is he today?
Don't let anyone deceive you with fear, God is not a God of fear, but of power, love and SOUND MIND - 2Timothy 1:7

God bless this poster, May your days be super long. People act under the influence of emotions, I just wonder where all this propaganda is coming from, I'm a Muslim and have plenty of my friends who are Christians. This whole Bosun Emmanuel Video is a complete pack of Political Campaign for the PDP. Will post a Rejoinder to his conspiracy theory all things been equal. I pause here.

olapluto:
No this is a joke. Our once esteemed SSS now turned to a hapless guguru agency. Listing parts of a computer as seized items. By the time this PDP eats deeper, SSS will be doing traffic control.

. I swear you got me laughing like gosh!

Jonathan Responds To Obasanjo: I am The Best Leader Nigeria Has Ever Produced

President Goodluck Jonathan has described himself as the best leader to be produced by Nigeria. The President said no leader since the country gained independence in 1960 had done better than himself for the country. He, therefore, said the comment made by former President Olusegun Obasanjo, in which the ex-President described Jonathan’s performance as below average, was untrue.President Goodluck Jonathan has described himself as the best leader to be produced by Nigeria.

The President said no leader since the country gained independence in 1960 had done better than himself for the country.

He, therefore, said the comment made by former President Olusegun Obasanjo, in which the ex-President described Jonathan’s performance as below average, was untrue.

Jonathan said this in a statement by his Special Assistant on Public Affairs, Dr. Doyin Okupe, in Abuja on Sunday.

Okupe’s statement read, “Our attention has been drawn to comments made by a former President of this country, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, regarding the performance of the administration of President Goodluck Jonathan.

“Obasanjo had at an event over the weekend declared that he rated the President Goodluck Jonathan administration ‘below average’.

“We aver that Obasanjo’s comments are untrue, misleading and clearly do not tally with the facts on the ground.

“We therefore wish to assert without equivocation that in terms of performance and achievements, no administration since 1960 when Nigeria gained independence from Britain, has done as much as that of President Jonathan.”

He said that every discerning and unbiased Nigerian would definitely attest to this “as the evidence stare all of us in the face.”

Okupe, who had also worked with the former President while in office, added that contrary to Obasanjo’s position, the Federal Government under Jonathan had performed excellently given the prevailing circumstances and resources available to it.

He said while it was true that Nigeria had been faced with incidents of insurgency and terrorism, especially in the last few years, the Jonathan administration had successfully contained the initial widespread activities of the insurgents, which he said were prevalent in 12 states of the North, including the Federal Capital Territory.

He added, “While it is true that the present activities of the terrorists in the three north-eastern states have become more deadly in mindless killings, kidnappings and supposed territorial seizures, government has made giant diplomatic strides with our neighbouring countries in order to checkmate the crisscrossing of the insurgents.

“The military and other security agents, which have engaged the insurgents since inception, have done a great job in spite of recent challenges.

“The truth of the matter which we must know and accept is that we have an internal enemy supported by internal and external resources waging a major warfare against our nation.”

Source:http://saharareporters.com/2014/11/23/jonathan-responds-obasanjo-i-am-best-leader-nigeria-has-ever-produced

apache77:
u r in trouble bro...kick her asz out....you are not being firm..
my wife, wen we were dating was very refractive- as in very stubborn. i could come to see her and she will tell me get out- boota- it was dat bad. One night wen we had issues, and i was trying to stop her from stomping away in anger, she slapped me. I just held her and didnt even vex. she later put it down to being tipsy. i forgot the issue and just hung in der, swallowing all the shitt she handed down for years.....
till one fateful night in 2009 wen she misbehaved, while we were out.

I descended on her so brutally while a friend was driving us back home, she opened the door of the fast moving car to jump down- it would hav been manslaughter.We had to stop, i beat the hell out of her she crawled under the car and more than two dozen cars had to crowd round us cos people following thought it was a kidnap attempt. That was five years ago.

But since that day, the lose screw in her head tightened back and she has been very pliable, very amenable now. We are married now and no issues- she is the most humble wife you can think of- and i dont threaten her or try to lord over her- no. Just a loving relationship, but she has it at the back of her mind, this her husband can be a beast if he decides to.

She initially never liked my own friends and people around me- just her own people and friends- but now the tide has changed- its more my people around us now and my friends and no one complains- she always has a nice demeanour towards everyone. Matter of fact, as I speak, she is not just in family home, two cities away, but has even followed my mum to our village home- they have a great relationsnhip and I am happy.

This was a very very refractive woman who made our relationship hell- of all of us who dated it was difficult for any one man to get a handle on her, but I have tamed her and we have a wonderful relationship. Infact, right now, she is the one putting in all the effort to make the marriage work while I just cross my legs and watch her in amusement.

