₦airaland Forum

OBVIOUS:
^^^^^^btw, you seem very vested in the discussion and somewhat defensive---- you seem to be taking matters to the heart ? is this your thread ?

Really, does it seem that way.  That's not the case, I just don't quit easily lol.  This has nothing to do with me at all.
It's already 5am here, my black ass should be getting ready for bed.

OBVIOUS:
^^^^ things can't be Black and White----- or soo cut throat as ure making it seem---- everyone has their liimts----- but I won't go out seeking who the wife i plan to marry has phucked because "people say all kind of sh* t both true and false"

Not everyone is blessed to have found their true love at age 19 or 20----- if she's 26 or 27 I should expect her to have dated other people---- I wouldn't concern myself with who she has phucked. Cause i've phucked other people too and if I don't have a baby, I don't expect her too as well and i don't think its fair to father other people's children. Just MY THING.


All im saying is that there are exceptions.

i'm happy for you and your own personal philosophy.  But to be honest with you, that input isn't deterministic of everybody else's philosophy.
You said you don't care about the number of sexual partners your partner has had.   I do, as do many others.  That's just the way it is.

you are saying past doesn't matter if she doesn't have a baby, someone else is saying past doesn't matter at all, etc etc.  you see, that's the beauty of life.

Aint we forgetting the fact that he gave up his right to make such a decision when he started sleeping around too?

Are you kidding me.  An adult lost his freedom of choice because he made a perfectly legal decision to bone a willing girlfriend?  You are trying to poke at straws and it's not working.

Sometimes we dont do things just because we can. Granted he's decision is not worng, that is if you want to look at it objectively. But does he have the luxury of making such a decision? No! Why? Because he's not a saint himself!

I'm a very objective person, what can I say lol.  and the part in bold succintly summarizes my point and i am glad we are both in agreement.  
that should end all arguments. thanks  


Men and women play each other all the time.  This won't be the first nor will it be the last.  Forcing the man to do something he's against is akin to trouble.

OBVIOUS:
hehehehe------ then why is he complaining about the babe na ? If they both love each other, they should proceed with the wedding. No HUMAN is perfect. Everyone got a thing or two in their closet----

As long as she hasn't

1. Had a child
2. Has had abortion and there is proof her womb is alive and kicking----

Oh wow . . . talk about inconsistency.
One second it's "everybody has a past, so don't dump her because of it", next second it's "unless she has a child or has had an abortion"? Your argument is easy to rip to shreds, more specifically because you want us to draw a picket line, and there's no single law suggesting or restricting where that picket line should be drawn.

kellorah:
How wont they be frigid when they're not comfy sexing the guy cos they're scared he'll only go and tell the whole world tomo.

How does that affect you. Were you a victim of that unfortunate incident in your past years? Lol.
If you are frigid you are frigid, don't make excuses and don't blame the men for your lack of sexual creativity.
"Scared"

kellorah:
We're basically saying it is unfair for a girl to be dumped just because she has such past, especially if she's changed.

And I am not saying that I don't respect your opinion, just don't force it down my throat.  Your past molds you into who you are.  If pasts didn't matter you would gladly get married to a repented rapist/molester/murderer and it wouldn't matter to you.  What's good for the gander might be bad for the goose.  You can't force everyone into agreeing with your own standards.  Diversity is the name of the game of life.  Learn that.

If you can't accept that, or see reason why we might believe it would be unfair then sorry but your type don't deserve happiness!! Get married to Mary, live a boring perhaps sexless life even, and then go outside and cheat on the likes of the poster's girl (in her past life though) wetin concern me. Just don't be so quick to judge people. . . . .and like they say in 9ja "condition make crayfish bend".

Your type is too narrow-minded and deluded to think anyone who disagrees with your opinion is undeserving of happiness.  I think that speaks loud volumes about the kind of gross person you are.

meine:
@ Poster

we men are quite wonderful(Hypocritical atimes,if she is a virgin we will complain that she no fit do) ,

if i was the one i would probably see the good part of the deal,sleeping with many men  may mean she will be good in bed.

