₦airaland Forum

Ujujoan:
I never said she should sit back and do NOTHING. Adding value to ones' self is not exactly 'doing nothing'! So I ask you, if even receptionist work no come within 2 years, what should she do

forget 9-5 and do some petty business. what business acumen does she need in buying and selling? import products and sell at a profit - that doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out! an idle mind is dangerous in any marital home!

I agree that one can go into business but someone with no interest of biz acumen will end up wating h/her capital while trying to make money! I use my humble self as reference

there has to be a way out! 2 yrs without doing anything? trouble looms!

brideprice: I have been a silent follower of the family section and am amazed at how well some issues have been trashed. This is why I have decided to reach out and share my own experience in marriage and hope that someone out there will be able to identify with me.

The problem began sometime last year, when my husband got involved with a young lady in his office. They had been dating for some months when somewhere along the line, I got to know - thanks to the young lady's conscience. She called me up one day, having gotten my number from my hubby's laptop which was with her, and she introduced herself as my husband's girlfriend. She told me she never knew he was a married man as he kept on denying it. That even his friends (who all attended our wedding) also corroborated the story, that he did not have a wife and any child (we have been married for 5years and have 2 kids). I agreed to meet with this lady in a public place. We got talking and that was when she told me she was now convinced and was going to leave my hubby alone and it was so. She managed to convince my hubby to come over, without letting him know that I was there, when he came, he was shocked to see us both and he apologized, while crying profusely that he would never be involved in such again. That was February 2011.

Yesterday, I got a call from another lady who also introduced herself as his girlfriend. They work at the same office too. She told me of how he had convinced her that he was not married and had no children and how he so much wanted to have her. She told me she got my number from his phone and was beginning to doubt his professed marital status from the manner of text messages she had been reading which was sent from my number. (My hubby never stores my number in his phones. He claims that storing an already memorized phone number is a waste of memory space in the phone). So she only wanted confirmation. I told her point blank that I am his wife and the mother of his children.

When i confronted my hubby about this new strange woman he denied and started swearing that he had nothing to do with anyone by that name. Eventually, one thing led to another, I got my sister to speak with her at length and she did not deny anything. She even told my sister a whole lot of other things. Before now, my hubby will not come home at night but will tell me he is working late in the office and will have to pass the night there. This girl however confirmed that anytime he did not sleep at home, he was with her ......

The thing now is how come his strange women are always calling me? Why does he deny his marital status and even his children? Why do his friends always pretend not to know anything about his relationships when the truth of the matter is that they are very much aware?

Right now, am lost for words as I know that men are polygamists in nature. But is it possible to trust him again?

He has begged for forgiveness again but how can I bring myself to love him again? I need help. Chaircover et. al. please I await your responses.

Thank you.

forgive and forget - let him know this is his last chance though! he's probably still a baby when he got married to you!

Ujujoan: See this one giving timeline. You keep job for am?

so if it takes 10 yrs, she can sit back n do nothing for 10 yrs? come on, be realistic..... she doesn't have to be in a 9-5 to make income. there are plenty of stuff she can be doing by the side to make ends meet!

The idea is to keep trying for as long as it takes to get a job. And keep adding value to yourself. Ask a lot of graduate roaming the streets for 5 years looking for jobs and you'll know it's not that easy!

wait for 5 yrs to get a job? na chevron job? no wonder the average nigerian marriage is hubris these days. why wait 5 yrs to get a N50,000 per month job? this is nigeria we are talking about with no job security - let her go into business and make income instead of waiting forever at home piling up adipose tissues!

beqs101: Hello people

I am a lady who loves being independent,a lady who loves taking care of her business and not always relying solely on her man to provide everything for her. I've always wanted to support my husband when I get married but right now,that isn't the case...

I just got engaged and my fiance and i are planning our wedding but,I'm feeling bad cuz he is gonna be taking care of everything and I won't be able to support him cuz,i'm not working now... Plz I want the married ladies here to share with me their experiences and the men,how they felt when marrying their wives that weren't working.

you are not working now because you're a student? you can't get a job? you're disabled or what? if its a temporary issue, any reasonable man would understand that but you can't afford to let it go past 18-24 months!

