₦airaland Forum

Racoon:
Reality or fiction? Life in the mirrors. Actually JAPA have turned out to be the worst nightmare for many immigrants.

That was what I told my mother when she asked why I hadn’t called to tell her we had settled in. It wasn’t that he had died—no, death would have been easier. He was right there, breathing, moving, eating. But the man I married, the one who promised to love and cherish me, had disappeared the moment we stepped foot on foreign soil.

It had always been our dream to relocate. Canada was the promised land, a place where we could build a better life for ourselves and our children. We spent years saving, applying, and praying for this moment. When my husband, Tunde, finally secured his visa, we celebrated like we had won the lottery.

"This is it, Lara! We’ve made it!" he had said, lifting me in his arms as we danced around our tiny living room in Lagos.

But no one warned me. No one told me that moving abroad was not just about packing bags and boarding a plane. No one told me that marriages were buried in the cold foreign soil, that the man you married in Nigeria could become unrecognizable within months.

It started with little things.

At first, Tunde was frustrated. Back home, he had been an executive at a bank, respected, admired. But in Canada, no one cared about his title. His degree meant nothing here. He was just another immigrant with no "Canadian experience."

"I can't be doing these menial jobs, Lara. Me, a whole branch manager, working in a warehouse? It’s embarrassing."

So he sat at home, waiting for a miracle, while I took the first job I could find—cleaning offices at night. I worked like a machine, scrubbing floors while my husband scrolled endlessly through job postings, rejecting anything he thought was beneath him.

Then the blame started.

"If you had just stayed home instead of insisting on coming here, we wouldn’t be suffering like this!"

"You think you’re better than me now because you’re earning in dollars?"

When he wasn’t blaming me, he was out. At first, he said he was networking, meeting with "contacts." Then, he stopped bothering with excuses. He would leave the house in the afternoon and return the next morning, smelling of alcohol and cheap perfume.

The first time I asked him where he had been, he laughed.

"Are you my mother?"

The second time, he slapped me.

That was the day I realized my husband was gone.

He stopped caring about the home. Bills were my problem. The children became my responsibility. He was just a guest in our house, showing up when he pleased, acting like we didn’t exist.

Then I found out about her.

A younger woman, a fellow immigrant, but one who had adapted quickly. She had a car, a better job, and most importantly, she had no responsibilities. No nagging wife, no crying children. Just fun and freedom.

I confronted him, hoping—foolishly—that he would deny it, that he would at least pretend to feel ashamed. But he just shrugged.

"Lara, you’re stressing me. This is how things are here. Women abroad don’t disturb their husbands like this. You need to adjust."

Adjust?

To what? A marriage that had become a prison? A husband who had turned into a stranger?

I tried. For the sake of my vows, for the sake of the life we had built. I prayed. I fasted. I begged. But you cannot hold on to a man who has already let go.

The final straw came when I found out he had stopped paying rent. I had been sending him money every month, trusting him to take care of it while I focused on our savings. But he had been spending it elsewhere—on her.

When the eviction notice came, he didn’t even pretend to care.

"You’re the one working, aren’t you? Fix it."

That night, I packed his bags. When he came home, I pointed to the door.

"Leave, Tunde."

For the first time in months, he looked shocked.

"You can’t throw me out. I’m your husband!"

"No, Tunde. My husband is dead. You killed him."

He stared at me, and for a moment, I saw something flicker in his eyes. Regret? Shame? Maybe. But it was too late.

He left. And I didn’t cry.

Because I had already mourned him long before that night.

So, if you ever dream of relocating, dream carefully.

Because sometimes, the plane ticket isn’t just taking you to a new country—it’s taking your marriage to its grave.

Looking back, I realize that things might have turned out differently if we had truly prepared for what relocation would mean for our marriage.

First, Tunde needed to be mentally prepared for the reality of starting over. Many Nigerian men struggle abroad because they are used to a system where their status as providers is tied to respect. When that status is stripped away, they feel lost and insecure. If he had humbled himself and taken whatever job was available, even if it wasn’t what he wanted, it would have kept him engaged and given him a sense of purpose.

Second, we should have prioritized communication and teamwork. Marriage is a partnership, especially in a new country where both partners must adjust. If Tunde had seen me as his ally instead of his competition, we could have faced our struggles together instead of allowing resentment to build between us.

And finally, we should have set clear expectations before we moved. Many couples relocate without discussing their roles, financial responsibilities, and the changes that might come with a new culture. If we had talked about these things openly before leaving Nigeria, maybe we would have been able to navigate the transition better.

Relocation doesn’t have to be the death of a marriage, but it requires humility, patience, and a willingness to adapt. Without those things, no matter how strong the love was at the beginning, the marriage may not survive the journey.

YoruBads:
Vote Yoruba again in 2027 and they'll tax even the air that you breathe.

mrvitalis:
Lmaooo oga take up the challenge na leave long Grammer

Ikpazu worst Igbo governor vs 2 Yoruba state
2 project from ikpazu for 1 project from the two states

It's been two years plus no Yoruba have taken this challenge... So you guys actually know your governors are failures? But always projecting it on igbos?

NDSMELODY:
I wish to go to Canada, I would need 6-10M to migrate. Alternatively as you said, I have a business idea which is selling Electrical appliances in whole sales but I couldn't gather money to start up the business.

