I think it's smarter to find a level headed city girl..village girls may appear to be more subservient and homely because they lack exposure to anything different..but when these women gain exposure the content of their character will come out and you'll be surprised what these woman can become. A woman that has exposure yet still keeps a level head is showing her true character.

It's like saying a poor man is prudent, that prudence is by force not by choice..give them riches and then see how they behave before calling them prudent. Give someone status and money before calling them humble...many people appear to be of virtue because that's the only choice they have. A poor man cannot afford to be frivolous so he is not prudent by choice but by circumstance... Catch my drift?

I like men at least 5 years older than me...I like a man I can really look up to. Some ppl think this is weird but I want mY man to be like a daddy to me...not really a dad but just have that elderly authority over me..I don't like feeling like we are age mates lol

If you don't want her to get emotionally attached then stop and slow down abs really think about where you see things going with her before you wind up breaking her heart. You haven't disvirgined her YET, but at this rate you will eventually and then what? If you don't plan on making a serious attempt at try love/marriage with this girl I would stop

The moral of the story, "don't try to be anything for anyone, don't force it, and the right man will love you for exactly who you are!"


See a lot of Nigerian woman just want to score husband..and because of that, they change themselves to fit the needs of whatever man they want..and when he goes and marries a girl who is NOTHING like you..you think he is complicated...nope he isn't! He fell in love and found what he was missing all his life..don't be what a man WANTS, be what a man NEEDS..be that thing in his life that's always been missing!

Don't try and make any man love you! Be yourself!

If you aren't submissive, then don't be.
If you aren't shy, then don't be.
If you like sex, then like sex.


The right man wil come and love you for the very same reasons the last man couldn't stand you.

Know yourself as a woman, love and embrace yourself, and you'll never have to worry about trying to please a man.


NIGERIAN WOMEN, IT IS NOT BY FORCE O!!

I think less emphasis should be put on age and more on maturity, the fact is SOME women are ready for marriage in their twenties and some are not..some men are ready in their twenties while some men won't be ready until they are at least 46.

I always say it's never good to develop standards through the lens of our own experiences, this post subtly alludes to the assumption young couples are headed for disaster which is so far from the truth...


MATURITY is what's important= mental, spiritual, and emotional maturity..emphasis on EMOTIONAL maturity and everyone progresses through this at different ages.

Good post!

Some guys would say this kind of girl is clingy Bd desperate. Everyman wants something different.

ihedinobi2:
Arami92, you're not too young to worry. It's not too early to be concerned. You're on the right course.

About your concerns, being a virgin is a precious thing. If a guy has a problem with it please move on fast. Your society seems to appreciate virginity very little until it's lost then you spend forever complaining about being judged. Hold on to your pride as a woman. It is worth the cost.

Every woman worth anything wants a man to show that he appreciates that cost. So playing hard to get is understandable. However, it's important that you learn how to keep the man interested. Green lights are real. Leave crumbs for him to follow, let him always know that you want him but that you need him to convince you about how much he values you. Men appreciate that, speaking purely biologically. We like to work for things we want. We just don't like chasing the wind endlessly. No man enjoys being led on.

You'll be alright. I didn't see your photo. But I already took your word for how fine you are and others who seem to have seen it apparently agree. That can be daunting for decent men, especially if they have suffered at the hands of beautiful women. So try to be modest with your dressing. Let your appearance say that you don't think you're the queen of the world at whose feet men are supposed to grovel. You will only attract mean guys who feel challenged to conquer you and show off a trophy and insecure guys who are accustomed to rejection and groveling that way.

Like I said, you're gonna be fine. Just keep being friendly and kind.

Thank you! I really appreciate your advice!

ihedinobi2:


Excellent question, in my own opinion.

You'll notice the women in Sagamite's opening post were blaming some people who 'told' them all manner of things that led them to behaving in the way that brought them all the misfortune they suffer. Someone will always try to control you like that. It is important to keep in mind that in the end, you have to make the decision yourself. Your parents must never be underrated by you but you must learn to take responsibility for yourself and to help them accept that their role as parents is to empower you to answer for yourself in life's various challenges.

