₦airaland Forum

7footre:
Father mbaka?

k

JESUS CHRISTI

hello Nairalanders.A friend to my friend need your advice. (my friend friend). she got married 5years ago with an elaborate wedding to her heartrob. Bisi and Bayo( were so much in love and their wedding was the envy of their friends and neighbors.
2years after there were yet to be blessed with kids and the husband started misbehaving to the wife. before marriage Bisi confessed to Bayo that she had an abortion while in school, so he concluded that the abortion caused her inability to bear a child. the problem was not only coming from the husband but also the husband family. the husband allows his mum to abuse and rain curses on Bisi. Bisi got so frustrated that she has to go to the hospital for fertility test.
In the hospital, after series of tests, the doctor confirm Bisi perfect without any problem. even at that, Bisi did not believe the doctor cos the husband is wonderful on bed. during the doctor's orientation, Bisi got some points from the doctor's lecture that if a man sper-m is too watery it may produce little or no swimmers which cannot swim to fertilize her egg. (sorry doctors in the house, am not a medical student, but am sure you understand me)
All efforts to make her husband go for test failed cos the husband keep saying he is perfect. her family were all disappointed in her for bringing such shame to their family. even with doctor's report Bisi did not believe she is fine, she decided to have sex with another man, just on first attempt and she got pregnant. she got pregnant and everyone became glad but within her she knows the father of her child.
the child is 2years now, her husband changed to become a caring husband once again after she got pregnant and after delivery the husband love the child so much. Bisi is depressed and she could not keep this secret to herself what should she do?
should she tell the man and face divorce or should she keep her secret forever? if she keeps the secret forever and the man wants another baby want will she do?

N.B she would have aborted the baby when she discovered she was pregnant but she was scared what will happened to her and she had long for baby for so long.
she discovered her husband married her for child bearing not love cos of his change of attitude just 5years after marriage.
she is thinking of telling the truth and bear the consequences?

MATURE MINDS ONLY PLSSS

runnazz:
First of all if this guy doesn't know how blessed he is to be with someone he loves & who loves him back even when he is not yet where he wants to be its a shame.Well he is lucky.Now to your questions

1.Waiting forever might mean waiting in vain..so sister no try am na O.Y.O be that.

2.Those offers will cease to come at some point cos i blv that what radiates from you gets to others like the scent of fragrance.If you keep turning every down,giving cold shoulders, soon u will become like a guy repellant if u get what i mean..guys would start avoiding u like bad news.My advise for you here is sit ur current boyfriend and agree on an open relationship where u both are free to date other ppl whether u have sex with them or not is nobody's biz.

3.Who says it would be difficult to understand another when u hv never even tried to.? there is a thing called chemistry even when its just the first date u would both feel as if u hv known each other for ages..but u wouldn't know cos u've been flogging that same old dead horse.

4.Man must hold him side one kind at least & everyone of us sane guys wants to be rich and get married to their dream girl,protect and provide for her and the kids,grow in love daily but I swear to God if you have one of these two(either riches or the dream girl)You must make some moves naa to that end..and sorry to say except the guy doesn't have plans for u in his future he go don even do introduction at all at all..if not,God go win.

5.Don't rush him it will make u desperate and wtv...but let him know how u feel about the whole settings and ask him that u need to know where u stand 7 yrs no be joke ooo ahhh

Men dey pray the girl come before the major cheese so that e go easy to know how the true love thing them dey talk about dey go him dey there dey slack,except you get comma when u no gree tell us oo ..all the best sha

thank you

Thank you all I really appreciate all your contributions and advise. You all gave me courage to face my fear I wasn't wrong when I said I believe I can get a candid advise from the forum. Thanks a million.
Going back to my original moniker I may not reply on this again

blakky97:
Okay persuade ur dad to assist him in his business so he gets rich on time. Do you love him? Then do it for love. 2pac said " what you can doooooooo, do for love, you've tried every thing, but you don't give uppppp"

THANK YOU

aameyah:
Don't say you will never find anyone like him. You will find better sef.
I remember when my corper boyfriend told me Then he wasn't ready for marriage after 2 years of dating. He was my first boyfriend and I dated him exclusively during service and 1 year after service.
If I had left earlier the first time he gave me an inkling he wasn't ready, I'd have at least had a nice time during my service year.
Instead I was busy cooking and feeling like a responsible wife. I believed in him so much. Mind you, he didn't act the responsible husband by buying the Food or dropping Food money.
I had guys dying for me But I ignored them all.

