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Bitchcrafts's Posts

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RomanceRe: I'm In Love! by bitchcrafts: 7:43pm On Nov 26, 2017
Woman up and send those freaking green lights... If he still doesn't understand, send him joromi by what's her name again?
RomanceRe: What's Your Attitude Towards Someone Who Snubs You Online by bitchcrafts: 11:43pm On Nov 25, 2017
She either doesn't HV ur time, sees you as a potential bore or simply doesn't want ur friendship/closeness.
RomanceRe: Are Nigerian Women Romantic? by bitchcrafts: 9:59pm On Nov 25, 2017
I have met with few and those few do not know how to give a proper head. What's romance without Mouth Gig?
RomanceRe: I Just Got A Heart Break. by bitchcrafts: 9:53pm On Nov 25, 2017
dasauce:
My Bae kid sis has been claiming she's a virgin, as a Big uncle per say..i'ld give the best counsel and guide her accordingly hoping she's taken her Jamz class serious, suddenly she fell sick and started bleeding. We took her to the hospital and we got the greatest shock of our life.."she was pregnant and attempted abortion" since then, I dey respect the virgin crew..
grin grin grin
RomanceRe: I Just Got A Heart Break. by bitchcrafts: 9:52pm On Nov 25, 2017
cheesy
DeadRat:
I Guess You probably Cried Like This
RomanceRe: I Just Got A Heart Break. by bitchcrafts: 9:50pm On Nov 25, 2017
Ayerona:
When pussyhunter abi who was saying that women are only good for sex I was among the against the motion crew.



a girl that I love who claimed to be a virgin for a year now has been fucking one particular guy for the past 2 years.


Bleep shiit mhen and he is my friend.
I cried shaa. wasted resources, time, energy. . .


I just dey Jones since. . . from now on with tears in my eyes I say Bleep the pussy only. no time for any stupid love that doesn't exist.
cheesy cheesy grin grin lmfao
RomanceRe: Lets Talk About What Constitutes Sexual Harrassment And Rape by bitchcrafts: 1:23am On Nov 24, 2017
This is a very tricky one. But the simple facts remain that it is a complex world with complex people with complex needs.
However, if one would look at things from the farthest edge from complexity which is the base on which I have decided to build my own standpoint, you would agree that the issue of "harassment, consent, rape" and other nonsense like it is not a problem of the man that is sane, guarded in his speech, decisions and eventual actions. Non the less, not too many people have been afforded the privilege to be so guarded as abnormal realities abound where; when folks's hormones weep like a saxophone, they don't have a voluntary control over them (rape); folks are raised as one hell of a cokcy bastard they can't but yell obscenities at the sight of an endowed behind (harassment); folks have been so unprivileged to believe all human beings with the blossoming mammaries are hoes hence no need for consent...I am not surprised these abnormal realities made this bread and butter situation run into the encyclopedic level it is now - it is that complex. Anyway, if you're reading this and you feel you fall into any of these categories, you are not normal, and you should download John Grey's "5 love languages". It is one hell of a good starter pack on how to go normal, human and sane. To help revolutionise your baffoonery ideals on women and maybe add a little spice to your view on love and how to effortlessly show it and get it back.

Before Im being judged of being lopsided, I admonish the women also to try not to send too discreet signals, I know most fear the possible crucifixion of being tagged a bicth, but it will always hold that not many men are smart enough to decipher what you truly want.

Mynd44, I have been looking for topics like this.
RomanceRe: Apart From Your Own Country, Which Five Countries Do You Love Most? by bitchcrafts: 7:20pm On Nov 20, 2017
Waiting for somebody that will Coman add

Kano and Katsina grin
CelebritiesRe: Pictures Of Wizkid With Jada Pollock, His 3rd Baby Mama by bitchcrafts: 7:17pm On Nov 20, 2017
See bad belle!

Chai!!!
RomanceRe: Check Out Adesua Etomi's Bridesmaids Squad by bitchcrafts: 9:10am On Nov 19, 2017
All of them look sort of old cargoish... Was here to use my selective telescope to you kno, accentuate one of them and go on a frantic pursuit... Disappointed is an understatement!
CelebritiesRe: Odunlade Adekola Graduates From UNILAG, Signs Out In Style (photos, Video) by bitchcrafts: 9:06am On Nov 19, 2017
Queenlovely:
I didn't say he isn't educated. He sings music that appeals to our illiterate population. He has to blend in among them
Are u stupid, or just trying to make a frantic effort at it? Better go and press reset to your splenetic ideals and stop disturbing the web with your baffoonery believes undecided
LiteratureRe: The Birth Of A Woman's God - A Short Parody by bitchcrafts: 8:56am On Nov 19, 2017
MissWrite:
All rights reserved.







