₦airaland Forum

8 different relationships in 10yrs

Ayam not understanding oo

Kalatium:
There is one question every man should ask himself before calling any woman the 'love of his life' .

If everything you have worked for disappeared tomorrow, if your job was gone, your business collapsed or your income suddenly stopped, would she still look at you with the same love, respect and admiration? What if she starts Earning more than you, will she remain with you?

For a long time, I believed the answer would be yes because love was supposed to be unconditional.

Life eventually answered that question for me, not once, not twice, but eight different times in a period of 10 years. Every relationship was different, every woman had a different personality, from different ethnic groups but the lesson at the end was painfully similar.

Story One: When I Lost My First Job

We had been together for two years and I genuinely believed we were building a future together. When my former company downsized and I lost my job, the first person I wanted to speak to was the woman I loved because I expected comfort, encouragement and reassurance that we would get through it together.

Instead, the conversation immediately shifted to : What would become of the relationship now that I was unemployed. The warmth gradually disappeared, the phone calls became less frequent, the replies became shorter and within a few weeks she had emotionally checked out. Before long, she had moved on with another man. Two years of commitment disappeared almost as quickly as my monthly salary.

Story Two: "I'll Find Someone Else"

Months later i got into another relationship. As of then i started a business i got introduced to and at it was booming. Then came a point, where the business became slow and money was unusually tight. For the first time since we started dating, I could not spend the way I normally did. I communicated this to her and she said okay but just a few days later she called and asked me to send her money so she could buy a dress and shoe she saw.

I honestly explained that I was struggling financially and simply needed a little time to recover. Instead of asking how I was coping or understand me or encourage me to stay strong, her response was, "It's okay. I'll find someone else." Those six words changed the way I see her because I suddenly realized I had been valued more for what I provided than for who I actually was. This was a major trigger that orchestrated our breakup later.

Story Three: Betrayal After Sacrifice

The lady was very lovely that i thought we will get married. She was from a humble background, looked gentle and portrayed herself like the kind that will be faithful to me (ride or die). I paid bills, solved problems, handled emergencies and constantly made sacrifices because I genuinely loved her and believed we were building something meaningful together.

Unknown to me, another man with a bigger bank account had quietly entered the picture and was doking her. By the time I eventually discovered what had been happening, she had already moved on emotionally while I was still investing my time, energy and resources into a relationship that had quietly expired. I felt betrayed and shattered.

Story Four: I Helped Her But She Left
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This one pained me the most because of extend i went for her. She is in the health profession and graduated without securing an internship placement. She was frustrated about her future because her mates have already started and are already ahead of her. I refused to watch her struggle alone. I reached out to people I knew, made several calls and eventually helped her secure internship in where i did mine previously. While she worked without salary for months, I continued encouraging and supporting her financially because I genuinely wanted to see her succeed.

All of a sudden everything changed. The communication reduced, the effort disappeared and eventually she walked away from the relationship. She gave no solid reasons saying it's not me it's her and she needs to find herself. Later, I got to found out she had already started earning before she broke up with me. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether she simply felt she no longer needed me as she is now earning or feel i will ask her for money or what . I became an overnight philosopher.

Story Five: She claimed not to have money and later got scammed.

We dated for three years and during that period I never hesitated to support her financially whenever life became difficult. Helping her was almost natural to me because I believed that was what partners were supposed to do for each other. This was the lady i loved the most.

One day I genuinely needed financial help myself and reached out to her after other options failed. She calmly told me she did not have any money. This was my first time of asking her this and since i trusted her, i thought she actually didn't have. Many days later, she was moody and closed off. I asked repeatedly what was wrong only for her to end up crying, saying someone had scammed her with a significant amount of her money. The painful part for me was not that she got scammed. The painful part was realizing she had the money all along but told me she doesn't have anything. She simply chose not to help me when I needed her. I felt betrayed. When i reflected on everything i realized that even when i am in a precarious situation, she won't ever help me. I never took her serious since then.

Story Six: I Was Always the One Giving

This relationship forced me to reflect on something I had ignored for a long time: reciprocation. I was having this mentality that when my woman needs help, I will always show up immediately without thinking twice. Whenever she faced a challenge, I considered it our challenge. However, looking back today, almost every meaningful sacrifice came from my side and i was shooting myself on the foot.

