₦airaland Forum

No biggie! Sucked out mucus several times for my two, especially when they were babies. Babies and toddlers cannot blow their noses, so if you don't want to watch your child suffocate or choke, you do it without thinking. So I suck and spit out, until the nose is clear of mucus. My husband usually cringes in the corner!! The mucus is actually the least of it. I've been covered with poo more times than I can count. Once, it shot out straight from my colicky, gassy baby right into my face. The joys of motherhood! What can we say!

I love all things british. Their accent, their wit. Except their food and their abysmal weather!!!
I would like to live in a small, pretty english village, with rambling country lanes, roses growing over my front door and fairies living at the bottom of my lush garden!!! (Okay I read too much Enid Blyton as a child. I don't believe in fairies)
I think the shopping is better in the UK, though.
But America is still the land of opportunities where anyone can be anything if you work hard.

Please tell your friend to go home. Nothing is worth her marriage. Is she thinking of the bigger picture, rather than the fact that she is just existing and barely eking out a living. How will her children be affected in the long run, being away from their father and sibling for this long?
It doesn't matter if she is the one making a sacrifice. Do it if it will keep your marriage intact. Once she gets home, together with her husband, they will find a way. Gather a little money and start a small business. If she is smart and REALLY wants that marriage, they will find a way to sustain the family. There are couples in worse off situations and they are struggling to earn a living and feed and clothe their children. And they are making it. That is what those words "For better or worse" mean. Few people really think about it when they just repeat it after the priest.
Long distance marriage is never a good idea. I always tell my husband, even if his office sends him to his village, Sabongida-Ora, I am going with him along with the children.
The economic situation in Nigeria should not negate the importance of marriage and family. No amount of money in the world is worth that.

True talk, Almond Joy. Very well said.

Sorry, but it sounds like your guy is an immature jerk who relishes the attention you females are showering on him. He has no business encouraging the attentions of a married woman who is obviously attracted to him. What kind of man is that? I think you should take what Almondjoy said to heart. I doubt that she means to insult you but sometimes there is no nice way to say what needs to be said. And as she said, never disregard your intuition. It has saved many a girl from making the wrong choice. Listen to it. If you feel something is not quite right, then it isn't.
Your guy has no business nurturing friendships with ex this or ex that, to the detriment of his relationship. This is the time for him to build his relationship with you and gain your trust. If he has the smallest lick of sense, he would see that. As far as I am concerned, the fact that he never mentions you is a red flag. He is obviously trying to spare the feelings of the others. To me, that means that he places their feelings before yours. Not good.
Please nip this situation in the bud right now. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you expect and don't back down. If he is really your guy, he will severe needless ties that make you uncomfortable and are improper to boot. If he does not respond in a way that you are satisfied with, please consider other options and don't look back.
If you are thinking of marrying this guy, think long and hard, because it doesn't end with wearing a beautiful dress and walking down the aisle. It is just the start of a long and sometimes rocky road filled with ups and downs. Little issues like this are a portend of things to come and you disregard them at your own peril. You'll find yourself 3 years into the marriage, miserable and thinking your husband has changed. When in reality he hasn't. You are just seeing what you had refused to see because you wanted that ring on your finger.

I think to a large extent we as a people have shown that we deserve the leaders that we have been consistently saddled with. Why? We condone it. Like it or not, Nigerians are widely regarded as some of the most intelligent people in the world. Our individual efforts in different fields of endeavour, in more enabling climes, have been highly commendable. How then is it that a country that produces people like the Phillip Emegwalis, the Chinua Achebes and all the other unsung achievers, has, for the last 30 plus years been RULED by one incompetent addle-wit after another?

Granted, the problem started with bad leadership, but we as a people have too quickly and readily imbibed all the negatives. So much that we seem to thrive on it. Sheer criminality is now referred to as being "sharp' or "smart". From car hire receipts to hotel bills presented to employers for services never utilised, to "deals" or "chua-chua", with company money, time or property.
These kinds of behaviour that we were brought up to know are wrong and would have been horrifying 30 odd years ago, is now a matter of course in Nigeria of today. Small, everyday things, but this is what makes us the kind of society that we are. The dirt on our streets wasn't put there by phantoms from the sky. Why wait for a task force for street cleaning to be formed before we each take responsibility for something as small as our own dirt.
How about attitude to work? Seun was right, a lot of people don't do the work for which they are being paid. Even in the private sector. What happened to being proud of your out-put and accomplishment at the end of the work day? If not, how then can we be proud of ourselves as a nation? If we have no pride in ourselves, how can we demand and make sure we get the leaders that we deserve? A politician doesn't rig himself to power all on his own. How about the political-jobbers, the hooligans who carry guns on their behalf, the whole communities and electorates bribed with N1000 and a bag of rice each (yes, this happened) and the battalion of praise singers? They are Nigerians too, who obviously have little pride and self-worth.

