₦airaland Forum

PreciousBro:
Coogar, if I get you well, what you keep saying is intelligence, a yardstick for nothing but individualism and hence cant be the force of submission to her husband.

This is sad, if intelligence is the whole and all, that means the headship is dependent on the said intelligence.

of course.....
mention one institution or kingdom where the dullest individual in that institution was made the head.

tempem:
Is 27-28 late? For male.....
Is 26-27 late for a female?


Candid advice, a beg.

to each his own.
no age is late for male/female. the crux is getting it right. what's the essence of marrying early & getting kicked out of the marriage?

if a man waits till age 40 to get the right partner, he's better than the guy that married at 25 who is facing divorce or domestic abuse. it's not about how long, it's about how well!

PreciousBro:
You still don't seem to get my own point, being that, if you agree with me that women should marry more intelligent men so they can easily submit to him , are you not in turn agreeing that, women have to still submit to their men but intelligence (which I keep telling you shouldn't be the yardstick) has to be the propelling boost for submission ?

where did i say women shouldn't submit?
i am the staunchest disciple of submission. go to the previous pages and see my early rejoinders. i am a fan of submission - why shouldn't a woman submit to her hubby? who chose him for her? if she's not ready to submit, she has no business in marriage!

In a case where the woman is more intelligent, that means ,the man has to do the submitting ?

in a case where the woman is more intelligent; the marriage is doomed! i said that earlier. the man's ego would always get in the way even when he knows she's more intelligent. this is why i said a woman should never marry a less-intelligent partner.

edwife:
Where i half come from,men marry as young as 25,26.It is a culture,it has been like that for ages....

They grow together and most of all,parents are always present to guide them until they are capable of handling family matters on their own.

the generation before us married even earlier than 25/26. most of them had built their own houses at this age with dependent relatives to cater for.

these days......just forget it.
most nigerians are just about completing their degree at 25/26, staying under their parent's roof. everything down to salon visits or sanitary pads, the parents provide.

na these kind ones go marry?

Joromi1:
U just hit the right nail on the head! And the main cause of this are the gossips. If a lady who can't endure a bad marriage walks away they label her 'a prostitute' and our myopic men would consider her a 'tokunbo', and discourage any attempt to marry her. Worse still, the pastor would quote the bible verse of 'for better or worse'. So for this reason, the African wife would have to remain a slave in her own home

so do you still think the "fear" isn't justified?

PreciousBro:
If a non believer doesn't get you, how can you speak his own language ? When you are a believer ?

you be like him, no?
to catch a monkey, better be prepared to become an ape!

even christ wined & dined with unbelievers - something the pharisees particularly felt nauseous about.

PreciousBro:
Intelligence,as a criterion amongst others can't be the only factor that separates boys from men this is a joke that isn't funny at all.

pray tell - what separates boys from the men?

It is obvious wisdom is not taught, anyway, that's not the point of this thread. If you want to speak for non christians, you have to be one, I speak from my christian background and if you don't believe in it,then its obvious you aren't one.

how do you intend to convince a non-believer of the bible? you have to speak the language he understands & your yardstick must cater to all humans who intend to get married. the bible is not your leading step, i am afraid.

I don't think God said "woman submit to your man because he is more intelligent than you"

Smh

that's because God expects the woman He gave 5 sensory organs to use her common sense to choose the most intelligent candidate in her long list of suitors. he should love her wholeheartedly & she should submit to him.

PreciousBro:
Intelligence is subjective, some women are indeed smarter than men etc.

no one disputes the above.....
the point is, such smart women should aim & marry smarter men. they should not marry down or aim below their level. it will be extremely hard for them to submit to a less-intelligent husband.

By your initial logic of women marrying older men, if a woman marries a man younger than her ,should the book change to "man submit to your wife" ? lol

age is not necessarily intelligence.
i have seen old women with the emotional maturity of a toothpaste. i have seen young women who are actually super-intelligent.

if a woman marries a man younger than her - desperation must have led her to it. sit her down, ask her if marrying a younger man has always been her dream, she would tell you "hell no".

even if she does, she must make sure the younger man is still more intelligent than her. it would help her a lot in submitting to him. if she's older & she's more intelligent than him, how the heck would she be able to submit to him?

tearoses:
No vex

Sister Sarah

thank you!

so what's the query?
is it the cucumber or the salad again?

