₦airaland Forum

If some magic wand I could find
My childhood days I would rewind.

The carefree me, the innocent boy
The trees, the streams, all for my joy.

Playing with the lads under moonlight
That shone and joined us with delight.

The birds which I, with childish skill,
Had set traps for, or shot and killed.

Still I recall, to ward off cold,
The bonfires: red, raging, bold!

The warming urns, the earthen bed
To which I returned to lay my head.

The proud and generous mango tree
At my father’s door, where we had tea.

I wish I could live in childhood’s realms
Had wishes not been just like dreams!

candyguyofficia:
It would be my pleasure although the mail attached to my NL is flooded once I get your mail I will send you an alternate mail id. The poem I made mentioned of was actually censored by NL it's actually"N@ked Sole" by Gbemisola not Unclothed Sole

You may check the mail. Thank you.

AHCB:
Alright. You should learn and explore other form/structure of poetry.

I will. Thanks a lot.

naijacartoon:
Thanking the poet for accepting correction and Nairalanders for the constructive critism #i don't know it all but certainly we fly by crawling first.

You are very kind. We thank you too. I appreciate all the reviews and encouragements.

AHCB:
aside quatrain, which form did you intend the poem to take?. Judging from the way it's arranged when I quoted it.

It's a nice poem. Well done.

Thank you. That was exactly how I composed and arranged it as a quatrain.

candyguyofficia:
I have read this your piece more than 10 times. Despite it is written in line and stanza it seem more like an essay than poetry putting in mind that in poetry ideas and words are used in a manner that is suggestive. Too much surface meaning when compared with metaphorical meaning. In line 2 of the poem, one would have expected you to use an object or idea to symbolically represent "Day" and "Night"
The last stanza is cool but in the preceding stanza one would have expected more use of 'Use of contrast'. While making use of contrast you could be more favourably disposed to either Day or Night that has being symbolically represented.
The above is my critique of your work and this criticism is NOT meant to 'bad mouth' your piece but to pass judgement on it in a manner that is objective. Wouldn't be a bad idea should you decide to rewrite the piece i sincerely look forward to more of your works. I title of your piece got my attention
Recommendation: I will recommend you read Adeoti Gbemisola poem titled "N.a.k.e.d Sole" although his poem and yours are on different subject matter you could learn alot from the poem and on the "Use of Contrast" i made mention of earlier you could read Gabriel Okra poem titled "Piano and Drums" .

What a constructive, lengthy review! I really appreciate your corrections and suggestions and will look for the recommended poems. I can show you more of my little efforts, privately. I will contact you via your registered email here. Thank you.

Threebear:
You'd be doing yourself a disservice minding me. You're very talented. The poem is great. I especially love the last stanzas. Just hassling you, don't take it to heart. I'm usually mean.

Thank you. I appreciate.

Threebear:
But they do quarrel, during eclipse?
Darkness and night coming together?
Crappy poem !
Leave it for the wole Soyinka's
Men who wrote things that had meaning!
SMH

Thank you for taking your time to point at those areas. That should help for improvement. Even the great poets like Keats and Coleridge improved with time and practice. Thank you once again.

castrol180:
this is deep, nice work there, keep it up dear. But what are the criteria for front page?

Thank you dear for your encouragement.