₦airaland Forum

Dickson178:
Money! No woman will insult you when you have the money to take care of everything.

That's not true!
We have billionaires and millionaires that are divorced,their money couldn't keep their spouse.

We dont let quarrels or argument linger. It naturally fades away the next moment like it never happened . It baffles me also. I think it is maturity or what?

My home is my safe haven,I can't trade my peace of mind for anything. Thank God for giving me a spouse that his marital goals aligns with mine.

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Just give her a simple test.

Ask her on her way back from somewhere to help you buy something. Something you know she can afford, with the excuse that your bank network is bad at the moment,that way you can't make a transfer to her.

If she keeps asking you for a reimbursement afterwards and making an issue out of it,just know say you don enter one chance.

One pastor,three women. And there are members to. That church who knows his story and still listen to his sermons.

mirrael68:
Ji

You sef be gen z?
The theme song was EDDIE QUANSA BIYA BIO....

I laughed hard when I read "Elephant Style". I was like,what is that again?😂😂😂😂

AllBlack:
Abi na GIRIN GORY be 430? check well

Zebrudaya is alias 4:30

YoungLionken:
The more African men allow women to have their way, the more trouble and unhappiness it (marriage) become for the men..

Ask majority of married men in marriage and what you will likely hear is the "omo, e nor easy.." You would think it is about taking care of family based on the economy until they begin to tell you about the tigress they married. Why are all these things happening is simply because, just like religion, African men are getting brainwashed about accepting everything (work of the devil) as normal, hence the terrible government. Same way, the poster drafted so called "10 stages" of accepting BS from your woman and accepting it as normal, I'm surprised he didn't include the "blame the devil" stage as an excuse to overlook her misbehaviour until it becomes too late (a stage where she becomes uncontrollable and that's the stage most married men are now)..

Dear African men (those with western ideology on marriage should take the backseat or leave), when it comes to women/marriage, don't accept any act of stubborn misbehaviour disguised as a "stage" or whatever comforting name they are giving it! Our forefathers married quietly, powerfully and peacefully, you should do the same. If you can't place her where she belongs (not as a slave but a woman who is under authority), then she's not yours...

You have definitely changed the entire narrative and streamlined it to look like it's all about women. It takes the two parties to make a marriage work or fail.
I know the people on Nairaland with your kind of thought line. If they have never blamed a woman for the woes of the world,they will never remain calm.

Christistruth03:
Desmond Elliott is from Olowogbowo on Lagos Island
Na Lagos indigene

It seems you don't know how theses ones discriminate against children's born to them by non-indigenous women. His mom is from cross river or akwa-ibom.
They did same to that Labour Party candidate

Avoid bringing in family members to live with you as newly Weds. Spend the first few years alone bonding with your partner. E get why

Where are the Nairaland "women are useless" crooners. They have all ran into their holes.

correctyourself:
Here is a true experience.

I heard of similar issues with a family and the matter got to the husband's office and the man was sacked as a result of the issue. Till today the man has not been able to get well paying job and both the wife, man and children are lacking what the family needs for decent life.

Leaving the marriage wouldn't be good for the children.

Lastly, having seen the person whom your husband is, never you keep female house help to avoid similar issues, try and pull the issue over so that it wouldn't affect your thinking

Let' the case be reversed.
If the wife was caught in similar situation,what will your advice be?

Precious201010:
Wetin I don dey use for more than 5 years now.... Though na weekly own I dey buy... 1.5 GB for 300 Naira..

Code please

Racoon:
Pictures and Video of BH terrorists holding prayers in the Mandara Mountains

Who are they praying to?

voiceunheard:
My Experience After Relying on a Pastor’s Promise During a Difficult Time - How Broken Trust Affected My Health, Finances & Peace of Mind


(I have kept records of my communications and interactions regarding this matter)

I am sharing this anonymously because I have carried this pain alone for too long, and it has affected my health, finances, and emotional stability.

I come from a very difficult family background. For many years, I experienced emotional abuse, constant frustration, and lack of support from my parents and siblings. While my father was alive, he repeatedly told me that he would make sure I was frustrated in life, that I would be useless, and that I would be born to regret. Even when I did the right thing, I was still abused. Living in that environment became unbearable, and I eventually left in order to preserve my sanity and try to build a life for myself.

After leaving my parents' house, I struggled to secure stable housing and rebuild my life under difficult financial and emotional conditions. In 2025, I was living in a room-and-parlor apartment with another person. We paid the rent, agreement, and agent fees 50/50. Before the rent expired, serious conflict arose between us. Her elder sister threw my belongings out without notice. My belongings remained in an uncompleted building for three days, and I became completely stranded.