Somewhere at sometime, the stench from the blue colony rises to the skies – a sickly green miasma of squalor. The sun cowers behind a filthy cloud and sullenly refuses to extend its golden rays to the grimy earth for fear of contamination. Manwan pays his friend, Mantu, a visit in his dug-out.

Manwan: (pinches his nose) Mantu, you stink!

Mantu: I always stink. And so do you.

Manwan: Yes, but you stink worse than the usual amount. It is pretty bad.

Mantu: (smells his armpit) Oh, I haven't been by the river in weeks, so I haven't had a bath in a while. But never mind that, you're skinnier than the last time I saw you. I saw you walking up the road just now, and I thought that the wind might smack you flat against that sycamore tree.

Manwan: Yes, I haven’t had a good meal for some time. I caught some fish the other day, but then I tried to roast it over the fire........I ruined it. I couldn't turn it into anything even remotely edible.

Mantu: (sighs, and shakes his head) Life is hard!

Manwan: You can say that again.

Mantu: (sighs, and shakes his head) Life is hard!!

Manwan: No, I heard you the first time. I meant: I agree with you.

Mantu: Okay. (Pensive) But, you know, the red colony is not suffering like this.

Manwan: Really? How do you mean?

Mantu: I have seen womanwan and her kindred, they smell like roses all the time, their houses are clean and their pots ooze with delicious fragrances. They look as healthy and contented as happy horses.

Manwan: How is that possible?

Mantu: (shrugs his shoulders) I don’t know. They must have been born with some unusual powers.

Manwan: But that's unfair!

Mantu: You can say that again.

Manwan: (touches his nose) See?

Mantu: (smiles) yes. I learn very quickly. It is really unfair. What should we do about it?

Manwan: We have to get them to help us. We have to get them to turn our wild dug-outs into sweet smelling abodes. We have to!

Mantu: But how do we get them to do that? Sure, we are stronger; can we just capture them and put them in cages, and let them out only to work for us?

Manwan: No. That won't work. They would not be happy to work for us that way. They could even put poison into our food and kill us all!

Mantu: You are right. (Pensive)

Manwan: We have to make it seem like it is their idea to work for us.

Mantu: Okay.

Manwan: Or.......we make them believe they have no choice.

Mantu: But isn't that like putting them in cages?

Manwan: No. (Beams brilliantly) we will give them a set of instructions to act exactly how we want them to act; and do exactly what we want them to do. But we won't say that the instructions are coming from us, so that they don't even think about disregarding the instructions.

Mantu: Alright, but whom will we say that they come from?

Manwan: God.

Mantu: God? What is that? Who is that?

Manwan: Nothing. No one. But are they to know that? We will simply say that he is an invisible being, larger than life, who has the power to punish them if they fail to follow his instructions. That his reach is beyond death. That he rewards good people and burns bad people in a big fire forever.

Mantu: But what if they decide to call our bluff? Won’t they discover that we have lied when they aren’t punished?

Manwan: How can they ever be sure that they have not been punished when it will, ultimately, come when they are dead? They will live their lives wondering if their decision has condemned them to everlasting punishment, which alone is a burden too heavy to bear. And the dead don’t help their cause. Or have you ever heard a dead man speak? They keep our secrets forever. If we say they’re burning in fire, they’ll not dissent. Womanwan will know: It is better to be safe than sorry.

Mantu: (shivers) that is genius! But how do we explain that God only punishes the red colony and not us?

Manwan: We won't. Because he will punish us too.

Mantu: (looks aghast)

Manwan: Relax! We will make our rules different from theirs. We will say that we are the first and dearer creations of God, created to serve him while they are meant to serve us.

Mantu: Manwan, you are brilliant indeed.




In a garden of roses, someplace close by somewhere at some time, the sun dares to show its face and it caresses the floor in approval of its cleanliness. Manwan and Mantu visit the sweet-smelling abode of the red colony, and Womanwan grants them audience.

Manwan: God has revealed his face to me. And he says that you have shamed him.

Womanwan: What is God? What are you speaking about?

Manwan: Silence! (begins to weep) Oh, how can a person be so wicked, as to deny or be ignorant of the existence of God? A being so powerful! He who made you and can also so easily destroy you. You are lucky he is merciful and infinitely good, because if I were God, I would have smitten you instantly for your wicked ignorance of his existence.

Womanwan: (steps back cautiously)

Manwan: Yes! You should be afraid. Cringe! Shrink away into your lowly self, because God is mighty.

Womanwan: What does he want? What does God want from me? From us?

Manwan: It isn’t what God wants from you, but what you want from God. And believe me, Womanwan, you want God’s mercy. We all want his mercy! And you have shamed him with your spiteful activities.