Pataki: Wack at man management in the wake of money power in football such as Chelsea and ManCity? Come on coogar, get real bruv. Wenger surely has his idiosyncrasies but to utterly tag him wack at man-management is ludicrous. What would you say of a Berbatov who recently stated he has lost his respect for Sir Alex?

that's sad as well. fergie is not perfect but he gets it right more often than not unlike wenger whose decision making in man-management is rather poor. look at the number of quality players wenger has lost in the last 5 seasons - it just borders on insanity!

AjanleKoko: Aww . . . won't you even scream? Just a little?
Go on, don't be shy. I like to read your screams

[size=3pt]uh oh. Now I'm not too sure if that came out right[/size]

[img]http://4.bp..com/_loJYlYjL9Hw/TPQUOzECBEI/AAAAAAAAAPA/buQ6AwrXojk/s1600/Exorcist_PukeGIF.gif[/img]

AjanleKoko: A man like you.
*scoff* you'd need to be a man first

*[size=2pt]bracing myself for the inevitable scream/rant that's to follow[/size]

i would not indulge you with the attention you so much crave....if my comments give you nocturnal [color=#000000]e[/color]rections, book an appointment with your shrink! lest i forget, did you end up driving your begging relatives away?

Shollypopz: I was about saying d same thing ooo

God pls provide me a man like debosky and I rebuke the likes of coogar.......

Rmbr God that u said ur promises for me are of good and not of evil, in Jesus name i pray (Amen!)

a spouse like debosky? he is a malewhore......
he left north america amidst controversial marital issues. he's a wanted man in canada for bigamy! you better pray for a man like me: strict but fair, no pussyfooting!!

MRbrownJAY: i see it completely different, to me i need to understand FULLY the person i am with, in order to be able to complement each other AND work with one another. if i dont understand her then how can i ever make her happy? how can i ever solve whatever problem she may have (if i dont know what goes on in her head)? how can we be happy if our whole r/ship is about figuring each of us out?

this full understanding of knowing who your spouse is would take a lifetime - you can never know everything with them. hell, a woman does not even know herself let alone you doing the study. knowing them is like trying to figure out a complex maze.

i understand that you must discover someone at the beginning, but if you guys have kids together then you are a TEAM, and for that team to be at the top of its game, you need to know each other like the back of your hand.

i really wish it's that easy - know a woman like the back of your hand? a woman's mind is like the depth of pacific ocean!

debosky: Destructive attitude justifies beating up a wife and child - well you're only a coogar so I shouldn't expect anything less than animal behaviour.

I'm done with this thread - y'all can argue in circles all you want.

debo, the defender of maxipads!
you are a goat - and you actually believe the man beat his own child? what the heck is wrong with you? he straightened up his wife out of provocation!

Pataki: ^^ Better you do not allow dudu catching you with that comment of yours!
In Arsenal, anything is possible under Wenger. Who would have thought a Henry or van Persie will be the star they are right now?

you can say the same about other managers in the world.....see, wenger is a good trainer and his development of youth players is world class but he's wack at man management! had wenger kept the spine of the 07/08 team with few adjustments, i believe that tea would have won the league or another domestic competition but wenger didn't try enough and he dismantled the team piece by piece till he's back to square one!

MrbrownJay: you are right about that, but we all know how these women will use that against us if we dont. have you ever been able to tell one of them that you couldnt/shouldnt do something because you were dead tired?! they wouldnt understand, and FURTHERMORE will tell you that THEY are tired too but still manage to do the work.

that's so true!
and this is why i can't do without women. working out their complex minds is a thrill. you think you have them figured out only for them to lead you into another web of complex issues to solve. you never know with women but i want to know - and i will die trying!

i know that if you kill someone while falling asleep at the wheel, it will get you in serious trouble.....but the mistake (although pricey) is still an honest one, especially if you wanted to help someone.

vehicular manslaughter is a criminal offence - one might never recover from it if convicted!

Pataki: Wenger knows how to protect his own. I have noted that he did the same with RVP. He definitely would have had a good word with the French coach about Diaby.

Still can't believe how we are all suddenly endeared to him, only given some weeks ago......Arsenal fans were skeptical about this young man. As Arsene said, van Persie has left, it is left for the remaining players to rise to the occasion. Could this player be Diaby?

