₦airaland Forum

HighIQ:
LADIES can you date someone who is of lower level to you in school? For instance you are in 400 level and he is in 100 level. Would you wait for him?
GUYS, can you date a lady that is in higher level than you in school?

Naijasinglegirl:
Mid last week, my temperature was running high and since I am clearly not a fan of hospitals, I thought it was best to limit myself to the confines of my room until the sickness disappears but my mom was having none of that. She dragged me to the hospital.
My first reaction when I got there was "WTH! This is crowded."
I signed up for a medical consultation and found a place to sit.

After 3 hours of waiting, the bad tempered nurse at the reception area called my name.

Thank God, I thought.

Before she let me into the doctor's office, she put me on a height scale, weight scale and proceeded to pump my BP.

"Nurse, Its just fever not a modelling audition. Are all these necessary?" I asked giggling.
She frowned at me and increased the pressure till the friction numbed my arms. That was her way of telling me to shut the hell up.

I was not surprised to say the least.
Its no news some Nigerian female nurses are far from polite. Especially those ones with big buttocks that are always roaming from ward to ward with a tray of injections, looking for an innocent patient to stab.
Like someone said on twitter, its only in Nigeria the nurses would wake you up from sleep to give you sleeping pills.
When I got into the examination room, I was expecting some sort of gadget to be used on me but everything was done MANUALLY. The doctor even used his palm to gauge my temperature rather than a thermometer.

Oshey baddest doctor!!!

"So what is wrong with you?" He asked.
"That is your job doctor. If I knew I wouldn't be here."
No, that was not my reply. Clearly in Nigerian hospitals, you are expected to diagnose your problem in your house so you don't waste the doctor's time at the hospital.

"Fever." I replied.

For all I know it could be a fever disguising as TB. God Forbids!
A cancerous fever. God Forbids!
A brain tumour fever. God Forbids!!
Ebola Fever. God Forbids!!!

But no, not in our hospitals. The first rule they operate in is,
"All facts surrounding a fever must be twisted and twisted until the final diagnosis reads MALARIA."

Now I made his job easier, he began manipulating my replies.

"How is it doing you?" He asked.
Na wa o. See question.
I used my palm to massaged my chin for a few seconds and then I said,
"Its doing me somehow oh."
"You have headache?"
"No"
"Loss of appetite?"
"I guess."
"Cough?"
"No."
"Cold?"
"Small."
He turned to my mom this time. "Madam, she has malaria!" He exclaimed.

*sigh* As usual. Don't we all?

It seemed he forgot to ask me when last I saw my period in his line of questions. My heart broke some years back when a malaria diagnosing doctor threw the question at a twelve year old Naijasinglegirl.
The only diagnosis these doctors are good at making are malaria, pregnancy and HIV.

All my life, whenever I go to the hospital, I always return home with the same malaria declaration after the doctor has assessed me MANUALLY. Sometimes when the doctor is in a good mood, he takes my hard earned blood and upgrades me to typhoid. This is the reason my dad almost bundled me to a native doctor when a medical doctor told him the chances of his fragile 5-year old Naijasinglegirl surviving malaria were 20:80.
At least native doctors have high-tech equipment like a calabash for skyping with sango, a speaking mirror and no-nonsense oracles.
Even when I roll into the hospital from the expressway with green blood dripping from my nose, blue mucus dripping from my mouth and down syndrome attitude, Its still malaria!

Back to our story.
It was time for drug administration. My favourite part where the doctor gets to clear the shelves of the in-house pharmacy for me. The closer the drugs are to their expiration date, the more generous he gets.
Five transparent nylon of drugs were given to me. First contained several tablets of paracetamol, second contained those medium size multi vitamins, third contained more than twenty tiny yellow tablets, fourth contained a green coloured anti malaria tablets and the last one, orange vitamic C.

"Take all of it. Directives are on the pack for your dosage." The doctor commanded.

All ke? He didn't even have conscience.
That was when I gave into a hysterical laughter. I laughed to the point that I felt the fever leaving me in annoyance.

When I walked back to the reception, I wanted to grab a mic to announce to the impatient prospective patients to return home. After all, their problem is either pregnancy or malaria.
Finally home, it was time for me to be my own doctor as usual. I tossed everything into my trashcan except for my vitamic C which became my hourly tomtom.

Until our health care system improves, I know what to do when sickness strikes again.

Migraine : Alabukun powder
Headache : Panadol
Catarhh : Procold
Purging : Flagyl
Boil : Robb
Waist pain : Aboniki balm
Madness : Native doctor
Dislocated bone : Pastor Chris
HIV : Prophet T B Joshua

Caisenes:
was your grandfather a chiefpriest?