About the middle ground, I think all I can say is that a woman's loyalty and ability to participate in decision-making are both invaluable to a sensible man.

See that's where my confusion sometimes lies...I love my parents and I know they will never steer me wrong, and even the bible says to seek wise council...and if majority of my elders are telling me to stop worrying about men..then I don't get it. One of my biggest fears is that ill wind up single or settling in old age.. I'm thinking now of relocating to a city with many Nigerians so that maybe in the process of furthering my education I can meet a nice guy..

Thank you, great response!

Sagamite:
I just found this wonderful article that is stating exactly the things I have been saying about women for many years on NL.

How they behave and the outcomes which they did not bargain for while being Power Drunk.

I have always said the things I say now, the Western media pick up like 5 years later. I am an impressive social observer. My prescience is Godly!

This is a wonderful read and aligns with my numerous points on NL and many men's experience.



http://www.theage.com.au/it-pro/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html

So question,

I'm a 23 year old woman... I very much desire to be married one day. Even now at this age my heart yearns to meet that special someone. BUT...my parents and many others keep advising me that now is not the time for love..that I should focus on my career, make sure I'm successful and independent so that I never end up depending on any man...I've heard many say that men want women who are assets not liabilities! So with that advice the options I have is to put chasing love on hold and chase a career, most good careers take much time and dedication. So the average woman who wants to be a ceo,medical doctor, phd holder, lawyer, etc..won't have arrived to her destination until about 30...so now these same women are being punished?! What am I to do..how do you ensure success in your career and still have a successful marriage.

It's like woman are in. Double bind, we are encouraged to be strong independent successful and self reliant while we are young, only to be punished for it later..while men who are encouraged to do the same reap benefits from waiting and establishing themselves before settling down...

I essentially have two groups of friends. My single and driven girls! Who are working very hard to make something of themselves..and my not so driven girls who are dating..many of them living with their boyfriends and mainly supporting His dream hoping he will finally pop the question..

Where is the middle ground??

This is cute.

I'm an ajebo and I love Garri! Idc I prefer to eat Garri and peanuts most times!

#whylie
#noshameinmygame
#garriislife

Yes you should not be with a man that is not as crazy about you as you are about him.

But I think for marriage both parties should be crazy about each other.

I've met many "good guys" I wasn't crazy about... I've also met some "bad boys" I've been crazy about.. But non of these men were my husband because I will not marry someone I don't adore and someone that doesn't adore me..we must both be completely in love with one another




And lastly, I see soooooo many posts about how to ensure a good marriage. I've listened to countless people offer advice..and what I've concluded is leave it to the Lord. Pray God grant you the right person for you...because there is honestly no way to predict the success of a marriage, except for one ordained in the heavens. I think the problem is people are too wayward to submit to the will of God..they marry because it's *time* or because he has *money* or she seems like the *ideal* wife...it's almost impossible to make the decision of who you can happily spend the rest of your life with, without seeking the hand of God. Some were best of friends and the marriage still crumbles, some people marry after a week and live happily ever after. There is no recipe or full proof method, just God.

If you had a daughter of dating age..what advice would you give her on dating men, and coming across womanizers?

How does a woman not fall into the trap of men who will say and do anything to get their way?

Even if you deeply care for a man how do you know he respects you and truly values you?

Poor men aren't better, they are just limited in their capacity to cheat. Money doesn't change a man, it can simply expose who he truly is. Success doesn't equate with infidelity, it only makes it more accessible (women are more likely to chase after him, and his wife is more likely to stay if she finds out)

The point is a good and faithful man is hard to find. If you find him..Never let go!

Picture!
Thanks.

sarris:
or 2 moths it's better to put a halt to it now than be looking back on regret 20 years later...


So because its 2 months she should put a halt to d marriage and pray,so that God will tell her what exactly?

