₦airaland Forum

The "Hawk" has spoken, lol

I am telling it to the 'Hawk" now

A man and his wife wanted to do something special for their 25th wedding anniversary, so they decided to go on a second honeymoon. The wife insisted that everything be the same as their first one. Her husband agreed, and told her to work it out, and make a list. This she did. Same city, same hotel, same room; everything perfect. However, in going over the list, the husband said, "Well dear, this is great. But I do see one thing that's going to be a little bit different this time. She carefully went back over the list, checking every line. "I don't see anything different here. What do you see that I don't?" Well, this time, I'm going to be the one sitting on the edge of the bed crying, "It's too big! It's too big!!

John was a salesman's' delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy, The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie, " said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy, The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, He is your son!" With that, the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

An elderly lady is on the witness stand in a small town courtroom. The prosecutor asks her if she knows the defense attorney and she says, “Yes, I do. He's a drunkard. He's never sober. I've known him all his life." The defense attorney asks her,
"Ma'am, do you know the prosecutor?' She answers, “Yes, I do. He's a cheat. He cheated all through school. He cheated on the bar exam and he cheats on his wife."
The judge asks both lawyers to approach the bench. He says, "If either one of you asks that old woman if she knows me, you're both going to jail for a year."

Who is chux96 Is there a chux96 on this threadSomeone has got cataracts and needs eye surgery immediately, Get HELP!!!

ice234:
Please what's the mode of action of a cyanide on the liver

R u planning a Murder or Suicide, which one, LOL

;d :p

A girl asks her boyfriend to come on Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, " I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

I have been using USPS to ship things from the USA for almost a year now and I have not had any reason to regret using them. When you ship an item,you are given a CUSTOMS RECEIPT NUMBER which is usually 13 digits which could begin with either EG,EC,LC,RW,CW,CP, etc. with which you can consistently check the status of your shipped item on their website: www.usps.com
The only time I have not received my items was when the tracking code/customs receipt number begins with LC,this tracking code has cost me many items which I have not being able to track or receive,so I'll advice when shipping with USPS use PRIORITY MAIL PARCELS INTERNATIONAL and insist on CP tracking code and you will surely get your item at NIPOST.
As to pilfering by NIPOST,I can authoritatively tell you that it is a THING OF THE PAST NOW. I have had very expensive Cameras,Phones,Camcorders,Laptops and Even PS3's shipped from the US using USPS and received at NIPOST and i received them in top shape. Recently i bought a brand new LENOVO THINKPAD T510 Laptop that sells for $1700,I asked the shipper to use USPS PRIORITY MAIL PARCELS and the shipping cost without insurance was $79.50,and I received the Laptop in tip top shape and within 6-10 business days as stated on their website. Although there has been sometimes when items are delayed for maybe 3 or 4 days but that is always from USPS delay at clearing it at customs for international shipment.
I say using USPS and NIPOST for me is a very " BEST" option for my business.

Techies in the house,
1. I recently formatted my External hard drive and now when I cant access the data on it when connected to a DVD player it displays "USB not found" I used to watch movies in the Hard drive when connected to my DVD player but now I can only access the data on it when connected to my Laptop. What can i do to reverse it and make it compatible with DVD players

2. I bought a new 500GB hard drive and as with the problem above,when plugged into my DVD it shows the same message "USB not found" what can I do about it?

olempe:
I guess it's a toy he wanted.

Lol  

@Poster what kind/type of laptop can you get at that price? Though it depends on what you want a Laptop for,you sure can get one at that price but the config wont be anything 2 write home about,that is even if u see one @ that price.

I want to know if there is any coal called "METHOLOGICAL COAL". Someone requested for it that a foreign client needs it in large quantity,but I have never heard of it before. Can anyone shed more light on it and where it can be got in Large quantities for export.
The specification needed is HARD & BLACK
Price also needed.
Thank you

Chux
08056715350

What is the best answer to FOOLS?
SILENCE

@Gold
How much will be the total sum to send to you if I want to buy just $6?

Attached to this post are details for the OIL BLOCKS for sale. Pls contact me if you have genuine and reliable interested buyers.

Mr Chukwuma
08056715350
07025505916

AGO available in Lagos,50KMT @121
Send Vessel details and Receipt for NOR within hours.

Contact
Mr Chux
08056715350
07025505916

7k is too much,besides they say new ones are from China and wont last long,that it is better to buy a fairly used follow come.

To all of you who contributed and posted responses to my question,I want to say a big Thank You. You all have been most helpful.I promise to give you feedback on my progress. THANK YOU ALL

I bought a Windows 7 software from the mighty Computer Village and while running it,the key won't work on it. The most annoying thing is that I am not in Lagos to return it. Please is there a remedy or do I just buy another windows 7 software?