Womanwan: What spiteful activities? We do not disturb anyone. We plant on our fields and hunt in our forests. We never cross the Great Divide, into your country only at the night of the harvest moon that marks our bi-annual mating ritual. How have we shamed…. God?

Manwan: Yes. It is not acceptable for you to plant or hunt anymore.

(Murmuring breaks out in the red colony)

Womantu: Ha! How do we survive? How do we have anything to eat when we can’t plant or hunt?

Manwan: (Raises his hand to calm the murmuring) be still everyone, there is a solution! Each one of you will be joined to one of us. It is our place to plant and hunt while you will keep our homes clean and keep our bellies full.

Womanwan: But what do we gain from this union? We already do our own planting and hunting. We don’t need you to do this for us.

Manwan: Be very careful, Womanwan, your defiance will land you in deep trouble. This is the order that God has determined. We have no choice but to obey his commandment. If you choose to be stubborn, you are preparing for an eternity in a furnace. Is that what you want?

Womanwan: No. Of course not.

Manwan: Then be wise and do what you must to escape condemnation.





In an age of “wisdom” and civil restructuring, the divide is no more. And the color of the colony is purple………

Mantu: That worked itself out very well for us.

Manwan: Yes, it did. See how fresh we look now!

Mantu: I noticed that there are more of them than of us. What happens to the un-joined red people? How do they survive without a hunter or farmer? Will they be allowed to fend for themselves?

Manwan: No! That would threaten the whole structure. They must be dependent on us to survive. They must know that an unpaired red person is a hopeless and shameful thing. We can then, in our benevolence, offer to join ourselves with two, three, or four of them. We can enjoy the variety and keep the competition for our attention alive. They would try to outdo each other to gain our favor.

Mantu: (excited) Manwan, you have a delicious brain!

Manwan: I know. Have you also noticed how ugly they suddenly become in old age? Those succulent fruit in their chest begin to droop and lose their shape. Their skins begin to dry out and curl up. We must let them know, in no uncertain terms, how completely unattractive we find them in their old age so that they are desperate to be joined in their youth before we begin to lose interest and doom them to an impossible existence.

Mantu: But we also wrinkle and become droopy.

Manwan: And who’s concerned with that? Is God complaining? He doesn't care that we are old and ugly when we pass through the gates of heaven. Remember we are made for God and they are made for us. They must satisfy us! They cannot be allowed to have protruding bellies, or extra flesh on their bones. They must be proportion to our exact taste. We will tell them that we are moved by our eyes. If we do not consider them pleasing to look at, they would not be considered worthy of being joined to us. We would tell them that they must be splendid cooks to keep our attention; that they must be virgins, and latent whores, revealed whenever we wish them to; domestic and sophisticated; they must cater to our every need.

Mantu: And what are God’s instructions to us?

Manwan: To love them faithfully, and to care for them. That won’t be so hard. In all, it would be their responsibility to pray for us and keep us reconciled with God. So you see, our failings are ultimately theirs. We need not bother, my friend.


But the union of the colonies comes with its own intricate problems………….

Manwan: Mantu I have seen you look at Womanwan in ways that I do not appreciate.

Mantu: I cannot help it, Manwan. Maybe we really are moved by our eyes after all. I find Womanwan very desirable.

Manwan: Well, you cannot have her. She is mine.

Mantu: I know it in my mind that she is yours, but I can’t help it when my blood keeps rushing south to my manhood.

Manwan: Then I will cut it off!

Mantu: Cut it off?

Manwan: Yes! Your manhood, I will cut it off.

Mantu: What! No, Manwan. We have been brothers for too long to have this kind of a disagreement over people who only just joined us.

Manwan: (crestfallen) you are right. We should not be emasculated over one of them.

Mantu: There must be another way to solve this problem.

Manwan: There usually is. And I think I might have the solution to this one too. Since we are indeed moved by our eyes we –

Mantu: Should gouge out our eyes?

Manwan: No, you fool. We would simply cover all red people up in blankets when they are in public. That way you will not disrespect me with your turgid manhood whenever you look at Womanwan. Her face will only be seen by me.

Mantu: That makes perfect sense!

And so, Manwan relayed God’s new decree to Womanwan……..

Womanwan: But that doesn’t make any sense! How can God want me to walk around under a sheet? Did you not say that he created me? How can he suddenly be ashamed of his own creation to want it to be kept away from view? Does this God suffer such a low self-esteem?

Manwan: Quiet! You are not supposed to ask these foolish questions. And you are not supposed to lead a person into temptation either. For that reason, God has decided that you must be covered up whenever you are in public. And that’s the end of the matter.


Womanwan would watch God grow bolder by the moment. His goal was to push her further into the background until she was no longer a part of the world. She wondered if there was a wall in the backdrop; and if her back was pressed up against it, she would, perhaps, be left with no other option than to push back.
You write of a course or way of life you have a very superficial knowledge about. You are good at what you do though.
LiteratureRe: Sexual Attraction (short Story By Korayday Azeez) by bitchcrafts: 8:44am On Nov 19, 2017
Brisk, sharp and thought compulsing ...and She has my names oh. I have many names tho...Nice delivery pattern AZ!
1 Like
RomanceRe: Igbo Meets Calabar In Pre-Wedding Photos As Man Grabs His Lady's Bum by bitchcrafts: 10:06pm On Nov 17, 2017
Konquest:
^^^^^^^^
grin Iceberg slim...Nigerian-American bum grabbing
formula. wink
Don't dull it!
RomanceRe: Can You Give Up SEX Forever For 30 Billion by bitchcrafts: 9:59pm On Nov 17, 2017
Edakun ko le werk. What will now be the function of the money?
RomanceRe: Igbo Meets Calabar In Pre-Wedding Photos As Man Grabs His Lady's Bum by bitchcrafts: 9:46pm On Nov 17, 2017
Is that how to grab bum? Iranu, u better learn lesson from iceberg slim be4 ppl wey sabi snatch am!

CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:44pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
No be only masquerades, I go fly with Edo airway via broom and suck your blood. Iranu cheesy.
Minister of magic, Oya, it have do, Coman go and be going.
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:36pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
Oya it have do, thank your God say I dey good mood this night.
Chai! I thank my chi oh... Before I start seeing masquerades in my sleep. grin
PetsRe: Help! See The Funny State Of My Dog's Ear (photos) by bitchcrafts: 8:33pm On Nov 17, 2017
Google 'hematoma in dogs' and u should get useful tips on how to go by this
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:22pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
Why you come dey put sand sand for my garri? cheesy. So my fine tall boyfriend cannor marry my ugly self, I go cry o cheesy.
durrh. He will marry you when you meet him. O tie mo sarcasm rara undecided
CelebritiesRe: Dammy Krane Flaunts New Hairstyle: I know Say I no Fine, I Dont Mind You Copying by bitchcrafts: 8:18pm On Nov 17, 2017
Ode. He is already regretting rocking d hairstyle. Come dey use style yarn say he sabi say him no fine. Yeyerity everywhere!
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:13pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
Thanking you. my luck just dey shine anyhow o cheesy. I wee invite you if anything come out sha grin.
Eheh. Daydreams do come true. Keep believing!
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:09pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
No be say you talk am, I worwor no be small, but my boyfriend fine, tall well well.

This life I cannor come and kee myself cheesy.
grin You don achieve oh. In fact, congratulations cheesy
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:03pm On Nov 17, 2017
Chybeibe:
He should be the one saying thank you for dating me with that his 'okeokpa head', if you dash me this one, I no go date.
if ya d one on your profile, u worwor pass oh...Na truth I tell u so oh grin
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 8:01pm On Nov 17, 2017
younglleo:
abeg, good people of nairaland, which song dis iceberg don release or nah jst iceberg for mouth.! Cus since i was born nd even at getting old i never see ft iceberg or iceberg ft. Help me out
goan download "wave by iceberg slim" if ya so interested in what he does... But I have the feeling you'd also be interested in this grin

RomanceRe: Please Help A Nairalander by bitchcrafts: 7:54pm On Nov 17, 2017
Blackhawk01:
I couldn't stop myself from blowing those kisses, that prayer point was spot on! kiss kiss

Lemme goan write it down sef. grin
cheesy funny somebody.
CelebritiesRe: Juliet Ibrahim To Boyfriend, Iceberg Slim: Thanks For Accepting Me Just As I Am by bitchcrafts: 7:53pm On Nov 17, 2017
I lav this. Woman appreciating her man and vice versa just tickles me like when sweat trickles down my armpit. The Little Things Matter! grin

In other news, this guy's hairstyle is unique oh cheesy
RomanceRe: Jilted Lady Sets Her Boyfriend's Car on Fire For Dumping Her by bitchcrafts: 7:48pm On Nov 17, 2017
Eleribu! Awon omo irankiran po ninu awon omo akata yi ju sa. Ko tie mo owo lowo!
RomanceRe: Please Help A Nairalander by bitchcrafts: 7:43pm On Nov 17, 2017
Blackhawk01:
Haaaaaa! shocked shocked

*Places right hand on her head*

Amin Jesu! kiss
kiss??

Oya, gbasibe kiss kiss kiss
RomanceRe: Please Help A Nairalander by bitchcrafts: 7:33pm On Nov 17, 2017
Blackhawk01:
" Other frapapa" cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy
Idunnu re o ni dibanuje wink

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