TheFLIRT:
Lmfao! I was right after all. Fear is the factor. I'm happy to be African then.

and there's no divorce in africa?

africa is actually worse. majority of the people still pretending that they are in a marriage are not happy. they are just scared of the stigma the society would attach to them if they walk out of the marriage.

PreciousBro:
You don't seem to be getting the point here, if a woman decides to get married to her dull man, its her prerogative, she shouldn't come in to marriage to change the game as though she institutionalised the institution of marriage.

#sigh

it then means you expect her to have separated the chaff from the wheat before deciding to walk the aisle. if that's the case, isn't intelligence the factor that separates boys from the men?

yet, you said intelligence isn't a factor.

you need deliverance!

freecocoa:
Go away, you have offended me.

no vex, na
don't force me to come knock your door tonight.

You don see am na, that's what your naija brothers believe, submit by default, even though, the bible that instructs that, says it's for married folks alone.

Yet even men that aren't related to you or even have any business with you, expect you to submit because he is a man.

he's probably kidding.
will he allow his sister to submit to a crack-addict?

PreciousBro:
If you believe we should speak for everyone, we certainly can't use the non religious standpoint as a yardstick.

so what should we use?
more than half of the world's population don't believe in the bible, so only non-religious standpoint will speak for them.

and that standpoint is logic....which is also called intelligence/wisdom.

PreciousBro:
I don't think we are speaking for the people that don't believe in God or the holy book, are you one ?

i think we should speak for everyone.
the grim divorce stats does not single out christians only, it speaks for everyone.

Surely they must have some sort or standpoint ,either by culture or tradition that governs their ways of life as regards to submissiveness .

they rely on intelligence - just like christians should also do.

freecocoa:
I get it, why are you still hammering on intuition? Are there no women who come with facts? That's all I need to know.

of course, there are.....
but they are far & few between.

PreciousBro:
Madam, again, you are alluding to intelligence as though its a heavy perk for submission, will intelligence take you to heaven ?
I am not of the opinion that men are more intelligent, but that intelligence or not, woman by default should submit to her man.

i wholesomely disagree.

a woman should submit to an irresponsible man that cannot make sound decisions? a chronic gambler? a crack-addict? an unrepentant alcoholic? even if he says they should go commit crime together, she should yield and say "yes, my lord"??

oh dear......

TheFLIRT:
Are you American? I know that's the only place one would see this kind of madness

what if i stay there?
would it not be logical for me to be fearful about marriage especially when i tend to lose almost half of my assets should divorce ensue?

this is the UK divorce stats, by the way.....
it's 42%.

freecocoa:
:PReally coogar? Condescending like I said.

So you can discuss what businesses invest in with her? You can't ask her advice on what you should do about some stuffs you have a hard time deciding on? Wow!

Didn't see that coming.

if she's business savvy, why not?

see - i am not totally against a woman making sound opinions. if her argument beats mine to death, she wins. no ifs & no buts.

what i don't want to hear is intuition. if she cannot back why she's making her decisions with sound facts & logic, she should keep schtum.

do you get it now?

tearoses:
Gerrout

What do you know about nutrition sef . .. Is it not sister Mary that cooks all your meals for you

sister sarah
sister sarah
sister sarah

PreciousBro:
Obviously being intelligent is a criterion I won't miss out but it most certainly not ascribed to intelligence as a whole and certainly not dullness, we don't know these things to wisdom.

How about obeying the holy book first and leaving authority to the Man, which by primordial existence is bestowed headship to his nature/gender?

what about the hundreds of millions of people who don't believe in the holy book? they should not get married?

TheFLIRT:
Divorce rate currently @ 50%? That is so untrue, not even in Europe. Give evidence before I buy that. This is Africa and early marriage has been our way of life for centuries. The trend now is that when ur 30 and above and still single, you might get mocked

any more questions??

tpiander:
a key factor in having a healthy life, is to stop majoring in minors.

Are your parents forcing you to marry?

if not, then no need to open thread.

if yes, tell them you are not ready.



the problems right now are should the boko haram victims keep or abort their pregnancies, not all this one you are spewing here.

stop being an idïot!

don't attack him for opening a thread that asks a pertinent question. who are you to question him on which kinda thread to open? you open about 100 brainless threads per week - why are you trying too hard to be called a flaming hypocrite?