In my desperation, I went to a large Pentecostal church (a well-known church, name withheld) seeking guidance and was directed to a pastor. I did not approach him on my own. He prayed with me and told me, "God has stepped into the matter." He asked me to confirm the cost of renting a new place and promised that he would pay the full rent, including agreement and agent fees. I did not ask him for financial assistance. I only needed somewhere to stay temporarily and planned to be paying ₦5,000 monthly until I could fully sort myself out. The promise was entirely his initiative.

Because of this assurance, I relied on his words. If not for that promise, I would have immediately pursued police action against the people who threw my belongings out, recovered part of my money, added what I had, and borrowed a small amount from my bank to rent a house. Instead, I waited, trusting his promise.

During this period, I stayed in an open place and was exposed to cold. My health began to suffer. When I later met the pastor in the area and asked about the promise, explaining that cold was seriously affecting me, he said:

"You are the one who said you want to leave your parents' house because they were frustrating you. You have to bear it."

He also said:

"There are many people I have promised. I am settling them little by little."

If he already had many unfulfilled promises to others, why did he make another expensive promise to me with such confidence, as if the money was already available?

He also told me that I had 'stopped calling him, since I stopped calling him, he said let him see how I will look for a way out' which I found confusing - was I expected to call him constantly while waiting for him to fulfill his promise?

As time passed, he began ignoring my calls. During a phone conversation, when it was clear that I was desperate to secure accommodation, he told me:

"Don't go into prostitution to get money to rent a house."

This statement shocked and deeply humiliated me. I had never suggested or implied anything like that.

When I later shared this experience with a church member, she initially acknowledged that the pastor's actions were wrong. However, she then began offering explanations and justifications - including suggesting that the pastor made the statement to "prevent me from prostitution," and that he could not explain himself to me because doing so would be "bringing himself down to my level." This response deeply troubled me. It reflected a mindset where a pastor's status is prioritized over the dignity, pain, and wellbeing of a vulnerable person seeking help.

Eventually, because the delay became unbearable, I went to the police regarding the people who threw my belongings out and recovered part of my money (I could have recovered more if I had not relied on the pastor's promise). I informed the pastor that I now had more than half of the rent and asked him to assist with the remaining amount so I could finally rent a place. He still did nothing.

Around this time, someone invited me to a church where I was told:

"You should forgive people who have offended you and let go for your way to be open. How do you expect your way to be open when you are harboring many people in your heart?"

This made me realize how much emotional pain I had been carrying. The prolonged waiting, broken promise, and silence were destroying me. I formally reported the pastor to the church headquarters after more than four months of ignored calls and messages, I also went to his office, he said he has nothing to tell me.

I did not report him because I wanted money. I reported him because of the broken promise and the emotional harm caused by months of silence. The threats came only after I made the report, and I later reported those threats too.

After I reported him, his behavior reportedly changed. He told me that I would d*e within a short time. He warned that "this trend you are embarking on will land you in a place you least expect." He said, "Don't let me see you, you won't find it funny." He later called me a thief, saying I wanted to reap where I did not sow, and told me that my life is "messed up."

From that point on, my health and emotional wellbeing deteriorated. I fell sick frequently, spent money on medications, struggled to concentrate on my business, and lost income. Eventually, I had to borrow money to rent a house on my own, which I am still going to pay back. The consequences of relying on his promise continue to affect my life in several areas (emotionally, my spirit is shattered. I can no longer concentrate or run my business properly).

I reported this matter to the church headquarters multiple times via email. I first reported this in August 2025 and sent multiple follow-up emails with no acknowledgment. After five months of complete silence, I reported again in January 2026 because the pastor's broken promise was destroying my health, finances, and emotional wellbeing. Only then did they acknowledge my complaint, apologizing for the "prolonged silence" and promising "urgent attention." However, they have since gone silent again for another month despite these assurances.

The church's repeated silence, despite multiple complaints and promises to investigate, has left me with no choice but to share this publicly. Private accountability channels have completely failed.

I am sharing this not to attack any church, but to speak about how broken promises, silence, and threatening words from someone in authority can deeply damage a vulnerable person's life.

No one should have to carry this kind of burden alone.

I am honestly asking:

• Is it right for a pastor to make strong promises to someone in distress and then disappear?
• Is it right to stop someone from going to the police and then abandon them?
• Is it okay to scare someone after they speak up?
• When does spiritual authority become harmful to a person's mental and emotional wellbeing?

