₦airaland Forum

iwatch:
My funds? Meet me in the bedroom right now. we will have a heart to heart talk after I shower.

.
My pastor said I would turn to fish, if I do dat.

iwatch:
where is that ATM card?

It was suspended by CBN
After I used it to siphon ur funds.

iwatch:
come, na by force, I NO wan kiss ur lips

Singing, "I am a blessed child, I am a blessed child, Jesus made me a blessed child, I am a blessed child"

iwatch:
I did biology in school and I haven't forgotten the top "RE-PRO-DUC-TION" That topic that makes boys and girls in class to start unclothing each other imaginary as they look at themselves

I am aware of the contraception sha... just fooling around.

Yeye

GoldenDr:
At all. My ex was dating myself and the guy she got married to at the same time and on many occasion I asked her who he was, she said, he is just a friend.
74.5% of Nigeian girls are quadriple dating, same for the men- infact the men are more and the desperate ones are say 23%- they do nt want to know if you have HiV , aid, epelptic, even if you are medically compatible, all they want is to get married irrespective of your religion, creed and beliefs.
They are not even ready to plan with you, the number of kids, projects and investments to make... THEY JUST WANT TO GET MARRIED.

It is well

iwatch:
hmmmm Okay oooo. Does that mean they wont be having sex? PLease enlighten me. How can they delay child bearing without/with sex?

Same way many teenagers in high school have been doing it without getting pregnant.

Many couples have been doing it n actually have succeeded. As long as both couples know what they r doing tho. Cos it takes some guts not to listen to the "whr r my grandchildren" kind of talks.

GoldenDr:
at all. My ex was dating myself and the guy she got married to at the same time and on many occasion I asked her whonhe was, she said, he is just a friend.

Epele o

I guess it has to do with nt putting all ur eggs in one basket.

Some guys r guilty of this as well.

fxbot:
Never be carried away by physical attributes of a woman because you don't see what the mind says. What if I tell you that someone on this thread is getting married soon to another guy to which I was never aware of until my friend called me to see. We had been dating for some months now but I never knew she had another guy elsewhere. In fact, based on my calculation, she has been with the guy long before she met me. I have been reading with silence and smiling. We still met a few weeks ago, yet she didn't mention it to me and I also feigned ignorance.

That's life brother, that's fvcking life. Do I feel hurt? NAH! Boys have learned to be smart long ago. I only feel sorry for the dude she will end up with who thinks she is "innocent" and if he can't give her like I did or do, she will definitely cheat on him. It's very obvious in her person. Nuff said

Omo, girls r nt smiling o

These two stole my heart; Twaci n Topahz. keep it up babes. You guys would go a long way with or without being miss nairaland.

However, I hv to vote for only one person

I have to vote for Twaci. (apart from being bright & intelligent in your articulations despite nt being to the uni, wht u said abt hving to stop school so you can help ur younger ones got u this vote)

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cc NLJega

Editor1:
Abeg who knows the winner of the 2015 Presidential election in Nigeria...I am at an interview now.

Acekidc4:
You Need Just Two Gun Bullets in that Ya Block Head!!

You dey Sleep when dem dey do Election up till Now Ni

Oya Take Two Bullet for ya Head!! Stand Still Oh make I Position Well!!

I support.

4reala:
Pls o, is dis baby not more than a month old or is my eyes deceiving me?

U don forget say na miracle baby?

Baby born May 11 but see as e big

Aha sowi o, na miracle child.

Hmmm

**********************
Despite adopting several family planning strategies, a 52-year-old grandmother, Mrs. Funke Adamson, has ended up giving birth to a baby girl clutching white ‘Ileke’ (Yoruba name for beads) on her hands. Funke, a traditional worshipper said she was delivered of the baby that has now been described by many as a “miracle child” on Monday, May 11, 2015 at a Trado-medical home in Apapa.


Speaking to Vanguard, she said: “I received a message from an Osun Custodian who said that a child is on the way for me. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t realize until the baby was three and half month old when I began to experienced flow of membranous fluid.”

When Vanguard visited the home of the Adamson at No.16 Olayinka Street, Ijora, Apapa-Iganmu Local Council Development Area, LCDA last Monday during the naming ceremony, it was gathered that Funke and her husband, Mr. Hamzat Adamson, 63-year-old never planned to have a child at this time.

Sources said that Funke who celebrated her 50 years birthday two years ago had already entered her menopause age. The baby named Bukola came three years after another 32-year-old single mother, Mrs. Kikelomo Ilori was delivered of a baby boy in a Cherubim & Seraphim Church, purportedly clutching a Holy Quran. On the signs discovered during her pregnancy, Funke noted that prior to her discovery, she couldn’t sleep comfortably for two months.