Our very mind-set needs to change before we point our fingers at our very culpable leaders.
And like one poster said, until we free ourselves of the tribal and religious yoke that we have placed upon ourselves, we will continue to blunder down this slippery-slope at an alarming pace.

I have 2 boys. I'm done!!

"Keeping another girl outside?" Not even an un-serious fu ck, even though that is just as bad. This sounds like a relationship that the man intends to nurture alongside his marriage! Talk about eating his cake and having it. At the begining of the marriage too! He isn't even giving his marriage a chance and trying to be faithful. Such a man will only get worse, in my opinion. Like AJ said, she needs to move out of their bedroom first. Then take time to weigh her options. If they are no children, then its less complicated. He may be still finding it hard to come around to the idea of marriage and might be sowing his final oats (this is all humbug. He should have done all this before marrying). But a woman can usually tell if the guy is just an all-out dog and is not about to change his ways. That is, if she lets herself see what is so clear before her eyes. She also needs to find out the status of that other chick. If she's a girlfriend from before he married, then its going to get ugly. Girlfriend is going to hang on with bleeding nails. Especially as hubby still cheats with her. I've seen it lots of times, one time ending in needless tragedy. No-one needs the years of constant bickering and fighting that this will invariably cause. If she decides to stay, she needs to nip this in bud quick-quick! No be siddon look matter be this. If she tolerates it, it will get worse. Even if he leaves the girl, there will be others. So she needs to put her foot down by letting him know in clear terms, what would happen if he continues to cheat. And follow it through if he does!

My brothers and I would roll back the carpet in our playroom, sprinkle powder liberally all over the bare floor, wear our socks and proceed to 'skate', pretending we were on "Stars on ice". My Mum caught us and the carpet was promptly glued to the floor.
We used to play monopoly a lot. Those little silver motor cars used to fascinate me.
We had a huge tub of play-doh. We used to call them plasticine.
Hop-scotch. We had a local name for it ,then. Not hop-scotch. Does anyone remember?
We had loads of LEGO.
TEN-TEN. In different forms with different songs, taught by my play mates. I liked the Ibo songs the best, even though I didn't understand them.

You men really slay me, honestly. You have blamed everything on the woman, from westernization, to education, to career, to just plain over-sabi and strong-head. What responsibility have men taken when their marriages turn sour? Go to bars and night clubs, at least 90% of them are married men. Out till the early hours, every damn day. Every single weekend is to hang with the boys, drinking and chasing every skirt that comes his way. How many married men spend private time with their wives, to get to know her as a person, not just mama bomboy? When my husband takes me to a bar or a club sometimes, a lot of his married friends grumble about it (not to my hearing), as per " Why you bring Madam here, na?" So I won't blow their cover. You can't eat your cake and have it. A woman needs to be more than a baby factory, a cook, and a housekeeper, whom you have sex with occasionally. While you carry on living the life of a bachelor, while retaining the social respectability of being a married man. Things don change. Woman have realised that it take 2 to make a marriage work, not just her. You guys need to bring it. And if she isn't getting fulfilment, she can leave.

Like Seun said, anyone who waits for others to respect his wife before he respects her does not deserve to have her as his wife. Even if I marry bigfoot, any friend or relative or yes, even parent, who has a problem with simply respecting my spouse, is not welcome in my home. Excuse me, but the behavior of the so-called entitled upper-class, is no recommendation. Daddy's money or name will not necessarily make a good wife. Or a good human being, for that matter. This master-servant mentality of Nigerians really has to stop.

" EXPONENT you could never be of the middle class in Nigeria or anywhere else. Here, with all the difficulties we face, we get an education. We have 2, 3 degrees. We get married and have children. We get jobs and struggle to put food on the table for our families. We save and deprive our selves to be able to afford the best we can for our children, like a good education, good clothes and nice holidays. By the way, we used to be the middle class. Long, long ago when we were the pride of black people everywhere. Now we are part of the teeming mass of Nigerians struggling to make a decent living in the face of hardship and bitter realisations of how it could have been. But no-one has ever handed anything on a platter of gold to the average Nigerian. My grandfather picked mangoes to sell to put himself through secondary school. He retired a respected physician. No-one gave him anything free.
I know a lot of AA. Some who came to Nigeria, acting like Gods who had come down from Olympus to behold the poor mortals. I visited America, looked them up and saw where they really came from. I may live in a third world country but I would be ashamed to live like that, in those conditions. You would rather be a homeless bum in America than live in the middle class in Nigeria, indeed. You would never fit in, dear. You need to have a proper education for starters. Speak proper English. Have a decent hair cut and dress like a responsible person. Hold down a JOB. Respect elders. And not have 7 children littered all over your neighbourhood.
Your lazy ass wouldn't last one day in Nigeria, where there is no welfare to mooch off.
So until you actually have a country, not live, by default or accident of slave birth, in one where you are barely tolerated, you are hardly qualified to criticise.
I apologise to my AA friends for this rant. Never meant to insult anyone.
@ Ms. Lurker, I'm sure most here appreciate your matured and good-natured replies. You are one classy lady.

