₦airaland Forum

Spot on, Simibrazil. A huge number of marriages are like that. Keeping up appearances is the priority. Divorce is hardly ever considered as an option for the woman. She is supposed to suck it up and carry on, after all she is the Mrs!! 'Managing' seems to be the expected recourse, while the man carries on, with the woman making excuses for him every step of the way. I know some Nigerian men who are the best husbands any woman could wish for. But a huge number are not. I believe most have good intentions but the society in which we live, and we the women who have made it so easy for men not to be held accountable for their behavior, that they lose sight of those intentions.

@Kingdong, I'm a girl, not a dude!! Is your name really what it implies? Scary!! LOL

@ Nuggard. I think thats the problem right there. Why do grown ass people need to be forced to keep their immediate environment clean? Since when is personal hygiene a government thing? So government needs to show us how to wipe our butts too?
For the people talking about bins not being provided, what happened to those that were provided sometime ago? I remember some years ago in Lagos state taxis were provided with little plastic baskets for passengers to put their rubbish into. What happened to them? No-one ever used them.
Truth be told, an overwhelming number of Nigerians have filthy habits. People hawk out nasty green or yellow phlegm from their throats and spit out right on the road. I've seen it countless times. And whats with the pooing in broad day light in full view of everyone? You have to be an animal to do that, whatever the circumstance. I'd rather crap in my pants if I have the runs and there's no-where else to do it. What happened to a little discretion and self-respect?
And whatever happened to environmental sanitation? Most people acted like it was a prison sentence, being confined to your homes for 3 hours one Saturday in a month to clean your environment. Which wouldn't be necessary if it had been done in the first place. Sorry, I forgot, we have to be forced to do everything. Who ever hears of environmental sanitation anymore.
What I don't get is that some of these people maintain clean homes. But outside their gate is a mountain of rubbish and tall grass littered with refuse. Why would someone keep his home so tidy and drop refuse or spit in the street with impunity? Its this same "I got mine" mentality that continues to bedevil us. "What is mine is fine and what is ours is crap", abi?
I couldn't give a rat's ass what happens in London or Burkina Faso or how filthy Jo'burg is. I live in Nigeria and that is what concerns me.
And until we get it together and drag our heads out of the sand, we will continue to wallow in filth, disease and denial.

And how is the woman supposed to fight to keep her marriage in good stead when the husband has little regard for it? Aren't both parties supposed to work at making the marriage a success? Or do you think cheating is par for the course and the man's right?
@ Chachag please don't gloss over this, except if this is how you want your marriage to continue. Believe me, it will get worse. You need to tell him how you feel about it and demand that he puts an end to it. If fidelity is important to you, as it should be, you should be up-front with him about it, instead of giving yourself sleepless nights. Why pretend because you wish to conform? If you keep silent, your resentment will only continue to simmer and you will keep dis-trusting him, even when he is innocent.
So be up-front with him and tell him how you feel and what you expect. It is your right as a wife. And then trust him that he will do the right thing and don't bring it up again.
Please don't fight with any girl. You're more than that. Keep it between you and your husband. It is important that he respects you and you need to respect yourself first.
Last words - avoid his phone like a plague! Don't pick his calls, don't read his messages. Easier said than done, I know, but give him his space and his privacy. If he is still cheating, you will know.

I am currently in my bedroom, where I locked myself in, to get away from them. They are hammering on my door, screaming at the top of their voices. The latest bone of contention? Shrek. That is all they watch. Over and over and over again. This evening I discovered the dvd was scratched. I tried to play another one, only for my 3 year old to start yelling at the top of his voice. I re-inserted Shrek, but it kept stopping and starting, prompting another round of screaming and crying. What is a poor harassed mother to do? I carried my lap-top (amputer, as my 2 year old calls it) and retreated to the tranquility of my bedroom.
My dear, you're not alone. Sometimes, I feel like packing my bag and running away!
My 2 year old clings to me like a limpet. He literally wraps himself around my legs. Last weekend, I took them to a fast food place to get some takeaway. I left them playing in the Wendy house in the play area, with their nanny watching them while I went to the counter to order. My 2 year old came up behind me, and wrapped himself around my leg. At the same time, I stepped back and then felt him clinging to my leg. In trying to avoid stepping on him, I lost my balance and fell backwards, flat on my back with my legs up in the air, in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Thank God I was wearing jeans. What could I do, but pick myself up with the help of the very sympathetic by-standers.
Welcome to parenthood!

I think Joe Biden was a mistake. He may not be the typical WASP but he is the typical Washingtonian - the antithesis of what Obama stands for.
I think Hilary supporters might feel McCain condescended to them with his choice of Sarah Palin. Especially given that,if the stories making the rounds are to be believed, he is a bit of a chauvinist and abusive towards his wife. Lets face it, Sarah Palin, for all her impressive antecedents, is no Hillary Clinton. Hilary supporters might feel patronized. I know I would.