We all hope so. Probably there is something about being on the Arsenal injury table that works wonders on these players.

diaby to fill in for van persie? i guess duduface is now posting with pataki's moniker!

debosky: Of course! She's a serial phone smasher as well and the only way to get her to 'behave' is to panel beat her.

are you reading with one eye? i said maybe the woman is in the habit of always crying even when nothing serious has happened. emotional meltdown or whatever women call those moments! husband was very tired, probably half-awake, not fully conscious of what's happening and then turned the other way!

Crying wolf makes it OK to batter your wife and child over a phone. I couldn't have said it better.

destructive attitude does....the phone had nothing to do with! the woman crossed the line by provoking her husband! nothing can excuse that!

Shollypopz: I was d one that liked his post.......really, u grown parents in this family section are immature than most teenagers i know, smh!

you were the one that liked her comment twice?
i am not sure kobojunkie likes her own comment - she can be idiotic but she's not insecure. tpia, on the other hand, likes her comment without shame!!

debosky: MBJ you're way out of line.
Even if the crying 'gets' to you, is the solution to start beating your wife while she carries your child? Or has the human practice of asking 'why are you crying' now obsolete?

maybe she has the habit of always crying while holding the child even when nothing has happened....the big man saw this and just felt "jeeez, she's started again" and then turned the other way!

Any normal man (even if exhausted to the point of death) seeing his wife crying while holding his child will be worried something bad has happened and will be agitated to find out why the wife is crying. They do not resort to panel beating the wife and baby because of a stup!d phone or because she's crying.

not if the woman had cried wolf plenty of times in the past!

MRbrownJAY: ^^^ we all do such honest mistakes......have you never fallen asleep at the wheel of a car (thinking that you were ok)? i have many times.
have you never started cooking something and then forgot that the stuff was on, almost burning the whole damn house? i have.
so long as this is not something that is done every other day, then we should all take that as an honest mistake......unfortunate, but not intentional.

i know about honest mistakes but don't fall asleep while driving and hit someone's child on the curb! you would need an act of God to convince the presiding judge to believe the mistake was honest! you call it a honest mistake, i call it criminal negligence. the husband knew he was tired and should have foreseen the risk of watching over a child while tired!

actually the breaking of the phone is not really what would get me off, its the CRYING for no damn reason that would get to me. what would the crying solve exactly?! ladies pls care to share/explain that action to us all?

shushhhhhhhh, mr brownjay!
don't you know women are emotional beings? ruled by their oestrogen? the only set of people that can set bombs to the empire state building and blame it on their PMS? women are allowed to cry in the face of emergency.....they have the right to do nothing but cry cry cry and the tears would wipe away the danger!!!

omalicha89: \I believe charles' mom and grandmother won't agree with this gibberish,where in d world did u read dat they got the crown due to the abscence of males in d family?

charles' mum would not agree only because you are a consummate [color=#000000]r[/color]etard!! queen elizabeth 2(prince charles' mum) is one of the 2 daughters of their father, the man had no son.....so which male would have been the heir apparent? your dad?

MRbrownJAY: ^^^bro coogar, as i said the husband made TWO honest mistakes: ONE was to fall asleep with the baby in his care and TWO was to try to help wifey when he was not ready and able to do so (i guess he knows how they like to nag if you dont, lol). i can certainly understand why he fell asleep, if he made the "honest" mistake (again) to sit in a nice and comfy sofa, while caring for the child.

honest/dishonest mistake was made: a mistake is still a mistake, moreso when a child is involved.

NOW, the important question IS: should that be a reason to pounce on a person's phone?! what if that phone is used to contact the doctor for emergencies at work?
but then again, you said exactly what i said earlier....they are BOTH TO BE BLAMED.

it's no reason for her to smash his phone - i particularly detest destructive women. if she's so angry, why didn't she smash her own phone? what has the phone gotta do with what happened? it's not like the husband was busy chatting away as the child fell from the bed? some women just love to provoke and when shyte hits the fan, they scream marital abuse!

of course, both of them are @ fault!