She should pray for discernment, if 5 years from now we learn this man(her current husband) has been cheating on her, beating her, neglecting his responsibilities..you all will look at this woman and call her a fool for not following the word of God.

If 5 years from now she leaves her husband and this doctor in turn leaves her and she is left single..people will look at her and condemn her for disobeying the word of God...

I'm not advising her on what to do..because I am not God..I do not know the situation and I do not know what the future holds for the ppl involved..

But I am advising her to go to her God and let Him make his will clear to her!

God promised Sarah a child, but out of her impatience she devised her own plan with Hagar and birthed Ishmael. Isaac was born of Gods will, Ishmael was born of Sarah's will. Gods always wants the best for us, but in our own unbelief we often miss it..I'm not passing judgement or even giving her advice on which man she should follow, I'm simply saying seek Gods will. What more can we advice her? She will answer to God over the matter not us.

eph12:

Abeg no vex o. What exactly should be her prayer point? That this her present husband should die so she can remarry the doctor? What kind of way do you want God to make for you? Na wa o.

I had a friend who found out his fiancé had been cheating on him weeks before his marriage....he found this out AFTER praying.


I'm not telling her to leave her husband, I'm telling her that when you align yourself with the will of God things will ALWAYS find a way to work out..

What if after prayer she finds this man has been unfaithful to her, what if he decides he wants to leave her..I'm not saying any of these are likely. But I'm saying to leave things to God and he will sort it out. She may pray about things and come to see this pastor is a false prophet. God can reveal all kinds of things to ppl that will direct and order her steps.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

If I were this woman I would take into fervent prayer and fasting. One thing about Gods word is he will always make a way..

And I think this also requires her to be very honest with herself..did she marry this current man out of impatience or out of true genuine love, let's be honest many Nigerian women force marriage on themselves based on time or money..so if she's only been married for 2 moths it's better to put a halt to it now than be looking back on regret 20 years later...


But the best advice I can give you is that this is between her and God. She needs to go into serious prayer and fasting, when I'm in a big issue I even call my parents to pray and fast with me..something's are too big for us to understand and if this is TRULY Gods word he will make the path clear to her. She should be wise and not act in haste because there are many false prophets in this world...be careful and be prayerful. I wish her the best.

YOURMAN:
I dey fear him oo! I reaaly cnt summon dt courage to do dat

Then leave it, don't meddle in another man's household affairs. That's dangerous territory and he is your brother. Maybe speak to your mom about it and see if she has any advice, but don't go telling his wife na

Too cute!

Talk to your brother, not his wife.

what about virgins who don't care to wait for marriage but are waiting for true love??


Many men claim to be put off by hard to get so what are the clues a woman should look for to make sure a man values her??

Men go through all extremes to woo a woman, how do you know when a guy truly cares for you, and when he's just playing the game really well??

This is the "Romance" section...Sex is a very natural part of love and romance..

So.. This is a topic my friend and I were discussing and I want to hear your thoughts and opinions.


Most women are taught never to be ashewo! That as a woman you must always be elusive and never be too easy for a man or he won't respect you.

So when a man clearly wants to have sex with you, you should hold off..

BUT wait, When a man is attracted to a woman he will ALWAYS want to have sex with her!...it's only natural, if he isn't trying to sex you that is a problem!

So what's the fine line between making sure he respects you and keeping it classy vs exasperating him by denying ALL his sexual advances.

Men have fragile egos, and they will only try so often until they feel rejected..

Also, some men will have sex with you in a week and respect you, some after waiting a year and still throw you away like trash..

So in summary, what is the fine line between allowing a man to fulfill his innate sexual appetite for a woman he desires vs keeping your class and ensuring he respects your body and boundaries. I notice some girls are TOO EASY, and get used, while some girls are TOO DIFFICULT, and men eventually lose interest, so where is the balance?!