Me! Love it! We call it ndom in Calabar. Makes your poo hard!!!! Not very healthy. But soooo good.

Visit Africa? Most don't even own a passport!!! You wonder, don't these people read? And no, the national enquirer doesn't count. With the internet available for everyone, all the info they need is just a google away. Or ask intelligent questions like " What's Nigeria really like?" It would help to know that Africa isn't a country. So I would take those questions to be what they really are: an attempt at ridicule and to feel superior. Stupid questions like these deserve the answers they get.

The geeks of today are the CEOs of tomorrow. The sweet, sensitive guy with glasses, his head always in a book, never attends all the wild campus parties because no-one asks him and is president of the Young Scientists Society (how totally uncool!!), almost always turns out to head a Fortune 500 company.

Most men want just sex at first. Thats just the way it is. Its up to your friend to show him that she has lots more to offer than just her looks and her body. And she can do this without sleeping with him. The key is to be gracious and not treat him badly in a bid to play hard to get. Guys have feelings too and he may play along and dump her when he gets what he wants.
There's nothing wrong with her letting him know that she is interested and likes him, but wants to wait until she is ready. And start a friendship first before sex. If he isn't interested enough to stick around then she's well rid of him.

Ok ladies, I have a story to tell. Its real. I'm not making it up.
I have this friend. This happened when we were about 27. Beautiful girl, smart as a whip. But she was such a prude. She was the one friend who would scream with embarrassment when we girls got together and exchanged torrid gists about our guys. She suddenly marries this guy she dated for a short while and wasn't all that crazy about. I always wondered why. About 3 years into their marriage, she tells me an incredible story. Not long before she got married, she went out with some friends of hers I wasn't friendly with. A girls' night out. At the end of the night, everyone else went home and since she lived far off,decided to sleep over at one of their houses. Maybe they'd had too much to drink or something (I thought she didn't drink!!) but she was seduced by the other girl! She woke to find her hands all over her, stroking and kissing and , She protested (she said). Couldn't help herself (she said). Hmmm. Girl loved her up all night long and halfway into the next day. She said she had never felt that way before. She orgasmed more times than she could remember and almost died from the pleasure.
Guys, a mack truck couldn't have scrapped my jaw from off the floor! She described everything with such detail that I found myself pressing my legs together! (to my immense shame!) I just dey look this girl.
After the experience, she slunk off home, filled with shame and guilt. Spent the rest of the day on her knees praying in every language she could. In desperation to prove to herself that she was still a good girl and not a "dirty lezzie", she ups and marries the next guy who asks her. She said her husband is good to her and sex is nice (nice and sex shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence!) but she fantacises about that one experience. But said she'd never do it again. I no fit talk. Na so I dey look her.
After that gist I tried to avoid too much touchy-feely with my friends. We women are naturally inclined to be much more outwardly affectionate with each other, perfectly innocently. But person no know who be who. After that, even when I spent the night in girlfriends' houses na jeans I dey wear sleep. I beg I no get power.
So ladies, be careful. In the hands of some sexpert, your body might find itself responding of its own accord! I never told my hubby this gist. He'll probably ban her from coming to our house!!!!!!

@ Gamine, great post. I was looking foward to divergent but stimulating view points in the replies but saw a lot of abuse instead. Peeps don't seem to like you. Is it a case of 'hate the messenger but not the message?' Whats the deal here?

2004 Honda Accord (ivtec). Just got an offer for 1.8m. Going to check it out

Any good car dealer in Abuja? I am looking for a Honda 2004 model. Budget btw 1.6m - 1.7m.

Elvis Presley married Priscilla when she was 15 or 16. Before then she had lived in Graceland with him. I didn't see America all up in arms about that. Oh sorry, he's white Southern. Not to take away the fact that R. Kelly lives a hard partying lifestyle, as do most singers in whatever genre. I can't stand the double standards of white America. Janet popped a boob and the whole country came to a standstill. Madonna french kisses 2 young singers (Britney and Christina Agulera) on stage and people thought it was cute. Speaking of Brit-Brit, never mind her constant bad behaviour, including flasing her cooch for the world to see, people are making all kinds of excuses for her. I don't see anyone condoning even the slightest misadventure of even the most youthful black entertainer. Sure she has bi-polar disorder (which was quickly diagnosed by arm-chair psyciatrists all over America before she even set foot in a hospital). But who ever tries to understand when a black entertainer gets into trouble

Hi guys. Does anyone have a picture of the 1.4L that is is Nigeria? How much is it now? Can one get financing and from which bank? ( I live in Abuja). Please any advise will be much appreciated.

Thank you, R-Dynamite. Go Oprah!!!

They are very sexy, especially if you have a small waist. I wore them before I met my husband and luckily he loved them. Even after 2 babies I can still rock them damn beads!! I took them off briefly after I had my first, but hubby made me put them back on!