₦airaland Forum

No mind the dude. Even he cannot make a baby laugh sef!

Only refresh? What of refresh and win?

Hey do you feel me……




Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new
home. It's fun to cook for Alfred. Today I made an angel food cake and the
recipe said, 'Beat 12 eggs separately '. Well, I didn't
have enough bowls to do that,   
  so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake
turned out fine 
  though.                                                   
                 
                                                           

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe
said, 'Serve       
  Without dressing'. So I didn't dress. But Alfred
happened to bring a       
  friend home for supper that night. They both looked so
startled when I     
  served them. I think it was the salad.                   
                 
                                                           

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe,
which said, 'Wash   
  thoroughly before steaming the rice'. So I heated some
water and took a   
  bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in
the middle of the 
  day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow,         
                     
                                                           

Thursday: Today Alfred asked for salad again. I tried a
new recipe. It     
  said, prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of
lettuce one  hour     
  before serving.' I hunted all over the place for a
garden and when I got   
  one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood
over there for   
  over one hour so the dog would not take it. Alfred came
over and asked if 
  I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at
work; I'll try and 
  be supportive.                                           
                 
                                                           
                 
  Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said,
'Put all       
  ingredients in a bowl and beat it'. Beat it I did, to
my mum's place.     
  There must have been something wrong with the recipe,
because when I came 
  back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.   
                 
                                                           
                 
  Saturday: Alfred went shopping today and brought home a
chicken. He asked 
  me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know
how hens dress for       

Sunday.I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an
old doll dress and
  its little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really
cute.When Alfred   
  saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really
stressed because 
  of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I
asked him what was 
  wrong he started crying and shouting out 'Why me? Why
me?'                 
                                                           
                 
  It has to be his job. (Olodo)                                   
                 
                                                           
                 
                                                           
                 
                                                           
                 
  New bride,   yepa (Guys look before u leap or else na “Mama put” that will be your only option)

lol

Nigeria= comedy

N1.4b paid to militants?

OK! Militancy is the most lucrative profession now!





University Of Terrorist Technology

Faculty of Militancy

Major: Pipeline Vandalization P V 101
Expatriate Kidnapping E K 102

Degree Awarded: B Tech in Militancy

Graduant becomes a Militant.

Job Prospect: Terrorist Corporation, Niger Delta Nigeria.

Employment is guaranteed even with 3rd Class

Remuneration: Veeeeeeery aattractive Higher than any industry in the world

Recruitment does not close

Shi barawo Magana ne

@Dullykdat

Dem don whoooze u from back b4? U no dey fear face.?

@Phiniter

Nobody is above mistake now?

It is called miss-location!

@infobaba

Make u try post atleast one dry joke now. U just run around thread like woman wey dey get menstrual pain dey spoil pple joke. I dare u post one joke or forever keep quiet. Mai rago!

more like a lesson to all men! Lets appreciate the women and give them a really good time!

@Kay9

Na me u dey yab abi? No worry by the time u finish washing those plates would then give u anoda assignment to do. Akuya!

@Beemex

Kai daga inane a kaduna?



@Clemcy

ni ne kina za gi? Walahi buran tashi ne na sha. Shi ne Mai gida na ya kama ni de mata shi

Bros na so u wan carry shoot ur paddy for public? U know i be the C&P master

@poster, no wonder u r a disgrace to urself and ur nation. Wait sef? Wetin be ur name?

nice one @poster

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

@Ituen,

Thx bro

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

Why? U dey envy the superstar bedmatic prowess?

Romantic at Heart
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I’m a divorce lawyer."

Philosophy Final
A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: "What is courage?"

The student wrote: "This", signed it, and turned it in.

Emergency Number
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"

The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."

Letter from the Inside
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.

The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

bibs:
Ayus!!! how does it work?

Work is cool my sis. ow u dey?

clemcykul:
@ayus yuck!

heard u mix it with your ice cream

Yeah! Vanilla Ice Cream

clemcykul:
how dare tuface have a seventh child, when i don't have even one

Maybe becos u prefer swallowing the semen. It doesnt work that way!

with this line up even Hull City would make a mincemeat of Arsenal this season. I can't see this team not conceeding 5goals against the new Chelsea and the fire power of Man. United. AW needs to really wake up from his slumber except ofcourse, he just wants to complete the numbers in the league this season. I don't see this team doing well not even in my dreams.

Yes! becos he doesnt understand long English. It kinda confuse him!

now i get it. But men! the thing is frustrating especially when u want to make urgent calls. At the same time i pity them cos of the poor state of our infrastructures. May God help us!

The smell don make Infobaba run and deny u,

infobaba:
@ ben~jay

What are frds for

, and then u farted! You've just spoilt the C&P jokes!

infobaba:
Nice copy + paste

Hmmm! Smart dude! How u take know? But u promised not to reveal to anybody that i didnt compose the jokes nah? _{Over sabi too dey worry some pple. wonder why some peeps would not learn}

Juss a tickle !! Go on read …


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

|
Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~
                           

A drunkard was brought to court.
            Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
         

~~~~~~~~~


Customer   :  Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter       :  Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer  :  Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter      :  Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer  :  No, I can't.
Waiter      :  Then does it really matter ?


~~~~~~~~~


  Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well,"  began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."


~~~~~~~~~~~


Customer  :  Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter      :  Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.


~~~~~~~~~~


Customer  :  Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter      :  That's all right sir, he won't drink much.


~~~~~~~~~~


Waiter      : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer  : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
                                     

~~~~~~~~~~



1st thief     :  Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief    :  But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief     :  Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

~~~~~~~~~~


Man  : How old is your father?
Boy  : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.



Customer  :  Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter      :   Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

~~~~~~~~~~


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.


~~~~~~~~~~


Girl    :  Do you love me?
Boy   :  Yes Dear.
Girl    : Would you die for me?
Boy   :  No, mine is undying love.
                   

~~~~~~~~~~

Wife           :  Do you want dinner?
Husband     :  Sure, what are my choices?
Wife           :  Yes and no.
                                       

~~~~~~~~~~


Customer      :   If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master   :  Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer      : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master   :  Why not?
Customer      :  It's addressed to Mumbai.
               

~~~~~~~~~~

                               
!!, Trust You Had   Some Laughs, !!

LMAO, damn to hilarious. Igbo pple no go kill me oo

Am sure say if u buy and before u reach house, come switch am on na candle light go commot