And that's not always true.  Naija women are known to be frigid in bed.  He alraedy sampled the girl anyway, so I doubt her sexual prowess is anything superhuman.

And on a serious note guys please "IF YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T READY TO MARRY HER,DONT SLEEP WITH HER" because you may be killing her quietly.

That abstinence protest is not effective and I'm sure many here would disagree with you; even the women.  It's like you're basically telling people to stop having sex unless they're married.  Don't you know that there are people who don't plan on getting married, and are you suggesting that they should never experience the thrill of sex in their lifetime?

kellorah:
You referred to my comment as "silliness" Just cos you don't agree with what I say doesn't mean it is silly.
Whatever dude.
I'm not here to bash anybody.

You misunderstood me.  I expected that.  I found it silly, yes.  I found it silly because you purposefully misdirected a sentence that I didn't say towards me, and after reaching a conclusion based on that statement you expected me to come forward to defend it.
Whatever though.  Bashing doesn't feed me either, sweety.

Men are allowed to have sex on the first date but not women?! So who are these men supposed to be having the sex with?!  
Women are humans too, incase you close-minded people have forgotten.

I don't understand where you are jotting all these inaccurate entries from.  All we've simply implied is that those women who do participate in these activities better be well aware of the resulting consequences it may/may not have on their futures. If that makes us close-minded and you "mature minded" then I hate to be the kind of mature minded irrational persons that you people are.

OBVIOUS:
^^^^ well said kellorah --- if the poster doesn't choose her, she will find ANOTHER MAN who will LOVE her regardless of her past.

btw, how many people has the POSTER SLEPT WITH ?

Lol I wouldn't be shocked if it's upwards of 100
kidding

Ujujoan:
Why are you arguing unnecessarily? You dont have to defend him or condemn the girl. Infact you dont have to excuse or support anybody. All you have to do is accept the guy's being judgemental and hypocritical!!

Unnecessarily . . . are you kidding me ?Don't you mean persistently and consistently. . . Lol.   I don't need you to tell me what I already know and what I need to do.  I notioned that the guy is a hypocritical fool a long time ago, I'm sure you saw that.  My problem is with you blackballing the dude, for making a difficult decision and for being honest with himself.  However irrational the decision may sound to you, it is a decision that will benefit both him and the girl in the long run.

Ujujoan:
Men and women have different responsibilitite . . Yours as the HEAD of the home differs from mine as the SUPPORTER. But to have different MORAL standards is just plain hypocritical.

In your opinion.  If you want to enforce a rule, apply it uniformly.  Quit favoring tradition only in avenues that benefit you.  As they say, you can't eat your cake and have it too.  You are either for egalitarianism or you are against.  One shouldn't lobby for feminism and patriarchy at the same time, it will only cause problems.

With all that said, I'm glad you agree with me about the apparent and inherent differences in standards between males and females.

smooooooth:
what a dump excuse. and what makes u think the next one doesnt have a past. i suggest u go to the labour ward and get a fresh born girl child, that doesnt have a past. My guy be a man, we got our past, what matters most is the future. has she done anything to prove to u tha she will cheat on u in future. if this girl is the woman of your dreams i suggest u seal the relationship and dont dwell on the past. if God was thinking about out past i wonder if u wld have been saved. and if u leave her now, are u not going to add uop as one of the men in her past, bastards like u are the reason she got a past in the first place. GROW SOME BALLS & GIVE HER A FUTURE slowpoke!!!!

This is ridiculous brainwash. A man participates in consensual sex with a woman and decides he can't get married to her because he's incapable of excusing her karrine steffons-like past, and he's being crucified for that? I guess the new rule of thumb should be to force a man into marrying a woman he cannot make peace with.

kellorah:
So cos she sleeps with him the second time they meet she's loose? ? ?
Women don suffer!!

I don't partake in silliness.  She's loose for many reasons and that's not one of them.  As I opined before, she doesn't seem like the type that learns from her past mistakes since she's clearly continuing her familiar trend.


Men have suffered more than women here.  Women could arguably be among the most villanous species on earth.

Ujujoan:
Oh please . . . this is sooo lame!

I disagree. Speak the truth and it shall set you free.

Ujujoan:
You know what would make me feel better, you NOT excusing the guy for the same mistake you are blaming the girl for. Like you said, it takes two to tango. Why should he point accusing fingers at her when he's probably lived the same lifestlye.

I'm afraid I can't do that.  Men and women are held to different societal standards.  You are the biggest proof of this, especially since you have such an insurmountable, unbelievably crazed financial expectation from men.
Understandably, I feel the guy is a hypocrite for my own personal bias, but I won't sit here and knock him for being hesitant to settle down with a known cheapie.

I dont excpect you to downplay her bad history, but I dont expect you to judge her based on that, because there is a big chance that she's a different person now!

We don't know that for sure.  I can even argue that she hasn't changed, evidenced by the fact that she's with this new person too and she's already getting loose with him.  And the herstory continues.

Godmother:
I TIRE O. Why are these guys looking for virgins sef. After disvirgining countless girls

some women can be cowards.  
why do you people complain about guys disvirgining countless girls, when you continue to shout that you don't want inexperienced partners in bed.
Where does that experience come from? It's doesn't fall from heaven. shior

Ujujoan:
So if you go around dipping it into any open 'womanliness', what gives you the right to judge

Besides, it is YOU WOMEN who encourage men to dip it into any open pussy, because you believe it's abominable to end up with an inexperienced man. And the reverse holds true for women. Not so

Ujujoan:
So if you go around dipping it into any open 'womanliness', what gives you the right to judge

Who's judging? I guess it would make you feel better if I downplay her past history and pretend her sexcapades don't account for much.

Look, I am not judging. Not that she's been wrongly judged anyway. I have stated that the girl has a lot of mileage on her, and the guy should not force himself to continue in a relationship with her since he knows that he can't love her wholeheartedly, because of her controversial past.

You are not understanding me very well.  You can't implement this protocol while remaining friends with the subject.
All of that wishful  thinking won't solve your problem.

You are obviously not ready to put that past behind you, so any further contribution to the topic from me would be a waste.
Goodluck.

ez doz it:
@@@C2H5OH, i have tried that over the years, it always seems to be working at first then it just comes all down on me, its not all simple, there were times i didnt talk to him for up to a year,

how do u advise that i allow myself get over him maybe i'm not doing the right stuff e.g meeting new people, going out to do new things and others to take my mind of it and ones that make me happy eg shopping


but at the end of the day, when i lie down to sleep (not every day though but too often for the word 'comfortable', i think of him.

You have tried a semblance of what I said, but you did not fully implement it. You probably laid there giving him the benefit of the doubt, sitting around expecting things to somehow go back to the way they used to be between the two of you. If you go about it the right way and make up your mind that you are through with him, you can focus on doing things to renews yourself instead of doing things to get your mind off him. Forgive him in your mind and ask God to give you the strength to move forward with your life.

I think you need to process your experiences with him. Write them down if you need to. Talk to someone and try to get it out of your system. After doing that convince yourself that you are indeed a better person without him and you won't allow him to continue to drag you down.

It's simple.  Completely close and end all lines of contact and communication.  Allow yourself to get over him.  I bet you that when next you see him you won't even feel a thing.  You might even laugh out loud at yourself for dating hm.

And this is relevant because Still a willing participant nonetheless, am I correct?

It's a dog eat dog world. If a nigga's Hot and you open up shop for him, you best believe he's gon' hit it Uju. Homeboy is not going to turn down your pussy because you be Babangida's future wife.

jay bee:
cut me some slack bro, what's the probability of that ever happening?

Hey, doesn't probability mean there's a likelihood of it happening? Even with a lack of probability, that's not a chance i'm willing to take.
My mind would be unsettled living with a woman like that who is notorious for sleeping around.

We all have pasts and shouldn't be crucified for whatever happened in hay days.

Some have pasts heavier than others, and that's too much for some people to ever have to deal with, nor should they have to deal with those pasts if they don't want to. I mean, isn't that why freedom of choice is a beautiful thing in this scenario?

The girl is a slapper jor. Move on. I don't like her 'approach' to things jare. How can a person 'willingly' be a victim of the same shit over and over again? She should have taken her time if she has been through this kind of thing before, atleast that way if he had 'discovered' later about her past, he could have made the judgment that she didn't give herself soo easily to him and maybe infact she has changed. Nonsense.

Thank you my oldest sister.  You have said it all.

Ujujoan:
So you not only punish her for being dump, you help her make more mistakes. Sound selfish to me  

There's nothing selfish about getting your rox on with a willing participant.  It takes two to tango.

jay bee:
I understand your stance but i honestly think the dude is just looking for an excuse not to take that big step.

A good excuse at that.  Ain't it?  I would be embarrassed if while driving through the neighborhood, more than a handful of men approach me with swollen chests, bragging about busting nuts up in my girl's ass.  

Past doesn't define the future and the story might be cooked up or exaggerated for all we care.

It's enough that there's a correlation between the past, present, and the future.  The past is a highly significant trend-setter.  
This should be a lesson to everyone out there.  Our past often shapes the kind of person we are. You should remember that every choice you make and every path you travel has an effect . . . maybe not an immediate effect . . . but things can always come back to bite ya in the ass.

Ujujoan:
Exactly!

Harlots? That's funny cos I cant remember seeing that word in the original posts. For all we could tell, the lady was just a victim of too many relationships gone bad, which the poster just upped for her now!

Too many relationships gone round the block gone bad.  You didn't see that word in the original posting, but I made the effort to introduce it.
How can you manage to sleep with multiple men from multiple boys-quarters in the same block and then claim you were being victimized.  Absolutely gross! Must be one hell of a dumb girl ya got there.
If anything it contributes even more negativity to the girl's track record: she doesn't learn from past mistakes.

zeemami:
@C2H5OH , sori, im arent d pitiful typ , i called justice,

Hey,
I don't understand your english. . . but whatver you say.

jay bee:
But why didn't the dude do his research before adding to the girl's unfortunate negative statistics?

Lol, maybe the girl doesn't mind continuing her trend.  I personally don't favor the guy myself, but I see no reason why he should force himself to stay glued to a woman he can't love wholeheartedly.

And I don't feel sorry for the girl either.  Where's her virtue if over two blocks in the whole neighborhood have managed to split her head open.  Doesn't sound like a mistake to me.  More like a trend.  She must have been told that there's strength in numbers.

zeemami:
somtin lyk dat, d question is is she wif dat past habit, study ha n if she is faithful, i c no reason y u can mov on wif ha, wel issue lik dis isnt dificult 4 d matured minded

But my question is, why are you trying to project your own preference onto his without reasoning through it carefully. The dude said her past is too loaded for him to ignore and you are here appealing to pity.
If I go by your logic, serial murderers who repented should not be punished for crimes they committed in the past, right?
I guess our justice system is faulty for not looking beyond past mistakes.

Ujujoan:
Let him who has not sinned be the first to cast the stone!!!!

or wait . . . he's a guy so it's allowed right? _{Gosh I really need to get used to this it's-a'man's-world thingy}

Gosh ko guguru ni.  Don't put words in my open mouth.
If you quote biblical passages, I will respond with several passages of my own.  You hiding behind the religious barricade won't convince me that her past behavior is acceptable.