“So I started praying before I later discovered that I was pregnant. Also, while trying to open a perfume, it caught fire, which made me suffer severe burns. After discovering the pregnancy, I couldn’t sleep without having a dream. In these dreams, I often found myself sitting at the shore,” Funke added. After her birth, the grandmother explained that the traditional healers who attended to her raised alarm that they found the baby clutching white beads.

“When I heard this, I was afraid. I told them to inform my husband for any possible solution. Rather than demand that they discard the beads, he said they should be kept. After regaining my strength I removed the beads and tied it on her wrist,” she said. Corroborating her story, the husband, Hamzat said “I was surprised when I saw the baby delivered holding beads in his hands. But I realized that the beads are important and that was why we have decided not to throw it away.”

Similarly, Rashidat Ojesanmi, the Osun custodian who gave the family the prophesy said “I was consulting the deities when I got the revelation that she would be blessed with a unique gift, which I told her. But she didn’t believe. Later, when the revelation was further revealed that she will be blessed with an important child, she declined, saying that she cannot conceive at her age.

She said so because of the family planning she had earlier done and considering her age. But as prophesied, few months later, she called me and told me of the signs she discovered.” Also speaking, a midwife, Mrs. Adenike Adeyemo, described the case as one out of ten cases, saying “it is rare to have such cases because at this age, the woman may have entered menopause stage.”

- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/05/baby-born-with-traditional-beads-in-lagos/#sthash.Ynoq9Hzc.dpuf

A friend recently complained about a colleague who cried that his wife was going into labour and needed a loan of N100, 000 with a promise to repay by the end of the month. One year down the line and the stories keep changing. In fact, the matter has threatened to ruin their relationship with my friend considering taking the matter to the human resource department of the company.

How often do you find yourself in a position where you lend money to a friend or family and never get it back? They approach you with cries of desperation and promise to pay back after a specified period only to come up with stories when its time to repayment time. I get approached too and often fall victim. I have learnt from being a victim and often use the following tips to avoid falling again.


*Number one rule is to remember it is easier to borrow and lend than to return after lending.

If you have this at the back of your mind all the time then your default response will always be a NO. But there are cases that require compassion too. When they arise your adamant nature will warrant that you reverse the notion by making it difficult to lend and easier to refund after lending.


**Create a barrier by introducing third parties to the transaction

People who borrow money or seek your money for investment always come with compelling and convincing tales. They are also very much in a hurry to get the money from you giving you the impression that all hell is about to let loose if you don’t act quickly. The problem however is that, when it comes to getting your money back, that urgency is suddenly transformed into pestering. So for those who are vulnerable to sweet talks, one way of deal with a suitor is to refer him or her to a third party.

Tell your borrower you understand the situation and want to genuinely help but your lawyer or accountant has to work out the details. That way someone else who is neutral and less biased is suddenly the decision maker in all of this. Whilst in real terms the final decision lies with you, a third party may help you see other risks that you may have missed and also put the borrower under pressure to convince another person.


***Ask for a guarantee or security

Just as above, to make it difficult for the suitor or borrower, give them conditions that must be fulfilled before you part with your money. For example, ask for a collateral or a guarantee from a recognised cleric. You will be shocked that even a common request for an application letter can often be difficult for a borrower to produce which in no small measure sends them away naturally. A borrower who doesn’t show seriousness to meet this conditions will more often that not break their promise to refund.


****Confirm as reasonably as you can proof of need for the money

This can be difficult and not applicable in some cases but if applied it can help avoid any incidence of fraud or default. For example, if they come to you for money to finance a Local Purchase Order, simply ask for a copy of the LPO. If they do not have it then don’t give and if they do, ensure that it is the borrower’s name that is on it and not a third party.


*****Obtain quasi security documents like post dated cheques

Most loans to friends and family hardly get covered by collateral. However, you can still request for other documents such as post dated cheques, promissory notes etc. While they are subordinate to registered collateral such as land, they can be quite useful in terms of settlement. A bounced cheque for example is an offence punishable by law. A serial borrower who issues a dud cheque is therefore at risk of going to jail which serves as a good deterrent.


******Keep in touch regularly and pester where necessary

Most of us make the mistake of not keeping in touch with our debtors. Because they are friends we hesitate to bring up the issue even when we are constantly in touch. Finance experts advise that we continue to pester and remind our debtors that they owe us. This creates a lingering sense of responsibility, which can only help you recover your money.


