₦airaland Forum

The Owl and The Pussycat
The owl and the pussycat went to sea,
but the end of our story's quite sad.
The owl pushed the pussycat over the edge
`cos her gameboy was driving him mad.

Why ar u guys castigating Ade? Is it wrong for a player to be ambigious? Just like we all ar looking for a better paying job so also are the footballers, Let him go jo afterall this is the right opportunity for him after his 30 irrelevant goals for us this season. Maybe then, the Prof would sit up and make quality signings. Ade's money should be put to use to get atleast 2 good replacements

toskom:
for all the Hi-subscribers getting ready for more HI-ENTERTAINMENT, HI-JOY,HI-EXCITEMENT,HI-SATISFACTION,HI-VALUE FOR MONEY,HI-ENJOYMENT etc it is time for a sit back and relax and enjoy the best of HiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiTV"CORRECT TV".

HI-Toskom, u must be HI_gh on expired drug

So? Folly-ish joke!

What is the rest?

Perils of Drink
Doctor: "It's no good. I can't find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking."

Patient: "I'll come back when you're sober then!"

Ten Years
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"

"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

Single-Minded
A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations."

The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

ituen:
O boy, fire down on all cylinders. I dey cover your back wella

Remember the last time u did that ?

Very contagious

I swear if this guy kiss anybody, that person must get rabbies! Damn!

Maybe the guy wanted to study Native merecine!

The crediting is done in batches.

When would our authority ask NEPA and Waterboard to compensate us for their exploitations and failure. Just wondering?

Math's Teacher: If you have

12 Chocolates and you



Give 5 to Aisha2,
3 to Lollabbey and
4 to Clemcy


Then what will u get?



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Student: 3 New

Girlfriends

Mam!!!

Thank you my sis!!! Wow! Let me go cool off!

Fascinate
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"

Arriving Late
A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard.

Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, "Who, pray, was responsible for this atrocity?"

The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, "I really don't know, but I strongly suspect its parents."

Making a Deal
After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said, "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."

Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?"

The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."

"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"

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Two Pigs
Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."

"Well" replied the other farmer "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"

"Of course" says the first.

The second farmer continued: "and of you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"

"Absolutely"

"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"

"Ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two pigs!"

na waoo

Wow! Was able to ans only one correctly. Thot i was smart? @Poster, nice one. Please can u post more?

The boy na real badoooo. Na everlasting love making task he assigned to his parents

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

Ki yi hakuri!

d guy tire me ooo

ITUEN: Hello?

AYUSMAN: Hi, this is Ayusman calling from Hollywood Hereafter Resources. I just wanted to let you know that your phone number was randomly selected in a drawing and we have reserved a free burial space for you at the New Island Cemetery in Bridge-

ITUEN: WHAT?!

AYUSMAN: If you would just give me your name and address. I want to send you a letter to confirm the free burial space we have reserved for you -

ITUEN: You reserved what for me, A grave?

AYUSMAN: A free burial space.

ITUEN: What's the difference?

AYUSMAN: Well, the word "grave" can be scary sir. You can disregard the letter if you don't want it. This is just a courtesy call to -

ITUEN: How interesting. So, as a Telemarketer, you pick up the phone and cold call people to pitch them with offers?

AYUSMAN: Well, yes sir. We always make sure it is something of potential interest to them -

ITUEN: Of course. Who wouldn't be interested in dying? I am definitely interested in a grave. I am. That is a very important decision to make before you die, right?

AYUSMAN: I agree with you sir. You're so open-minded about this. A lot of people don't understand why it is so important to hand-pick your final resting place before you pass on. It ensures you get the kind of burial you want for yourself.

ITUEN: I see say na you dem send come.

AYUSMAN: I'm sorry? Send, come?

ITUEN: Oh, they don't use the witchdoctor in the village anymore, right? They have gone nuclear and now are using Americans. Na you dem send come!

AYUSMAN: I'm sorry sir, but I don't know what you're talking about.

ITUEN: I get fillage too o! I be proper bush boy and my mama still dey kampe for waterside. Na one phone call e go take and she go run go fillage go get me Gold Circle condom protection, you hear. Una no dey here say e better for somebody? Why na so-so make una dey spoil person own una dey like?

