I’m all for love but you need personal space to maintain a healthy relationship.

To many, single and married, marriage as an ultimate, will bring 24/7 sweetness and the desire to be together all the time.
Indeed, many plan for only one room, the matrimonial room, where they will both cohabit.
One big misconception fuelling this is the thought that being in the same space will foster closer ties, chemistry and faster difference resolution through physical contact. The truth is that, for many, it only makes it worse.

In the first year of marriage, everything works well and sharing the same room comes as a plus. By the second year, the initial rush would have settled a bit and couples start to understand the importance of personal space. For many men in this stage, they find, being in the same room round the clock with a pregnant woman is not an easy test to ace but hey, no escaping yet, so I would even encourage being in the same room at this point because she needs your support and you need to also learn first-hand so that you can teach others especially sons.

For most, years 2 and 3 sees the family welcome children who need to be around their mother all the time. This is where most men activate the escape clause and sleep elsewhere but this is not even what I am talking about because I believe a man should be around as much as possible to help out and experience this stage of the children.

It is the period after this (usually year 4 for many) that the true need for personal space becomes evident. By this time, both would have evolved enough to recognise this need. Also, chances are that things won’t be as fresh and the marriage would have had a few scratches and tests. It is also expected that there would have been growth in terms of properties owned so the need for more physical space to keep things. One room literally becomes small (especially with shoes, bags and head ties growing in numbers every week) and with this confined space comes friction.

Fights will happen and when they do, the last thing you want is to be forced into the same space with the person who just offended you. Even when there’s an apology coming, you want space to let it out before facing your partner again. To not have this space within the home is to seek it outside the home (usually offices and relaxation centres).

You’d think this makes it clear enough for all to see but for different reasons, people dread the idea of having separate rooms, hopefully we can discuss these reasons and clear misconceptions.

Husband X: why do you keep doing the same thing? We agreed this wouldn't happen in our home yet you are doing it again. Let me ask, do you guys do this at home?

Wife X: so what if we agreed, is that enough to insult my family?

Husband X: Did I insult your family?

Wife X: Did you not refer to my family?

Husband X: I only asked a question

Wife X: isn't that a foolish question?

Husband X: is it me you are referring to?

Wife X: I only asked a question.
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There are at least 5 major issues in this scenario, what are they?

It looks easy, trust me it is not. Yet, this is a relatively common occurrence.

Divorce is one subject I don't like talking about but the truth is that not every marriage will work out. In more cases than not, the breakup comes with bitter feelings and hurt.

It gets more complicated when there are children involved and a very common situation is having the partner who got custody of the children (in many African cases by means of abandonment) badmouth the other parent.

If someone makes you feel hurt, of course it is going to get to you but what's more unfortunate is how we handle the hurt.
The children are forced to fill the space left by the other partner and in the new bond created, so many bad things are said to these children.

"Your mum is a bad woman who abandoned you here and ran away when things were tough"

"Your father is a wicked drunk of a man who did not care about us"

But then if we really cared about these children and we really wanted to show them love, would we be telling them things that can crush them psychologically and literally have lifelong effects on them?

Please let's think about it.

Someone hurt you, turn that hurt into love energy for your children and don't raise them disturbed.

funmisticqueen:
men that don't like to take correction

not all, its all about understanding. like I always say. your wife should be your sister, Best friend. that way marriage becomes perfect

Adaumunocha:
I have my reason. Don't want any dirty man who can't clean up after themselves. Jeez! Typing from experience

but you can still teach him. at least

PenisCaP:
Op dont get it twisted, forget what u see online
Yoruba women really love igbomen evn tho they would pretend at first, but deep down they love igbo men bcoz they know too well that their men ar more intretsted to play than to settle down. (Pls no beef intended) they know when u marry igboman u ar rest assured of a good married life

99.9% sure.....he wound marry a second wife.
97%..... no lay his hands on u nomatter what.
95% sure..... he would suffer for u to to enjoy life.
95% sure.... he wount cheat on u.
90% sure..... he wont divorce u.
90% sure to have to have cute babies.

