₦airaland Forum

Back to the point - Are Black Women Angry? Fact or Myth?

beejaei:
This is so irritating, boring and dumb. Flavio and CLLondon, you both reek of unbridled arrogance and superiority complex. If you do not want nigerian men, u can go for russina, angolan, somlian. rwandan or even men from hell. But do not come here to insult our collective sensibilities.

sorry if it offends your sensibilities - but that's never stopped me from posting the truth - youre just gonna have to suffer the pain while I carry on saying what's true.

i've met angry women of all colours - they are usually married to useless men

No you don't, but I know of you.

THE.AMAKA:
its true for the most part.
AA women.

Ahhh, so you're the famous The AMAka I've heard so much about - pleased to meet you at last.

there is a widely held belief that Nigerian men (I'm not saying all) are too aggressive/come on too strong

jalether:
You don't need any research to tell you Italians love their pasta neither or do you, I have been in this world for quite a while and have had the opportunity to

interact firsthand with many races of women and my conclusion is based on real life experiences. I'm not saying there are no angry women in other races

of course there are nasty people from other races as well however the bitterness is more pronounced amongst black women

I have met some seriously horrendous women of NON BLACK races, so I don't think it is more pronounced amongst black women - but then I would say that, wouldn't I. I'm a black woman.

Thank you very much, same to you.

chiogo:
She obviously didn't know that The Amaka is the username of a member on here.
Only asked a simple question, which required a simple answer. Must you always reply like this?

And they say black women are angry

Thanks for explaining what The Amaka meant. I honestly didn't know.

The author who wrote the article on our website, I know him, and I think he has issues with Black women. Just my opinion.
Regarding the actual question itself - I think WOMEN AS A WHOLE can be very difficult, and this is coming from another woman!

brooknam99:
Not all blk women,just benin women,hos from the pjs,and of course,THe AMaka!!!

The AMaka
What does that mean? Is it a reference to Igbo american Women?

People are always throwing around terms like ABW (Angry Black Woman) and there is a generally held view (fairly or unfairly) that we black women are difficult to get on with.
I did start a thread that was critical of Nigerian Men and now I am going to start a thread that asks if we Black women are a hard case to handle?
So now I'm turning the heat on my own group - men take note!
My website has an article on this very issue.
What do you think people? Men and women are welcome to discuss.

oh thank you.

yes, I do understand that, I'm saying that too many Nigerian men are like this not that ALL Nigerian men are.

Druss:
Bitter experience forms bitter viewpoint!!

You are right you know, bitter experience forms bitter viewpoint.
If everytime I step out of my house I get bitten by a dog or nearly bitten by one, there is no point trying to tell me that dogs don't bite because I have the bitter experience that proves otherwise!
I WILL NOT DISBELIEVE MY LYING EYES!!

Yes, it's true that it is the aje-kpakos who hit on a girl like that. Unfortunately too many aje-kpakos have reached London and the western world. Pity, that.
But the 2 separate grope incidents at the 2 weddings which I mentioned earlier were both done by what I thought were cultured Nigerian males, which I am non-too pleased about.
Sadly the one thing they all had in common (both the aje-kpakos and the "cultured" Nigerian men) is that they were all Nigerian born and raised.
Never had this done to me by UK born/raised Naijas - I think they just follow the British rule "Don't touch a women without her permission" a lot better than Nigerian born/bred males.
Sorry to say - but it's true.

I also think Nigerian born/bred males have a tendency to think that if you smile at a woman and she blanks you, glares at you - she is simply playing hard to get and all you need to do is pursue harder - whereas a UK born/bred Nigerian is more likely to see that for what it really is - sexual aggression, and therfore leave her alone.

Furthermore, I have observed that Nigerian born/raised males are unable to tell the difference between platonic friendliness/joviality on the one hand and sexual interest/availability on the other. They mistakenly assume that if a women is friendly/jovial this is a sexual green light for them to go ahead and make a move on her - which it is not. This mistaken assumption can be found in all cultures/nationalities of men but more so in Nigerian born/bred men.
It is for this reason that I decided to stop being friends with Nigerian raised males. I now treat them with a polite, but very distant standoffishness.

I hope this helps in understanding where I am coming from.

justwise:
I'm not disputing your case or experience at all, i'm basically saying that its not fair to paint all of us with the same brush.

Whether Nigerian born men or not its still a very silly thing to do.

People may say "don't paint with the same brush," but in truth when you keep coming across the same observation time and time again, you are justified in drawing some conclusions.
Time and time again, this has happened to me, and other women too who have spoken about it - and always with Nigerian born, not UK born Naijas, therefore I think I am entitled to draw my conclusions based on what I see or would you prefer that I disbelieve my lying eyes?

justwise:
I'm sorry but this is nonsense, i was not born here but 2 of my best friends here 2 zambain ladies, i have known them for 5yrs now, share flat with one of them but never ever cross the line, they were my course mates, we club, shop, cook together.

STOP saying Nigerian born men, u probably don't know more than 10 of them and yet u are painting all of us with the same brush.

U were groped by one or 2 of those half human beings not by ALL Nigerian born men.

I lived in Nigeria for at least 10 years, so I think I know more than 10 Nigerian born and raised men. I am qualified to comment - I'm not one of those "ajebotas" that has never been to Nigeria. My older sister also has the same problem with Nigerian men coming on to her, and many other women have spoken about it. It can't all be my imagination.

Funny, you mention that, but it is the Nigerian born and bred men who seem unable to just be platonic friends with a woman. I don't have this problem with UK born Nigerian men, they are happy to just be friends as most of them already have white girlfriends which suits me just fine.