PreciousBro:
Intelligence has nothing to do with whom you submit to...I think it'd be a dumb assertion to surmise that intelligence is the determinant factor in deciding submission.

What would happen to people like us who are only attracted to intelligent women huh ?
Usually I tell people I don't argue with people who don't believe in God hence the religious standpoint of things aren't their perspective.

But let's say we don't wanna argue from a religious aspect now, we all know no two different things are entirely equal (religion and even science proves this),but a balance is assured still. Yes, even in equality,one party has a slight edge over the other which draws the conclusion of the hierarchical order of the presiding party asserting authority over the other.

so what's the determinant factor? dullness?
submission certainly centres on making key decisions. why would you submit to a partner that is clueless about certain situations?

if intelligence isn't linked to submission then i dunno what is....

freecocoa:
What more can I say? It's obvious, what you put it down to, in the end, it ends in the kitchen.
Welldone, you na African man indeed.

no vex!
i can rephrase.....

no hubby would argue with you which foundation works with which lip gloss. that's your expertise.......we know f@ck all about such topics so your opinion definitely matters.

happy now?

tearoses:
TV01 your help is needed pls.
Its to do with nutrition advise

what's the query?
it will probably centre around amala & gbegiri. ibadan folks don't know more than that.

TheFLIRT:
You see, that's the problem with most of our youths today. They want to wait until they're 101% certain that they can handle a marriage. Fear! That's it, fear! Dude, no man marries because he's too confident with his abilities. Even the strongest, wisest and richest have failed in marriage. My dad once told me that marriage is an institution itself because u get to learn new things from ur partner as long as u live with him or her. Pls don't allow fear of what may be delay ur marriage

divorce rate currently stands at 50%
if that does not cause you to fear, nothing else would. that's like tossing a coin. would you board a plane that has 50% probability of crashing?

freecocoa:
You are just going round ni.

Well, I don't know the kinds of women that you have met, who tell you "it's based on only intuition"

You should change your type of women.

when women can't match your argument - they hide under the mask of intuition. if a woman presents a logical argument, the hubby wouldn't even disagree one bit with her. you have to understand hubby cannot be perfect or know everything.....in such cases, the woman should naturally take the decision.

no man would object to this. how many times have you seen hubbies arguing when salt or pepper should be added to a pot of stew? we know that's your area of expertise and you would not use intuition to back your decision up when cooking, you would have facts & logic.

TheFLIRT:
Lol! I didn't say that. But if a man has the means he shud marry at 25, no excuse. It won't stop him from enjoying social life or furthering his education

the means isn't even enough.
he has to be mentally ready for it. marriage isn't child's play. a lot of stuff are involved...he has to consult his other half in every decision he's about to make.

freecocoa:
And I am telling you that, wome should marry a man who sees her as someone he can talk about it with, before reaching a conclusion, he should listen to her reasons, analyse and if he's deemed fit, by all means, let the decision be his, he just should be able to do same for you.

men do this all the time.
i can bet most men put every matter in the open for debate.......but in most cases, the women would find it hard to present a superior argument. they just tell you their intuition tells them so so decision is right or wrong.

intuition? so you expect men who are naturally logical to go with an opinion that you can only back up with intuition? why should we take road B? wife would answer - "my mind tells me road A would have armed robbers & kidnappers."

abeg, that's not good enough!

Two intelligent people can find themselves, it's also okay if the woman is more intelligent in any way, it doesn't make you less a man, she knows this, any intelligent woman does.

if the woman is more intelligent, how would she submit to her man? he's not intelligent - he will most likely make wrong choices so why do you think a woman would trust a man that makes wrong choices to lead her?

there's no mickey-mouse in this.
the day a woman decides to marry a dullard is the day she accepts all kinda abuses & rubbish women go through in their marriage.....and she would have deserved it.

this is why people say women should marry up. don't marry your age mate.....he should be older, more mature & more intelligent. that's the only way the balance can be preserved.

any emcee that chooses to go against me/is getting taken advantage of like monica lewinsky/

eminem is the G.O.A.T.

TheFLIRT:
Like the one you mentioned: raising kids in time to avoid old age stress. I know early marriage doesn't guarantee giving birth to kids in time but late marriage too doesn't! It's all about being mature at heart. Do you know some people marry late because they can't tolerate their partners? Guy, I can advise any man to get married even before 25

even when he doesn't have the means & the emotional maturity to sustain that marriage? no wonder the revolving doors of poverty never left nigeria.

freecocoa:
Don't misconstrue me, all you want to say is, that men are more intelligent than women, and I don't agree with you.

i didn't say men are more intelligent than women. i am saying women should be very careful to choose a more intelligent man to marry. obviously, there are daft men out there but would you choose a dullard to marry?

A woman being more intelligent than her man doesn't make him not intelligent, he can be more intelligent in some aspects just like him, let him know when to back down, same for the woman.

read my lips.....
a woman should never marry a man that is less intelligent than her. if she does, the marriage is doomed!

Joromi1:
You're right, sir. But that's the only music our parents love to sing nowadays. They tell u 'marry early so u can train ur kids in time' without considering other factors

that should only apply to the ladies. they have a limited window of opportunity cos of menopause. even if she's not mature enough, the society expects her hubby to fill in the gap.

however, a guy must be financially sound & emotionally mature before he should be allowed to marry. nigerian parents should just chill out before they send their sons to an early grave.

freecocoa:
Lol, we've had this argument before.

Not all women do and the fact that most women marry up, doesn't mean the man is intelligent, he just has more money, and last I checked, having some dough doesn't mean you are intelligent.

if there's any woman out there that married because of his money & not because of his intelligence then she deserves every crap she gets in her marriage.

if i marry a witch with my 2 eyes wide open then i should never complain she's sucking my blood once we are married. intelligence & wisdom are very important when choosing a partner.

Ewuro4:
https://www.nairaland.com/2178653/marry-man-cant-trust
Submission easily comes with Total Love and Trust.

When you don't trust your spouse why & how the heck did you end up with him?
For Mrs title or his money?

it beats me.....
why would any woman marry a man she cannot trust to make intelligent decisions? if he decides to take a 2nd & 3rd wife, the woman shouldn't complain. she knew from the outset that the man wasn't the sharpest tool in the drawer so she deserves every abuse she gets from him.

freecocoa:
I like you more and more.

I will have to answer as if this is just about me. If I find myself in that place, I have never been in this place where this was a problem, but I know that, the best would be for who knows better to make the call and a reasonable man/woman knows when to back down.

since we are assuming women are naturally hypergamous, we can conclude your husband should be more intelligent than you are. if that is the case, he's the one that knows better so you should naturally let him take the decision. if, however, he confesses that he's clueless about the situation then you should come to his aid.

freecocoa:
We seem to understand each other, but the problem is that, you make it seem like men are generally more intelligent than women.
Two intelligent people should know who's more intelligent between them.

it's called natural selection.....

you naturally desire a more intelligent man. you want him taller, richer, more exposed, more enterprising, more leadership skills, etc. that was the reason you chose him out of the lots in the first place so why shouldn't you let him lead you?

or am i missing something?

Joromi1:
It's a Nigerian phenomenon that when u marry at a very young age, u'll avoid the stress and pain of raising ur kids at old age. If that is only reason then the idea is useless because one needs to be mature and financially strong enough before taking decisions towards that

early marriage does not guarantee early raising of kids. there are people who got married early & waited decades before they could bear a child.

saintwill:
THE DI MARIA ON THE BENCH LAST SEASON OR THE DI MARIA OF REAL MADRID

thiago silva, david luiz, toni kroos all had a mediocre season as well. you said there is no single world class player in our squad & that's the angle i attacked.

freecocoa:
I guess it's because men make it seem like she doesn't have a choice, and if she tries to explain it to him, he thinks she's not "wifely" Plus these men also don't believe that, women should take important decisions, submission doesn't mean slavery.

no man desires to marry a dullard!
of course, we want women to take important decisions. men can't always be home every time & they need to be sure the woman they left at home is intelligent enough to make decisions that would secure lives & properties in the home.

it's not like men don't want women to take decisions. there would be decisions she would take that would also suit her hubby. the main issue is when hubby wants to take road A & wifey believes road B is safer & quicker. in this instance, wifey should let her hubby take the lead.

the only reason she chose to marry him out of the 500 toasters that asked her for marriage was because she saw him as an intelligent guy. if your suitor isn't more intelligent than you are then do not marry him cos you can never submit to his daft opinion. it's as simple as that.