₦airaland Forum

Squillaci:
Cool. Where can one get it in Nigeria?

A KILLER HIGH: Understanding Fentanyl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPZAnMqkrG4

jeffizy:
Addiction for 3 years, died short of his 17 birthday.

Now, is that a failed parenting or misplaced priority from the kid.

The parents are not guilty of bad parenting.fentanyl is a prescribed drug which is highly addictive.His doctor killed him.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMny_HLNvz8

joudini:
You want to do drugs and you do fentanyl

Fentanyl is not a getaway drug. Fentanyl is not an easily accessible drug. For this kid to do and overdose on fentanyl suggests a deeper issue than just drugs.

Fentanyl is a doctor’s prescribed drug and very addictive.Many users are addicted to this drug and it is a gateway drug too.The west is currently battling the addiction of this dangerous drug.

How fentanyl is making the opioid epidemic even worse


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXmyPsqkP44

Ethiopian Mythology: How Men Came To Rule Over Women


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N6VIwzQDrI

saynotocultism:
Sitting and sober, I need my star to shine
Told mama, I want to shine
Mama reduced her shine so you could shine
Mama starved to see you shine
You finally got to shina town to shine ( university )
You met china in shina town ( cultists)
China hosted a party to get you to shine ( matriculation )
You forgot you have to shine before party (convocation )
Now your shine has been cut off
You can no longer shine

Please beware of matriculation party. The only party recognized by your family is your convocation. Beware of bad friends . Iniatiation on matriculation night is real.

A word is enough for the wise.

Thanks for the wonderful insights on cult activities in Nigeria.Can you talk about female cultists,initiation and how they complement their male cultist.

Monfeels:
I'd say I'm a malignant narcissistic; I think that's the psychological terminology when narcissism overlaps with sociopathy and sadism. But I'm not a fan of labels. I don't think labels explain the full gamut of my very complex personality. There are still other mental disorders I have that I didn't mention but these ones are more on the sexual side. They are actually much more interesting than cluster B traits.

But enough with the unsolicited psychoanalysis you fucking show off. You think you have me figured out don't you. All you are doing is making unfounded conjectures and hitting your hammer kilometers away from the nail. You know nothing about me other than the info I gave you, so don't try to paint a picture of my past or define me as someone with abandonment issues who's afraid of rejection.

And if you were smart enough like you are deluded to think you are, you'd have figured out that the reason why I created this thread in the first place wasn't for solutions to my "problem" but because I needed people to talk about me while I listened. I derive a lot of gratification when people discuss things I did; they don't even have to know I did it. It's satisfying in a way, but it's even more satisfying when they discuss me, but not in a derogatory sense. You should understand what I mean. Call it attention seeking or whatever, it doesn't matter.

But life can be so boring you know. When you aren't moved by the mundane activities and useless feelings that drives majority of people, you get your fun through OTHER means that in most cases might not be socially endorsed.

But you are right on one thing. I'm the most self aware narcissist you'll ever meet, and probably the most intelligent you'd ever meet.

Somatic Narcissist: Not Sex, But Pursuit and Conquest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dJFpAjOX0U

Narcissist: Women as Sluttish Huntresses or Sexless Saints

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_zxNszEmks


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGJblcKsBPg

It is quite easy to overlook female narcissists and their even more ruthless cousins, sociopaths. Since female narcissists engage in the same type of relational aggression that teenage girls do, they can easily fly under the radar as the “mean girl” motif coming to life in high definition – something we all assume they will eventually grow out of.

Yet research indicates that adolescent girls who use high levels of relational aggression also demonstrate low levels of empathy and caring towards others (Centifanti, et. al 2015). This suggests that the behaviors of gossiping, exclusion and sabotaging relationships may actually be more common among those with existing narcissistic and antisocial traits.

The problem is, the malignant female narcissist rarely outgrows her excessive sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and thirst for interpersonal exploitation – she merely adjusts these traits to her changing environment. The female malignant narcissist is not just vain and self-absorbed. She is also a covert bully who ensnares fellow female friends, relationship partners and family members into her toxic web.

The female narcissist (or sociopath) is just as dangerous as her male counterpart and yet she is protected by prevailing stereotypes of the “gentle young girl,” the “maternal mother,” the “sweet old grandmother,” or minimized by archetypes like the “catty best friend.” No one suspects the older woman, assumed to be nurturing and sweet, to be vindictive, cruel and ruthless. Nor do they expect mothers to abandon, neglect or abuse their children.

Yet what happens when the demented narcissistic mother drives her adult children to suicide after years of chronic childhood abuse? Or when the catty best friend from middle school becomes the conniving co-worker in the corporate world, employing underhanded tactics to sabotage her colleagues? Or when the malignant narcissistic girlfriend uses her harem of male admirers to terrorize her significant other?

Female narcissists do not “grow out” of their childhood aggression; eerily enough, they evolve into even more effective aggressive behaviors in adulthood, using their manipulative tactics to serve their selfish agendas and to exploit others.

While it has been estimated that 75% of narcissists are male, this may be due to a bias of women being more likely to be labeled as borderline or histrionic; it may also be due to confusion resulting from differing presentations of certain disorders due to gendered socialization (Sansone & Sansone, 2011). It’s becoming clearer from survivor stories, however, that there are a far greater number of female narcissists than one would assume.

A female narcissist giving the finger
Female narcissists, especially if they also possess antisocial traits, can cause just as much psychological harm as male malignant narcissists. Here are the top five traits and behaviors to watch out for if you suspect someone might be a malignant narcissist and some tips on how to cope:

1. A sadistic sense of pleasure at someone else’s pain.
Perhaps one of the most understated qualities of the female malignant narcissist is the pleasure and joy she takes in bringing down others. She enjoys making covert jabs and watching gleefully as the formerly confident victim looks crestfallen, shocked and offended. She displays a lack of empathy when the conversation turns to more serious emotional matters, engaging in shallow responses or cruel reprimands that invalidate her victim’s reality.

She is ruthless in her ability to first idealize, then devalue and discard her victims without a second thought. She cannot engage in healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships, so she enjoys sabotaging the relationships and friendships of others for her own personal entertainment.

2. An insatiable sense of competitiveness, due to pathological envy and the need to be the center of attention.
Relational aggression is thought to be a more common method of bullying among girls, who are socialized to be less physically expressive in their aggression than their male counterparts. The female malignant narcissist is no different; in fact, perhaps some of her most abusive tactics are deployed in the realm of female friendships.

In her group of female friends, the female malignant narcissist scopes out who is a threat and who is a blind follower. Those who threaten the female narcissist in any way (whether it be through their success, appearance, personality, resources, status, desirability or all of the above) must be extinguished, while those who are obedient will be kept around until their resources have been sufficiently depleted.

Those who present a threat are initially placed on a pedestal to keep up appearances in the social circle, but later set up to fail and promptly thrust off. The malignant female narcissist’s starry-eyed admiration of her target is soon revealed to bear an undercurrent of contempt, envy and rage.

As psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville puts it, “When it comes to envy, there is no one more envious than the narcissistic woman.”

3. She sabotages your friendships and relationships, stirring chaos within social groups.
The female narcissist may use her affiliation with her target to gain access to resources or status, but as soon as the idealization phase is over, the devaluation and discard follows. She then engages in rumor-mongering, smear campaigns and creates ‘triangles’ where she feeds others false or humiliating information about the victim. She may pit her friends against each other by claiming that they are gossiping about one another, when in fact, it is her falsehoods that are actually manufacturing conflict within the group. By subjecting her victims to covert and overt put-downs, she is able to then confirm her own false sense of superiority.

You are probably dealing with a female narcissist or sociopath in your group of female friends if:
You notice an uncomfortable silence, a covert exchange of looks or odd energy when you enter the room. The friend who is overly friendly in contrast, happens to be the very person who is speaking about you behind your back.
You are idealized by your female friend, sweet-talked, admired, praised and shown off in the beginning of the friendship. You might have found yourself sharing your most intimate secrets early on, due to her disarmingly sweet and trustworthy demeanor. Later, you find yourself being excluded by them in group conversations, social events or invites. You hear about your deepest secrets being spoken about with derision among the group or rumors based on vulnerabilities and fears you confided in your friend about. You also notice a chilling smugness when your female friend talks down to you or as she devalues your accomplishments.
You bear witness to the narcissistic female friend frequently speaking ill of your other friends in an excessively contemptuous tone, while appearing friendly and engaging with them in public. This is evidence of her duplicity and ability to deceive. An authentic person might vent about others occasionally in the event of stress or conflict, but would not engage in excessive gossip or indiscriminate character assassination. He or she would be more likely to cut ties with those they thought were toxic or address it to them directly rather than bashing them unnecessarily. Make no mistake, the way they’re speaking about others is the way they’ll eventually speak about you.

4. She has an obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality.
This could also translate into a haughty sense of intellectual superiority, if the narcissist in question is more cerebral than somatic (focused more on her mind rather than her body).

As Christine Hammond, LMHC (2015), notes in her article, The Difference Between Male and Female Narcissists, the female narcissist “battles with other females for dominance” and while male narcissists use their charm along with their appearance to achieve their goals, “females use it to gain superiority.”

Female narcissists fit the ‘femme fatale’ stereotype quite well. Many of them are conventionally attractive and, much like the male somatic narcissist, use their sexuality to their advantage. Since females in our society are also socialized to objectify themselves, the female narcissist follows this social norm to use whatever physical assets she has to assert her power.

Hammond (2015) also observes that while males are more likely to obtain money, female narcissists tend to excessively spend it. This may result in a highly materialistic female narcissist who enjoys adorning herself with the best designer clothing, indulging in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones or allowing herself to be excessively catered to by a wealthy significant other. Female narcissists can also accumulate their own wealth and use it as an indication of her superiority as well.

For the more cerebral narcissist, the female in question might use her accumulation of credentials, degrees, and accomplishments to control and terrorize others. For example, a narcissistic female professor may routinely subject her students to hypercriticism, bullying and cruel taunts under the guise of “constructive criticism,” usually targeting her most talented and brilliant female students in the classroom. This is because, despite her own expertise and position of power, she is still threatened by any other female whose intellect might surpass hers.

5. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.
In keeping with typical narcissistic behavior regardless of gender, the female narcissist is likely to have a harem of admirers – consisting of exes that never seem to go away, admirers who always seem to lurk in the background and complete strangers she ensnares into her web to evoke jealousy in her romantic partner. She frequently creates love triangles with her significant other and other males (or females, depending on her sexual orientation). She rejoices in male attention and boasts about being the object of desire. She engages in emotional and/or physical infidelity, usually without remorse and with plenty of gaslighting and deception directed at her partner, who usually dotes on her and spoils her, unaware of the extent of her disloyalty.

She also crosses the boundaries of her female friendships by attempting to “make a move” on the partners of her friends. She is disappointed and envious when her “seduction” falls flat or when her friends enjoy more attention from their partners than she does. To a baffled outsider, a female narcissist’s betrayal is incredibly hurtful and traumatizing – but to the observant eye, it is a clear sign of how far the female narcissist’s pathological sense of entitlement goes.

Understanding Female Narcissism
I suspect I am dealing with a female narcissist. Now what?
If you are dealing with a female malignant narcissist in a friendship, relationship or in a formal or professional setting, be on guard. Remember that they can “turn” at any moment, so don’t be fooled into thinking you will ever be the exception to their interpersonal exploitation. If you are dealing with one in a professional context, stick to e-mail or small talk that can be easily documented. Do not reveal personal information in the early stages of a budding relationship that can later be used against you.

If a female narcissist wants to spend all her time with you and is pressuring you to spend time with them constantly, minimize communication and slow things down. According to life coach Wendy Powell (2015), this can be an excellent way to discourage narcissists from dating you as well. In addition, it can reveal her ‘true self’ more quickly, whether in a relationship or friendship.

A female narcissist’s response to your boundaries will tell you all that you need to know. Most narcissists cannot stand to be ignored; they feel entitled to your constant attention, so they will continue to make persistent efforts until they get it or attempt to sabotage you if they fail.

If you notice that a female friend of yours tends to spread rumors or engages in malicious gossip, try to cut the interaction short and excuse yourself – remember that the toxic person will try to convince others that you are the one speaking ill of them, so anything you say in agreement can and will be used against you.

Stay calm whenever a female narcissist tries to provoke you; your indifference and courage in the face of their threats or insults is actually your greatest ‘tool’ against their tactics. It unsettles them when a target is not so easily rattled, because that means there is something more powerful about their victim than they expected.

If you’re being smeared by a female narcissist, calmly state the facts of the situation to your friends and take note as to who stands up for you and who believes in the female narcissist.

Remember that in the presence of a persuasive narcissist or sociopath, there will always be a few people who are fooled. Do not waste your energy on trying to convince them; if they are that easily fooled by someone else’s claims rather than your track record of loyalty and support, they do not deserve your friendship. You’ll find that they will uncover the truth for themselves eventually – and even if they continue to enable the narcissist’s behavior, they still get the short end of the stick because they chose the fake friend who can turn on them at any point.

Detach from the narcissist’s harem and stick with the people who do support and defend you. Do not be swayed by flattery or charm in the early stages of any interaction – if it is genuine, it will be given as positive feedback throughout your friendship or relationship and you will not be blindsided by a sudden personality transplant.

Female Narcissism
Remember that a narcissist’s greatest fears are exposure and a victim that they cannot control. So long as you are deeply grounded in your own self-validation, any narcissist – whether male or female – cannot truly use the threat of tarnishing your reputation or friendships against you, because they know you will see any loss of such disloyal friends as a gain. They also know that deep down, while they will spend their entire lives trying to protect their false image, your own integrity will continue to speak for itself.