I don't know if most Nigerians, well-traveled and otherwise, actually appreciate the level of our notoriety. Why should Obama not warn his country men about the infamous letters and e-mails from Nigeria? His allegiance is to them and not us, as it should be.
Sure they are lots of honest Nigerians (by the way, the "few rotten apples" thing doesn't fly any more. We all know its a heck of a lot more than that.) but does Obama know the poor Grandma who toils everyday to eek out an honest living for her family? Does he know Iya Risi who treks miles with a basket of tomatoes to the market to earn a living to feed her family?
He knows the big men and leaders who have raped a stupendously wealthy nation and pauperized her once-respected, intelligent and hard working citizens. He knows of Okereke-Onyiuke, a professor, a supposedly well-read woman, head of the Stock Exchange,who, in a bid to massage her typically over-sized ego of the Nigerian public official, knowingly or unknowingly perpetrated a fraud against the people who donated to the fund-raising.
What extreme callousness to raise such a stupendous amount to send abroad, in a country rank with abject poverty and hopelessness.
Respect is earned, not demanded. And we continue to do precious little to earn that respect.
World leaders,more than most, know our incredible potential. It must stick in every right-thinking human being's craw to see how we continue to waste it away.
Of course there are scammers in every country. But our ostentatiousness, and glorification of wealth, whatever its source, have aided our well-deserved notoriety. Additionally, Nigerians generally tend to be quite dynamic and intelligent even when on the wrong side of the law. Our positive attributes that enable us to shine also brings more notice to us when we commit crimes.
B1, sorry you were scammed at 13. What did you lose, your pocket money? My God-mother, who is American, has a neighbour who lost half of his life savings.

@ Mohawkchick
Mind happily wallowing in the gutter. Yum!!

Pierce Brosnan was too smooth and clean cut. The typical Hollywood James Bond.
Roger Moore was just plain annoying. Why did he always have to get beaten up? A real pansy. Without the gadgets he was nothing.
I've always been partial to Sean Connery. A real man's man.
But Daniel Craig beats them all. I suspect he's closer to Ian Fleming's view of the character than the others. He looks devastating in a suit but not too smooth. He's tough and ruthless. And he kills the baddies like he actually enjoys it. Very sexy.

She's from Calabar. Her maiden name is Henshaw. Her husband is British

If you marry a woman who is not inclined that way and has a demanding job to boot, why can't you buy her a washing machine or include money for a washer-man in the housekeeping budget?
A career does not necessarily prevent a woman from taking care of her home. I had a very demanding job but I did my house cleaning on Friday evenings (because I like a nice lie-in on Saturday mornings!). I hate washing clothes so we have a washer-man who comes on Saturdays to pick up the laundry, wash, iron and deliver them. The nanny washes the children's clothes and I wash my husband's underwear, shorts, undershirts and socks daily. It was hectic but I was able to cope by managing my time properly. Now I work from home it is so much easier.
But not everyone can work around their schedule especially in a town like Lagos where half the time is spent in traffic.
So give your madam a break and buy her a washing machine. If you are domestically inclined, you can help!!!! My hubby won't lift a finger, but na so I see am. Wetin woman pickin go do?!

You're wrong. It is her. She's been dating him for a while. She's not mixed blood. Her grandfather was the Obong of Calabar sometime in the 80's.
No be her hair oh! Cosmetics are wonderful things. But even in her natural state, she was still very beautiful.
And after 3 children too!! The man sef get long throat! How can Sola Salako and all the others compete?
By the way, she cooks too!

Mercedes is a Spanish name meaning "mercies".
The car was named after the little daughter of a wealthy Austrian automobile entrepreneur who commissioned German company, Daimler, to create the model.
I think its a really lovely name.

She's not Indian, she's from Calabar. When I knew her in secondary school, she was quite dark-skinned. I must say she looks totally smoking! But she was beautiful even back then.

Mine isn't working. Everything seems to be going downhill. I have done all I can to make it work. But I can't do it on my own any longer. I am tired of spending every night alone at home. I am tired of being mummy, daddy, cook, housekeeper, nurse, champion, cheerleader, support. All on my own and not getting the same in return. I have forgotten what is like to be a wife. Why does he have to be home at 2:00am every night. Or till the next day on weekends. Why am I left to bring up the children by myself? I feel like I have been taken advantage of. I shouldn't have to feel that way. A wife should be a support for her husband in everyway and shouldn't have to hold back.
I have done all I can to make a nice and comfortable home for us. I have been supportive in everyway I can. Why can't I get the same consideration? It was good before, for a short while. I turned a blind eye to his constant late nights because I didn't want to nag, although i expressed my displeasure. I only focused on the good times, which were few and far between. But constantly bottling it up is making me resentful because it is so one-sided now, one person doing the giving while the other just takes.
I don't want to live like this. I deserve a husband who wants to be a husband to me and not in name only. I don't want to be going to bed every night on my own only to wake up at 1:00am to let my husband in. I don't want this anymore.