Im this is just a fact.

am not an Igbo person but one thing for sure they can sacrifice for their home. valid point you made

Adaumunocha:
Well, I pray he detests dirty bathroom and messy kitchen like me.

dirty bathroom and kitchen? and you can't work on it

There are so many things we love to complain about when it comes to husbands being wrong.

I agree many of us need to learn patience but it can be frustrating when someone is being taken for granted (deliberately or not)

"Dear please don't let chunks of hair fly around the home" need not become an issue the first time, after all it the first time.

The second time, we say, it's a mistake.
The third time, we say unlucky coincidence.
By the fourth time, it becomes a trend.
Yes, for many, it doesn't stop there.

We are talking about something as little as chunks of hair flying around the home and you see how annoying it is already getting.

Imagine it being something like burnt food BECAUSE OF TELEMUNDO or something much worse.....it is easy to see how one can easily be frustrated.

Do men still need to be patient despite this? Yes, the patience is needed especially now but everybody has a limit and if you keep trying, one day you'll break it.

It is simple, If your husband doesn't like it, don't do it, because if tables were turned you'd have taken to social media after the second occasion.

bread and Egusi....lovely

ehix89:
Huh, Togo better than Nigeria, is your brain overheating?

Togo is better in terms of steady electricity, security, social life is far better. if naija could just have steady light just imagine how great naija would be.

Husband X: Heys madam, come o. What's this?

Wife X: Your food now.

Husband X: This is not right now haba! How can I go out all day to look for what everybody will eat in this house and a person cannot even get good food in his own house o, in his own house! Okay you sef taste this thing....

Wife X: it seems a bit salty, I'm sorry.

Husband X: "it seems" abi it is very salty? Don't give me that abeg, this did not start today.......* walks away

Wife X: ** tastes it again to confirm

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Husband X: Madam, please come

Wife X: what's up?

Husband X: please sit down. You know me and you know that I don't complain about your food but if I don't tell you this, who will tell you?
When it first happened, I felt it had to be a mistake because usually your meals are perfect so I let it go but it has happened 3 times this week alone.
If you are cooking anything and you get confused, call me and let me know about it upfront. That's why I'm here, at least after applying all the cooking skills from both of us, if the meal is still bad then we'd eat it together and have a laugh.

Having said that, what is the issue and why is this issue repeating itself this week? Is it the meal that's challenging to make or there's something on your mind, what do you think the issue is? Tell me.....

Which to care about first, is it the fact that my sister's husband just asked me for sex, or the fact that he is the one paying for my education?

To tell or not to tell?

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ON THE BEER TABLE !!

You must wait for the guy who is paying to order first before you do �.

Your preference of beer should not be more expensive than that of the person paying�.

Even though you finish your beer before him , you must wait for him to finish and order the second bottle before you do �.

He only will be the only one ordering for more bottles of beer for everyone on the table�.

Anyone who flouts this rule does so at his own risk, since you are not sure of the number of rounds he wants to pay for �.

He alone can order for fish peppersoup, chicken or suya and everyone else falls in line with his preferences�.

Everyone on the beer table must be friendly with any female friend who the loaded guy comes with �.

Even though his female friend may be extra friendly, it is sacrilegiously wrong for anyone on the table to make love advances towards her. �

As this may lead to an abrupt end of the beer session �.

His jokes are to be constantly appreciated and laughed at even though dry �.

If he does not drive, one of you must make sure you drop him at home safely after the session �.

And you must not let his wife catch you at the table with him. Otherwise, you will be held responsible for his inability to pay school fees����

Know, for a fact, that there is no home without fights. Not mine, not any else's.

Whatever you are going through today, most of us are probably going through that and more.

That is not to call little, your situation. It is a reminder that misunderstandings are natural in a relationship that has you trying to create a new home with someone raised for several decades in another home to a different set of values to yours.

You will fight, sometimes it will be very much heated up, but through every single fight or misunderstanding, you are presented a chance to get to know your partner better. So don't worry, your home is not weird.

Now smile and go find a way to end the fight. That you have a home means you are living someone else's daily prayer point. Protect it.

Every man asking the hand of a lady in marriage either knows the model of marriage he wants to run or he is clueless about it.