Remember— highly manipulative people don’t respond to empathy or compassion. They respond to consequences.
“I rarely write reviews but I’m so impressed by this book, I can’t recommend it enough for anyone who has suffered abuse by a narcissist or is trying to get out of an abusive relationship now. You deserve the best and more… so I strongly encourage you to get this book!” — Michelle Spurling

“This book was life changing. It completely validated everything from my experiences (suicide, anxiety, depression, “neediness”, literally everything). It took every detail from my past struggles and validated and helped make sense of everything. It’s like I was reading my own biography.” — Drew Rod

Dating A Narcissist Woman! | 3 Stages of A Narcissist | How To Move Forward!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S_qUsNQC8s

Social Media Signs of Narcissistic Women | Damaged Women on Social Media

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03soZ-WuJ0A

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/01/the-female-narcissist-is-just-as-dangerous-heres-why/

Do Female Narcissists And Male Narcissists Ever Get Married - Narcissistic Spouses


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR1YC54f94k

Both men and women can be narcissists.
However, the motivations of male and female narcissists are different.
They also manipulate situations to their advantage in different ways.

Roughly 6% of the population has narcissistic personality disorder. Research over the years has shown that it is also more prevalent in men than in women — 7.7% vs 4.8%.

However, the behaviours of male and female narcissists can differ. For example, more men than women troll people online, because it makes them feel superior to strangers.

All narcissists share certain traits. They are defined as people who have a grandiose idea of themselves, which simultaneously masks their low self-esteem. They present an inflated version of themselves outwards, which they believe is better than anyone around them, so they tend to treat others with contempt.

They are completely self-interested, and will only do something if they can see how it will benefit them.

However, what narcissitic people want to get from others differs between men and women, according to marriage and family therapist Margalis Fjelstad. She told Business Insider that typically, female narcissists are narcissistic about their looks, whereas for men, it's all about power and control.

"If it's a male narcissist, he is typically putting down his female partner and making her less powerful in order to make sure she stays with him," Fjelstad said. "Whereas female narcissists, if they’re not happy with their partner, if they want more, they just go have an affair with somebody and find a more powerful partner."

This helps explain why there are more male narcissists.
Fjelstad thinks this is partly because we "still have a belief that men are superior."

"Men should make all the main choices in the family," she said, explaining how narcissists think, and the mistaken impression still around today that men should make all the decisions. "They should be the head of the house. We idealise and make men superior."

"The Narcissist Next Door" by Jeffrey Kluger also explores this idea. Kluger writes that as society is still predominantly patriarchal, we are more likely to tolerate narcissism and aggressiveness from men than women.Narcissists are not usually violent — they're very good at controlling their emotions, and manipulating others into looking like they are hysterical. They're much more likely to use their brains to get their way, rather than physical force.

Male narcissists can dominate others via manipulation or games, whereas female narcissists use their sexual charm to get what they want, Fjelstad said .
According to Psych Central, male and female narcissists also differ in how they react to other things.

Narcissists are fairly money-focused, because they believe it gives them status and dominance over others. However, men will be preoccupied with obtaining money via any route, including theft from their own family, whereas women are more interested in excessively spending money — not necessarily their own.

However, for all their differences, narcissistic men and women have a lot in common, too. A large study from the University of Buffalo in 2015 analysed 31 years of research on narcissism. While there were differences, such as men scoring higher in leadership and authority traits, there was little difference in vanity, self-absorption, and attention-seeking.
There are several areas that the difference in sexes can be seen. But because this is a disorder, there will be a crossover of similarities. Yet, all of this is consistent with the DSM-V definition of narcissism.

Appearance. Narcissists, in general, believe themselves to be attractive and are usually well groomed to attract attention. While males combine their attractiveness with charm to accomplish a goal, females use it to gain superiority. Most females tend to be obsessed with their appearance sometimes resulting in numerous plastic surgeries.

Seduction. Both male and females narcissists are generally gifted in the art of seduction, but how they seduce is different. Males use their charm to entice a mate. Females use their bodies to allure a mate. This can sometimes be seen in provocative clothing. This is different from a Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD). HPD’s continually wear inappropriately revealing clothing whereas a narcissist does it selectively for a specific person or to accomplish a goal.

Confidence. Narcissists cover their deep-rooted insecurity with a belief that they are “special.” Males tend to be self-confident, gaining their assurance from within. Females gain their poise from comparing their superiority over others. They feel good about themselves when others are beneath their own standards of excellence.

Money. The love of money is strong for narcissists as they believe money gives them power, control, success, status, and dominance over others. Males are preoccupied with obtaining money at all cost, including stealing it from family members. Females enjoy excessively spending money. Both do their behaviors without any shame or remorse for their actions.

Fidelity. If a narcissist fails to get the attention they believe they deserve, they will seek it from outside a committed relationship. While both can be unfaithful, males tend to be serial adulterers. Females act more like black widow spiders, idealizing their mate to attract and them emasculating them. For the spouse or partner, the more they give, the more the narcissist wants. It becomes insatiable.

Children. Narcissists like to raise baby narcissists. Often they pick a favorite child and focus all of their efforts and attention on that child. The other children are left feeling inadequate, unworthy, and insecure. Males generally view children as a nuisance, frequently complaining that they, not the children, should have all the attention of their spouse or partner. Females view children as an extension of themselves, even when the child is an adult. Everything the child accomplishes is a reflection of their superior parenting.

Competition. Nothing proves supremacy quite like competition for narcissists. They love an opportunity to excel over others at work and at home. While the competitiveness is frequently praised in a job, it is not amongst family. Males treat other males as rivals. This can be seen in brother/brother and parent/child relationships. Females battle with other females for dominance. This is seen in sister/sister and parent/child relationships.

https://www.businessinsider.com/the-main-difference-between-narcissistic-men-and-women-2017-10?r=US&IR=T

falcon01:
Madagascar are some kind of people, are they Asian? white? black? They look somehow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPwzv6Yam60

Zaronxpanol:
I went to hell and back in my former marriage. My pastor keeps preaching on forgiveness and people are saying I am bitter and unforgiving. Nobody walked in my shoes in that marriage. My ex-husband acted all nice to people in our church and in public places but when he turns to me he is very hostile and unbothered towards my needs, our kids, and my family.
He was fond of begging people to bring their problem for him to solve and gets angry when he is not called to help outside people or render eye service help. While our concern at home didn't mean anything to him. I paid my children school fees and paid for groceries while under the same roof with this man. He always acted nice whenever he wanted sex, or in need of a favor from me because as a banker my salary was twice his salary as a Lecturer. But I didn't complain. My major challenge with him was that he was sharing his salary with the public and while I was spending my money within the family.

