Sexxkillz:
Your relationship isn't static. It's not even dying. . . Your relationship is dead.

That guy has someone else in mind. He wants you to leave at your own volition. It's good you've started using your common sense since God will not send an angel from heaven to talk to you.

How will you tell me that after 7 years of dating and sleeping with someone, after being with him from 100 level thru NYSC, after him meeting your family twice, after the plans you both have made towards marriage and he suddenly develops cold feet and picks a fight anytime you mention marriage, that all is well? What millions is he waiting to make? How much is bride price? What is actually the difference between marrying you as a wife, and all the fvcking and living together you two have been doing for 7 years? Why is he suddenly scared of committing to you in marriage, after committing to you and your punanny for 7 previous years?

I smell rotten catfish. And my nose never fails me.

Listen to me and listen good. A 7 year old child is now in primary 3. Next year, he or she will be in primary 4. Stop waiting for what will never be. Why do you want to wait for someone who isn't ready to discuss his future with you in it? Do you really want a hand writing on your mirror before you activate your number 6?

If you've been getting serious offers from other guys, stop turning them down and start paying them attention. Your happiness here is key. Make yourself happy. Why should your happiness depend on one man who doesn't want to discuss his future with you in it? Why do you want to wait for a selfish man who cares only about his millions? Do you not know that after he makes his millions, he's gonna dump you? Do you not know?

If you wait, you'll regret. He has already left you, but you are yet to get the confirmation, or as we say in banking terms, you never receive the alert. . .

believer01:
thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons

Sexxkillz:
Your relationship isn't static. It's not even dying. . . Your relationship is dead.

That guy has someone else in mind. He wants you to leave at your own volition. It's good you've started using your common sense since God will not send an angel from heaven to talk to you.

How will you tell me that after 7 years of dating and sleeping with someone, after being with him from 100 level thru NYSC, after him meeting your family twice, after the plans you both have made towards marriage and he suddenly develops cold feet and picks a fight anytime you mention marriage, that all is well? What millions is he waiting to make? How much is bride price? What is actually the difference between marrying you as a wife, and all the fvcking and living together you two have been doing for 7 years? Why is he suddenly scared of committing to you in marriage, after committing to you and your punanny for 7 previous years?

I smell rotten catfish. And my nose never fails me.

Listen to me and listen good. A 7 year old child is now in primary 3. Next year, he or she will be in primary 4. Stop waiting for what will never be. Why do you want to wait for someone who isn't ready to discuss his future with you in it? Do you really want a hand writing on your mirror before you activate your number 6?

If you've been getting serious offers from other guys, stop turning them down and start paying them attention. Your happiness here is key. Make yourself happy. Why should your happiness depend on one man who doesn't want to discuss his future with you in it? Why do you want to wait for a selfish man who cares only about his millions? Do you not know that after he makes his millions, he's gonna dump you? Do you not know?

If you wait, you'll regret. He has already left you, but you are yet to get the confirmation, or as we say in banking terms, you never receive the alert. . .

lovemode:
and wats d guarantee dat after making d millions he will not dumb her and marry someone else?

...we know ur type....millions can't be achieved with hard work alone its only gods blessing and favour dat last a life time

......am not just insupport of a lady waiting for a guy dats not on dsame page with her wen it comes to marriage.

millions can come anytime wether married or not...it depends on ur destiny......if u like work from now till 50years if u arnt destined to make millions u won't make it.

believer01:
i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward.
dont mind my grammar and typographical errors

i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town.
In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service
1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account.
2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members.
3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice.


my questions:
1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?
2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?
3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.
4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.
5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek

frankgreat:
just like that? You just concluded all because he said so? Have you asked yourself, what if am wrong? It's 7 years not days or month. He is now part of your life, what is the assurance that d next guy won't use u nd dump u? Follow by d next and d next after? My dear, I hope dis ain't late already buh don't listen to those telling you to move on....cos it's not easy out dere...it will b very hard for u to trust nd luv anoda man dis way...Try nd figure out wat d real problem is b4 u decide...thanks

Andrew114:
op u are a graduate and u are not sure if the word "inevitable"as use by u is rightly place.SMH.wel my advise for u is dat since u knw he truely loves u ,try and discuss the issue with him and let him knw dat money arn't everything but if he is adamant,then tel him dat u want to quit and see his reaction

Aitee1:


So you have a girlfriend you've proposed to, why then the countless pm

believer01:
i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward.
dont mind my grammar and typographical errors

i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town.
In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service
1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account.
2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members.
3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice.


my questions:
1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?
2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?
3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.
4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.
5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek

believer01:
i almost cry while reading your comment like u feel and see what i am going through

MRBrownJ:


there is no guarantee to that, but if we are now focus on guarantees and desperation because of body clock, INSTEAD OF love and being with someone that you can DIE for, then really....... whats the point of getting married then?



yet, in your mind, if "Gods blessings" dont come after 7yrs, you must look elsewhere?! what if it was "Gods decision" that this union dont have money, does that means this lady should go for greener pastures?



dont you think that a lady should confirm what page her man his on before "assuming" that marriage after 7yrs is INEVITABLE, as the OP wrote?
remember, they never talked about marriage before.



so what you are now saying is that not having money is ok so long as there is marriage? but what if someone DESIRES to have some financial stability before they get married and start a family, would you say it is wrong? why should it automatically be the desperate women's way and nothing else?!

although getting married could be free in 9ja, we all know what "getting married" in 9ja means. you ladies want the big wedding so you can boast to the whole world that you are "seemingly" happy, even if you aint. it is women's insecurity and desperation that have all of you act foolishly in the name of marriage.

if you REALLY love someone (as the OP said she did) then she wouldnt really care if they were married or not, and she would certainly "understand" her man.....and wait for him to be ready for marriage (why the rush anyway, if not body clock pressure?). just because she is ready after 7yrs, does NOT mean everyone should be. since when is 7yrs the benchmarks on dating limits before marriage? it is insecurity and desperation that have all you women marry the 1st donkeys out there, and then be miserable all your lives, instead of being reasonable about the issue. they both dreamed of a good job for 7 long yrs and, out of desperation, she now want them to marry (and subsequently have children) even if their goals are not met. yet you people are blaming the guy for sticking to their lifelong goals, haba!

no wonder the saying goes:" some women out there are just good at KILLING A MAN'S DREAM AND ASPIRATIONS!

Majesty82:
Believe me, that guy will never marry you. Reasons.................... He is not afraid of losing you to other serious guys that may be your destined husband that's why he refuses to Discuss you future with you. 2 did i hear you shouting 7yrs of dating (sex) without marriage? Hmmm what a mistakes dear. What he is suppose to pay before getting it, he has gotten it b4 the payments so it will only take the grace of God before that guy discuss marriages with you. My advice to you is summon courage and quit now or..................

nma24:
see eh, even in romance novels the hero marries the heroine at d end. So pls spare us. What's d essence of love if u won't marry d guy and continue ur relationship legally without d condescending eyes of ur social milieu downsizing u

Neplusultra:
You have a point, u know, but she s hudnt keep waiting

believer01:
explain what u mean by defined relationship?

believer01:
thank you but won't people see me as a wicked person if i end 7years relationship without even listening to my reasons

believer01:
26yrs

Sexxkillz:
You're welcome. Never ever give any man a monopoly over you. You have a choice to make. You don't have to marry someone because you dated him for 7 years, especially someone who doesn't care.

Make up your mind now, and stick to it.

believer01:
i am a regular member on nairaland and i create this user to remain anonymous. i need mature guys and ladies to advise me on a way forward.
dont mind my grammar and typographical errors

i have been dating this guy since our 100level days in school, most people fear in school is that school relationships ends at the gate but our did'nt end at the gate. we went for youth service and still continue with our lovelife though the relationship was collapsing during service year but we built it up again and everything was okay after service. i happened to serve in his state and i was retained after service which makes us to start staying in the same town.
In school all our focus was to finish school, serve and get a good job. marriage was not really discussed cos i was thinking it was too early and since we were doing fine for 7years i believe marriage is inevitable (i hope that word is correctly use). there is one thing i discovered after service
1. he is not ready to talk about marriage not because he is tired of me or anything (cos i know i am one of the best things that has happened to him) but cos he believe he must have millions of naira in his account.
2. he believes the tradition of not marrying early in his family could also delay his marriage even though i have met almost all his family members.
3. he brings up quarrel or another issue when i bring up visiting my family even though he has met them twice.


my questions:
1. should i wait till "forever" when he will be ready to discuss/ready for the marriage?
2. i love him but now i have offers from different guys and i know the offers won't last forever(i have turn down 2 already). should i stay and pray he comes to his senses or leave him?
3. we are so closed to each other and understand each other so well that it will be difficult to understand anyone else like that.
4. am not against him having millions of naira but "money is never enough" his friends that are not as okay as himself are getting married already.
5. am not trying to rush him into marriage but how am i to know i won't regret waiting until when he will be ready? what if he leaves me after the long wait?

7years relationship now. plssss no insult we all do crazy things for love but we learn everyday and i believe this forum will give me the candid answer i seek

believer01:
you are so right. i will take the next step thank you

HIGHESTPOPORI:
Are u a Nigerian?if Yes from which State?

MRBrownJ:


so let me get this straight, your woman that you dated for 7yrs starts to evaluate worthless strangers/donkeys that are asking her hand in marriage, and therefore out of fear of losing her to these puppets, you will now discuss marriage with her?! ahahahahahahaha come on bro!
if you can lose your woman to these deadbeat useless men, then this lady was never yours to begin with, and even if she was, she would have quickly given up on the union at the sight of the slightest problem. so no man should be afraid of losing such liability of a woman, NONE!

men will ALWAYS chat your woman up (if she is a dead banger) but the important point here is NOT for you to shield her from that, oh no, the important point is for her to RESPECT herself, RESPECT you and most importantly RESPECT your union. if she is using any of these useless donkey to try to blackmail you into doing anything you are not ready to do, then she is not fit to keep as your woman. you should have enough haterz in your life, rather than having a gf who is also working against you and your goals in life.

now if she wants you guys to get married, let her bring VALID, INTELLIGENT and WORTHY points to the table as to why imminent marriage is a must in your r/ship...... or let her be quiet (or go settle herself with these donkeys)!

A40:

I'm not even a moralist or religious person but what is his commitment to her besides giving her his preeq? 7 years is not enough for her to find her level? Will you work for someone for 7 years without promotion?

MRBrownJ:


there is no guarantee to that, but if we are now focus on guarantees and desperation because of body clock, INSTEAD OF love and being with someone that you can DIE for, then really....... whats the point of getting married then?



yet, in your mind, if "Gods blessings" dont come after 7yrs, you must look elsewhere?! what if it was "Gods decision" that this union dont have money, does that means this lady should go for greener pastures?



dont you think that a lady should confirm what page her man his on before "assuming" that marriage after 7yrs is INEVITABLE, as the OP wrote?
remember, they never talked about marriage before.



so what you are now saying is that not having money is ok so long as there is marriage? but what if someone DESIRES to have some financial stability before they get married and start a family, would you say it is wrong? why should it automatically be the desperate women's way and nothing else?!

although getting married could be free in 9ja, we all know what "getting married" in 9ja means. you ladies want the big wedding so you can boast to the whole world that you are "seemingly" happy, even if you aint. it is women's insecurity and desperation that have all of you act foolishly in the name of marriage.

if you REALLY love someone (as the OP said she did) then she wouldnt really care if they were married or not, and she would certainly "understand" her man.....and wait for him to be ready for marriage (why the rush anyway, if not body clock pressure?). just because she is ready after 7yrs, does NOT mean everyone should be. since when is 7yrs the benchmarks on dating limits before marriage? it is insecurity and desperation that have all you women marry the 1st donkeys out there, and then be miserable all your lives, instead of being reasonable about the issue. they both dreamed of a good job for 7 long yrs and, out of desperation, she now want them to marry (and subsequently have children) even if their goals are not met. yet you people are blaming the guy for sticking to their lifelong goals, haba!

no wonder the saying goes:" some women out there are just good at KILLING A MAN'S DREAM AND ASPIRATIONS!

jamela:
Op there are three things here

1. Are you from same tribe? if not are his parents/family tribalists?


2. Are you resourceful? i.e what do you bring to the table? Are you supportive in ways no one else can? What do you say when he expects to make millions? Do you try to make practical steps to discuss how you both could do something to achieve it in ways he never saw possible? (or do you rather just smile and keep quiet like you expect him to go make the millions all on his own).


3. Does he use words like I, ME, MY, instead of US, WE, OUR? When you have your little discussions, does he tell you (even if jokingly) about plans he has that actually feature you and him in a family life? for example: that he plans to build a decent house so OUR kids in the future would have big rooms. Do you catch him playing with other people's kids (perhaps family) and then looks at you smiling? *I mean, 7yrs this should have happened at some point*


If your answer to the above is no.. there is a problem.
My 2p.