Either way, if you refuse to define what sort of model you are looking to get into, you'd be taking or leaving whatever you find there.

There are marriages that mimic master and slave without a problem because what they both have matches what they both want. It's the same way there are partner and co partner models that bring daily fights because both partners are not operating what they want.

There are different models of marriage and it wouldn't matter what the world says if you get into the right one, it will work for you and that'll he all that counts.

If you are looking for someone you want to split authority with 50/50, no problem, just make sure this is explicitly discussed and agreed upon before you tie the knot be cause to be honest, that is not a default.

Spare yourself future fights and discuss it now.

lalasticlala,mynd44. please help push front page biko. lets hear what others have to say. thanks

The summary of what the writer was saying is that go to school but be prepared to be a boss, an employer, be independent, and make income that is not limited. #think

Open Letter to Nigerian Youths — Throw Away That Degree Otherwise You Will Die Poor

LETTER TO NIGERIAN YOUTHS!

Throw Away That Degree Otherwise You Will Die Poor

Most of the educated people in Nigeria are poor. Majority of the educated earn less than N55,000 for a salary before tax and other deductions.

When the deductions are put into consideration, the net salary comes to around N50,000. The net salary then suffers from loan deductions of up to N15,000 leaving the salary at around N35,000. The landlord then demands for his N15,000 and monthly shopping takes away N10,000 leaving one with a N10,000.

The bus will demand for N300 going to and from work and relatives get another N2,500. The whole salary is gone and borrowed money starts operating. The borrowed money includes short loans and salary advances.

The difference between poverty and prosperity is property. A prosperous person has property to his name while a poverty stricken person has no property to show. Using this understanding, therefore, most of the degree holders are poverty stricken, borrowing money to buy chicken and chips, pizza, and a car.

The biggest excuse for getting paid such low amounts of money and having to sit and work for another person for 30 days is THE DEGREE that one possesses and that’s all.

This has made most of the degree holders very poor to poverty stricken and will die that way most likely. A degree holder does not know how to generate money unless that money is generated for the employer. A degree holder is so dependent on the salary that he can do anything to get a job but will not think of starting a business of his own to employ others.

Interesting Facts!

1. A degree holder is not prepared to sell chips but is very happy to work for hungry lion (companies).

2. A degree holder is not prepared to sell popcorn in the street but is very happy to work for Dangote outlet in the city and mum river-sides.

3. A degree holder is not prepared to sell second hand clothes but is very happy to be employed by Zenith Bank which the business of selling stocks and looking for customers in a scorching Sun.

4. A degree holder is not prepared to make N150,000 monthly doing his own business but is very happy to work at the till in a bank getting paid N25,000.

5. A degree holder is not prepared to start a company and grow it in two to three years but will spend three years searching for a job.

6. A degree holder is not prepared to sell food to students but will be happy to be reporting to a boss with no qualifications as Office Assistant as long as he is paid N30,000 for a salary.

7. A degree holder is so eager to get out of this country and work in another country than spend time to develop his own country.

8. A degree holder staying in a foreign land (Nigerian) is very keen to condemn Nigeria but never contributing to the development of this country.

9. A Nigerian degree holder would rather sweep the streets of London or USA than start a business to make money in her father land – others work in people’s homes doing some work (cleaners).

10. A degree holder in Nigeria will watch porn on his laptop but never sit to write a book using the same laptop to sell and make money.

11. A degree holder will blame the government for lack of jobs even after he was on government bursary for him to have his degree.

12. Nigeria is blessed with young people who have master’s degree and others are doctors in different technical fields such as IT and Engineering but all of them have failed to create a cartoon character or develop a movie from the same instead very happy to buy Tom and Jerry for their children thereby promoting American and UK.

A school I visit, there is a man that is of very humble background. He does not speak English but sells Coke, Fanta and Sprite at N80 each making a profit of N10 on each drink. He also sells chips at N50 making a profit of N17 on each portion. Not less than 80 students buy chips and a drink every single day. This means he makes a profit of N27 for a drink and chips and a total profit of N2,160 per day…every single day. In ten days he makes a profit of N21,600 in twenty days N43,200 and in thirty days N64,800.