Etetejake:
That this world is worst it is bkx of women.
Tell me anything a man wants without a woman behind it.
Money?
pleasure?
fame?
what is it?
We ar superhuman without women. Sorry, no offense ment.

kristina1:
Go and make money

Phemmy99:
you quoted the whole post just to say....

Chineduorizu:
my friend sent me a text yesterday that he want to join student cult.......since he sent de text.....all my effort to reach him was to no avail his phone number is ringing BT he is not picking his calls...


I dnt want him to belong...plz what should I do to stop him....

Suspect33:
HOW TO HOOK AN IGBO MAN FOR
MARRIAGE
Hundreds of thousands of Igbo
single ladies will be heading to
their villages and other parts of
Igboland within the Christmas
and New Year seasons hoping to
start relationships with Igbo men
that will lead to marriages. But
hooking and dating an Igbo guy
need lots wisdom, skills and
strategies before the relationship
will lead to the altar. Here are my
winning tips for the ladies:
1. DRESS DECENTLY: An average
Igbo man is very conservative and
may not approve your dressing
that shows off your female
anatomy. Those tight fitting
rousers, miniskirts and
transparent blouses will scare
him away that you are a hustler
not a wife material
2. NEVER SHOW SUPERIORITY: No
matter your
family or educational success,
never try to prove to an Igbo man
that he is inferior. He has a very
large ego to a point of pomposity.
Never tell him that another guy
dress better than him, speak
better or a better gentleman than
him. He is the King of his jungle
and treat him like one.
3. ALLOW HIM TO SHOW YOU OFF:
You are like a new house he has
bought or even a new car, please
allow him to show you off to
friends and relatives. Always smile
after his lengthy introduction and
tell whoever that cares to listen
that he is one of the best things
that have ever happen to you. Be
his Queen with humility and class
4. SHOW REAL INTREST IN HIS
FAMILY: Ask after his relatives and
memorize their names. Dating an
Igbo guy is dating his entire
family especially his mother and
sisters. Be friend them, speak well
of them and be nice to them or
they will rock your love boat
5. DRAW A LINE ON SEX: Some
unmarried Igbo men do not ask
for sex, they demand it as sign of
a ladies commitment to the
relationship. In fact, some will
refuse to propose until the lady
agrees to be his constant sex
partner. If a lady foolishly fall to
trap, she had cheapen himself
before him and devalued her
dignity. Many real players and hit
and run Casanovas that are using
marriage proposal as a hook to
an unending sexual encounters
with the lady
6. NEVER ASK HIM FOR MONEY:
Some ladies
believe that Igbo men are ATM
machines that
foolishly dispense money without
thinking but the guys are very
wise and smart. Asking him
money for recharge cards,
sharwama, Ice cream and
transportation gives you away as
a material girl. Instead of asking,
buy fruits, ties, singlet and other
gifts for him. He will respect you
and reciprocate by giving you
good gifts and money too
7. NEVER CORRECT HIM IN PUBLIC:
My brothers can be talkative and
may mix up tenses and even say I
ROVE YOU instead of I love you
but just smile and wait till you
marry him. Try to speak Igbo to
him and ask him always about his
business, health and family
members.
8. BE SPIRITUAL-No responsible
man wants to
marry a club girl or a lady
indifferent to spiritual
matters. Never project yourself as
someone only interested in night
clubs, beer palours and watching
masquerades. Buy Bible for him
as New Year gift. Buy audio and
video CDs for his spiritual growth.
But never behave as a Born again
fanatic that is too judgmental and
not social
# Credits: Timothy Ofoegbu
This list was compiled/ written
by an Igbo Brother.
Interesting I must say..
Yet we ask the reason for high
divorce rate in Nigeria....

Suspect33:
Ngwa, my igbo brothers, am i correct

rattlesnake:
switching off their data
i hate it when i try pinging a lady for business
and she informe me she switches off her data before she sleeps

women too stingy

why switching off data for God sake

i have never switched off my data before

how can a women switch off her data but doesnt switch off her virginity

MzPreshie:
Huh? Maybe if you write in English, I might get your drift.

Yugosng:
Really? You must be pretty tall then? I'm thinking 8ft x inches?

MzPreshie:
How could you possibly have anything to say when it's about making women better? If it were bashing women, I bet you'd have a lot to add.
Op, interesting piece jhur.

nonsonnamani:
Dear Cindy,

I would have really really loved to start this letter by calling
you your native name, I just love that name - reminds me of
another girl I once tripped for in secondary school, she wasn't
as gorgeous as you though - the name is only what you two
have in common. But I know how much you hate been called
Ogechukwu and so I will just have to stick with Cindy.

