He and I dated almost 10years ago, Yes, unbelievable, We broke up, I started seeing someone else and he wanted me back but I stuck with the at-the-time guy. When that relationship didn't work, i tried getting back with the first (lets call him 'x') but he was in a relationship, and then i started to see someone and he wanted me back,

So you all see, it was like an unpleasant game of hide and seek, we wanting each other when we were already seeing someone else.

after that (about three years ago), we hung out together and i, at this time, had started practicing celibacy and respecting my body and anyone who respects my choice. x and i saw a numbers of times but no sexual intimacy took place leaving us tense,

Now, the problem is whenever i try to date anyone, i size the guy to 'x' and now, i have ended up single and worry that i will be too heart broken when i hear that he is getting married, i don't know if he is dating anyone but he is well into that age of settling down so i guess it could be anytime.

i know and have come to realise that we cant have any other other kind of relationship asides being just friends but that is so difficult for me even though i am trying my best.

i always really liked him and he knows, he likes me too but i dont know what was amiss in the past. and just chose to ignore the reality, i want to get him off my thoughts totally, but dont want to rush into a relationship like i did in the past just to get over him.

sometimes, i forget all about him for days, even weeks then thoughts of him just manage to creep in from nowhere, i have been praying to God to deliver me from this mess as i recognise it is a big problem.

please for anyone who has been in this situation or anything like it or anyone and everyone who can advice, please write on, criticisms are welcome too.

these matters of the heart isnt at all for the faint-hearted oo,


thanks.

it aint easy!

why don't u pick courage and ask him? he might be going thru same u knw.

u have met ur soulmate, dont let him slip away

As long as you keep communicating/contacting him in anyway. . .especially when obviously you aren't over him. . .then you'll never get over him. . . what you need now is to cut off every communication with him and give your heart time to heal!


Also stop going into a new relationship because you want to get over him. . .it'll just end up being a rebound and never last. . .

Instead take genuine interest in a new dude. . .for the right reasons!

i think u should tell him too

kpolli:

u have met your soulmate, dont let him slip away

Right on the spot!

You dated for 10 yrs?!

Sisi_Kill:

You dated for 10 yrs?!

she said dey dated allmost ten years ago

kpolli:

u have met your soulmate, dont let him slip away

Straight outta the top drawer for me.

@Poster: You're at the cross-road that can define your entire love life. . .  You have the option of swallowing your pride and opening up to this guy before he gets too intimate with someone else to get out, or u can hook up and even marry another person with thoughts of 'x' lingering in your mind everytime.
Imagine how the unlucky guy will feel when u keep measuring him up, using 'x' as a yardstick.
Imagine how you'll feel when you hear or he invites u to a wedding or child-naming, or anything at all to mark some successful achievement - you'll feel like u shoulda been his partner, or putting it lightly, you'd probably envy his wife

^^^Ah so, mah bad!

Thank you all for the suggestions, He knows how i feel and since he won't do anything abt it, there is little else i can do, for me, the next guy has to be a great deal,

i have been praying seriously about it, He is in nigeria and i'm in london, that wont have been a problem though but i really want to get over him.

@@kpolli, i wish, life isnt that easy oo,

this isnt normal, is it? how can i have liked someone for almost 10years il talk to him but i know nothing will come out of it.

please, more ideas coming in.


thanks for the warm concerns.

i know its not easy but 10yrs is to long for hide n seek,
if i were u, i will meet him n tell him "10yrs is too long for this, would u rather marry someone n miss me n then we cheat on our spouses or we marry now n kill ourselves later, we can never work wit others, u can wait but dont have a lifetime to do that, "that should put him on the right path, cos some mehn need to be placed on THE path

@ kpolli and everybody, i know the right thing to do is to swallow my pride and tell him how i feel but i have done that several times and its resulted in nothing, obviously, i'm alone in this dilemma.

i have thought of how it might hurt when i get invites for important occassions in the future (assuming i end up with someone else), as @@@whitelexi pointed out, that is so true but what can i do when he wont budge??

i cant keep hurting myself with the silent rejection, i just want to get over him, i dont know why it didnt work out cuz i thought we were really compatible, we used to play alot, thats by the way now,

i just want a way forward cuz i know, after telling the next time (just this one time), my heart will not be able to take it anymore, i will definitely give it a shot though i must confess that the past silence has made me a bit timid, wont he be sick of knowing the truth over and over again,

or worse, wonder why i havent managed to let go of him all these many years??

It's simple.  Completely close and end all lines of contact and communication.  Allow yourself to get over him.  I bet you that when next you see him you won't even feel a thing.  You might even laugh out loud at yourself for dating hm.

@thoniaslim, i have tried that, i liked the other guys genuinely, but he managed to remain under my skin, i think i need deliverance, its either we end up together  or  God sends me someone who would totally wipe thoughts of him off my being.


i really really want to forget him and have tuned myself but it ain't working,


@@@C2H5OH, i have tried that over the years, it always seems to be working at first then it just comes all down on me, its not all simple, there were times i didnt talk to him for up to a year,

how do u advise that i allow myself get over him maybe i'm not doing the right stuff e.g meeting new people, going out to do new things and others to take my mind of it and ones that make me happy eg shopping


but at the end of the day, when i lie down to sleep (not every day though but too often for the word 'comfortable', i think of him.

ez doz it:

@@@C2H5OH, i have tried that over the years, it always seems to be working at first then it just comes all down on me, its not all simple, there were times i didnt talk to him for up to a year,

how do u advise that i allow myself get over him maybe i'm not doing the right stuff e.g meeting new people, going out to do new things and others to take my mind of it and ones that make me happy eg shopping


but at the end of the day, when i lie down to sleep (not every day though but too often for the word 'comfortable', i think of him.