I began to notice that whenever I genuinely needed emotional support, encouragement or even small acts of kindness, there was almost always another excuse, another reason or another delay. I don't like to keep score but i can't help but noticed she has never did anything worthwhile, even when monetary aspect is kept aside. She is always asking and taking but have never giviing and she is 30. Loving someone should never feel like carrying two people on your shoulders while pretending the weight is equal.

Story Seven: The ₦100,000 I Never Saw Again

This relationship was still very new when she called saying she had an emergency and urgently needed ₦100,000. I explained that the money had already been set aside for something very important, but because she was my girlfriend, I agreed to lend it to her after she repeatedly promised to repay me.

The money never came back. Whenever I reminded her, she started making me feel guilty for asking for money i send to her oooo. At one point she even asked why I was behaving as though she were a stranger. That moment taught me that borrowing money should never automatically erase accountability. I ended the relationship out of disgust. This was the shortest relationship i had ever been.

Story Eight: The Experiment That Changed Everything

After everything I had experienced, I recently decided to quietly test one relationship earlier this year after the lady was claiming she is not after a man's money. So I deliberately reduced how much I spent while making sure nothing else changed. I still called regularly, stayed emotionally available and continued showing genuine affection. The only thing I reduced was the money.

The result shocked me. Almost immediately I was accused of no longer caring, no longer trying and no longer loving her like before. Nothing about my character had changed. My attention had not reduced. My commitment remained exactly the same. The only thing that changed was my spending, yet that alone completely changed how I was treated. That experiment taught me one lesson no relationship expert ever could.

My Overall Reflection

Before anyone misunderstands this post, let me make something very clear. I am not saying every woman behaves this way because that would be dishonest and unfair. These are not all the ladies i have been in a relationship with but this is a result of majority of those i have been with. I know there are loyal, supportive and emotionally mature women who genuinely stand beside their partners during difficult seasons.

My concern is that I have personally experienced this pattern repeatedly as well as others, and many men quietly carry similar stories without ever talking about them. Society constantly reminds men that their value lies in what they provide, while very few people ever stop to ask what emotional support men receive in return.

A man is expected to provide, protect, remain emotionally strong, solve problems and carry responsibilities without complaining. The moment he experiences financial difficulty, many people begin questioning his worth instead of asking whether he is mentally exhausted, overwhelmed or silently struggling with responsibilities nobody else can see.

Money is important. Bills are real. Responsibilities cannot be ignored. Every serious relationship requires financial responsibility from both partners.

Genuine love, however, should never disappear simply because someone enters a difficult season. Every human being will eventually experience moments when life does not go according to plan. Character is not revealed during comfort. Character is revealed when circumstances become uncomfortable.

Today I no longer judge relationships by sweet words, romantic promises or social media displays. I pay attention to how people behave when there is nothing material left to gain because hardship exposes intentions that comfort successfully hides.

My biggest lesson is one I will carry for the rest of my life.

Money can attract attention.
Money can attract admiration.
Money can even attract temporary affection.
Money cannot buy genuine loyalty.

If someone's love expires the same day your money stops flowing, then perhaps what you had was never really love.

It was simply a transaction wearing the mask of a relationship.

So let me leave you with one honest question.

If you lost everything tomorrow, would your partner still choose you, or would they quietly begin searching for someone with a healthier bank account?

Bro I'm interested an I also live in surulere. How do I get in touch ?

elmisti:
Good day House, I have a 2005 corolla to give out on rental (owner is travelling).

*car engine is in good workig condition (Gear Slips after Gear 3 )

Terms Of engagement.

*prospective driver must reside within Surulere, Ketu or its environ.
*properly gated and fenced residence
*Existing E-hailing driver and top performer (with proof)
*500k security deposit ( Refundable on satisfactory termination)
*65k weekly Remmitance
*Repairs Below 20k and Any Exterior Body Work will be shouldered by driver at designated Mechanic
*Car will be provided for inspection every two weeks.
*Terms are to be reviewed every 3 months.

Interested person should idicate

Bro I'm interested.
Tried sending a message on Whatsapp to the number you posted but can't find it on Whatsapp....call ?

Gbengais:
A driver is needed to drive a Honda Accord 2004 on rental basis. Preferably someone who has been driving on the E hailing platform before. Kindly send a WhatsApp message to 09138944815 thank you

Op please drop your number so I can call you

Santa I need a wife

Olalan:
So shameful for both the man and the lady.........the man should be disciplined adequately cause prostitution still remains illegal in Nigeria as at today.
BTW how men lay with prostitutes puzzles me knowing that several guys lay with them.

Ode!!!

The one you call your gf and lay with do you know how many men have laid with her and still laying her

Mtchheewww

Well played eyimba!!
Under the scorching sun!
Make dem come score make we see
lol....

do you have any experience in merchandising? And what's your educational qualification?

whateverkay:
This is what you get when everyone wants to live in Lagos by fire by force. The number of ifesinashi buses shipping in IPOB almajiris to lagos on a daily basis is increasing by the day. These people have no economic plans in Lagos than to become traffic traders and okada riders. Once they are able to afford a room rent, they will start calling Lagos a no man's land like their mad fellows. They claim igboland has the highest mansions in the country yet they cant sit and

thrive there. Their success in life is tied to Yoruba states yet they are always ungrateful and call Yoruba names at the least provocations.i support the clamp down on okada riders and fan yogo sellers. After all the population of yorubas riding okada is not up to 5%. These people must be dealt with so they can start respecting their host. The next clamp down should be on Alaba and Ladipo markets. Nonsense

Jeez!!!.....how dumb can one person be

Rukkydelta:
I doubt if men like this still exists

they don't

[quote author=Linqsz post=55556639].

.

terrible I must say but shit happens.
Now my issue with you is why take it out on the poor girl who knows absolutely nothing abt it (ur gf)......

Udy whatever happened with you and toks2008 hope I got that moniker right sha. sparks were flying btwn both of you on that over 30's thread. you come across as decent and dude too is.

Dude be a MAN!!!




Grow some BALLS!!!




.....and walk away......

Wts wrong with guys sef.....she giving u attitude and u here howling......#pissedmuch

Complete myth!!!...... Aim a lil bit lower and GBAM yu re there



......and u can thank me now by the way

Malawian:
lol. how you take free that kind babe sef? abi na imo chic marriage money you never gather

Bro the money no be here ooo.....and as per imo parole dem go still dey chuck outside jare....but anyways make we nor derail oooo....still dey wait for the new ride drink

Malawian:
if i see that your babe, i go show am this your quote.

Hahahahahahaha......bro we don finish Tey Tey jare......by d way I neva see my own drink for the ride ooo?.....my eyes re o yu oo

Is it just me or what I find it odd and kinda weird that she is even down with gettn hitched with u seeing as u can't get an attention with her.....

Long overdue

Still in the background viewing and enjoying the banter hehe....
Thanks op for the recommendation of those two dudes they are MEN !...
Hope smfin comes out of this....but as for moi will get the money 1st b4 venturing but if it happens then t'will be a bonus....

Nyc thread @op....lemme jst keep viewing 4rm the background while I keep hussling to get 2d stage where I can now man up *translation..look for a wife*....hehe
And yea I'm in the age bracket....mid thirties buffdae in 19days time *sigh*
Gurls hav no idea how hard it is this days to get a gurl that's wife material....been a long journey 4mi and the end still isn't in sight
Still on the matter anyways.....





Did I make any sense ....hope so

Pataki:
Debauchy is really rusty. Incredible to see him in this form.

Thought I was the only one seeing him mehn....his recovery rate is poor and he has been constanty exposing the back four. His form is bad mehn he should be taken out Asap

Oct 21st....

I love my gf so much but.......unfortunately can't marry her !

Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes !!!

Bought recharge card from a vendor and was loading while walking. Finished loading the card and threw my change away in place of the used voucher !!....choi ! That day I nearly cry.....and yes d change plenty no be small....#600.....come dey vex say if I had known I for jst buy 1k voucher naa....wasn't funny mehn....

Call the number with your wife's fone put it on speaker and ask her to speak with the person on the other end while u listen in. That way ur suspicions will either be confirmed or ur mind will be @rest.....and if it turns out that the guy answer's the fone in a familiar way or even calls out her name then send her packing the moment she drops the call....simple !....I hav zero tolerance levels for a cheating spouse !