DystopianMuse:
MUMU. THATS THE BEAUTU OF DEMOCRACY NOT YOUR AUTHORITARIAN POOTIN.

baralatie:
You are stating the middle of the story
2014 the us forced out the president of Ukraine that was elected democraactily in a coup.
This led to a pro us Ukraine govt (whose aim is to join NATO) and as a result Russia took crimea.
Zelensky who happens to have been elected democraactily said he would end the 7 year war happening in Ukraine(funded by the us and eu) so that Ukraine would be able to enter NATO and reportedly said in German news outlets that if it is war that Russia wants Ukraine was ready
What do you think was going to happen .was it not an official annexation of the don bass region

ivandragon:
Don't mind them.

Ukraine will happen to them. They will be oppressed and no one will come to thier aid.

ivandragon:
To those gloating over the unfortunate situation of Ukraine...

May your neighbours with more wealth and resources oppress you and confisticate your lands.

May they invade your household because you choose to be friends with other neighbours.

May they ki11 your children when you put up a fight to protect your home.

When you run to other neighbours for help, May you not see anyone to help you.

When you take your plight to the streets, May you be mocked and blamed for not allowing your oppressor determine your future.

When the matter is to be resolved, may you be considered irrelevant.

JuanDeDios:
The Americans and the British issue warnings that Russia is amassing troops on the border and about to attack Ukraine
Russia denies it
Ukraine doesn't believe it
So the Americans show Zelensky evidence that an attack is imminent
Zelensky starts calling Moscow and world leaders
But Moscow insists it's not planning an attack
All the Western leaders call Putin to talk him out of it
Macron does more - he flies to Moscow to talk to Putin
Zelensky continues to call - they stop taking his calls in Moscow
Then the full-scale invasion begins - that is, Russian troops cross into Ukraine

So you're Zelensky. What would have done by way of negotiation and mediation?

Gbadebo19:
Zelensky is Putin's nightmare. And by the way, do you think Europe will fold their hands and allow a Putin stooge as president. Putin is just starting trouble all over again.

WriteerNg:
⚡Trump:

Russia is capable of "very quickly" destroying Ukrainian cities by 100%, including Kyiv, but does not want to do this.

WritterNg:
⚡A Ukrainian observer’s geopolitical assessment for Clash Report:

“Russia has occupied Ukraine’s surface, while the United States is after its underground wealth. We Ukrainians will soon be left with nothing but air.”

WriteerNg:
⚡French President Macron:

Trump can restart a useful dialogue with Putin.

I would obviously take Putin on the phone if he calls me.

Gbadebo19:
Goods of close substitute is only applicable to quality not name. Which one is Druby cola 😂. It will at best taste like a traditional concoction.😂😂

Gbadebo19:
If it is not coca cola, it just can't be coca cola.
And what is that brand Dobry Cola abi wetin be that name wey I dey see. 😂😂

LazyNGyouth:
Omo wetin dey happen for Yorubaland?

galserv:
Pro-Putin l*natics like you are just something else

Everything is propaganda from CNN to you

I don't even watch CNN. I watch AlJazeera and follow reputable online news media

What's the source of all the nonsense you posted up there now

The fact remains that Russia invaded Ukraine with aim of subduing the country in 5 days. 3 years later they are stuck all over the frontline with a HEAVY DEATH toll and equipment losses.

Russia's foreign assets have been frozen and will be used to rebuild Ukraine

Removing Zelensky was one of the aims of the invasion and Sergei Lavrov voiced it out openly in 2022. Putin just can't stand Zelensky.

Any achievement Russia has on the battlefield today cost them a HUGE personnel and equipment toll. And the achievement is quite minimal. For all their huge losses, they only control about 20% of Ukraine including Crimea which they annexed in 2014. And they are mostly Russian-speaking areas that have been agitating for independence since 2014.

Ukraine would rather give up territory than lose men because they are fewer than the Russians. That;'s the only advantage Russia has.

Ukraine is in full control most of the Kursk region of Russia and made fresh advances recently. Sudhza is fully in Ukrainian hands.
It's over a year now that Ukraine took over Kursk, yet Russia cannot push them out despite support from North Korea.

Today, Russia has been exposed has weak. Finland and Sweden have joined NATO. Any nuclear attack by Russia will be RETALIATED.

What a shame!!!

Greenlandz:
Make them expell that useless olosho girl for that school abeg. Good riddance to bad rubbish

AbuTwins:
Then it's okay to marry the widow to the dead one's brother. But the offspring should be for the new husband not the dead!

AbuTwins:
Ah!

Unbelievable!

Hope it's not by force?

AbuTwins:
Abeg which kind custom is that for a brother to sleep with his brother's widow to produce offspring for him even if he doesn't want to?

Na by force?

And it's not only Onan! The father later slept with the same woman pretending as an harlot and she got pregnant. He wanted to punish her untill he realised he was the culprit.

God punished the sinful first son with death!
God punished the second with death!
The father committed adultery and incest but was forgiven!

How is such fair?

yarimo:
Mumu comedian president, just thank NATO if not, Russia could have finished you guys for a long time. Russia is fighting NATO not Ukraine

Tjra:
You just have to love the Yorubas. Dem be the real talk and do.

Mess up and they will fvck you up big time.

No one made Sultan their spiritual leader. If no for mofos like Professor of nonsense (Mumuric) the rubbish that happened 2 weeks wouldn't have happened.

Both Sultan and Imma Eze can go fvck themselves.

Hope children of bitterness are learning how we play games?

WriiterNg:
So they finally agree that Russia was too much for them to handle lol

A whole 32 nation alliance. What a shame!