I fly to his family bi-monthly with gifts even though they live far away in another state without my husband motivating me to do so. My ex-husband won't do the same or even buy 5naira biscuits for my family who lived in the same state as us then. Whenever I discussed the issue with him and tell him to adjust, he will either beat me or insult me or overdo the character which I asked him to amend. He thought my life depended on the marriage and I wasn't gonna quit. Yes, I behaved as if my life depended on it but it wasn't my fault, I gave my all and wanted my marriage to work.
When the marriage crashed he was quick to move on.
Now that I am a branch manager, he is telling everyone including pastors to beg me and preach sermons that make me feel guilty.
They are telling me I have an unforgiving spirit and that my ex-husband is known to be generous to the public.
Does the bible say we should go back to our pain or dwell in hell on earth?

Narcissist entitlement and financial abuse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qrv4FbF5sw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQlAVS4Y-fk

78 Ways Narcissists Gaslight You (Narcissist Gaslighting Examples)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vCI1mTJzPo

In any abuse cycle, it’s common for an abuser to engage in a hot-and-cold cycle where they periodically throw in crumbs of affection to keep you hooked and to renew hope for a return to the honeymoon phase. This is a manipulation tactic known as intermittent reinforcement, and it’s common for an abuser to terrorize you, only to return the next day and act like nothing has happened. When you do recall any abusive incidents, an abuser will tell you to “let it go” so they can sustain the cycle.

This form of abuse amnesia adds onto your addictive bond to the abuser, also known as “trauma bonding.” According to Dr. Logan (2018), “Trauma bonding is evidenced in any relationship which the connection defies logic and is very hard to break. The components necessary for a trauma bond to form are a power differential, intermittent good/bad treatment, and high arousal and bonding periods.”

6. You’re the problem here, not me.
Translation: I am the problem here, but I’ll be damned if I let you know it! I’d rather subject you to personal attacks as you bend over backwards trying to hit constantly moving goalposts and arbitrary expectations of the way I think you should feel and behave. As you spend most of your time trying to fix your fabricated flaws while always coming up short of what I deem “worthy,” I can just sit back, relax, and continue to mistreat you the way I feel entitled to. You won’t have any energy left to call me out.

It’s common for abusive partners to engage in malignant projection – to even go as far as to call their victims the narcissists and abusers, and to dump their own malignant qualities and behaviors onto their victims. This is a way for them to gaslight their victims into believing that they are the ones at fault and that their reactions to the abuse, rather than the abuse itself, is the problem. According to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, these projections tend to be psychologically abusive. As she writes, “The narcissist is never wrong. He {or she} automatically blames others when anything goes awry. It is very stressful to be the recipient of narcissistic projections. The sheer force of the narcissist’s accusations and recriminations is stunning and disorienting.”

7. I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.
Translation: Making you question what I did or said allows me to cast doubt on your perceptions and memories of the abuse you’ve experienced. If I make you think that you’re imagining things, you’ll start to wonder if you’re going crazy, rather than pinpointing the evidence which proves I am an abuser.
In the movie Gaslight, Gregory causes his new wife to believe that her aunt’s house is haunted so she can be institutionalized. He does everything from rearranging items in the house, flickering gas lights on to making noises in the attic so she is no longer able to discern whether or not what she’s seeing is real. He isolates her so that she is unable to gain validation. After manufacturing these crazymaking scenarios, he then convinces her that these events are all a figment of her imagination.

Many victims of chronic gaslighting struggle with the cognitive dissonance which occurs when their abuser tells them that they never did or said something. Much like reasonable doubt can sway a jury, even the hint that something may not have happened after all can be powerful enough to override someone’s perceptions. Researchers Hasher, Goldstein and Toppino (1997) call this the “illusory truth effect” – they discovered that when falsehoods are repeated, they are more likely to be internalized as true simply due to the effects of repetition. That is why continual denial and minimization can be so effective in convincing victims of gaslighting that they are indeed imagining things or suffering from memory loss, rather than standing firm in their beliefs and experiences.

The Big Picture
In order to resist the effects of gaslighting, you must get in touch with your own reality and prevent yourself from getting entrapped into an endless loop of self-doubt. Learn to identify the red flags of malignant narcissists and their manipulation tactics so you can get out of disorienting, crazymaking conversations with malignant narcissists before they escalate into wild accusations, projections, blameshifting and put-downs which will only exacerbate your sense of confusion. Develop a sense of self-validation and self-trust so you can get in touch with how you really feel about the way someone is treating you, rather than getting stuck attempting to explain yourself to a manipulator with an agenda.

Getting space from your abuser is essential. Be sure to document events as they happened, rather than how your abuser tells you they happened. Save text messages, voicemails, e-mails, audio or video recordings (if permitted in your state laws) which can help you to remember the facts in times of mental fog, rather than subscribing to the distortions and delusions of the abuser.
Engage in extreme self-care by participating in mind-body healing modalities which target the physical as well as psychological symptoms of the abuse. Recovery is important to achieve mental clarity. Enlist the help of a third party, such as a trauma-informed therapist, and go through the incidents of abuse together to anchor yourself back to what you’ve experienced. Malignant narcissists might attempt to rewrite your reality, but you don’t have to accept their twisted narratives as truth.
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/7-gaslighting-phrases-malignant-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-translated/

2. You’re just insecure and jealous.
Translation: I enjoy planting seeds of insecurity and doubt in your mind about your attractiveness, competence, and personality. If you dare to question my numerous flirtations, affairs, and inappropriate interactions, I’ll be sure to put you back in your place in fear of losing me. The problem, as I’ll convince you, isn’t my deceptive behavior. It’s your inability to remain confident while I perpetually put you down, compare you in demeaning ways to others, and eventually cast you aside for the next best thing.

Manufacturing love triangles and harems are a narcissist’s forte. Robert Greene, author of The Art of Seduction, speaks about creating “an aura of desirability” which stirs a frenzied sense of competition among potential suitors. In abuse survivor communities, this tactic is also known as triangulation. It grants malignant narcissists a depraved sense of power over their victims. They actively provoke jealousy in their intimate partners in order to control them and paint them as unhinged when they finally react. When a victim calls out a narcissist’s infidelity in any way, it is common for them to label the victims insecure, controlling, and jealous to avoid suspicion and to continue to reap the benefits of multiple sources of attention, praise, and ego strokes.

Remember: to someone who has something to hide, everything feels like an interrogation. Narcissists will often lash out in narcissistic rage, stonewalling, and excessive defensiveness when confronted with evidence of their betrayals.

3. You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.
Translation: It’s not that you’re too sensitive, but rather that I am insensitive, callous, and unempathic. I do not care about your emotions unless they serve me in some way. Your negative reactions provide me stimulation and pleasure, so please, do keep going. I enjoy putting you down for having legitimate reactions to my abuse.

According to Dr. Robin Stern, one of the effects of gaslighting include asking yourself “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day. Claiming that victims are overreacting or oversensitive to emotional abuse is a popular way for malignant narcissists to override your certainty about the severity of the abuse you experienced.

Whether or not someone is a sensitive person is irrelevant when it comes to cases of psychological or physical violence. Abuse affects anyone and everyone of varying sensitivity levels, and its impact should not be taken lightly. A mark of a healthy partner is that they give you the space to feel your emotions and provide emotional validation, even if they do not agree with you. A malignant narcissist will excessively focus on your so-called sensitivity and consistently claim that you are overreacting rather than own their horrific actions when called out, regardless of how “sensitive” you may be.

4. It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.
Translation: I love disguising my abusive behavior as just jokes. I like calling you names, putting you down, and then claiming you’re the one who lacks the sense of humor to appreciate my depraved “wit.” Making you feel defective allows me to say and do whatever I wish, all with a smile and a derisive laugh.

Disguising cruel remarks, off-color comments, and put-downs as “just jokes” is a popular verbal abuse tactic, according to Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This malicious tactic is very different from playful teasing which takes a certain amount of rapport, trust, and mutual enjoyment. When malignant narcissists dole out these unsettling “jokes,” they can engage in acts of name-calling, taunting, belittling and contempt while evading the responsibility of issuing an apology or owning their vicious verbal assaults. You are then gaslighted into believing that it is your inability to appreciate the “humor” behind their cruelty, rather than the reality of its abusive intentions.
“Just jokes” are also used to test boundaries early on in an abusive relationship; what you may have rationalized as a tone-deaf or off-color comment in the beginning can escalate into psychological violence quite quickly in the hands of a narcissist. If you find that you have a partner who laughs at you more than they laugh with you, run. It will not get better.

5. You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?
Translation: I haven’t given you enough time to even process the last heinous incident of abuse, but you need to let it go already so I can move forward with exploiting you without facing any consequences for my behavior. Let me love-bomb you into thinking that things will be different this time around. Don’t bring up my past patterns of abusive behavior, because you’ll then recognize that this is a cycle that will just continue.

What is narcissistic Gaslighting?
Narcissistic gaslighting preemptively invalidates protests against unfair treatment. ... To a manipulative partner, gaslighting you like this serves three purposes: it makes you question your reality, it forces you to rely on their version of events, and it makes you trust your own perceptions less in the future.

Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality; it creates a mental fog of epic proportions in the twisted “funhouse” of smoke, mirrors, and distortions that is an abusive relationship. When a malignant narcissist gaslights you, they engage in crazymaking discussions and character assassinations where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and sanity. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you are unable to fight back. Rather than finding ways to healthily detach from this toxic person, you are sabotaged in your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what you’ve experienced.
The term “gaslighting” originated in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play, Gas Light, where a manipulative husband drove his wife to insanity by causing her to question what she experienced.

It was further popularized in the 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, a psychological thriller about a man named Gregory Anton who murders a famous opera singer. He later marries her niece, Paula to convince her she is going crazy to the point of being institutionalized, with the agenda of stealing the rest of her family jewels. According to Dr. George Simon, victims of chronic gaslighting can suffer from a wide array of side effects, including flashbacks, heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, a low sense of self-worth, and mental confusion. In cases of severe manipulation and abuse, gaslighting can even lead to suicidal ideation, self-harm, and self-sabotage.

Gaslighting can take many forms – from questioning the status of your mental health to outright challenging your lived experiences. The most dangerous culprits of gaslighting? Malignant narcissists, who, by default, use gaslighting as a strategy to undermine the perception of their victims in order to evade accountability for their abuse. These perpetrators can use gaslighting callously and sadistically because they lack the remorse, empathy, or conscience to have any limits when they terrorize you or covertly provoke you. Gaslighting by a malignant narcissist is covert murder with clean hands, allowing the perpetrator to get away with their mistreatment while depicting the victims as the abusers.

1. You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.
Translation: You’re not the pathological one here. You’re just catching onto who I really am behind the mask and attempting to hold me accountable for my questionable behavior. I’d rather you question your own sanity so you believe that the problem is really you, rather than my own deceptiveness and manipulation. So long as you believe you’re the one who needs help, I’ll never have to take responsibility for changing my own disordered ways of thinking and behaving.
Malignant narcissists play the smirking doctors to their victims, treating them like unruly patients. Diagnosing their victims with mental health issues for having emotions is a way to pathologize their victims and undermine their credibility; this is even more effective when abusers are able to provoke reactions in their victims to convince society that they are the ones with mental health problems. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some abusers will even actively drive their victims to the edge to concoct proof of their instability. The Hotline estimates that around 89% of their callers have experienced some form of mental health coercion and that 43% had experienced a substance abuse coercion from an abuser.
“Most survivors who reported their abusive partners had actively contributed to mental health difficulties or their use of substances also said their partners threatened to use the difficulties or substance use against them with important authorities, such as legal or child custody professionals, to prevent them from obtaining custody or other things that they wanted or needed.” – The National Center on Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Hotline

10 Gaslighting Signs in an Abusive Relationship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As_8Bb0bVNY

Narcissistic leadership is a leadership style in which the leader is only interested in him/herself. Their priority is themselves – at the expense of their people/group members. This leader exhibits the characteristics of a narcissist: arrogance, dominance and hostility.

The narcissistic or psychopathic leader is the culmination and reification of his period, culture, and civilization. He is likely to rise to prominence in narcissistic societies.

The leader's mental health pathologies resonate with the anomies of his society and culture ("psychopathological resonance".)

The leader and the led form a self-enhancing and self-reinforcing feedback loop, a dyad of mirrored adoration and reflected love.

The narcissist's personality is so precariously balanced that he cannot tolerate even a hint of criticism and disagreement. Most narcissists are paranoid and suffer from ideas of reference (the delusion that they are being mocked or discussed when they are not). Thus, narcissists often regard themselves as "victims of persecution".

Narcissistic leaders are self-absorbed and hold beliefs of entitlement ... behavior such as aggression, theft and sabotage (e.g., Tepper et al

The narcissistic leader fosters and encourages a personality cult with all the hallmarks of an institutional religion: priesthood, rites, rituals, temples, worship, catechism, mythology. The leader is this religion's ascetic saint. He monastically denies himself earthly pleasures (or so he claims) in order to be able to dedicate himself fully to his calling.

The narcissistic leader is a monstrously inverted Jesus, sacrificing his life and denying himself so that his people - or humanity at large - should benefit. By surpassing and suppressing his humanity, the narcissistic leader became a distorted version of Nietzsche's "superman".

Many narcissistic and psychopathic leaders are the hostages of self-imposed rigid ideologies. They fancy themselves Platonic "philosopher-kings". Lacking empathy, they regard their subjects as a manufacturer does his raw materials, or as the abstracted collateral damage in vast historical processes (to prepare an omelet, one must break eggs, as their favorite saying goes).

But being a-human or super-human also means being a-sexual and a-moral.

In this restricted sense, narcissistic leaders are post-modernist and moral relativists. They project to the masses an androgynous figure and enhance it by engendering the adoration of nudity and all things "natural" - or by strongly repressing these feelings. But what they refer to as "nature" is not natural at all.

The narcissistic leader invariably proffers an aesthetic of decadence and evil carefully orchestrated and artificial - though it is not perceived this way by him or by his followers. Narcissistic leadership is about reproduced copies, not about originals. It is about the manipulation of symbols - not about veritable atavism or true conservatism.

In short: narcissistic leadership is about theatre, not about life. To enjoy the spectacle (and be subsumed by it), the cultish leader demands the suspension of judgment, and the attainment of depersonalization and de-realization. Catharsis is tantamount, in this narcissistic dramaturgy, to self-annulment.

Narcissism is nihilistic not only operationally, or ideologically. Its very language and narratives are nihilistic. Narcissism is conspicuous nihilism - and the cult's leader serves as a role model, annihilating the Man, only to re-appear as a pre-ordained and irresistible force of nature.

By elevating and idealizing their "fuehrer", the mob actually elevates and idealizes itself; in his ascendance they find hope, in his manifest illness -- curative solace and a legitimation of their own collective insanity. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGO2U1thFAk

When a narcissist becomes a church leader "his continued proximity to God confers on him authority." Priests, leaders of the congregation, preachers, evangelists, " when they are narcissists, derive authority from their allegedly privileged relationship with God.

Religious authority allows the narcissist to indulge his sadistic urges and to exercise his misogynism freely and openly.

Such a narcissist is likely to taunt and torment his followers, hector and chastise them, humiliate and berate them, abuse them spiritually, or even sexually.

The narcissist whose source of authority is religious is looking for obedient and unquestioning slaves upon whom to exercise his capricious and wicked mastery.

The narcissist transforms even the most innocuous and pure religious sentiments into a cultish ritual and a virulent hierarchy. He preys on the gullible. His flock become his hostages. Religious authority also secures the narcissist's Narcissistic Supply.

His coreligionists, members of his congregation, his parish, his constituency, his audience - are transformed into loyal and stable Sources of Narcissistic Supply.

They obey his commands, heed his admonitions, follow his creed, admire his personality, applaud his personal traits, satisfy his needs (sometimes even his carnal desires), revere and idolize him. Moreover, being a part of a "bigger thing" is very gratifying narcissistically.

Being a particle of God, being immersed in His grandeur, experiencing His power and blessings first hand, communing with him - are all Sources of unending Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist becomes God by observing His commandments, following His instructions, loving Him, obeying Him, succumbing to Him, merging with Him, communicating with Him - or even by defying him (the bigger the narcissist's enemy - the more grandiosely important the narcissist feels).

Like everything else in the narcissist's life, he mutates God into a kind of inverted narcissist. God becomes his dominant Source of Supply. He forms a personal relationship with this overwhelming and overpowering entity - in order to overwhelm and overpower others. He becomes God vicariously, by the proxy of his relationship with Him.

He idealizes God, then devalues Him, then abuses Him. This is the classic narcissistic pattern and even God himself cannot escape it." ( Dr. SAM VAKNIN: http://samvak.tripod.com/index.html)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsIYveXbzF4


"But know this, says saint Paul that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jan'nes and Jam'bres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was". Dr. SAM VAKNIN

When Narcissists Use Religion to Control You: Narcissists and Religious Abuse (AKA Spiritual Abuse) -

Religious Narcissists (And Narcissistic Christians) Are you dealing with religious abuse or spiritual abuse from a narcissist? If so, you're not alone. Narcissists are infamous for using religion to manipulate, control and absolutely dominate you through fear of what will happen to you if you don't do what they want.

In this video, Narcissists and Religious Abuse (AKA Spiritual Abuse): When Narcissists Use Religion to Control You, I'll define religious abuse and outline how narcissists use it against you.

The official definition of religious/spiritual abuse:
Religious abuse is abuse administered under the guise of religion, including harassment or humiliation, which may result in psychological trauma. Religious abuse may also include misuse of religion for selfish, secular, or ideological ends such as the abuse of a clerical position.

I will also talk about how depression can be a side-effect of the CPTSD you get after experiencing a toxic relationship with a narcissist and dealing with the gaslighting, repeating discards, narcissistic rage and other manipulation tactics used by religious narcissists.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlxPkSADkIM

Plut01:


If i read it well, I'm a narcist as i could see like four to six things am found of doing in that write up.

Issokay

Nice write up BT
.

You can try to take the test on Narcissists personality disorder on the site below
https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/NPI/1.php

In this video, you will learn how to tell if a man you’re dating is a narcissist or if he is just an f-boy or player. So, if you’re seeing a man but feel frustrated or confused by his behavior, and you want to know exactly what you’re dealing with, then you have to watch this video.

He made this video because of the phrase “He’s a Narcissist” more and more lately. That’s because the term narcissist has become more popularized over the past 5-10 years. Just take a look at these google trends over the past decade and you can see the increase in the number of worldwide searches for the terms “narcissistic relationships” and “dating a narcissist”. These are highly searched keywords that continue to increase in popularity as more and more people search them up.

And after reading or learning about narcissists online, many of the women I’ve worked with over the past year or so, have come to me convinced that the guy they were dating was a narcissist.

Sometimes after hearing their stories, I agree with their assessment, but other times I think they were simply dating a player and not necessarily a narcissist. On the surface, they can seem to be similar, but make no mistake about it.. being in a relationship with a narcissist can be much, much worse.. it’s very stressful, unhealthy, and even toxic. So, without further ado, here’s how the two are similar and different.

First, A player is usually a man who manipulates a women's emotions by faking his romantic interest in her until he
a) gets what he wants from them or
b) gets them to have feelings for him and then he usually fades out or ends the relationship.

Also, Players often suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome because they just can't grow up and it's all a game to them. And In my opinion, the most important part of this definition is the faking his romantic interest part.

On the other hand, a narcissist is also a person who is highly manipulative of partners, but for very different reasons. We will get into those reasons in just a second.

But in addition to Being manipulative, a person with narcissistic personality disorder has a grandiose sense of self importance, lacks empathy for other people, and constantly needs admiration.
Narcissists are arrogant, self-centered, demanding and are convinced that they deserve special treatment.

So, manipulating others to get what they want is certainly a shared characteristic between narcissists and players. They Both find satisfaction in getting people to fall for them because It feels like a victory to win the affection of someone else.
And both players and narcissist are usually charming and may sweep you off your feet with their romantic talk and gestures. In fact, it’s common for both narcissists and players to seem like real life prince charming’s when they first meet you. But this is probably where the similarities end. Here are the major differences.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq6OXCOMzPw

Warning - If He Does This, Leave Now - He's a Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GtJaXV8eh0

Catenya McHenry chronicles her marriage to someone with narcissistic personality disorder in her new book.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3RF12xpgvM


How The Narcissistic Male Views Marriage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf7v3-O-EIM

The Player vs Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXBgmWPmWEo

The Female Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyllxsJUpo4

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Reactions & behaviours developed from a traumatic event that threatens the life or safety of an individual or of those who surround them. The symptoms of PTSD can include:
hypervigilance
difficulties with regulating emotion
dissociation, flashbacks, disconnection from people and surroundings
feelings of helplessness, terror, rage and shame
distrust of others
withdrawal/isolation
depression
difficulty sleeping
The experience triggers chronic intense fear and/or helpessness, and is a form of anxiety disorder impairing significantly the individual’s daily life.