Arsenate:
you guys are doing a good job promoting immorality. of course I'm sure the wives and children of the men she cheated with and whose lives might have been negatively affected will enjoy reading your posts.
you guys don't know how these things affect people. call a spade a spade and stop misquoting the bible to promote immortality.
gosh...what a messed up world. people coming up with arguments to validate their evil ways. I'm sure even boko haram will come up with a good reason for blowing people up.

. Thank u bro was jst abt to reply him wen I saw ur post. Now all she thinks abt is if she has lost him can u imagine d pain her victims had to go thru wen she was frolicking wif sm1 else's hubby ? No they wnt think that wat they'l do is run to church and God. U lie on ur bed the way u made it yes everyone has a past but pls dnt use urs to scuttle and innocent man's vision look for sm1 else who wldnt mind ur filthy baggage and latch onto....#so vexed and pity the man in question !

U f**k'd married men in the past and now u want pity or what ?...hoes be running to God after breaking homes and wanting God to make things disappear !...and one stewpid hoe saying u too good for her liking dafuk is dat ?...hey God has 4given u but this particular bloke is too good 4u cos wat u deserve is a nigga whose gonna keep bashing ur face in marraige....so pls end it and go look for ur kind who also screwd married women and dnt come mess up dis man's life wif ur filthy baggage

Onegai:
Well, firstly, you have to swallow your pride. I mean it, even to your wife. Humble yourself now before her (trust me on this, everyone will scream at you but I'm speaking from experience). Tell her you love her for her sacrifice and you thank her for this (she's giving up her kids so the family has a fighting chance). You are a team, screw this head of blah blah, YOU ARE A TEAM. Your weaknesses are her strengths, her weaknesses are your strength.

Good, that's out of the way. Let her take the job. Since she's the provider for now, do not dictate to her, instead ask her to come with a savings plan for the next 6 months to 1 year (most people won't take house helps for less than a year). With that plan, both of you sit down and discuss it, mull it over, turn it up and down, make sure there's extra expenditure. You two have to be united.

Tell her to impress her employers, love their kids like hers, work like she's the oga's mother. Not easy, but do it.

You, get a place to sleep, that's the most important thing.

Now, you are going to dust up your CV, look for some trusted people here on NL and pm them, ask them to help you with your CV.

There's a ministry called Esther Breakthrough, they usually place people with jobs in small businesses you may not have access to, go and join them. Go to the nearest business hub with your new CV and knock on doors politely, tell each office you are a hardworking man seeking employment (DO NOT BEG FOR MONEY OR BRING OUT YOUR SOB STORY AND START TELLING THEM ABOUT YOUR HARDSHIP. Everyone has a tough story nowadays). Be professional, speak to the staff nicely. A lot of jobs are available but not advertised. You will get a job you never heard of, because you applied methods that were different.

While you're looking for a job, spend your waking hour reading up the newspapers and financial sections of NL. BE INFORMED ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. People pay for knowledge or skills. You have to be prepared when Opportunity comes knocking.

Part of the money needed for your waka is from your wife (see why you have to be united? Because some days, her madam will act like a crazy person and she will be so exhausted, that when you come for some funds and you act all "Naija man", your wife's patience will snap, like any normal human being would).

I'm telliny you what to do, because my sister's first nanny to her kids was in your exact same position and the family is progressing now because they were similarly advised by my mum, my favourite nanny as a child was in your wife's position and now she's a graduate with a family and guess who helped her husband get a good job? A seed of years ago is still bearing fruit.

Please take this as a GREAT OPPORTUNITY to sow an amazing growth into your life.

. @Op heed dis advice !....dnt I jst luv u Onegai u re the reason y I always log on here most days jst to 'milk' 4rm your wealth of wisdom. I thank God 4u and pray his blessings and Grace be sufficient 4u

LOL....omo na husslers sef full this thread oooo....dude asked a simple question if he could make money 4rm d one he already signed up for and u guys are asking him to sign up for more ?....make una no confuse d poster abeg........Op as 4mi sha I dnt know but jst shine ur eyes well well oo