Fast forward to the 2nd year anniversary of that relationship. He told me he didn't want to tie me down and that We transition into an open relationship whereby I'm dating him But if any guy comes to me for marriage, I should marry. We hadn't even seen physically after service, when I'd tearfully bade him bye.

No one in my family knew him. And this was 2 years after.

For me, that was the last straw. Why didn't you tell me all the time We were at service? Why after 2 years?
It wasn't an easy decision to take But for me, it was all or nothing. I Can't be with you and still be available for another man. I don't roll like that.
So I broke up with him....


TO BE CONTINUED....


NB - I think that was What he expected shaaa

PLS FINISH YOUR STORY

blakky97:
okay.
propose to him and marry him. its not a sin.
Ruth and Esther made the first moves on the men they eventually married and yet they are the only ones who have books in the bible.

I won't try that cos I have seen 2different cases of the ladies proposing and making all the arrangements for the wedding but the husbands refuse to show up in the church. When the husbands were later questioned they said nd I quote "I am not ready" imagine d disgrace. Thanks for your advised anyways I will ask him if I am included in his future.

frankgreat:
just like that? You just concluded all because he said so? Have you asked yourself, what if am wrong? It's 7 years not days or month. He is now part of your life, what is the assurance that d next guy won't use u nd dump u? Follow by d next and d next after? My dear, I hope dis ain't late already buh don't listen to those telling you to move on....cos it's not easy out dere...it will b very hard for u to trust nd luv anoda man dis way...Try nd figure out wat d real problem is b4 u decide...thanks

when I said I will take the next step I did nt mean am ending the relationship just like that. I will sit him down and make sure we iron it out,understand each other and the outcome will tell me my next step.

IamYhudii:
You met him when you were 19 n now u'r 26. My dear, any man that needs 7years to make up his mind is not a man. Remind him of d number of yrz u guys v spent together&let him know der r areas of ur lyf u need to put in2 perspective, den sit back n watch his reaction. U can as well ask him: bros, aw far? Are u d 1 or should i wait for another. PS: Do not misconstrue my use of d word "aw far" 2b a proposal, itz no proposal but a question.

lolz

Sanchez01:
Sorry Dear, @ the bolded, it is not inevitable. It's a choice and this is why he has chosen not to talk about it. I think is all that is required here. If you don't agree with his dreams of making millions before marriage, then simply walk out, explain your reasons to him and move on. You of all persons know how old you are now and it would be unwise to keep mute just because he doesn't want it or want to talk about it.
Besides, relationships are not cult that you cannot walk out of it willingly. Seven years and you're not trying to rush him? My dear, it's a relationship and not a degree programme.

lolz @degree programme

nnamdiokere45:
my dear,if sumone serious cums again to ask for ur hand pls accept. leave the guy let him chase his dreams.u mite nt b part of his dream. ..

andromida:
Are you still interested in this guy? Because he seems to be tired and is hoping you will leave him so he won't be responsible for any heart break.

Deefuray:
7 years?
@op pls leave him alone and move on nd quit waiting for any wedding that isn't visible. Your biological clock is ticking.

thank u @all

queensmith:
You need to think about what is important you you - clearly marriage is, but have you listened to what he has said? Are his excuses sound?

I know alot of women only have marriage in their minds because we are conditioned so, but sometimes we have to asses things for ourselves.

I don't think you should wait for him forever, and if he isn't clear on the length of time it will take him to be ready I think you should stop turning potential suitors down. He is not ready doesn't mean another man is the same. but i understand you've invested time so it's not easy to let go.

All in all I think you should make it clear that you won't wait around, you can't force him to marry you and if the idea of marriage only sends him into a rage I think the message is clear. Maybe he really doesn't want to commit.

your comment is so simple and straight thank you

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]You're welcome. Never ever give any man a monopoly over you. You have a choice to make. You don't have to marry someone because you dated him for 7 years, especially someone who doesn't care.

Make up your mind now, and stick to it.[/color]

noted

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]Do you care about what strangers think about you? Do they feel your pain? Who cares if they call you wicked? Are they in your situation right now?

