₦airaland Forum

Smallville10:
One Week Later…

Luke and Jameel had moved to France and there he received another message and a call telling him to come pick his container at the seaport, he was surprised because he never ordered for an international delivery but he went to the seaport. A crane brought down a container; it was then opened and Luke saw a car covered with tarpaulin, the delivery agents removed the tarpaulin and revealed a brand new Lykan Hyper Sport (Red), Luke smiled

“Sir please sign here” a man said to him and he signed and a letter was handed to him, he collected it and opened it and it reads

“It was yours from the very first day you both met” Luke was so happy, he walked to the car and touched the door screen and it unlocked, he got in the car and drove off into sunset…

The End…

Danny Walker

Dude! My eureka moment never panned out

When zeus and crew received tips from a probable informant (yet unknown then) after the presidents decision to clamp on them, in my minds eye i was seeing double subterfuge whereby the family will be entrapped with promise of insider information where possible real information will be divulged implicating and setting up insiders of the presidents clique as sacrificial pawns to nicely entrap the family where they will have to fight bloody to escape, survive and restrategize and possibly loose members making them matyrs and a sort of rallying point or war cry in the future.
That is why i was yapping "trojan horse"
Well its your story to tell afterall.
Also the way the antagonists (presidents crew) capitulated is unworthy of any organisation that ever rose to leadership. Even the most basic mafia family won't fold up that easy, they will cut their losses, fade away and come back banging or dig in and do a kamikaze and give their opponents a phyrric victory.
That the family were literally unscathed is, well, anti-climatic and who still does happy ever afters? Even disney i think has toned that down

All in all, you wrote a very good piece, just not classic but i can tell you have potential so keep pen sniping

Smallville10:
Bros I no understand o ?

I no wan pre-empt you nah!

I just dey see the handwriting for wall say some major shyte about to go down

To dey go into details na to contest your stage with you which i no go do but carry on when e don reach where i think say e dey go i go call you back come explain give you.

Smallville10:
“Information has reached us that Senator Amadu Ayo in charge of Lagos west senatorial Zone was given the sum of 56million naira for the development project in the zone but till date nothing has happened” an executive spoke

“When was this money given?” Zeus asked

“It’s been 10 months now”

“Then you will get him and then he should bring out the money and be arrested but if he can’t bring the money he should be killed in the presence of the people… we will replace him” Zeus said

“Zeus, in Osun state, the governor owes a lot of workers their salary of about 10months now and pensioners are yet to receive their pension for the past one year and we have every document of the billions coming into the state”

“Also Busayo Femi of Ife central in Osun state has received 25million from Babajida Oladare for the purpose of reconstructing a rural secondary school but for the past 14 months, nothing has been done”

‘Send a message to our people in Osun and let these men be made scape-goats” Zeus said and then Ade came into the meeting

“Zeus an important call for you” Ade handed him the phone

“Hello” he said

“Is this Zeus Heineken” a female voice said

“Yes it is” he said; he was surprised she called his surname

“I have all you need to bring down the president” she said and Zeus immediately put it on loud speaker and adjusted the table mic to the phone

“Who are you?” he asked

“Mu name is not necessary”

“Ok tell me what you have”

“The House of Rep will be having a meeting on the 27th of this month in Abuja and many of them there have done incredible things that would be hard to believe… I have all you need to kill all the selfish baboons as you say and even bring down the president himself” everyone listened carefully

“Thank you but how do we get the prove you have?”

“I will push their names and deeds to your email and please show them no mercy”

“I assure you that” he said and she hanged up, he immediately opened his laptop and went to his email and just then the mail came in

“(Laughs) this is good… we are at victory” Zeus said and everyone cheered and applauded…

Oh shyte!

Operation trojan horse

Way too easy when emotion trumps reason

What a pity

Smallville10:
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I am back

Shohn Sarr!!!

Leeporteen four dewteee!

oluwaemmanuel:
rarely.. It's only in india movies robbers make police look like fools even stand right in front of the police man and tell him he can do nada, maybe u shld download d movie KICK

then that means its not realistic and might be fun watching (probably with a song and a dance of defiance thrown into the mix ) but its value doesn't transcend beyond basic entertainment.

El fantastico

oluwaemmanuel:
bros, av u eva watched this indian movies, dhoom, don, kick, where the protagonist are robbers? Smallville u doing a gud job. Bigger u i pray

no i have not, but do these protagonist robbers have collateral damages (loss of lives) in any of their ops?

Until the attack on god-eye i was about to critique you on your story being too fantastical with little sprinklings of reality, but now that you've introduced another dimension to the story, its all good, bottom line is, it is okay if all your protagonists die like the G.O.T, we will hate you for it but we will love the story more, your introduction of the antagonists is a bit anti-climatic, first there was no hint in the rumour mill that the family was suspect, you also painted their ops as squeaky clean with no traces left behind unless you plan to expose a mole within the family ranks, affiliates or domicile community their sudden appearance though surprising and exciting to many is expected since they are struggling against a well established organisation with backing of the presidency but IMO the plot is being unhinged and wouldn't such an organisation with such influence go after them publicly with the organs of law enforcement seeing as they actually committed real crimes and took lives in the process? , your story still also crosses borderline fantasy in term of figures, figures like a personal fortune worth $500b, a national reserve worth $500t, no man or country is that rich, not by a long shot, not even gates and china, your story also has no good guys no matter how you paint the family as a sort of Nigerian robin hood, they're just a different shade of bad like the riddick or the punisher and that in itself is acceptable unless you start making out to be some sort of saintly messiahs out to save the masses from their oppressors, there is a reason why man of steel and batman vs superman has so many critics, especially if your plan is to present the family as "do no wrong" super heroes like superman, what is acceptable from a punisher is abhorred in a superman, there are different standards for different heroes. if a "Nigerian" all action flick is your forte and aim, then you're not doing bad.

All in all, keep doing your thang

I hope it is not too early nor forbidden to critique sha?