I think the single most decisive moment in our relationship was that fateful night 3years into our relationship when i beat the hell out of her- that singular moment turned the tables and told her i was firmly in charge.

You may need your own decisive moment too, to save your marriage...and your sanity, if its not too late already

This post got me laughing like Gosh! inside the mosque for that matter.

UN says Syria attack videos fake:
Russia says the United Nations Human
Rights Council (HRC) has confirmed that
the videos and photos purporting to show
the victims of a chemical attack near the
Syrian capital, Damascus, were fabricated.
The Russian Foreign Ministry said in a
Tuesday statement that international
experts as well as Syrian public and
religious leaders presented their evidence
to the 24th session of the UN Human
Rights Council in Geneva on September 9.
It also said evidence provided by
numerous witnesses confirms that
militants fighting against the Syrian
government used chemical weapons in the
Damascus suburb of western Ghouta last
month.
The participants in the UN Human Rights
Council session warned of the
consequences of a military strike against
Syria, noting that such an attack would
constitute a crude violation of international
law.
The US administration has been using the
footage and the photos in question to
lobby for a military strike on Syria.
The recent war rhetoric against Syria first
gained momentum on August 21, when the
militants operating inside the Middle
Eastern country and the country’s foreign-
backed opposition claimed that over a
thousand people had been killed in a
government chemical attack on the
outskirts of Damascus.
The Syrian government categorically
rejected the accusation.
Nevertheless, a number of Western
countries, with the US being at the
forefront, quickly started campaigning for
war.
On August 31, US President Barack Obama
said he would seek Congress authorization
before the possible strikes on Syria.
However, reports indicate a majority of
Congress members are either against the
planned strikes on Syria or are yet
undecided. The Senate has meanwhile
postponed a vote on the US
administration-proposed resolution to
attack Syria.
Syria has been gripped by deadly unrest
since 2011. The United Nations has
reported that more than 100,000 people
have been killed and millions displaced
due to the violence.

http://edition.presstv.ir/iphone/detail.aspx?id=323066

Front page Please

Nigerian Breaking News posted this:
Ramadan moon has not been sighted in UAE, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Palestine and Jordan & Wednesday, July 10, 2013 is the first day of the holy month of Ramadan.
The UAE's moon sighting committee has announced that tomorrow, Tuesday 9 July 2013, will be the 30th day of the month of Sha'aban and accordingly, Wednesday 10 July 2013 will be the first day of the holy month of Ramadan. Sheikh Shawki Allam, Mufti of Committees for Legitimacy and Scientific Fatwa of Egypt, announced that Wednesday is the first day of Ramadan.
The Chief Justice said in Jordan on Monday via state television said Wednesday will be the first day of the month of Ramadan in the Kingdom.
Mufti of Palestine Sheikh Mohammed Hussein also declared that the holy month will begin on Wednesday as there's been no evidence of moon sighting.
Most of the astronomers had predicted that the holy month of Ramadan will begin on Wednesday in Nigeria. It was also announced on NTA. Please disreagard any Rumour claiming the sighting of the Crescent.

Source: NTA

Lasu has joined since Tipe tipe tey tey(Yesterday Morning). May God help Us

maclatunji: That is what you deserve for deliberately ignoring the UAE, Qatar, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Indonesia, Turkey, Morocco etc as countries that are doing great under Islam.

You sought to misrepresent Islam and got misrepresented as a result.

*In dramatic voice* Justice has been served.

Having #Fun today.

this Post got me really Laughing like Gosh! Make una nor kill person o!

Sad, Hope its not true sha. Fingers crossed till...

kulyie: you are completely wrong.go to a thread here in this same nairaland where lawyers are complaining of high rate of divorce.check the percentage of marriages this days,a lot are in chaos.dont be decieved by the and co husband and wife wearing the same thing portraying peace and bliss in their homes outside when they know peace is far from their homes.

Meanwhile i am not saying all men are bad,there are still some reasonable men with empathy out there so there is nothing like insecurity issues.i amso secured in myself but to each his own sha.anyone that wants to jump into the band wagon withoutensuring compatibility and other factors is so free to jump in,infact,she is as free as the bird.anyway i didn't say marriage is not a beautiful thing,its beautiful gaannn.yes it really is

He's right jor! And who told you He said you shouldn't check who you marry? Abeg! The guy abi na Girl correct Die, stop being petty.

jennykadry: Story 2.

I know women who have met men that are not interested in courtship but marriage. Some of these marriages fail, the others are success stories. My eldest sister met her husband and he wanted marriage, no time for 10 years courtship. I did say it once on this forum that a sane and smart man knows if a woman is a a wife material after spending a few hours with her.