Attached are supporting screenshots for transparency. Including email correspondence with church headquarters showing months of no response, and messages showing threatening behavior. Personal details have been hidden for privacy.

I am posting this anonymously for my safety, but I am open to support or advice. If you wish to reach out, please contact me via this email: voiceunheardstories@gmail.com

This is my personal experience and understanding of events as they occurred.

#ChurchAccountability #SpiritualAbuse #PastoralMisconduct #Nigeria #BreakTheSilence #JusticeForVulnerable

Sorry for all you have been through.
My sincere advice is this, you have to work on your character. Maybe your life experiences has contributed to this.
Learn to forgive and let go of hurt! The more you are quick to find fault with people,the more you keep hurting yourself.

Unburden your heart!
Love yourself, forgive and let go!
Forgiveness doesn't mean you should let the people that hurt you deeply back into your life. Observe them from a distance!
❤️ and 💥

insidelife22:
Most ladies stop taking care of how they look after marriage.
Most especially after their first child.
We men like things the way they look when we first bought it.
You gerit

Neither do most men remain same way they were. Some develope pot bellies and thick waist lines. Even their hygiene is nothing to write home about. Some can't even cleanup after themelves. They depend solely on their wives for their personal hygiene You do not see their wives complaining about all that. Most don't even wash their undies again except their wives picks it up.

You guys think cleanliness doesn't turn women on!

SouthAmericalif:
I would like to tell you guys how this whole delima ended,if you guys don't mind.

I will love to know. I hope you health has greatly improved and you are happy with whatever decision you took.

VOsimhen144:
I know some men can do even more than what's on the list but judging by the current lifestyle of Nigerian girls, majority of them don't deserve such bride price items

Every time Nigerian girls, Nigerian girls as if the female members of your family are from Tanzania. Abeg make una rest! Even the Nigerian men are they left out? Abi make we they list una vices from drug abuse, bet addiction to yahoo yahoo etc. Talking of double standard!

Love800:
Na android generation na, you can see it stated there. Modern life, lol.

Am trying hard to go back to olden days practices for peace of mind. I don't wanna be tag with trending-lifestyle anymore.

Where did the angel that is holding the trumpet go?

They are both guilty of what they are accusing each other of.

RichBoy247:
.
Strong woman with Five children for Four different husbands? Tell me something else

Why bring her personal life to this? What has it got to do with her job role.
Her male colleagues have several wives and side chicks with multiple children,does it affect their job roles.

Talking of double standard! Some of you that are quick to bash people are worse offline.

Iceiscold:
Deepseek is on another level.
Fast
Accurate
Sharp
Ready

Can you animate photos with it?

LockDown69:
Copilot is the best, funny you don't have it on the list.

Is there a free version

Orlandoo:
Did you not see where Davido claimed they have done DNA test five times and they all came out negative? Why the unnecessary hatred?

He should clear the air by publishing it

Ezini:
So after five DNA tests Davido still gifted this adult olosho 20 million

Davido is truly a very nice person

Man’s man Kemi will go down in Davido’s place

Why is it hard for him to publish the 5 tests? The lady in question said only 1 was conducted under a questionable circumstances.

DarkJeddi:
Wetin this one come mean?
You little people dey give Irrelevant people courage..
People dey troll Trump on a steady.
People dey troll Balablu on a steady.
Na this rolling ball of fat be the no go area?
Ogbeni shift!

Does it make trolling right?

xxgig:
I Thank God for your life.

Thanks

xxgig:
I lost my sister a week after a supposedly successful cs procedure.
Though not confirmed or verified, but I have always believed her death was a result of some negligence.

I developed sepsis after a CS. only God saved me. I had to do an exploratory laparotomy another major surgery to save my life a week after the CS. It was hell! stayed a month in the hospital trying to recuperate. The healing was very slow as the CS site was broken and couldn't be re-sutured. Any time I remember how I escaped that bad experience I cringe!

You

Watianoengineer:
Fish soup getting ready for Xmas decorations

you have mind to do this and did you not look at this before posting

Ojagun:
Due to T-pain administration economic policies, na the owl i catch for my backyard 3days ago na im i take use as my christmas meat

na w1tch you be to post this na WA oh
For you me self I fit drink garri instead of this

Vinnie2000:
For Christmas, should be Roasted Dog meat with Calabar Palm wine.

Rice na for SMALL CHILDREN.

Add Igbo to complete am

E reach una turn,una turn am to world war