So why are you still here? Do us all a favor and leave already!

Be nice, girl. Come on.

One devil does not automatically whitewash the previous devil.

Also, Obj's family is disunited, what with all the Mama Iyabos and the Mama Seguns and the Mama Risikats and all the other Mamas we haven't yet heard about.
One person in Abacha's family will murder and all the others will close ranks. As Americans will say, "Lets keep our shit to ourselves."
They have skeletons in their cupboards. Make that boneyards!!!

for intelligence and verastility, it is Jakumo. He can be playful and fun and also has intelligent and insightful comments on more serious issues. A good all round guy. I wonder if he looks as dishy as he sounds.
Jakumo, i get one fine cousin oh!

I read something similar somewhere, and the question "what is love" was asked. One little tyke answered " Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the biggest piece of chicken."
Another one said "Love is when Mummy brings Daddy a drink and takes a sip out of it first."
So precious!

@iceblue - you mean "ashually"

"Can we know, you, please?" - Can't believe supposedly educated journalists ask their interviewees this question.
"I have your type at home." - Yeah you wish.
"Na beans?" WTF??!!
"Carry go" -hate that. What does it mean anyway.

But generally, I love Nigerian slang and I love to speak pidgin!!!

Not only government workers pay tax. I worked in my last company, a South African owned company, for 11 years and a hefty amount was deducted monthly from my salary for PAYE. By the time I left the company last year, about N80,000 plus was deducted from source monthly from my salary as personal income tax. It sticks in my craw to realise that its probably all gone into some fat oaf's pocket. What the hell does the government do for me?

Tax paying is necessary for the development of any society. It keeps us accountable for what we earn. But I get really angry when I know that a whole lot of people are not paying a dime and I'm paying a small fortune. On top of which I have to provide my own water, electricity, disperse 'kola' on the roads like its going out of fashion.

I agree with Kobo. Thats a whole lot of money to have been swept under the carpet for 5 years, even with Ribadu's connivance.
And why quietly retire such a person? Nigerians deserve to know why this man was retired. It is just a case of one big man covering up for another. Business as usual, the Nigerian way. God help us.

Ideally, it sounds great and cogent reasons have been put forward to justify this. I would welcome it. I have thankfully never experienced an armed robbery attack but I would imagine that the worst feeling would be the utter helplessness, just waiting your turn as the rampaging marauders make their way closer and closer to your home and defenceless family.
But can this work in our environment, given the highly volatile nature of Nigerians (no doubt aggravated by economic hardship and general hopelessness), the total absence of the necessary deterrent in the form of legal, enforceable actions, to check wanton use of weapons to settle disputes, the innate corruption that has bedeviled every aspect of Nigerian society, governance and law enforcement in particular.
Owning a gun comes with a huge amount of responsibility and maturity. Is the Nigerian society truly ready for this? Sure, we can get there. But without the necessary checks put in place before such a law is promulgated, the road getting there will be long and bloody.

Black bra and and black thongs. Just got back home from dinner with 'Chairman' and we're just changing for bed. This Nairaland is very addictive and I have to pop in most days even if just for 5 minutes!

I won't hold my breath.

I saw it in the papers and didn't bother reading it. Please someone tell me he didn't really say that? Foriegn affairs minister

23 with "2 cool rides" living in a duplex by yourself? Commercial bank my fanny. She probably found your lifestyle questionable and dumped you.

The guy says he's not ready and thats the truth. It may not have anything to do with money.
Please don't put undue pressure on this young man you've only dated for 4 months.
You're only 27. Enjoy your single life. There are tons of things to do and achieve before you settle down.
Leave him or wait, its up to you. Life is never a sure thing. But what I will say is that men can smell desperation a mile away. And there's nothing that puts a guy off faster than a desperate woman.
Marriage will come when you least expect it. When you lead a genuinely full life with varied interests, and probably not even thinking of settling down, you will meet a guy who will beg to put a ring on your finger. It may be your current guy, it may not be. Life can be funny that way, I'm speaking from experience. It may not happen the same way for you, but my point is there are no guarantees in life. We cannot base our life decisions on what-ifs. What if you wait till 32 and he doesn't marry you? On the other hand, what if he agrees to marry you now, and chickens out at the last minute? Like, say, your wedding day? It happens! What if he does marry you and proceeds to spend all his time outside the home at clubs or hanging with the boys in a bid to recapture his freedom? Or ends up resenting you?
In the meantime you will have deprived yourself of a wealth of enriching experiences you could have had by further education, career advancement or meeting new people, that could help to make you a well-rounded, respectable and self-sufficient lady any guy would be proud to bear his name.
Please concentrate on making yourself a better person. That is what you should bring to a marriage.
Sorry for going on!