You have tried a semblance of what I said, but you did not fully implement it. You probably laid there giving him the benefit of the doubt, sitting around expecting things to somehow go back to the way they used to be between the two of you. If you go about it the right way and make up your mind that you are through with him, you can focus on doing things to renews yourself instead of doing things to get your mind off him. Forgive him in your mind and ask God to give you the strength to move forward with your life.

I think you need to process your experiences with him. Write them down if you need to. Talk to someone and try to get it out of your system. After doing that convince yourself that you are indeed a better person without him and you won't allow him to continue to drag you down.

ok, i will do these things, i may not have been trying my bestest best, there is nothing to forgive him about, we are buddies. u wont believe when u hear us gisting( when the tension of the obvious isnt on board though).

i'm praying to God most of all about this. if it isnt meant to be then let Him take him off my life for good. so we can be comfortable as just friends.

i hope this year marks the end of this crazy spell,

You are not understanding me very well.  You can't implement this protocol while remaining friends with the subject.
All of that wishful  thinking won't solve your problem.

You are obviously not ready to put that past behind you, so any further contribution to the topic from me would be a waste.
Goodluck.

sometimes a man needs a big push, am sure, he is tryin to let go of u too, thats y he never gives u an answer, cos if a guy is not interested he is not shy to state it,
u never hook the guy, as in if u arrest him for a week let him know ur dead serious, he will burge, forgetting him is almost impossible, dont put ur self in a position to regret it later on

Kill him
Dat's d best way

@@@@@khanye, loooooool ,  u no even serious,

@CH20H, i get your point,  i should sever all ties, abi?? but in doing that still pray to God,  i'm working on it,

@@kpolli, a friend told me that 4years ago, i didnt have the liver to do it,  besides, wetin wan happen when i arrest am for a week? when i no gree do the thing, he go use that as excuse.

God will direct me in His own perfect way for me,  ill do things to renew myself,

10yrs with ex + 2years with next guy + 3years with other guy + 2 years waiting on ex =17yrs.

now add that to when u first started dating= 17yrs + 25yrs = 42yrs.

so at 42 u still dey think like this abi? dey wait for who no dey wait for u.

sit down there, till u reach 90, na then u go wake up to the reality say the

guy get another person. SO U BERRA GET OVER HIM AND ENJOY THT REMAINING

OF YOUR SPENT LIFE!!! HABA.

as he ever asked for it?
or has he ever used that as a reason, if he has, then maybe he is not worth the wait

@@@kpolli, no, after the period we actually dated, i havent given room for that to come to play.

haba@ smoooooth, u harsh ooo, in the last 10 years from when i dated him was when the other guys happened, i never even 30 yet,

what i simply asked for are ideas of how to get over him, i know thats what i have to do. but give examples, eg cutting off all contact with him, then what??

ez doz it:


@@@kpolli, no, after the period we actually dated, i havent given room for that to come to play.

haba@ smoooooth, u harsh ooo, in the last 10 years from when i dated him was when the other guys happened, i never even 30 yet,

what i simply asked for are ideas of how to get over him, i know thats what i have to do. but give examples, eg cutting off all contact with him, then what??

OK, SORRY BOUT MY FIRST POST. U REALLY WANNA GET OVER THIS DUDE, CHECK OUT THIS GUYS'S TIPS, THEY WORKED FOR ME.

Getting over an ex is one of the hardest things one can ever do.However,it is important if you must move on and live your life.
Back in school,i had this girl that really got me going 'wow'.She was everything a man could ever want in a woman.She was smart,brilliant,intelligent,confident,pretty,had good sense of humour,good dress sense.In short,she was just perfect.But situations just couldn't let it last.She broke up with me with sensible reasons.I was shattered.Food became annoying,i talked less,went out less,thought more and if not that i hate crying,would've cried.But i got over her and moved on within a reasonable period.How i did it?

1. I accepted the fact that she was gone
This was the first step to my getting over her.Rather than sit there and hope for her to return,i accepted the fact that she was gone and thought of ways to get over her.

2. I deleted her number from my phone
Even though i still had her number in my head,i deleted it from my phone so i don't get tempted to call.The urges came,but i was able to suppress them because the number wasn't in my phone and i didn't want to dial it.

3. I started going out more
I made sure i had people to go and visit,because each time i am alone,i start thinking about her and i needed to get rid of everything 'HER'.

4. I stopped being friends with her
I couldn't risk feeling pains all over again,so i just stopped being friends with her.

5. I made a list why it was better she left
I made a list of reasons why it was better we broke up.This list helped reduce the pain of not being with her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^ nice 1,

This is why i so much don't believe in that "love" shit.It causes nothing but pain and problems.2 pple here prob "L" each other but won't admit or do something bout it.In the process they pull other pple who are dating them into thier web of frustration.

^^^^^^^ web of frustration , i am not confused cuz i know what i want to do but want to know of other fresh and ideas as those i have tried arent working.

@@saintneo
@@candyshore,


i have tried several times,  no results, thats why i have to get out of the whole idea,

i have deleted his numbers but i have them etched in my memory,

Hey people, gave myself 2weeks trying all. But more than ever now, this guy's latched unto my mind 24/7.

Can't even concerntrate at work. i need deliverance, this one don pass following the rules.

I want to let myself really like someone else as that seems to be something that might take over thoughts of this ex off my mind on the longest term.