Projection The narcissist is unable to accept that they have any flaws. They use projection as a defense mechanism by attributing what is unacceptable in themselves, onto others.

Pushing your buttons ‘Pushing your buttons’ is the intentional targeting and exploitation of known vulnerabilities and trigger points. It is the act of triggering you for control & to secure negative supply.

Reacting vs. responding
Within the context of narcissistic abuse, reacting is immediate, reflexive, and leads with emotion. It’s typically triggered by an event or comment that directly targets or activates a wounded part of ourselves.
Responding is more measured and controlled, allowing for a level of detachment from the situation, and incorporates thought, rationality, as well as emotions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89pvI7n9xU0

Rumination Rumination is a form of repetitive thinking, that seeks to resolve a given trauma. This could be caused from loss, injustices, threats and/or any direct or indirect harm. Rumination is a symptom of many mental health challenges including depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. All of these are prevalent in victims of Narcissistic Abuse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3BoZFaRr-c
Scapegoat Family member/s blamed for all negative issues within the family system, including any mistakes, faults, flaws etc. The Scapegoat often carries more responsibilities than other members of the family. They ‘can do no right’ and are continuously devalued.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn3xhDni4w4

Self-differentiation process Developmental stage when a child understands the difference between their emotions and thoughts, creating awareness of self, and that these are separate from those of others who have their own experiences.

Self-invalidation Self-invalidation is the act of denying, rejecting, negatively judging, minimising and/or ignoring one’s own experience, thoughts, actions, or emotions. Within the context of Narcissistic Abuse, this occurs through the internalisation of the narcissist’s continuous invalidation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_O62UjU4zg

Separation-individuation process This occurs between mother (or other primary caregiver) and child, where the child progresses from being merged with and wholly reliant on her following birth to eventually becoming separate and autonomous mentally, physically, and psychologically.

Silent treatment Refusal to communicate as a form of punishment. Employed to convey your decreasing and contingent worth to the narcissist depending on your ability to meet their supply needs. Can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. However long it takes for you to learn your lesson and amp up provision of supply.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9biVbda-Pmk

Smear campaigns Intentionally spreading false information and gossip, to discredit, undermine, control and isolate victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2WCgiP5nz4

Splitting The inability for the narcissist to accept that all individuals (and themselves), include both negative and positive qualities. This results in the use of all-or-nothing or black & white thinking as a defence mechanism against the reality of the duality of human nature.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7EJbqoaf98

Stonewalling The deliberate withholding or withdrawal of information, emotions, or physical resources. This is used to maintain power and control over victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhIvZBUfpHo

Suicide prevention services near you For support with self-harm or suicidality, please contact your local suicide prevention service. For services near you please refer to the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) list of crisis services available globally, and online: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/.
If at any point you fear that you or anyone else is in imminent danger, contact emergency services immediately.

The 'soul mate' effect The ‘soul mate effect’ is the illusion created through love bombing during idealisation. The purpose is to hook you in as a source of supply; and groom you by simultaneously building your trust in them & eradicating your boundaries in preparation for devaluation.

Trauma bonding Trauma bonding creates powerful, unhealthy attachments to another who causes you harm.
It occurs in conditions where an individual is under threat psychologically or physically, and they perceive that their survival is dependent on their abuser. This could be due to isolation, and/or inability to escape from the situation. In addition to these circumstances, the victim also perceives that the abuser is intermittently kind towards them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmB9fpHVd2o

Triangulation Involvement of unrelated individuals into conflicts for the purpose of isolating victims further, for example, by gaining support from others for smear campaigns. It is also used to divide people by misrepresenting information and views of others in order to gain control, attention and/or support.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS4knTxthuI

Validation Validation is being present and supportive of another’s experience, by acknowledging their emotions, thoughts, and feelings without attempting to change them. In being validated we feel accepted, seen and heard by others, which in turn enables us to accept ourselves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFaipcfa3vU

Values Stable guiding principles, standards, or goals about what is important in one’s life. They are the lens with which one perceives and judges themselves and the world, hence they influence behaviour and decision making.

Word salad A nonsensical, circular, erratic ‘pastiche’ of words, statements and views commonly used when either in argument with the narcissist or when attempting to hold them to account for an issue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hET_bzSv5yQ

https://narcwise.com/glossary/

Invalidation Invalidation is the product of an absence of empathy. It is the act of purposefully denying, rejecting, negatively judging, and/or ignoring expressed experience, thoughts, actions, or emotions. It can be overt as is typical in aggressive bullying tactics, as well as covert, subtle & insidious as seen in gaslighting. Invalidation is at the core of all abuse whether physical, psychological, emotional and/or sexual.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSB56DlWbBc

Isolation Removal of human, emotional, psychological, physical and/or financial resources to heighten victim dependence on the narcissist. This strategy is used to maximise control over victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diMalE5mQBY

Learned helplessness Learned helplessness occurs through the repeated exposure to painful stimuli, which the individual is unable to avoid, as evidenced in narcissistically abusive relationships. Learned helplessness causes a pervasive sense of hopelessness due to the belief that individual control to change the situation is not possible, to the extent that if presented with opportunities to escape these will not be taken. Learned helplessness is debilitating and strongly linked with mental health conditions such as depression & anxiety. Learned helplessness breeds the sense of ‘giving up’.

Low contact (LC) When No Contact with a narcissist is not possible, for example due to shared parenting, family or work responsibilities, Low Contact is employed. This relates to minimal exposure to the narc, and maintaining strong boundaries. For some, LC may mean a couple of text messages per year, whilst for others it may mean limited interaction whilst going grey rock and emotionally withdrawing.

Magical thinking A term used in psychology and psychiatry that denotes the belief that thoughts and emotions can influence events in the external world. Magical thinking occurs during child development, and is also seen in some mental disorders such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), an anxiety disorder which can arise as a consequence of sustaining trauma including narcissistic abuse.

Marginalisation The inferior treatment of another to convey their insignificance and diminish their value, and to achieve social exclusion/isolation.

Mindfulness State of awareness & calm acceptance of the present moment, and of any thoughts, emotions and physical sensations.

Mobbing Mobbing typically occurs in dysfunctional family systems where Narcissistic Personality Disorder is present (or other Cluster B Personality Disorders), in toxic workplaces, schools and friendship circles. Mobbing is also referred to as bullying, the act of ‘ganging up’ on one individual, and psychological terrorism. It is intentional, malicious abuse that targets a designated scapegoat within a group, led by the pathological narcissist and support by their flying monkeys. The abuse commonly includes smear campaigns; blaming and projection of all real or imagined issues relating to the group and to its toxic members; overt demeaning and humiliating action; sabotage; and exclusion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=If8ZvzZ00S8

Moving the goal posts Continuously shifting and redefining expectations so that they can never be met. This is a form of gaslighting and used to reinforce feelings of worthlessness.

Narcissistic FOG The term ‘FOG’ refers fear, obligation and guilt which the abusive narcissist seeks to instil in the victim through manipulation strategies in order to control them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N94ngc3ZlqA

Narcissistic injury Narcissistic injury occurs when the narc perceives that their concepts of grandiosity, superiority or power are threatened. Reactions to injury can include rage, paranoia, envy and/or general distress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5aCmU7S2rM

Narcissistic mirroring Narcissistic mirroring is the mimicry of verbal and non-verbal behaviours of others; and reflecting the traits, behaviours, goals and preferences they believe their target seeks, in order to secure trust and admiration. Narcissistic mirroring is foundational to creating the illusion of ‘soul mates’ during the idealisation phase of narcissistic abuse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDiqw337Cwc

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
Requires excessive admiration.
Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectation of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations).
Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).

Narcissistic rage Narcissistic rage is triggered by a narcissistic injury when the narc perceives that their concepts of grandiosity, superiority or power are threatened. Expressions range from minor annoyance through to violence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEyKLMMj-FA

Narcissistic supply Narcissistic ‘supply’ is both positive and negative attention that supports the survival of the fragile belief system of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is the ‘hit’ of reinforcement that confirms their beliefs regarding their superiority, grandiosity, entitlement and omnipotence. Supply is ideally positive in nature, however, in the absence of this, negative attention suffices to confirm control and power over others. ‘Supply’ is the drug of choice for the narcissist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUnmx3tgKZI

No contact (NC) Removing all contact with the narcissist, including face to face, phone, email, letters, social media – all contact. No responding, no reaching out, nothing. Precipitating this significant and often extremely painful decision, is for protection and the desire to cease the cycle of abuse.

Omnipotence Inherent in the pathological narcissist’s belief of their superiority, is omnipotence which relates to being more powerful than others. To sustain the belief that this is reflective of who they are, underpinning all narcissistic manipulations is the need to continuously affirm their omnipotence, a.k.a. power and control, over others. To be ‘more than’ all others.

Parentification This is the developmentally inappropriate responsibility borne by children required to parent their own parents. The roles of parent/child are inversed, and the child is expected to satisfy the needs of the parent rather than the reverse.

Pity-plays A form of hoovering deployed to target your empathy and compassion, knowing that these are easily manipulated, with vulnerability subsequently guaranteed. For example using guilt to coerce you into engaging by playing the victim

Exploitativeness Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and Antisocial Personality Disorder) are frequently exploitative in interpersonal relationships, which relates to using others as objects to achieve personal gain. The pervasiveness of this in narcissistic abusive relationships is underpinned by their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy.

Fauxpology The narcissist’s version of an apology, devoid of sincerity, accountability or empathy. It is used as a hoovering tactic to mitigate potential loss of supply (i.e.: you), when what lies behind the mask is at risk of being exposed

Flying monkeys Third parties recruited by the narcissist to perpetuate abuse on their behalf. Flying monkeys are enablers and supporters of the narcissist, believing in their manipulations. These guys protect and defend the narc, and are frequently used to spread further the effects of smear campaigns or to gather information sought by the narcissist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDclCIFQML8

Future-faking Future-faking are statements made about intentions and plans that support the pathological narcissist’s beliefs regarding their grandiosity. It is used both to bolster their own self-beliefs, as well as to mould the beliefs of others regarding who they are. Within narcissistic abuse, future-faking is found in idealisation and the love bombing stage, as well as throughout devaluation as a hoovering technique through for example, false promises.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMaZLBKNko

Gaslighting The manipulation of information and/or the environment to confuse the victim into questioning their perception of reality and mental health.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVBdWSPXyRw

Ghosting A strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. Ghosting is a disappearing act, sudden & unexplained. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1zQrViVj3s

Golden child Favoured child of narcissistic parent who is given special attention and privileges. The Golden Child in a family can ‘do no wrong’, and receives projections from the narcissistic parent such as being superior, ‘better than’ others, including other children within the family. The Golden Child is continuously idealised.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8VQR4-ZXjU

Grandiosity Grandiosity is a key belief of the pathological narcissist, and one of the diagnostic criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM-V. It is the unfounded belief of being superior and ‘better than’ others; and of being unique, special, or ‘more than’ others. This inflated view of the self is articulated through exaggerations or through outright pathological lying.

Grey rock A method used for protection to deny narcissistic supply and minimise opportunity to be manipulated. Information shared about personal matters, thoughts and emotions is limited. Providing minimal, neutral responses and ceasing to ask the narc any questions about themselves encourages loss of interest in maintaining the victim as a form of supply.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly0EfWUYArU

Grooming Grooming is the process of incrementally lowering your boundaries, and increasing isolation for the purpose of creating vulnerability. This tactic used by narcissistically abusive individuals also simultaneously focuses on building trust. By eradicating boundaries, support systems and fostering trust, this facilitates the abuse to occur with lowered risk of impediment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jguzYen7FTY

Hoovering Hoovering a.k.a ‘sucking victims back in’ is used in devaluation as intermittent reinforcement to maintain control over relationship. Applying irregular bursts of love bombing during abuse keeps hope alive for victims that the relationship could improve and the narc really is a good person underneath it all. Post discard, hoovering is used to hook victims back into the relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFlyIz75JwA

Hypervigilance When in a state of ‘fight or flight’, sensory awareness is heightened with mind and body on high alert to the present danger. In PTSD & C-PTSD, this becomes chronic where the individual is in effect stuck in this state, continuously expecting and scanning for threats.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZQNPaolsyg

Idealisation Initial phase in the cycle of narcissistic abuse where the victim is worshipped and adored. ‘Love bombing’ takes place with overly rapid declarations of undying love, constant reminders of the unparalleled love shared, and intense focus on meeting victim’s needs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL6sJGt7oLs

Intermittent reinforcement Intermittent reinforcement is used in operant conditioning as a learning tool in behavioural psychology. It is the irregular and unpredictable provision of reward for desired behaviour. This approach is known to produce the greatest effort from subjects in pursuing said desired behaviour. Within the context of narcissistic abuse, it is applied as a powerful form of manipulation creating trauma bonding used within devaluation to maintain control over targets by ‘sweetening’ the abuse haphazardly. By doing this, one ‘holds on’ waiting for the next hit of sweetness from the narcissist. It also reinforces the belief that if ones tries hard enough, the relationship, and the narcissist can be ‘fixed’.

Intimate Partner Violence ‘Behaviour by an intimate partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm, including physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviours’

Intimacy Avoidance Narcissists have avoidant attachment styles, maintain distance in relationships and claim not to need others.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30mNhZEow6s