So... Dear Cindy, the first time I saw you my heart skipped a
beat...then another beat till I thought I was going to die.
It wasn't skipping beats because of how pretty you were, I
mean - you are as pretty as hell. Even blind people know that.

But that wasn't why my heart was jumping like a butterfly
when I saw you.

*sighs*

My love, it was because I looked and saw that what you had
on your head was a long brazilian hair - the long one, not cut
and join. And the bag that hung across your shoulder was a
chanel bag.

It made my mind fly, I swear to God. The stuff you were
putting on looked like Gucci or Armani, I can't really tell - I just
know it was a designers something.

I mean, here I was - smitten and dazzled by your looks. But
one look at you just read: "no go area for broke niggers,
please try again never".

I would have made a move on you that day if not that what I
had in my pocket, home and abroad, was just 1k that I
borrowed from Mike and, my love, I wanted to use that
money for something very important.

Not as if it would have done any good sha, I would have burnt
it all for you right there and then.

But what will 1k do kwanu?

So that day I let you be, thinking of making a move on you was
starting to make me feel like somebody was pressing my chest
biko,

so I turned and ran.

But the devil can be wicked sometimes. The next day you
showed up again looking like a designers something and so I
say to myself: "dude, this is destiny, go for this babe"

So I walk up to you, trembling like a fish because unlike
yesterday I had nothing in my wallet today; except 150 naira -
although the bulge of my wallet showed in the front of my
trousers it was just that way because I had been stuffing
complimentary cards into the poor thing - yes my love, I saw
how you looked at it that day, na card full am.

So when I started talking to you and I managed to make you
laugh I would have sworn your laughter was designers too.
Then when we were done you told me to come and see you to
the Taxi Park outside.

My love, at the mention of Taxi Park, my mind flew away. Yes
o, it flew

Taxi Park?

Jesus!

I mean, I'm a broke nigger - I don't have a car and you
understood. But I knew you won't understand if I can't afford
to pay for your Taxi. Because, let's face the fact, I knew why
you wanted me to see you off to the Taxi park wasn't because
you like my company (for where?). I knew it was because you
wanted me to pay the Cab man.

And so I had told you that, although it for sweet me die to see
you to the Taxi park, I can't see you off because I was waiting
for someone (shameless broke guy like me *sighs*).

Yes, I'm still ashamed of myself for lying a broke ass nigger lie.

When, I called you the next day - you hadn't saved my number
and so I had to explain myself all over again, something told
me that if you had saved it you wouldn't have picked that call.
You didn't recall who I was sha, till I reminded you I was "the
guy who didn't see you to the park"

Of which you said; "Oh. You".

And I must have sworn there was disdain in your voice, the same way someone would have regarded a mosquitoe he missed when he tried to clap it to death.

But today I was prepared. You see, I had borrowed about 5k
from Joe because I wanted to treat you like a queen you were.
And so I ask you out for a date and you agreed. I don't know
why.

But you agreed.

So I take you out and I order soft drinks and meat pie for the
both of us. When I was ordering it I knew it was a big mistake,
right from the moment I opened my mouth and asked the
waitress to bring it over - Meat pie and Soft drinks, for a
designers babe like you. While the couple in the next table
were eating KFC chicken?

But you see, I wanted to make sure you go home in a taxi and
so I was keeping the rest of the money for the taxi man.
But you gave me that look, like I was a stingy guy or
something.

Lol, me. stingy?

My dreams has always been to give the women in my life the
best things money can buy. My mum, my sisters and you - the
best things money can buy without any restrain.

But I'm a broke guy and I can't afford those things...yet.

So I try to have conversations with you, to try and use my
sense of humor to give you a good time.

But for where?

The look on your face said it all: "dude, you are dry, take me
out of here - you meatpie buying piece of sh*t"

So as I throw dry jokes upon dry jokes at you, I finally give up,
saw you to the taxi park and paid 3k for you to be transported
home.

Then I used the remaining 250 on me to take a bus.

It's been 1 week after that day and you haven't been picking
your calls.

It's fine sha, I won't call again.

But you see, I can't help been broke now - but I will see what I
can do about it.

Though, I'm realising it's not your kind I want in my life now. I
want she who will accept me for who I am now, then when I
start getting small small changes - I am going to turn her,
gradually, into a designers woman like you.

Just thought I should say this to you though. I'm sorry for
being broke.

Yours Faithfully...
The broke guy who had a crush on you.

Source: www.facebook.com/x4unites

Mprex:
SHORT GIRLS ARE HOT

ChiomaUdemba:
I need to know guys.