Thanks guys! ❤️

Just because someone attends church frequently doesn't mean they know the voice of God..if I were him I would have called the particular scripture to her attention and told her "if she wants to fornicate, then let us fornicate..but don't do it in the name of God.."
People twist the bible daily to suit their desires..if he cared for the girl he should have corrected her..she may have genuinely be confused and made a mistake..

I prefer people who know how to adapt, a happy medium. Be introverted sometimes and extroverted on others... On a scale I would prefer my man to fall closer to the introvert side..but be flexible enough to know how to adapt when situations call for him to be more extroverted.

I like quiet and grounded men..gentle and few with words, but still social and friendly.

Can you specify how old the age range for Aristos?


Me personally I like older men, not for money or anything but because they tend to be more mature than my male counterparts. A woman can be ready for marriage in her early twenties, while most men are still playing around/trying to establish themselves at that age. I'm 23, and I typically go for guys around 27 and up..but I can't do more than like 12 years are difference. Older men are more serious about you..typically, of course there will always be few exceptions.

Olami90:



And where did u get dat idea from dat dating ur potential hubby for yrs is wot wld giv u d kind of marriage u av dreamt of(a happy one for dat matter)

If care is not taken, u will fall flat.

B flexible in ur decisions. Not everyfin will go as u expect in life, there are tyms u nid to drop expectations.

you make a lot of sense, thanks

Survivor33:

You look like a million dollars but your problem is BIBLICAL.

what do you mean?

Adaeze003:
First off, you're pretty no doubt. I think because you're not in Nigeria, you should try to date other people that are not Nigerians.

There are psyco oyibos but there are good ones too. Don't limit yourself to your country peeps.

Also, make more female friends, yeah I know you can't stand girls and their drama but the dude pals can't be there all the time. Hang with the girls, go out with them that way, you'll be coevering more great in a short time .

Thirdly, be yourself, don't go all wild and crazy, if you're Christian, go to church more, do other activities with the youth in the church, if you're in school, join the rally, and so on.

Bottom line, you need more people around you. You can meet even more people by getting invites and so on or someone can recommend you.

Thank you, that was very encouraging. lIDK about dating oyibos though :/
lol i'll try sha

Olami90:
Arami,
Can u differentiate btw pride $ arrogance?

For u to av identified ur weaknesses, it is a gud start. No guy wld like to be wit a lady dat nags, a lady dat is proud or a lady dat feels she knws too much or a sense of superiority no matter how beautiful u are.If a guy shows more attention wit all dat, jst bliv it is because he is yet to meet anoda lady.

Thank you, ummm...

I think pride is taking pride in who you are, not being desperate for attention or just not turning yourself into a doormat for people. You can be proud of who you are without thinking you are better than other people. Value yourself and others equally. I don't think i'm better than anybody.
I know some girls that have this stuck up, mean girl attitude..i'm not like that. when guys approach me, even if i'm not interested i'm never rude or mean.

I think arrogance is a false sense of pride, where in elevating yourself you also try and bring other people down. i see arrogant girls as the ones who i always looking for BIG guys with money, and walk around pretending to be more than what they are. The expect people to fall at thier feet and etc..

um, also..How do i communicate frustration without nagging?

and how am i to be humble without letting men take advantage of me?

As a woman how do you protect yourself from being hurt but still leave yourself open for the right person??

Everyman that enters my life doesn't have good intentions, so my pride and my distancing myself is to see how serious this guy is about me? It's like i'm a really nice person but i feel like i have to have this tough exterior or people will just be abusing you. i see how men lie, cheat,and abuse women and that scares me.

Nneka123:
Okay.

So you're 23 and you fear you will never get married because of all the things you listed? How about i tell you that you are worrying over the issue quite early. I mean do you want to get married now?

You may be right...i guess each time i meet a guy and things fall apart it makes me worry..

and no not now, but maybe like 25/27, if i want to be married by 27 then i should at least be dating someone by 23-25, i cant imagine marrying someone i haven't dated for a few years.

and it's more so because i've never had a serious relationship.

but yes i'm probably worrying for no reason