Hi all, sorry I’ve been quiet but I’ve had such a busy week with work and now I’m travelling for the xmas holidays with my son. I won’t be on-line for the next couple of days or so but as soon as I’m back, I’ll be able to answer a few of your questions.

I haven’t heard from him again but I’m guessing I will over the xmas in which case I would have sorted out a day to meet him and his family for the discussion. I’ll update you all but please continue to share any advice you feel might be of use and I want to thank everyone that has already contributed

@Ib, I’ll hold you to that.

I want to also PM some people so I’ll do that when I get back also.

Once again, thank you all and stay blessed.

Have a wonderful xmas all.

Wunmi x

Oracle, you think

I don't know, I just dont want him to turn around and say I never gave him the chance when I knew his Dad wanted to see him. I could never live withvmyself if my son blames me.

@ seun, thanks.

@gbengaijot, thanks also and I hear what you're saying.  His just feeling sorry for himself now and I suppose seeing his daughter now must make him think about my son and what he missed out on -- I think    

I honestly never thought about what I wld do when this came up as I never thought it would but this is hard and I hope no-one ever has to face this.

I am also thinking now about when I meet someone that I would want to settle down with and eventually marry and how they would feel about having this guy around.  I thought it wld be hard enough finding a guy that would accept/love my son without having to deal with a 2nd man in my life (If i decide to allow him into our lifes).

It's really funny but I'm also thinking about how the wife will be feeling now aswell, I'm a woman and I know I won't like such a thing either.

Once again, thanks for all you inputs and sorry I'm going on and on about this but this is really difficult and I 'm just

Thnks for all your advice/support but I still didn't sleep a wink last night.

I don't know where to even begin, I wld tell my son but I'm so scared and top it off, I was going to say I have no way to contact him but he just rang again now with a witheld no. as usual.

I told him that he can't be doing that and he explained that he was calling from work and he has no mobile (might be true as he never had none when I 1st met him) and that he cant give me his house no. because of the wife this is really pissing me off. I feel like a fool.

He explained that his told everyone including his wife but that she's very heartbroken blah blah as now their 1st child his not his 1st child but she's willing to deal with it but will take her awhile.

He said he would like to meet up with me to discuss but I said no but if his willing to bring his mother and my family together then maybe we could all talk and sort something out.

I'll wait once again to see when he will call to say when his mother can come to us.

I'm still not going to tell my son till we've all talked and then we or rather I, can sit him down to explain.

Have I decided the right thing?, my Aunt doesn't really want to hear because she just thinks his out of order and she aint interested so we cant really discuss but I think I'll really talk with her this evening.

Thanks Layi.

If I evr find it, I'll let you know.

x

I'm learning so much on this site, we have Ben tv - AIT but I hardly get the chance to watch tv but I'm always on line so these websites you've all mentioned is great.

I have spent the morning doing no work and listening to all the songs - I hear them on Tv once in a while but I wanted to obviously get the chance to listen to them when I wanted, without waiting anxiously in front of a tv.

I have listened to most of 2face's song now but there's one particular song I want to try and download, I have no idea who sings it but It's called 'Ijo ya', the Vid is animated and very good, in my opinion. If anyone has any idea where I can download this song, please let me know.

Thanks
x

I have no idea - if this was a girl then I could say some things.

Too many sweet nothings in the 1st week or so is dodgy to me.  I know most guys will meet a woman and tell her they love her the minute they meet her.  I can't stand that, very annoying indeed.  I believe men think this is ok but it's the most irritating thing ever, if any man reads this and does what I'm saying:

STOP, IT AINT CLEVER!  I suppose some girls might like it.

I've never ever been in love so don't mind me I suppose.

Pluto and all, thanks for your thoughts.

Pluto, all the things you've said, I already know, I know those are more than likely why his hiding his no.

you haven's upset me at all, I only want honest opinions and as they say 'at times we have to be cruel to be kind'. I just want people's opinion's and know that I will be the one who has to live with whatever I decide.

Why would the woman one day just say 'I have a secret, I have a child'

A child should not be a secret, as a single parent, the first thing I let anybody know is that I'm a mother first and foremost.

Of course she loves her kid, doesn't your family love you?

That's generally how it goes, if you meet someone with a kid, of course you have to love that child too or it ain't gonna happen.

Why are you concerned about the kid

It's 2005 and people still have a problem with this

I suppose I'm being bias as I'm in that boat, I started a topic similar to this before but not much response and now I know why.

Yes, I think I will discuss this with my pastor.

I'm still so angry at the fact that he wants the upper hand. I have no idea when he will call again and leaving me in limbo.

This guy just turned 36 and the rubbish he was spilling just made me realise about stupid things we do when we're young. He even had the nerve to say we on only had sex once (na lie -we were together a couple of months and I was obviously really young so I wasn't too sure about the whole thing so we never got physical too many times.) but his so dumb that he cant think that sometimes thats all it takes.

Thank you guys for your comments but I still need more.

Outkast, I hope you've come across the post - it's called 'what do I do'

I don't know how to link it here - sorry.

Please read and I need all the advice I can get.

Outkast, I hope you've come across the post - it's called 'what do I do'

I don't know how to link it here - sorry.

Please read and I need all the advice I can get.

I don't even know where to begin but please bear with me as it's a very long and sensitive subject.

I had my son at 16 whilst I was in school and as I'm sure most of you can imagine, my family went crazy (they found out when I was about 8mths gone) and to make the matter worse, the guy refused to acknowledge my son.

I still managed to juggle school with baby but it was really hard as my family were not supportive and my grandmother is just about speaking to me now, even though I lived under the same roof as her, I was never made to feel good and I never really enjoyed having my son because everytime I picked him up /fed him, she would go on and on about him being a ba****d and that my life was over. I eventually moved out (actually I left one evening whilst she was at work and never returned) when my son was about 9mths and I was 17.

I have lived on my own ever since (and no not a council flat, I hadn't sorted out my papers in this country then so I wasn't allowed to claim any of their benefits but a good friend of mine put us up for a while and to be honest we had about 5 different addresses before my son was 5) without this guy ever calling me and he knew my number if not my address.

I've had 1 serious relationship since but unfortunately that ended a while ago and I've been single since but it's always really been me and my son and he has never moaned about not having a dad. I work hard and his always saying he wishes he could make lots of money so he can help me and that he would when his older, his such a good boy and a blessing to me that I often wonder how anyone can know they have a child out there but wish not to know anything about them.

This is where I need help now:

I was at work yesterday when my phone went off, I noticed it was a private caller and decided to leave it and see if the person would leave a message and indeed he did.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS GUY HAD DECIDED TO GET IN CONTACT NOW.

I waited for him to ring again and I had to excuse myself from the office to answer the call, he started by saying things like:

How's our son (OUR SON??)

I want to know him/see him? (WHERE EXACTLY?)

How was I? (I'M STILL ALIVE, THANKS TO GOD!)

his now married (has been for about 4years and has a baby girl who's 7wks old) - I was really upset by this, that new child of his has 2parents,grandparents,nephews blah blah blah welcoming her into the world and mine was never rejoiced (all he saw was his mother crying all the time when I should have enjoyed my 1st born with my family around me.

I'm so emotional right now but I'll try and finish, if not, I'll continue later.

Can you also believed that the both times he rang, he held his number and did not offer his number, he just said I should think about him seeing my son and that he would call me another time - soon he said.

He obviously hasn't told his wife what his doing, and there's no way he can hide my son as if he doesn't deserve to be in his family.

Can you imagine this guy wanting to see this boy when his almost 10 and what are they going to discuss? I don't know if I should talk to my son and see what he thinks or keep it till I know what I'm doing (I'm shocked,angry,every emotion I can think of but I still managed to thank God for yesterday but why I don't know) , I just don't want him in his life, only for him to maybe disappear, my son is very mature and grown up but that kind of thing would really break his heart.

I have so much more to say but that's gonna be it for now, before you all get bored of reading such a long winded problem.

Any advice?

I'm so angry at that private no. business, I promised myself not to pick up any private no. calls.

It's so good to read so many men would take responsibilty but I suppose no-one knows what they would actually do till it happens.

I had my son when I was still in school and the guy refused to acknowledge my son and his almost 10. I'm actually going to create another thread about what happened yesterday regarding this issue.

Wow! you guys have BB in Nigeria too? that's so cool.

The one over here this year was great. Did you guys hear about it?

Some people do just indulge in same sex relationships and therefore is possible that they've stopped! Alot of girls tend to play about when they are in boarding school and imagine a man who has been in prison for years (I've watched films and heard stiories) - they end up having no choice.

I wouldn't date a man who has slept with another man as that's really hard to do and he can do it again but women can just do it as a one off - 3some/fantasy/comfort etc etc.

I know - I have double standards.

Just a quick question? Does this happen alot in Nigeria?

It happens nearly every year here. I think xmas/something gets to their heads during the festive seasons. I cannot believe anyone can abandon their children like that, twins are a blessing and there's no need. It's really freezing here these last few months which makes it even worse.

Nigeria is hard but why someone would do this kind of thing in this country where there are benefits (weekly income,your rent is paid,free house etc etc) and the government even gives mothers of multiple babies extra help in which a nanny/nurse comes in every week to help look after the children.

I suppose some people are addicted to drinks/drugs and cant cope but still

Oh no....her hubby's dead

What happened to him?...

Is she bitchy>..she seems like a lovely lady but then again, you guys are in Nigeria so you have more info on these stars.

yep and the film was really nice. i just get annoyed at times that in Nigerian films, it's always ok for the man to treat you mean and you have to take him back but if it's the woman?...u must be joking!

It has to be Stella, I think Omotola is a beautiful woman but Stella is just naturally beautiful.

I'm glad someone brought this woman up, she's a very good actress but she seems to always be in the background. I once saw a film with her as a blind girl and that's when I realised she can act well. She looks very pretty when she's made up.

Did someone say Omotola has 4kids? How old is she then? She looks very young and still has a good figure (some people are lucky in staying naturally slim after kids).

That Rita is not pretty at all, there's something about her that just ain't right. I've never watched her films and thought 'beautiful'. (Sorry) My opinion but what do I know.

This film is amazing, I could not believe what I was watching actually happened. It made me review my life and all the things I moan about. I cried and I never cry at movies, it was deep.

I already told you to go and search on the net since you're the one disputing things. I'm sure you have time, since you are jobless!!!

Mrwhitesharks - If you have time you can go and research on the net - I am not the one disputing anything. I don't want to offend anyone but this is the reason I say most black Men are backward, not everything is black and white, it's just you can't understand it so get over yourself. I am a woman and it happened. simple! I can't even go on about this - I have work to do.