God Bless You! Couldn't have said it any better, With someone like you, I have hope that Nairaland isn't a total waste of Time.

kofsy: Lol! He's not my hubby jor... I'm not married (he's my aunt hubby). From my own perspective I think a man"s wife should be his next of kin. But my aunt is fighting for her space in the home. God forbid, if anything happens to the hubby, his family may come and chase her out and start claiming properties And with his kind of family I know they can do it cos they don't like my aunt they never wanted their son to marry her cos she's a christain and they are muslims. Even my family don't want my aunt to marry the guy, but she insisted. Sincerely, I'm scared of these muslims o, they can do and undo when it comes to fighting over a
dead man's property; especially when they don't like the wife.

and this your Post is such bias, brainless and senseless for bringing Muslim in, them force your sister to marry Him? Instead of trashing out issues rightly, you resorted name calling, Nonsense

kingoflag: So, lets say I own a huge company that produces clothes.....

My company is failing after years of mismanagement, embezzlements, financial misappropriation, internal wrangling and poor labor amongst the workers etc and I hire you to come salvage my company but instead of doing what youre paid for you start pilfering my money, sharing it with your friends, build a mission house for your wife because she said her friends insisted, build another magnificent mansion for your Vice (whom you picked with your own hand and which I didnt object to because I trusted your choices in making my company profitable again) instead of staying in the old one, you attend meetings overseas with a retinue fit only for a gangsta rapper's posse--- all on my dime!!!!

So, when I ask you why youre further destroying my company you'll tell me to shut up because others have destroyed it before you arrived?

If you dont know, Nigerians own the company called Nigeria, and they hired GEJ to revive their country, hes not doing the job and they have every right to fire him and seek redress and restitution for any monies they can prove he pilfered from them. The contract was for him to do a good job for 4 years, he has not lived up to his own end so the Nigerian people can invoke the "Impeachment" clause and have him removed immediately.

I think GEJ should be impeached.

kingoflag: So, lets say I own a huge company that produces clothes.....

My company is failing after years of mismanagement, embezzlements, financial misappropriation, internal wrangling and poor labor amongst the workers etc and I hire you to come salvage my company but instead of doing what youre paid for you start pilfering my money, sharing it with your friends, build a mission house for your wife because she said her friends insisted, build another magnificent mansion for your Vice (whom you picked with your own hand and which I didnt object to because I trusted your choices in making my company profitable again) instead of staying in the old one, you attend meetings overseas with a retinue fit only for a gangsta rapper's posse--- all on my dime!!!!

So, when I ask you why youre further destroying my company you'll tell me to shut up because others have destroyed it before you arrived?

If you dont know, Nigerians own the company called Nigeria, and they hired GEJ to revive their country, hes not doing the job and they have every right to fire him and seek redress and restitution for any monies they can prove he pilfered from them. The contract was for him to do a good job for 4 years, he has not lived up to his own end so the Nigerian people can invoke the "Impeachment" clause and have him removed immediately.

I think GEJ should be impeached.

I swear to God who created the Heavens and the Earth, This your Post is the Most complete, sensible and appropriate Post so far for the Goodluck Butt Likkers, this one realy got me laughing badly. God Bless you and your Entire generation and those who share this ideology that "The Mofo in Aso Villa, Shoeless and Brainless Fisherman should be Impeached with immediate Alacrity". I rest my Case and Thread Closed. Gbam!

The Mini-IVC of MSSN B-Zone holds between Thursday 28th March & Monday 1st April 2013,
Venue: BAKARE DISU MEMORIAL HIGH SCHOOL, AGEGE.
Theme: 'IN THE SERVICE OF ALLAH'
Registration Fee: N1000 flat.
You just can't afford to miss this.

As-SalamAlaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakat Brothers and Sisters,
The Mini-IVC of MSSN B-Zone holds between Thursday 28th March & Monday 1st April 2013 @ BAKARE DISU MEMORIAL HIGH SCHOOL, AGEGE.
Theme of the Camp : Servitude to Allah
Registration Fee: N1,000 flat.

Inform your friends and Family.

Prof Corruption: This is a classic case of something being unthinkable does not mean it's impossible. Alams!!! Alamco is now a clean man.
GEJ should just open kirikiri maximum prison's gate since he doesn't give a damn. He is just a bloody criminal.

Your User Name alone makes me laugh, seen your Post, I just dropped from my Sit to the floor in laughter

Prof Corruption: This is a classic case of something being unthinkable does not mean it's impossible. Alams!!! Alamco is now a clean man.
GEJ should just open kirikiri maximum prison's gate since he doesn't give a damn. He is just a bloody criminal.

