₦airaland Forum

A prophet spotted a mad man who had apparently been mad for ages
He prayed and prayed for the madman pouring about 8 bottles of olive oil on his head.
After a while, the mad man began acting normal again to the utter shock of the numerous onlookers who knew the dreadlocked madman very well.

The prophet offered to shave the madman's hair which had overgrown matted locks and looking very unkempt .

The now healed madman agreed.

The prophet brought out a pair of scissors from his socks, sat the man down and gave him a clean shave.

After the last hair fell on the ground, the madman asked the prophet, "have you finished?" the prophet replied "yes"

the mad man asked again "have you finished?" the prophet replied again "yes"

the mad man asked for the third time "have you finished?" the prophet worried this time around asked the man "but why do you keep asking?"

The mad man replied "IT WILL GROW AGAIN"





The pastor fainted

You pick your wife's phone
and you realise she has been chatting s man.

The man apparently proposes to your wife and your wife's response is NO

And then the man asks why

You wife says its because 'i cant trust you'

meanwhile your wife still secretly chats this man at length

Is your wife a potential cheat?

please help

HelenBee:
oh God!!! See what social media has caused?

how?

i dont love her


what do i do?

i dont want to lick her thing because of bacteria infection


please help

woman with fine face but very flat yansh

and a woman with ugly face with huge yansh

which one do you prefer?

A RECAP OF THE EARLIER EPISODES


part 1 https://www.nairaland.com/3741423/okuja-part-1

Part 2 https://www.nairaland.com/3741433/okuja-part-2

Part 3 https://www.nairaland.com/3749108/okuja-part-3

Part 4 https://www.nairaland.com/3750173/okuja-part-4-funny-memmes

Part 5 https://www.nairaland.com/3756168/okuja-part-5-funny-memmes

Part 6 https://www.nairaland.com/3758338/okuja-part-6-funny-memmes

Part 7 https://www.nairaland.com/3758406/okuja-part-7-ft-pastor

Part 8 https://www.nairaland.com/3760398/okuja-part-8-funny-memmes


Now todays edition, Okuja Part 9

It happened that Okuja brought home a pet
It was a monkey
TUNA the wife of Okuja didnt like the idea of living with a monkey but Okuja being the head of the family maintained the monkey lived with them.
Because their single room had no veranda, the monkey slept in the same room the couple also slept.
Now it happened that, a year later , Tuna became pregnant.
After nine months, Tuna was delivered of the couple's first baby.

The moment Okuja saw the baby, he filed for a divorce.

He then rushed home, slaughtered the monkey and used it to prepare pepper soup

Below is the picture of the baby



Do you agree with Okuja's divorce request??

My friend (male) just updated his status on facebook with these:

1.Do not marry and stay in your wife's family apartment. Better hire your own apartment otherwise you will regret.


2. Don't stay with your wife in the same community where she hail from or was raised. If you are a government worker seek for transfer from the town.

3. Check your wife's friends(women) especially those who are not married. They can easily poison her to become one of them. Men please heed to this advice for you to live long.

do you agree??

I am a foreigner to my own family, a stranger to my own mother’s children;(Psalm 69:.
David became a stranger to his kinsmen because he was anointed by the Lord.


If you be anointed (Set apart) by the Lord and you walk by the spirit, people (unbelievers) cannot accept you. Your own family will hate you, your friends will deny you, the world will blacklist you.

If the world accepts you, then you are of the world. If the world hates you, then you are of the word. Be happy that all hate you for the Lord's sake. for zeal for your house consumes me and the insults of those who insult you fall on me (Psalm 69:9).

Come on, speak the word, dont be shy, dont be afraid. Live the word. Jesus bless you.

Cleopatra4:
Op if you have money come and date me and I will teach you the signs

i dey crase?

Xaos:
[color=#008080]1. She smiles when she sees your wallet.

2. She uses sex as her weapon

3. She throws tantrums

4. She can't cook [/color]

lol sex before marriage is actually a sin

chuks34:
guys that always spend on der babes

k

chuks34:
she always compare u

compare you to what?

i know a few signs which i will share with you

you can also share yours

1. she is the first to buy things for the man, usually cheap boxer shorts and singlets

2. she is the first to initiate sex

3. she never talks about marriage

4. she never complements the man

5. she expects to be paid for everything she does for the man, including washing the man's handkerchief


add your own

SoftP:
No' the bread they used then was Jerusalem [b]bream, [/b]the one we see this dayz is Agege bread.. spot the difference, the former got butter, agege is loaded with fura constituents

bream? how?

the bread in the bible is made with flour reference to the old widow that made bread for prophet elisha in the book of 1 kings and the bread in our times is made with flour as well. is it the same kind of bread?

thank you

Alphamale2017:
LMAOOOO. op. wear that boxer and come to my house . pls.

what for?

Prettythicksmi:
Very very romantic

really?

Good day,
I dont know if this is the right section to post this, but i appeal to the mod to do needful if this section is not
I grew up observing my father pick up several characters when he wore particular clothes
I observed my daddy become very wild especially at us his children anytime he wrapped this particular clothes around his waist .
He also became overly friendly with us when he wore some particular clothes .
At school, when a particular teacher wore some particular clothes, we knew we were dead that day
Recently, i have observed something interesting concerning this clothing thing.
I have a particular boxer shorts, that anytime i wear, i became a workaholic.
I dont get tired working.
Could this be a mere co-incidence or there is a genuine explanation for it?
Share your experiences concerning this phenomenon.

MZLady39:
So you're trying to say that it's not a sin to "call down curses on people because a prophet of God did it correct?

Certain circumstances demand certain actions.
Motive is important.

There was a reason for this. Clearly, the Lord was with Elisha when he did this.
One size does not fit all....

far from that

Former Ghana star Michael Essien has been rated Chelsea’s second best African footballer of all times in the English Premier League by ESPN.

Former Ivory Coast skipper and Chelsea striker Didier Drogba emerged the most influential African in the EPL for Chelsea.

Michael Essien who overcame a mixed start to life at Chelsea, when his £24.4 million transfer fee raised some eyebrows and his overzealous tackling provoked the ire of opposition fans, became a bonafide great at Stamford Bridge.

Essien was a two-time Premier League champion with the Blues and also lifted the FA Cup on four occasions, making him one of the most decorated Ghanaians in the game.

Ultimately, injuries limited the Bison's contribution and it's tantalising to imagine what he could have become had it not been for significant spells on the sidelines.

Nonetheless, Essien clinched the Champions League in 2012 -- albeit as an unused substitute -- and it was a fitting honour for such an explosive talent.

Nigeria John Obi Mikel came third while Geremi Njitab and Solomon Kalou followed fourth and fifth respectively.

source: https://butchersweetsweat./2017/04/26/ghanas-michael-essien-is-chelseas-second-finest-african-import-ever/

Foxyn:
nice one

hope he murdered his wife too?

are you alright?

In the wee hours of Monday April 24, 2017, Mr Daniel Kwao who happens to be the unit committee chairman o Adidaase electoral area in Ghana reported to the Manson Police station that on same day, a boy called Abdul Salam Osman aged six years disappeared mysteriously from the house and all attempts to trace him proved futile.

On Tuesday April 25, 2017, the father of the boy called Osman Abdulsalam aged 30 years was...continue reading and view photos here https://butchersweetsweat./2017/04/25/murder-in-ghana-viewer-discretion-advised/



source: https://butchersweetsweat./2017/04/25/murder-in-ghana-viewer-discretion-advised/

2 Kings 2:23-24

Elisha Is Jeered
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.


Did the prophet sin

so simple'

just open your mouth

drop in the beans

masticate it with your teeth, remember only your teeth

swallow it through your oesophagus

hurray.........you now know how to eat beans

please dont keep this to yourself

share

the greatest footballer?

his name is ronaldinho Gaucho

Osareime:
I can Neva understand jokes about rape. Distasteful. Only animals wud think rape jokes are funny.

The Bible says that the one true God (God the father) is the sovereign, self-existent Creator of the universe (Isaiah 42:5; Ephesians 1:11). He is spirit (John 4:24), He is eternal (Psalm 90:2), and He is personal (Deuteronomy 34:10). The one true God possesses all knowledge (Isaiah 46:10) and all power (Matthew 19:26), is present in all places (Psalm 139:7–10), and is unchanging (James 1:17).

Jesus Christ of nazareth possesses all the qualities above

As Scripture says, “No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also” (1 John 2:23).

2 Kings 19:15 — And Hezekiah prayed before the LORD, and said, O LORD God of Israel, which dwellest between the cherubims, thou art the God, even thou alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; thou hast made heaven and earth.

Psalm 18:31 — For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?

Is Jesus the Lord? Yes Then he is God

Isaiah43:10,11 — Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am he:before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me. I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no savior.

Is Jesus the saviour? Yes. Remember beside God there is no saviour therefore the saviour is God the creator

Isaiah44:6,8 — Thus saith the LORD the King of Israel, and his redeemer the LORD of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God.Fear ye not, neither be afraid; have not I told thee from that time, and have declared it? ye are even my witnesses. Is there a God beside me? yea, there is no God; I know not any.

The bible calls Jesus God countless times, remember

Hosea 13:4 — Yet I am the LORD thy God from the land of Egypt, and thou shalt know no god but me; for there is no savior beside me.


Zechariah 14:9 — And the LORD shall be king over all the earth: in that day shall there be one Lord, and his name one.

Mark 12:29-34 —And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he: And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbor as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices. And when Jesus saw that he answered discreetly, he said unto him, Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. And no man after that durst ask him any question.

1 Corinthians 8:4-6 — As concerning therefore the eating of those things that are offered in sacrifice unto idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, andthat there is none other God but one. For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or in earth, (as there be gods many, and lords many,) But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.

get the veil of your eyes brethren

Jesus Christ is God of the old testament . Greatest mystery ever!!

Selah!

Great

franklyncj:
Huraaaayyy!! First to comment...i wana
thank God for the opportunity to comment
first. I also thank my mum and dad for
bringing me into this world and also feeding
me since infancy and to grow to become the
man i am now. Once again thank my parents
for teaching me to be time conscious so i can
be first in everything, even in commenting. I
thank my siblings for not letting me down in
my quest to comment first. I thank my
teachers from nursery till campus. Thanks for
the discpline instilled in me. I thank my
school principal very much. Thank you to my
neighbours and the woman who sells pan
cakes at the junction. We made it...first