The degree holder working in a bank at the till gets a salary of N45,000 every month.

Why are the degree holders poor?

Because they have decided to pride themselves in a degree and failed to think better than a man who does not have even a certificate to his name.

Degree holders spend their time liking articles on linkedIn and facebook but never have any care in the world to implement what they like. Poverty starts from the mind, a mind that just likes things but never to implement those things.

If you want to progress, keep that degree and start thinking better than someone without a degree. There’s no white collar Job anywhere bro!

Be prepared to get your hands dirty and work like an ox for your business. Your hard work will pay off.

Yours Sincerely. ..

Letter from “TIMOTHY REX GOMA”

**WARNING: Post++

DÉ BE laws with risk factor EX (X)
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ONCE DÉ BE ALWAYS DÉ BE (ODAD): This law states that for every confirmed touchdown, future touchdowns are guaranteed within a defined time span (t).
P(PTD) ∝ P(CTD)
For every PTD = 1, CTD = K, where PTD is past touchdown, CTD is current touchdown and K is a constant.

FIRST DÉ BE ALWAYS DÉ BE (FDAD): This law states that the the identity of the owner of the first touchdown will always be able to trigger future touchdowns within a defined time span (t).
For every I(FTD) = 1, CTD = K, where I is identity, FTD is first touchdown, CTD is current touchdown and K is a constant.

ONCE DÉ BE FOREVER DÉ BE(ODFD):

ODAD where Time span (t) is ∞

FIRST DÉ BE ALWAYS DÉ BE (FDAD):

ODAD where Time span (t) is ∞

#Copied

To whom it may concern:
If you spend all your money on NairaBet or William Hill, don't expect any wife to supplement and feed you"
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"Sir, how can we keep asking women to manage the finances of their husbands well when many men have just chosen to be irresponsible.
Harsh? I think not.
When we were in the UK, we almost went bankrupt over William Hill. I thought things would be better now that we are back in Nigeria but now it is NairaBet, despite having never won anything.

Which is better, spending on aso ebi or spending on NairaBet?

What's my point? You cannot be financially reckless as the leader of the home then complain that a woman is asking for money." #copied

NAUGHTY TODDLER #1-5

5. Go into the bathroom fully dressed for school and play with water from head to toe.

4. Take mummy's bra to school, look at the teacher with all seriousness and say "is my mummy own"

3. Pee on their bed, sneak into your bed at night, sleep, pee and run before sunrise, giving you a momentary heart skip like say you wee wee for bed.

2. "Grab the mic", aim, push their bum in and spray your wall with a wicked grin (best discovery ever)

1. Pick a fine living room floor spot and poop then call out to you innocently "I onto wash ma buummm"#Copied

We say love is important in marriage but given the importance of finance and intercourse, it is important to ask questions before you get in.

Discuss what he does and how much he earns. No, not just "I work at XYZ bank", get a detailed reply " I work at XYZ bank as a marketer employed full time, I earn XYZ amount after tax. However, I have this other income from XYZ investment" (as it applies to him).
Of course this needs to be discussed in a mature way so you don't look like you are only about his money but hey, it is what it is and his financial profile is important (yes, from a religious and secular point of view)

Ask about his sexual orientation and history and add this to the findings from your own private investigation of him (what, you think he can't lie or 'forget to mention'?).
It's marriage and it is intended to last forever, why take chances not finding out?

**********************************************
Having said that, please know that he will be asking about your sexual orientation, sexual history and financial profile as well, if these are important to him (And yes, you'd need to give detailed answers too).#copied

The age of desperation has been unstable for many years now. It seemed like it was on an upward climb as women became more independent minded and career oriented. As recently as a decade ago, it was as high as 30.

Age of desperation (in this context) is an estimated societal average for when an individual is likely to get desperate to settle down and be married.

Today, AOD is back on a downward trend which is now a range, 27-28.