If this guy leaves you after you waited for him for 14 years, it is this same set of people that you are worried about them calling you wicked for leaving a 7 year relationship, that will still call you a big fool for dating and waiting for a man for 14 years. . .

Your life, your choice, your decision, your happiness.[/color]

you are so right. i will take the next step thank you

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]Do you care about what strangers think about you? Do they feel your pain? Who cares if they call you wicked? Are they in your situation right now?

If this guy leaves you after you waited for him for 14 years, it is this same set of people that you are worried about them calling you wicked for leaving a 7 year relationship, that will still call you a big fool for dating and waiting for a man for 14 years. . .

Your life, your choice, your decision, your happiness.[/color]

you are so right. i will take the next step

Sexxkillz:
[color=#000030]Your relationship isn't static. It's not even dying. . . Your relationship is dead.

That guy has someone else in mind. He wants you to leave at your own volition. It's good you've started using your common sense since God will not send an angel from heaven to talk to you.

How will you tell me that after 7 years of dating and sleeping with someone, after being with him from 100 level thru NYSC, after him meeting your family twice, after the plans you both have made towards marriage and he suddenly develops cold feet and picks a fight anytime you mention marriage, that all is well? What millions is he waiting to make? How much is bride price? What is actually the difference between marrying you as a wife, and all the fvcking and living together you two have been doing for 7 years? Why is he suddenly scared of committing to you in marriage, after committing to you and your punanny for 7 previous years?

I smell rotten catfish. And my nose never fails me.

Listen to me and listen good. A 7 year old child is now in primary 3. Next year, he or she will be in primary 4. Stop waiting for what will never be. Why do you want to wait for someone who isn't ready to discuss his future with you in it? Do you really want a hand writing on your mirror before you activate your number 6?

If you've been getting serious offers from other guys, stop turning them down and start paying them attention. Your happiness here is key. Make yourself happy. Why should your happiness depend on one man who doesn't want to discuss his future with you in it? Why do you want to wait for a selfish man who cares only about his millions? Do you not know that after he makes his millions, he's gonna dump you? Do you not know?

If you wait, you'll regret. He has already left you, but you are yet to get the confirmation, or as we say in banking terms, you never receive the alert. . .[/color]

i almost cry while reading your comment like u feel and see what i am going through

Eyop:
Hmmmm...it's obvious the guy isn't ready for marriage and i wouldn't advise you to continue to wait since you have others that are serious/asking for your hand in marriage. It's not compulsory that you settle down with one you've been involved with for that number of years. Pray over the situation for direction to avoid wasting your time with another woman's husband. Goodluck

thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons

TheSonOfMark:

26 years old? I think what you should seek from him is a defined relationship. Let him state in clear terms what you both are to each other but don't arm-twist him into admitting it. Let him put things in perspective without you presenting yourself as desperate.

explain what u mean by defined relationship?

shawnfamous:
Its all ur fault. 1)u urself knw he isnt ready 4 marriage!

2)u re all waiting 4 him 2 ve millions b4 u marry him and u alrdy turned 2 guys off!

3)he made u undrstnd dat his family dnt marry at d right age and u avent realised u re a female

4)he brings up issue wen u want 2 visit ur family!

U beta leave him alone! He dsnt fit 2 b a ready husband! Another smple option! Go with another man wen he as made d millions go bak 2 him

lolz ur 4th answer makes me laugh

sunnydayasaba:
I understand that feeling oh...we Nigerians just want it all...Every Nigerian youth or man wants to have it, and waiting for him to be satisfy with what he's got might end up being a long wait. I suggest you discuss with him and after talking with him and getting his final say on d matter, try talking to any close member of his family that u feel comfortable with, after doing all dis and no positive result, then look elsewhere for luv.

You cant force a man to commit to u, but u can only give him d courage to do so. Men are so scared of marriage and d future on like women, so just do what u think u can do to settle his mind for d future.

thank you. i have tried several times to talk with him which always end with quarrel. i will talk with one of his family member that i am very close to

Eyop:
If i may ask,how old are you?

26yrs

i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward.
dont mind my grammar and typographical errors

i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town.
In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service
1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account.
2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members.
3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice.


my questions:
1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?
2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?
3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.
4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.
5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek