₦airaland Forum

Glory, Glory, glory
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Jesus is Lord
With him all things are possible

Some people doubt God because they don't know who He is , what he does and what He is capable Of. With Jesus , my brother I tell you, there is no impossibility!

This thread is for anyone who has experienced the mighty 'right hand ' of the Lord to testify. Please no lies . Amen. If you are an unbeliever and you intend to make fun of the gospel via this thread, the angels of God Will strike you.


Amen.

Amen

1.Biblical days economy vs today’s economy
I tell you Biblical days economy was better.
Ok, let’s check and compare inflation rates.
In Genesis, the brothers of Joseph sold him for 20 pieces of silver, I lie?
Now, several thousand years down the line, how much did Judas sell JESUS? A whole God was sold for 30 pieces of silver. Inflation over a thousand years is just 50%.
Just last year, I bought second-hand bra for girlfriend for $50, today I am told it is $7,800
How? grin

2. Me and my headmaster
Back in the secondary school, I remember the headmaster , mr Green was a white man from England.
He spoke very good English. The only problem was his wife, mrs Green. Her teeth looked like jam. not fresh jam, but rotten.
Anytime me and my paddies came across them, I passed comments to mock Mrs Green in my native language so they wouldn’t understand.
One day, I was going alone when I came across the Greens walking towards my way. The moment they were closest to me, I said in my native tongue “ Obroni, wo yere yi se ny3 koraaa” meaning “Whiteman, your wife’s teeth are bad!!”. For one, Mr Green paused and replied gently “ me p3 madi3 saaa” meaning “ I love it all the same, I am not complaining”.
I messed three times instantly. grin

3. Mr and Mrs Kwaata
Mr and mrs Kwaata loved Hollywood movies.
In lovely Hollywood movies they observed that,
Anytime couples had a quarrel, the ladies often picked glass objects and broke them as an expression of anger. They would break centre tables, TV sets, jewellery, louver blades , laptops and other expensive.
Not knowing Mrs Kwaata was learning this habit, so one day she deliberately picked a quarrel with her husband. She was angry, picked a glass cup and broke it on the floor.
That was why Kwaata divorced her the next week. grin

4. The stammerer
Tipo was a stammerer and my friend.
He dropped out of school so I asked him what he wanted to do. Tipo surprisingly told me he wanted to sing. I was shocked, but all the same, I took him to Dbanj.
Fortunately, Dbanj was having a show in calabar and Tipo was made to do backing vocals.
So Dbanj started with “oliver twist”, u know e get that part wey dey back “ oliiver, oliiver, oliiver twiiiiist”, that was Tipo’s part, soon it got to Tipo’s part and to my utter shock he sang it without stammer. Then it came again, and Tipo began his part again, “ OLi, O..O..O..LI…OLI, OLI, O……….O…O..LEEEEE…….VAV,…VAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”, ….
Dbanj fainted.

5. The madman
It was an xmas convention and as usual, miracles began happening.
The blind were seeing, the lame were walking, deafs were hearing and so on.
When this was happening, a woman who had her mad son in the house went home and brought him to be healed. After series of prayers, the mad man came back to his senses, so grabbed the microphone to sing to thank the Lord. He started “ Olekuuuu, tell me something wey I no fit do…o boko boko….feeling the boy yeah, feeling feeling the boy yeah…”.
The Pastor took to his heels grin

6. fake tongues
Pastor had told his congregation they were going to pray from 5pm to 7PM to bind the devil and his agents during the Christmas season, so they began in tongues. “She babababababababa togbo togbo rafanasa hara babababababababab shibototooootototottottgubi nannamamm…”
The tongues had gone on from 5pm and it wa 11pm and the congregation were apparently tired so devised a plan to prompt the pastor. The prayer-line now changed to “pastor-pastor-pastor we don taya-taya-taya-taya-taya, we want chopu-chopu-chopu-chopu-chopu….”
Pastor ended the prayers instantly grin grin

7. kah,kah
Pastor and Deacon sat under a tree and boasted about who had “screwed” more church members. Pastor boasted “ na me!” Deacon said “ it’s me”, so they both decided that, during Sunday’s church service offering time, they would whisper “KAH” the moment a lady one had screwed before passed.
Sunday was in, offering time was in and the ladies began passing. The choir leader passed and pastor whispered “KAH”. Women fellow-ship leader passed and pastor whispered again “Kah”. Queen of the town passed and pastor whispered “KAH”. Pastor had done over 15 “KAHs” already. Then it got to row that was reserved for pastor’s family. Pastor’s first daughter passed and Deacon whispered “KAH”, pastor frowned. Pastor’s second daughter passed and deacon again whispered “KAH”. Then pastor’s mother, deacon again “ KAH”, Pastor’s wife, and Deacon “KAH”. Pastor had tears in his eyes now. Then pastor’s son job was coming, and Deacon again whispered “KAH!!!!!”. Pastor this time angrily grabbed the microphone and screamed “ SECURITY!!!, GAY ALERT!!!!”. As the security were coming, pastor’s last daughter who was only 6 years was coming, then deacon again whispered “KAH, KAH, KAH”.
Pastor slapped Deacon in his eyes and fainted. grin grin

8. I am a Christian
I remember some movie producers stormed my vicinity to shoot a movie.
The producer saw me for the first time and said they were doing a movie titled “The beauty and the Beast” and that seeing me , I could best play the role of the beast. I almost slapped the producer. Me beast?, I told him the bible makes it clear that I was made in God’s image, so please I couldn’t be a beast. It was then that the producer came again and said they would pay me $50,000 if I played the role. I began smiling the moment I heard that amount. “serious?” he replied “yeah, 50,000 dollars cool cash”. There and then I replied “ well, I go manage that role, after all the GOOD BOOK says I can do everything through Christ that strengthens me!” grin

9. ramatu
...it was a primary 5 class, and teacher, miss ramatu was marking the register and calling out names as follows

Miss ramatu: Akpos emmanuel

Akpos: present

Miss ramatu: Kwaata Benjamin

Kwaata: Present

Miss ramatu: Mukina gloria

Mukina: Present

Miss ramatu: Obi Jonathan...

*silence*

miss ramatu: obi jonathan!!

*silence*

miss ramatu: isnt that obi jonathan here

obi jonathan: miss i no be obi jonathan, i be jonathan obi

miss ramatu had her menses grin


10. my grandmama

when i was 15, i visited my grandparents at onitsha.it was sunday n we had to go to church.my grandpapa coulnt go as he was down with hangover.soon i was at church with my grandmama, n we took the back seats.just before we shared the grace, pastor asked all those guilty of adultery to stand up n receive special prayers.

i fainted after seeing my 71 year old grandmama on her feet

bobobooge:
When are you reloading Ramatu series?

Hey u remember that lol

Obviously looking at this image of the design of the human body, God doesnt exist











In fact God created existence

Ghanaians that changed the face of Nigerian football
Segun Odegbami

As a result of the harsh economic conditions in Ghana in the late 1960s and early 1970s hundreds of Ghanaian footballers flooded the Nigerian league. The best of them were in every big club in the country from Mighty Jets of Jos, to Stationary Stores of Lagos, to Shooting Stars of Ibadan and even up to Sharks Football Club of Port Harcourt. It was very easy to distinguish them at that time because of the flair and flamboyance they brought to the game.

Most of them were showmen. Unlike the typical Nigerian football player that played only with speed and power, the Ghanaians played the short passing game, with plenty of exhibitionism, and a certain air that verged on ‘arrogance‘. Their influence was greatest in clubs like Stationary Stores and Shooting Stars at the time, both of which had a large number of these Ghanaian players in their squads. Their football became markedly entertaining, stylish and attractive to watch. Within a few years this impacted very much on Nigerian football generally. The mix of the Ghanaian style of football with the indigenous Nigerian style evolved into a new generation of players with power, speed, individual skills and style. That‘s why and how Nigerian football caught up with and even overtook Ghanaian football - as a result of the fusion of these two different football characteristics. Ghana‘s football resembled that of Brazil, whilst Nigerian football was grounded in the typical kick-and-rush style of the English. grin

Ghanaian players in the Green Eagles grin
Many Ghanaian players became so integrated into the Nigerian environment that many of them ended up playing for Nigeria without the authorities being able to (or chose to disregard) separate their nationalities. That‘s how Willie Andrews, Yakubu Mambo, Baba Otu Mohammed, Johnny Orlando, Phillip Boamah, Raymond Quakopone, Sani Mohammed, Leotis Boateng, Mohammed Lawal, Adokwa Laryea, and so on came to play in Nigeria and for the national team, the Green Eagles. There were many others in clubs across the length and breadth of Nigeria, playing and raising the standard of the domestic game: Joe Appiah, Edward Ansah, Joseph Carr, Arthur Moses, John Benson, Husseini Alabi (a Nigerian, but born and raised in Ghana), and so on.

Back to Annas Ahmed
Annas Ahmed was one of that army of imports. He came with a flair that was very uncharacteristic of a defender. He played football like one dancing, very elegant and graceful on the ball, and a beauty to watch. He floated his passes with such exquisite delicacy that the ball would ‘hang‘ in the air as if begging for a head to connect. That‘s where some of us, good with our heads, thrived! I scored many a memorable goal with those floating passes, particularly at training sessions.

Annas was one of the two pillars of the Raccah Rovers defence in their most glorious years. The other was Ahmed Abubakar, who has relocated to the US and now lives in New York.

Still waiting for answer

Today he plays for Barcelona

[quote author=Ontoog post=65364987][/quote

supergist1:
In Nigeria black magic is known as juju, and in Nigeria this was common in the 80s and 90s and it has potency till today. Black magic which is also known as voodoo or Juju comes from the traditional African religion. This includes blood money and spiritual attacks and lots more. http://www.supergist.com.ng/how-to-do-money-rituals-in-nigeria/

Now its gotten to panty stealing .. Oh my

OneJ:
U no fit comot John 3:16 . John 20:30,31 & Matt 16:13-17 , 1 Cor 15:24-27. from your Bible ?

1 Timothy 3:16

Don't kill yourself

Truth and Religion: Is It Like an Elephant?

When it comes to religion and philosophy, however, some people do not believe that any one belief is true. They might point out disagreements between adherents of Christianity or other religions and philosophies as an example of the futility of trying to say that any one belief system is true.

Or sometimes analogies are provided, with one of the most popular being that of the blind men and the elephant. Although there are variations of the story, the point of all of them is that some blind men examined different parts of an elephant and all concluded it was something different. One man touched the tail and described the elephant as rope. Another man felt the tusk and described the elephant as hard. Yet a third blind man felt the elephant's ear and said it must be a soft creature. "You see," says the person offering the example, "they all grasped parts of the same truth. Similarly, all religions are true in their own way."

But does this illustration hold up? Is it really the same as our hot chocolate example – a matter of taste? On closer examination we learn at least two key things about the example. First, there was a real elephant or truth to be grasped, yet all the men got it wrong! Second, knowing just a part of something is not the same as knowing the bigger picture. There really was a truth to be grasped – a real, live elephant – but all the men missed out on this fact.

Now let's take a look at a few religions and philosophies in light of the elephant illustration. Christian theism claims that there is only one God, personal and distinctly separate from His creation. Pantheism, found in forms of Hinduism for instance, claims that everything is part of the impersonal divine. Atheists claim there is no god. Are these three worldviews really describing different parts of the same thing? Since they flat out contradict one another, the claim that they are all describing different aspects of the same thing does not make much sense. After all, God cannot both exist and not-exist at the same time and in the same way. Neither can God be personal and impersonal, everything and separate from creation at the same time and in the same way.

If we look at the situation rationally, then either all religions and philosophies are wrong or one of them is true. This is not to say that there are no commonalities between religions and philosophies. But what they have to say on the big issues such as the nature of God, the human condition, and the way of salvation or spiritual liberation, is very different.

Christianity happens to claim that on these key theological points, it is true. But Christianity is not the only religion or philosophy to make truth claims. Atheists, for instance, would claim that their denial of the existence of God is true (corresponds to reality). As a result, anyone who disagrees with their position is wrong. Consistent pantheists would have to deny that God has personality, instead clinging to the divine as being an impersonal force. By definition, pantheists, then, are staking out a portion of reality and essentially are saying that Christians and atheists are both wrong.

What if we apply the same sort of reasoning of those who offer the elephant example to mathematics? One person says two plus two is four, but another says the answer is five, while yet a third person says the answer is really seven. After all, isn't it narrow-minded and intolerant to demand that only one answer to the problem be the right one?
[12/24, 17:05] sweet swirt: The Truth Claims of Christ

Now let's turn our attention to the truth claims of Christianity. In the Bible, Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father [God] except through me" (John 14:6, NIV). In Acts 4:12, the Apostle Peter said of Jesus, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

The question is not whether or not this is a "narrow-minded" position, but whether or not the claims are true. Jesus spoke of a personal creator God who calls everyone to repentance, offering redemption to those who will receive Him. This is not an intolerant or mean-spirited position to hold. If it's true, then sharing this message is the most natural and loving thing to do.

Sharing the Claims

The claims of Christ have their foundation in his identity and claims. His followers were aware of this, as the apostle Paul wrote, "And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith ... And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins" (1 Corinthians 15:14, 17). Jesus claimed to be God in the flesh, who came to earth to suffer and die for the our sins, to be raised again from the dead after his crucifixion. Again, we are dealing with specific truth claims about reality. If these claims are true, as Christians believe, then how we respond to them is not just an intellectual game, but is of significant and eternal importance.

If The gospel of Jesus is a lie, then why are u stressing yourself so much.

Eat and drink ,when you die ,you will know.
















Don't say I didn't warn you

Here Are Seven Strategies The Devil Uses:
1
STEALTH: As stated above, what the devil doesn’t want you to know is that he exists. If God is the great “I AM”, Satan is the great “I AM NOT”! But Jesus, Paul, Peter and all the New Testament writers knew that demons exist, and they strongly warned us to be on guard and not fall into the devil’s traps.


2
IGNORANCE: Whether you know demons exist or not, what the devil doesn’t want you to know about is the incredible power of God’s Word and the awesome benefits of doing God’s will in things like Scripture memory.



3
ANESTHESIA: If somehow you throw off your ignorance of God’s Word and begin to read it, the Devil wants to keep you “anesthetized” such that you read the words — but they might as well be written in a foreign language. They have no meaning to you. The Gospel is veiled, and you are in danger of perishing. (See Romans 11:8 and 2 Corinthians 4:3~4 )



4
UNBELIEF: If they fail to keep the truth from you, their next strategy is to keep you from taking these truths seriously. What the devil doesn’t want you to know here is they plant thoughts of unbelief in your mind. They try to get you to think that doing things like Scripture memory are really not important…other things are much more important. They try to get you to doubt that God exists or doubt the accuracy of the Bible.



5
DISTRACTION: If you are still determined to believe and press on, what the devil doesn’t want you to know here is that they will work to distract you. You’ll feel hungry; you’ll feel tired; you’ll think about your grocery list or your to-do list; someone will call; you’ll feel inclined to spend hours surfing the internet, e



6
DOUBT: Another thing very high on the list of things the Devil doesn’t want you to know is that he will try to make you doubt such things as the very authenticity of the Bible. This despite that fact that Proverbs 30:5 says, “Every Word of God proves true…”. He wants you to doubt that Jesus said, “It is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one tittle (small grammatical mark) of the law (the Bible) to fail.” (Luke 16:17). The devil even wants you to doubt that you could ever do such an audacious thing as to memorize even one verse of Scripture!
7
OUTRIGHT LIES: See John 8:44 (Scripture photo at the top.) What the devil doesn’t want you to know is that EVERYTHING he says is a lie. Oh, he’ll tell half-truths, mixing a little bit if truth with a lot of untruth. But those statements are like a pan of chocolate brownies… with dog poop baked into them! You would NEVER eat that if you knew what was in it! Neither should you “eat” the words of the Devil.
More About The Strategy Of Satan:
Satan goes after your mind by putting his lies into your thoughts. His purpose is to keep you ignorant of God’s will for you. But once you begin to take hold of the principles I’ve shown you here, you’ll have a great defense against him.
Satan goes after your body by inflicting suffering upon you. His purpose is to get you to be impatient with God’s will for you. But as God said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12: “My Grace is sufficient for you…”.
Satan attacks your will by attempting to sow pride into your life, so as to make you independent of God’s will. But when you filter your actions and even your thoughts by asking in your heart, “Would this thought (action) grieve the Holy Spirit?”, you are in effect making the Holy Spirit the gatekeeper of your mind.

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)
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Alcohol's Effects on the Body
Drinking too much – on a single occasion or over time – can take a serious toll on your health. Here’s how alcohol can affect your body:
Brain:
Alcohol interferes with the brain’s communication pathways, and can affect the way the brain looks and works. These disruptions can change mood and behavior, and make it harder to think clearly and move with coordination.
Heart:
Drinking a lot over a long time or too much on a single occasion can damage the heart, causing problems including:
Cardiomyopathy – Stretching and drooping of heart muscle
Arrhythmias – Irregular heart beat
Stroke
High blood pressure
Liver:
Heavy drinking takes a toll on the liver, and can lead to a variety of problems and liver inflammations including:
Steatosis, or fatty liver
Alcoholic hepatitis
Fibrosis
Cirrhosis
Pancreas:
Alcohol causes the pancreas to produce toxic substances that can eventually lead to pancreatitis, a dangerous inflammation and swelling of the blood vessels in the pancreas that prevents proper digestion.
Cancer:
Source: National Cancer Institute -- see https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/alcohol/alcohol-fact-sheet:
Based on extensive reviews of research studies, there is a strong scientific consensus of an association between alcohol drinking and several types of cancer. In its Report on Carcinogens, the National Toxicology Program of the US Department of Health and Human Services lists consumption of alcoholic beverages as a known human carcinogen. The research evidence indicates that the more alcohol a person drinks—particularly the more alcohol a person drinks regularly over time—the higher his or her risk of developing an alcohol-associated cancer. Based on data from 2009, an estimated 3.5 percent of all cancer deaths in the United States (about 19,500 deaths) were alcohol related.
Clear patterns have emerged between alcohol consumption and the development of the following types of cancer:
Head and neck cancer: Alcohol consumption is a major risk factor for certain head and neck cancers, particularly cancers of the oral cavity (excluding the lips), pharynx (throat), and larynx (voice box). People who consume 50 or more grams of alcohol per day (approximately 3.5 or more drinks per day) have at least a two to three times greater risk of developing these cancers than nondrinkers. Moreover, the risks of these cancers are substantially higher among persons who consume this amount of alcohol and also use tobacco.
Esophageal cancer: Alcohol consumption is a major risk factor for a particular type of esophageal cancer called esophageal squamous cell carcinoma. In addition, people who inherit a deficiency in an enzyme that metabolizes alcohol have been found to have substantially increased risks of alcohol-related esophageal squamous cell carcinoma.
Liver cancer: Alcohol consumption is an independent risk factor for, and a primary cause of, liver cancer (hepatocellular carcinoma). (Chronic infection with hepatitis B virus and hepatitis C virus are the other major causes of liver cancer.)
Breast cancer: More than 100 epidemiologic studies have looked at the association between alcohol consumption and the risk of breast cancer in women. These studies have consistently found an increased risk of breast cancer associated with increasing alcohol intake. A meta-analysis of 53 of these studies (which included a total of 58,000 women with breast cancer) showed that women who drank more than 45 grams of alcohol per day (approximately three drinks) had 1.5 times the risk of developing breast cancer as nondrinkers (a modestly increased risk). The risk of breast cancer was higher across all levels of alcohol intake: for every 10 grams of alcohol consumed per day (slightly less than one drink), researchers observed a small (7 percent) increase in the risk of breast cancer.
The Million Women Study in the United Kingdom (which included more than 28,000 women with breast cancer) provided a more recent, and slightly higher, estimate of breast cancer risk at low to moderate levels of alcohol consumption: every 10 grams of alcohol consumed per day was associated with a 12 percent increase in the risk of breast cancer.
Colorectal cancer: Alcohol consumption is associated with a modestly increased risk of cancers of the colon and rectum. A meta-analysis of 57 cohort and case-control studiesthat examined the association between alcohol consumption and colorectal cancer risk showed that people who regularly drank 50 or more grams of alcohol per day (approximately 3.5 drinks) had 1.5 times the risk of developing colorectal cancer as nondrinkers or occasional drinkers. For every 10 grams of alcohol consumed per day, there was a small (7 percent) increase in the risk of colorectal cancer.
Immune System:
Drinking too much can weaken your immune system, making your body a much easier target for disease. Chronic drinkers are more liable to contract diseases like pneumonia and tuberculosis than people who do not drink too much. Drinking a lot on a single occasion slows your body’s ability to ward off infections – even up to 24 hours after getting drunk.

sonmvayina:
The gospel stories comes from ancient tales about marduk... Lord Marduk is the creator of all and the son of Enki... He defeated Tiamat and was crowned the lugal dimmer ankia which means the divine king of heaven and earth...

There was no jesus.... How can the creator become a man or why should he die? Do you know what death is?

Tell. Me, what is death?

Amen

Ok

Report your wife to her parents

creampy:
Welcome back

thanks my dear

Funnicator:
Dry

Bush pig

vybzkartel:


That's the jokes presido, where have you been bin?

I dey my bro, I am back

Blast from the past