Ladies haven't become less career minded. On the contrary, more females are educated to the postgraduate level now than there have ever been but there is an artificial scarcity in place for eligible and willing men.
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Take a female of age 27 and age her by a decade. That's 37 years. As unthinkable as it may seem, a single 37 year old lady has crossed the current AOD line for a decade and as such should not be single but the reality of what's happening out there is shocking.
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Now, here's the part that's really not nice. We are a judgemental society and our single ladies are not left out.
True, we have our values but life is not just in blacks and whites but different shades of grey.
It is easy for us to sit behind keypads and judge or worse, do it face to face.

"Why is she dating that poor man?"
"Why is she descending so low to dating a guy 5 years younger"
"Why is she so cheap?"
"Why is she agreeing to become someone's third wife?"

It is easy for us to shoot verbal darts, after all, life did not deal us marital delays. Yes, we can say it "if it was me, I would never do it" but it is NOT you so you don't know.

Bottom-line: Take it easy on people over things you do not exactly understand. #copied

One of the biggest challenges being faced by couples today is having to live apart due to work. The place of finance cannot be questioned in running a home, but sometimes you just wonder what use the money would be.
You ask if there'd actually be a family to spend the money on at the end of the day.
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It was a Monday morning and I was in the car heading back from base. I delayed the journey till Monday so I could at least spend 2 complete days with my family, having gotten home Friday night but as I sat there in the car, watching the trees fly past, I questioned it all.

What was I doing? I had literally become a stranger in my home. My kids were growing up without me and they barely recognised me. It was the same with my wife, we were growing apart with each passing visit. It was getting so bad that even intimacy had become dry, literally.

So, as I sat there, mentally replaying the last conversation with her which ended in the now usual fight, I burst into tears and started to cry. ***********************************************
So, to you, reading this and understanding exactly what it feels like to be in that situation, I pray you find the strength and the means to be able to take the decision that you need to take so that you can be where you need to be.#copied

Like many new wives, my wife pushed for a housemaid in the first 5 years of our marriage and that application was repeatedly blocked.

You see, as a boy, I used to work at home and my mum would say "I am not going to raise a maid at the expense of my own children" so, we did the work......you know all those mothers who never got tired of cleaning and could combine it with a career? Ehen, that was her, so please tell me how you'd sit and play while your mum did all the chores? That mindset helped me a lot because today, I will give any woman a run for her money when it comes to domestic chores and cooking (why can't you just believe me for once? I am serious, LOL)

Anyway, fast forward and son is now husband (and Commander in Chief) who believes he deserves to finally chill and enjoy. On one of those days she was pushing for a maid, I didn't get it and asked what exactly the work was to be done in our small home and family.

Permit me to share with you, the list that every young husband needs to see.

I still have my reservations about maids but I definitely know that, just because my mum (and many other mothers of that generation) pulled it off doesn't mean it needs to continue like that.

A home can exist without a maid but it's not fair to have only the woman do all the following without the man's help

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Wake the kids up
Sort their beds (if they are wet)
Help them brush
Heat up their bathing water
Give or supervise their baths
Dress them up
Prepare their breakfast
Get their lunch and box it
Arrange for them to get to school
Prepare breakfast for husband
Get his bathing water ready
Have her own bath
Prepare for work, office, school (if applicable)
Prepare lunch
Prepare dinner
Wash the children's clothes
Wash husband's clothes
Iron children's clothes
Sweep the home
Wash the toilet
Wipe furniture and electronics
Wash plates
Change the sheets and lay the bed
Arrange the wardrobe and closet
Help children with assignment
Monitor children's play and television content
Change baby diapers
Make money and support the home
Help contribute ideas to husband's endeavors
Go to the market and shop
Price like a pricing ninja and get bargains
Take care of visiting mother in law
Take care of/manage live in visitors/in-laws
Be a wife in the bedroom
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Our mothers were amazing, many of our wives won't be as successful as they were at mixing. This is where we step in and become amazing husbands and fathers too.

PS: if your wife has been doing the above and you don't help and celebrate her everywhere, you need to begin immediately.#copied

bro you harsh gan. what if the call is an emergency for your own good?

Husband X: Ehen dear, I'm travelling to Lagos to go and bring the car. If I'm able to pick the cheque up early today, I shouldn't be more than 24 hours by God's grace.

Wife X: Lagos? Hmmm, when do you intend to go?