Your User Name alone makes me laugh, seen your Post, I just dropped from my Sit to the floor in laughter

omoajiri: Living:
Gen. Muhammadu Buhari
K1 d ultimate
Lionel Messi

Dead:
Prophet Muhammad
Jesus christ
Osama bin laden

Except for K1 d Ultimate,

dulphines: lol. Sharp guys will inhibit those alarms, neatly and gently remove those wires and unlock her iron pant with master key. Finally, they wil call on amadioha to go and bribe sango to hv their way. U wil nt recognize her when they are done wth her lips, b*o*obs and other departments withn her physiological & anatomical faculty. Lwkmd!

dulphines: lol. Sharp guys will inhibit those alarms, neatly and gently remove those wires and unlock her iron pant with master key. Finally, they wil call on amadioha to go and bribe sango to hv their way. U wil nt recognize her when they are done wth her lips, b*o*obs and other departments withn her physiological & anatomical faculty. Lwkmd!

This is Hillarious, You made my day with this Guy

take dat: Schizophrenia is not a life sentence! But it will be, if you fail to visit a psychiatric home nearest to you!

God bless You!

Nsonaso: Any girl that can't keel down for her guy/husband, culture or no culture, is a baby infact.... An infant....... Nd she doesn't deserve to live with a man....nd She's worthless...... We are in 21th century, where culture should prevent you from doing what is right....... Man is your a lord to woman..... The earlier you admit that the better for you

Who be this 1 again? Whatever happened to share your Opinion? SMH

SamConquer: So u guys think that intimidating and molesting ur wife is RESPECT abi..4 crying out loud u married ur wife and did not give birth to her,so who are u to think u are her god or u own her??*frown*OP u must b a WIFE-MOLESTER to bring such a chauvinist opinion...I CANT AND WILL NEVER ALOW MY DEAR WIFE DO THAT IN PUBLIC 4 ME..do u know what people will think of you?

Shuooo! Na fight? The OP seeks your opinion and you just begin troway insult. Na wah o!

SamConquer: So u guys think that intimidating and molesting ur wife is RESPECT abi..4 crying out loud u married ur wife and did not give birth to her,so who are u to think u are her god or u own her??*frown*OP u must b a WIFE-MOLESTER to bring such a chauvinist opinion...I CANT AND WILL NEVER ALOW MY DEAR WIFE DO THAT IN PUBLIC 4 ME..do u know what people will think of you?

Shuooo! Na fight? The OP seeks your opinion and you just begin troway insult. Na wah o!

Kpac: Not far fetched....

Indecent dressing is now so common in churches,offices,campuses and everyoda gathering in this time because our generation have a huge problem caused by phrases like :
"Let them be"
"Leave them alone"
"Look who's talking"
"Live and let live"
"You can't judge me"
"Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion"
Etc

These above phrases have eaten so deep into our generation that you cannot condemn any wrongs again in our time,if you do,you would only be repaid with curses,hatred and condemnation.

In those days,morals were even more of importance than the bible verses,but nowadays,these generation lacks a whole lot of morals that they continuously and unshamefully request for a bible verse to be able to know their rights from wrongs.

When the society is sick,its products become rotten.

May the good Lord of the World Bless you, those that liked the post and others who will still read and share your Philosophy. Couldn't have said it any better.

dederocs: PLS POST IT ONLY ON MUSLIM SECTION.WE ARE NOT INTERESTED TO KNOW ABOUT MUSLIM CULTURES HERE.PLEASE DO NOT BRING SUCH TO THE MAIN THREAD AGAIN.

and it came from the Religion Section to the Front Page, You've got Problem with that

babyosisi: I would think many would like to say especially in Saudi


1. I don't want to dress like a penguin

2. I don't like being one of the wives,I want to be your only wife

3. I want to divorce you

4. I am not a child ,I want to go out by myself

5.i would like to drive a car

6. I want to get an account in my name and handle my affairs,I am a human being

7. Stop beating me and controlling me I am not a slave

8. I am not ripe for marriage at 6 or 9

Who are those liking this Comments A dozen Ignorant folks... *Spits*

babyosisi: I would think many would like to say especially in Saudi


1. I don't want to dress like a penguin

2. I don't like being one of the wives,I want to be your only wife

3. I want to divorce you

4. I am not a child ,I want to go out by myself

5.i would like to drive a car

6. I want to get an account in my name and handle my affairs,I am a human being

7. Stop beating me and controlling me I am not a slave

8. I am not ripe for marriage at 6 or 9

Who are those liking this Comments Ignorant folks... *Spits*