Like I said in my post above, I have done a lot of research on this and talked to other women. I'm not the only woman that feels this way.
My heart bleeds for Nigerian women in Nigeria who have to put up with this on a daily basis and do not have any police/law enforcement to turn to over there.
I also think it is part of the reason why so many Nigerian men end up in trouble with the law when they arrive in the west because as Flavio said - they bring their mannerisms over - and promptly get arrested!

1. Men making passes at far younger women is not limited to only Nigerian men
2. Not all Nigerian men make passes at far younger women
3. Some older Nigerian women make passes at far younger Nigerian men

I feel sorry for you if you've had some bitter experiences, but the premises of your story does not give a sound conclusion. I advise you to step out of the box you are enclosing urself in.

I am always very careful not to make generalisations - that's why I did a lot of research and talked to other women before speaking out.
Trust me luvvie, Nigerian men are too sexually aggressive - not necessarily all of them, but too may of them for comfort and they tend to be the ones that GREW UP IN NIGERIA THEN CAME OVER TO THE WEST rather than the ones raised from Childhood in the west.
Do you know I got breast groped - at 2 different Nigerian weddings. This happened in the UK and both times it was Nigerian men RAISED IN NIGERIA who did it. I suppose they were exploiting the fact that I couldn't jolly well hissyfit and create a scene and spoil someone's wedding or call the police to arrest them in the middle of someone's wedding.
But the end result is that I now stay away from Nigerian men and any social gatherings where I may be likely to encounter Nigerian men.

Nigerians marry Americans whose great great grandparents were born and bred in America and have good marriages,talk less of a first?second geberation immigrant?
It depends on what you want it to be.

I wonder why your parents never took you home to learn and appreciate your culture
If they did you would see yourself as Nigerian and not start a thread like this.
what a shame!

I was born and lived in UK, then went to Nigeria and lived there for many, many years before returning to UK, and I still DON'T LIKE OR APPRECIATE Nigerian culture. In fact, it grates on my nerves!

Flavio, I am sure that there are good ones but as the saying goes "all it takes for evil to succeed is for the good to remain silent" and this is the typical problem in Nigerian culture. The complacency of the rest of society when they see this sort of thing happening - which is why too many Nigerian men feel emboldened to behave that way. If the good men of Nigerian society were more willing to strongly condemn this behaviour amongst their peers it would soon die out or at least reduce dramatically.
Instead the Nigerian society has the tendency to brush it under the carpet or somehow suggest it was the females fault - as in the case of the poor hypothetical Mercy you mentioned - and as a matter of fact, there are many real life Mercys throughout Nigeria, sadly.

Oh and don't get me started on the touching. Nothing sickens a woman (of any race or colour) more than a stranger putting his hands on her. Urrrggggghhhh!
A lot of Nigerian men (not all, but too many) have the tendency to put their hands on a female that they like the looks of - the fact that she is a total stranger seems totally immaterial to them.
I've had that happen to me.

When it comes to Nigerian males that I became platonically friendly with, they mistakenly assumed that said platonic friendship is indicative of my sexual availability or willingness (which it most certainly is not!) and then the unwanted touching starts and it causes me offence.

The sad consequence is that I have now started shunning friendships with Nigerian males and giving them the cold shoulder - unless they are western BORN AND BRED!!
This is a sad decision for someone born of 2 Nigerian parents to have to make.

Yes, Flavio, it is true that they do carry these mannerisms over to the western world from Nigeria but I must inform you that I lived in Nigeria for several years even though I was born in UK. I'm not one of those "ajebotas" that has never set foot in Naija.
And for the many, many years that I lived in Naija, I saw these behaviours over there.
It's been many years since I returned to UK and I see that behavior from Nigerian men who have arrived in the western world - not the Nigerian men who were born and raised in the west.
My question: Should Nigerian man be doing this anywhere?
It's really not acceptable to keep hitting on a woman that has given you the brush off umpteen times - it's called sexual harassment or sexual aggression - take your pick of words!

As Nigerian articles go, I thought it was quite short.

But I am making good use of my time - by telling Nigerian men where they are going wrong.
This is a very important matter - because if they heed me, then I would have suceeded in reducing the aggravation that woman have to endure from socially unskilled Nigerian men that go about the place plaging women and hitting on them even though they've been given the brush off 10 times.
And don't get me started on "Nigerian Uncles Chasing Young Girls" - you know, the 45 year old Naija man that fancies his chances with the 16 year old girl he saw walking down the road. Urrrrgggghhh.

What moved me to write the article was personal experience so I started doing some research into it and found that it was not just me who had experienced this problem - there are a lot of women that feel the same way. Some women have resolved to avoid Nigerian men coming any where near them at all costs - even if it means crossing the road.

I don't think this is a lost cause - what is required is re-education and updating attitudes by Nigerian men.

Yes, boring to you, which is why Nigerian men go on making the same mistakes again and again.
I'm sad to say this as a Nigerian woman, but Nigerian men have the worst social skills of ALL MEN ON THE PLANET. Which is why I felt the need to write the article.
Nigerian men have this arrogant "don't-tell-me-my-mistakes-I-don't wanna-know-mentality that has gotten Nigerian men the poor reputation they have virtually all over the world. And you won't listen when women try to correct you - get all prickly and defensive, which I suppose is understandable - nobody likes to be criticised BUT LEARN YOU MUST!!
So keep yawning Cantrell, and wonder why woman cross the road to avoid you.

Greeting my fellow Naijas

I've written an article entitled "A letter to Nigerian Men - Things You Should Know About Women" and I posted it on my website.
I think every Nigerian man who reads it would find it useful - it would help them avoid some of their typical mistakes that we women find so aggravating.
The link (which I will only post once, in accordance with the forum rules) can be found at
http://www.lifeinbiglondon.com/2009/12/05/a-letter-to-nigerian-men-things-you-should-know-about-women/