Husband X: This morning now, I'm almost ready

Wife X: You are travelling this morning and you are telling me this morning?

Husband: You know how these things work, something can just popup at anytime

Wife X: and what cheque is that?

Husband X: The cheque for the contract I did, I have been chasing the payment for a while and they've asked me to come for it today at their Lagos office. So I pick it up, go to the bank, pay it in, go for the car and be on my way back.

Wife X: So you want to use the money to buy a car?

Husband X: See, don't even start this morning abeg, this is why I don't tell you things. What's that got to do with anything now?

Wife X: okay ooooo, safe journey.
*********************************************

** Journey thoughts:

"That's how she'd be asking unintelligent questions. I told you I'm going to pick a cheque so I can get my car and you are asking me if I want to spend the money on a car. No, I want to spend it on sweets, rubbish. I don't know why a person cannot just keep up, later they'll say men don't share. How can I share with this one now?"

[quote author=hooklover post=60546457]

No take panadol for another person headache oh...
Na d game I wan play be dat. You way no sabi leave d game leave it for us an.. Wen I c my type of ladies I know dem..

Do u know d courage and confidence it takes to service a married pussy dat has seen dicks.... Only leave matter

For ur info one married lady is coming from aba to c me
Under guise of seeing her sister...

She has told me she wants sucking it's long she did it last and husband does not do it...

I told her to do clean shave very clean....

Even without advert many ladies are looking for my services..... Wen they hear my testimony of Wat I have done with married ladies day wonder d planet I came from......

Everybody must not be good let some be bad na.hug transformer if it pains u dear.... are you for real?

What is the latest time of the night you can let your partner receive a phone call (which is NOT an emergency)?

What about chats? When would you consider too late?

**all answers for (a) family members (b) friends (c) work colleagues

Why have you picked these answers?
#copied

DEAR MRS INSECURE

It doesn't matter how much a man loves you, if you are insecure then all of that will be invisible to you. That suddenly means he is dating his cousins and nieces and colleagues and pretty much every female he talks to. This sort of pressure will eventually push him to the brink (whatever that is).

Calm yourself down lady, he married you remember? of all the ladies out there in the world, he picked you as the one to be in his home and life officially, that has got to count for something.

Even if his records aren't as clean as you'd like them to be, there's a limit to everything and there's an approach that works. You have been snooping and checking and tracking and attacking for years, when are you going to admit that the strategy is a bad one? plus one day you might accost a black belt of some martial arts form hoping to have your way, you are too pretty to be beaten up.
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On a deeper level, you need to work on trust issues. Marriage is defeated without trust. Trust is key.

Give your man reasonable space, let him understand that he is not in a cage. If you do it right, he will always come back home to you knowing nobody out there can be a better partner than you have been.

Boys will be boys but the few ones who have true love and peace at home eventually become men.#Copied

"But sir you are married, can I ask why you want your wife to terminate the pregnancy?"
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It's not my fault, are you a child? Don't you know what women do or do I need to tell you?
After all you know our condition
*********************************************
Weapon is N50, what is wrong with you?

"It doesn't work, it's not natural"

Doctor X: Madam didn't you complain?

Mr X: Complain? She's the one always saying it's not natural.

Wife X: Sweetheart, I'm off, please take care of the kids. There's food at home if they get hungry.

Husband X: waitwaitwaitwait wait, come back here. Errm, I don't get, you are off, off to where?

Wife X: Haba, I told you 2 months ago that I'd be having a wedding ceremony in ijebu ode on the 22nd of this month. Today is 22nd......

Husband X: I still don't understand. You told me 2 months ago that you'd be going for a wedding today and I said okay?

Wife X: Ehn now

Husband X: I said okay? I used the word 'okay'?

Wife X: No, you said you'd think about it but since you didn't talk about it....., why are you doing this? I am late now.

***starts to walk off: You can make rice, there's stew at home...there's also.....

Husband X: Cooome back here jor, you think I'm playing with you. Okay, let me make it clear, YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE TODAY
*********************************************

**thoughts:

"I am an adult, a wife, not a slave....I have the right to go out". #copied