AYUSMAN: I don't understand what you're saying -

ITUEN: You go understand by force. Na airmail I go take send winch to you, you hear. Una tink say una know winch just because una dey do halloween. You tink winch na dat abracadabra una dey do for America? You tink na to chant poetry and cook soup with lizard yansh and frog tongue be winch? I go show you where we dey use snake leg do ogbonge juju. Black winch, red winch, multi-color winch, For my fillage, na your eyes I go take flavor the juju. You go know betta winch when my own army land.

AYUSMAN: I do apologize to you if my phone call has offended you in any way -

ITUEN: You have not offended me. I am not offended. Do I sound offended? Why would I be offended because you - kind-hearted telemarketer that you are - reserved a grave for me? Do you know how old I am? 32. In my country, people don't die at 32. When they die so young, it is a major tragedy! My mother and father are still alive. You want me to die before them?

AYUSMAN: I didn't mean anything -

ITUEN: You people never mean anything when you make these stupid phone calls. How dare you wish me death -

AYUSMAN: No, that's not what -

ITUEN: I DON'T CARE! Do you know how many years I worked on getting a visa to come to America? 10 years. 10! Do you know how many laws I broke in so many countries before I found my way here? I have been here only 2 years. All the people who gave me loans to buy ticket and visa have not been paid. My mother and father are still waiting for me to perform the magic of Dollars for them in Nigeria. This telephone was just connected 2 months ago because I am just now able to afford a telephone because I cannot make good money due to my illegal alien status. And now, you want me to die before I can even begin to enjoy a little, Ah, your own don spoil o. I swear, e no go betta for you.

AYUSMAN: E no, what?

ITUEN: Na hand ya mama and papa go take bury you. And na there eyes dem go take cry for you for dat yeye grave wey you don reserve for yaself.

AYUSMAN: Are you cussing me sir?

ITUEN: Cuss you? Why should I? Why would I want to cuss someone who is offering me a grave? I am only reacting in my local English. That is how we behave when we are overwhelmed with joy in my country.

AYUSMAN: I just had a distinct feeling that you were not saying nice things about me.

ITUEN: See dis wowo wey craw-craw don chop him yansh finish, Look, just as an aside, are all the members of your family reserved space in your graveyard?

AYUSMAN: Some of them do have -

ITUEN: No, don't stop there. You should get everybody a plot. I go help you use juju finish all of dem make una dey go do whassup my dog for Hollywood, abi na where you dey call from.

AYUSMAN: I have to hang up now sir.

ITUEN: Before you hang up, would you by any chance know anything about a scam where telemarketers call people on the phone to assure them they have a free burial space, then try to get them to buy expensive mausoleums and crypts? What is it called? Bait and switch, right?

AYUSMAN: I don't know what you're talking about.

ITUEN: You get pickin?

AYUSMAN: Get picking? Picking what?

ITUEN: You get pickin? You don born bomboy? Mai you dash your pickin the grave now.

AYUSMAN: Dash picking, You' re dissing me?

ITUEN: Diss? Dis one pass diss, agaracha. Dis one na K.I.S.S., kiss - serious kiss of death.

AYUSMAN: I have to hang up now sir.

ITUEN: No, please wait. Let me reserve the whole cemetery for your unborn children. I will also reserve a full page in the Daily Times obituary section -

AYUSMAN: That's mean! You can't talk to me like that just because I'm a telemarketer. We are people too.

ITUEN: Yes, bad people, People who call me at all kinds of hours to trick me into buying what I don't need.

AYUSMAN: I'm going to report you to the INS! You will be deported!

ITUEN: My juju go don finish you before you reach the place! Winch pass winch! You no go die betta, I tell you. I go make sure say dem give you craze first, make you waka enter K-Mart abi wetin una dey call market for dis side - before dem finish you! She reserve grave, Why you no take knife come kill me yaself? E no go betta for - Hello? You hang up? Why you no wait make I finish? Why you no wait? Oloshi! Na dead dog wey get rabies go chop the mouth you take talk to me.

Him airtime don finish for cafe!

The name of the gaddam Horse is FRIDAY! dats why it's possible! Where is my gaddam prize before i smoke ur ass

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman ! says ha happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some
mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands
under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you
are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he
gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs
them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay, How old am
I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you
tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't,' she says.

'I was behind you in McDonald's.'

Clemcy, ar u tired of being androgynous?

Thanks sweetie. Nice pic u got in ur profile Na gode!