*******Never lend to a previous defaulter

Once beaten twice shy. Ironically borrowers are often shameless and will not think twice about coming back to you again for another loan. If the borrower is someone who never repays or takes time to then you may do yourself a lot of good by not lending to them again no matter the circumstance.


********If you are soft hearted then only lend what you can afford to let go

Some of us are very vulnerable to bad debts because we are just too compassionate to say no. However, being compassionate does not mean we loose all sense of responsibility. If you are compassionate then just lend what you can afford to let go.

http://www.punchng.com/business/am-business/lending-money-to-friends-who-hardly-pay-back-2/

MrKnowitall

Yesterday, popular TV host Ellen DeGeneres
@TheEllenShow tweeted sth interesting.

Her tweet "You graduates have learned so much. What’s the biggest lie you told in college? Tweet it and you could win my hashtag contest!" #CollegeLies

This reminded me of the many funny lies I told while in school.

Lie 1. You remember those no-nonsense lecturers that you dare not drop a pin during their lectures. My phone now rang . I was asked to leave the class. Which meant possibly missing out in any abrupt test" next thing I heard myself say was "Sorry madam, the phone was actually off, it's only my alarm" of course with all the sweet innocent face n voice I could muster.
Even my friends fell for it till I told them the truth.

Lie2. Had this class presentation to make but I was not prepared. Even the slightest inkling that you are not prepared could get you a zero (in my final year of all times) When I was called I went up as I would normally and started my presentation but in whispers. . As expected, I got one long look from my impatient Lecturer. I just went meekly to her & whispered. "Lost my voice" . Mission achieved. Presentation postponed.

Lie 3. I was late for this exam. in fact dem don lock door. Hia! For degree exam kwa. Mba o. I just knocked on the door. They opened the door n I started blabbing with my fake tears. "Sir, I went to have my bath n my room mate, thinking I had left for school locked the door as she was leaving I had to wait till some hall members called her phone before she came back to open the door " the man come dey pity me sef.

Maybe I was able to escape all these cos my lecturers loved me or maybe cos I can lie.
God shd sha forgive the sins of the past. They were just for survival.


Cc: Fynestboi, olawalebabs, Richiez, Lalalasticlala

Adeh39, Sandrahnaub, Tohpahz,Subbied & Twaci have my vote.

cc NLJega

Maximillian1:
lwkmd....

Omo mehn, those posts made my day.

Jessymez1:
what are you insinuating

Pheals:
i didn't insult u sir........ ' what are u.... ' they need to close your school because WHAT is wrong using here

Egbami

.

Preciousstones:
So we should not enter plane again?or enter road public transport? Or you need mentions

Hmm. Ok, bye.

ULSHERLAN:
Ingrate

I don't think so.

Preciousstones:
So what do you want us to do?

How comfortable will u be entering a plane whose pilot might fall asleep anytime or even have a breakdown due to lack of sleep?

I have never seen such in the east. Ladies rather sit in-between the two men on a bike so she can be shielded in case anything happens.(I think)

I had a huge culture shock upon coming to lagos to see it the other way. More shocking was seeing two strangers-man & woman entering the same bike.

In the east, when u see two ppl of opposite sex on d same bike, , the two are either related or acquainted.

babyosisi:
I believe she is referring to HPV human papilloma virus
People are getting throat and cervical cancers from HPV

Oh...ok

Shiningmama:
I've begged him sevrally to pls stip chatting with all his babes once he is at home. Instead, it was in his mum presence that he abused me. He called me all sorts ofnames. He said he had affairs with them and I can't stop him from chatting with them. His Mum came to me later and said and I quote " he is just sampling those girls, you are the main wife”
It is now 10months we had sex last, he has moved out of the bedroom we shared to a separate room. I am ok that because it is not only HIV that is sexually transmitted, cancer virus is also sexually transmitted.
I've moved on with my life even though. We still live under same roof. Just room morning and bye bye.
Thanks to people like EfemenaXY

@bolded, I think I'm learning this for d first time.

Bolanlevivian:
They are good, but Nigerian Kids can do better

Really? Judging from their ages, I prefer them to wht they give us on maltina dance hall.

mistytohcute:
I love the first girl, the one who wore green attire

Yea she was so lovely. I thought she would cry on stage when they didn't give her the pass or whtever they call it.

Pls who is watching 'the lil masters'. Those kids r soo cute. Indians r good dancers mehn.

kilokeys:



but mehn... was she wise?.

.

Ur question shd rather be "were her parents wise?"

I don't knw hw wise u expect dis 9yr old to have been. I just wish she had used the knife on her suitor instead of herself.

U neva jam. Wetin u think say dem dey do thr before?