MRbrownJAY: if it was an EMERGENCY, then the wife would have woken her husband up (or is that not what people do during emergencies?!). so the crying finally woke the hubby up, but he is so damn tired and pissed that they woke him up that he hissed, turn around and went back to sleep.....which is a NORMAL REACTION since there is no emergencies (none that he is aware of anyway), and this is probably what i would have done myself (unless i was a mind reader, of course!).

actually, what I (MBJ) would have done is ask her why the hell is she crying for, then when she would have explained the matter to me, i would have THEN hissed and turn around to go back to sleep, (since the baby is in her hand now being comforted, there would be not much else i could do)

again, you women are a rare breed...... A) if the hubby did anything wrong, shouldnt she wake him up and let him know? B) what does crying with the baby is going to solve?

husband was at fault that the baby rolled off the bed though - that's negligence!!! he's an adult, i don't care if he toils the ground 36 hours a day, there's no justification for falling asleep when he knew he had to watch over his own baby. he should have told his wife he's tired and would be sleeping soon. that baby could have done serious damage to the head.......at the same time, the wife igniting the situation by smashing his phone is idiotic!
the two of them are at fault - they should work a way around it and make up.......

chaircover: There is a lot of analysis on what should or shouldn’t have happened, why this happened etc

What is the way forward? Does she still go to the police? Does she get a divorce? Does she seek counselling? Debo has said he shoudld go for a pychological analysis?.

What is the next step my people?

the two of them should involve their parents - get them to sit on a round table and thrash out their issues. blames should be apportioned to the deserved parties. kiss and make up and live happily ever after. a moment of madness should not undo years of happiness. there's now a child involved and that's the single most important issue in this matter! another child growing up in a broken home is detrimental to our society!

chaircover: There is a lot of analysis on what should or shouldn’t have happened, why this happened etc

What is the way forward? Does she still go to the police? Does she get a divorce? Does she seek counselling? Debo has said he shoudld go for a pychological analysis?.

What is the next step my people?

chaircover, i do not often do this to people but i think you are the most balanced married woman on this forum and you are always on point with your advice. i agree with you 100% that there's always more to the story especially where it concerns the nigerian women - they are excellent story tellers and the aim is to demonise the man and angelise themselves!

having said that, i am also aware there are plenty of debased nigerian men who are just brutes which means each case should be carefully looked into. the people asking the wife to call the cops on her husband are unmarried, divorcees, fantasists or clueless gnomes who do not know domestic abuse is such a complex problem to deal with!

i am wondering how many of them called the cops when they had altercations with their siblings at home. that my big sister slapped me hard in an argument means she doesn't love me and she ought to be locked up? should that singular moment of blood rush undo years of love and affection? do people even know the immigration status of the persons involved before shouting "call the cops, call the cops"??

chaircover, stop trying to convince people who are bent in showcasing their newly acquired political-correctness by the virtue of staying abroad. if my husband pinches me, he must go to prison and i would continue my marriage in his absence - its so convenient!
how many of these simpletons disowned their siblings because of the handbags/fisticuffs they had back in the days? bunch of hypocritical fuckwits!

StarBoard: Yeah,8 goals in 5 seasons in three competitions.
Consistency indeed.
And I'm supposed to be impressed.

name another winger who's done more?

As far as I know you haven't done that.
Please stop making bogus claims here.
You told me Guardiola pursued the Nani in question and I'm yet to see it in hard evidence.
You need to go and sleep.

hahaha - scroll back to the previous page, my evidence is there, there was a direct quote from nani himself that barcelona tabled a bid for him in 2009. i have provided evidence, stats, facts! i have been asking you to name a better winger for the past 5 days.....

hidayah: I'm tired of my marriage, I have this serious urge to separate from him because he is driving me crazy. Yet everyone around me, instead of making him realise his mistakes seem to concentrate more on me remaining patient and tolerating his wrongdoings.

I feel very helpless here. I need some good advice.

tired of your marriage, oh give me a break!!! were you married to him at a knife-point or a bomb-point? it's so sad these days that every baby is married and when they cannot handle what adults do - they run to nairaland to talk nonsense. go home and be a good wife to your husband - marriage has never been a stroll in the park - you have to work at it everyday to make yourself relevant as your husband's spouse and if it's too much to bear, get the [color=#000000]f[/color]uck away from the marriage and marry your cat!

goodnight, muffins99......your contribution here tonight has been ground-breaking. don't let the door hit your butt as you exit the room!

muffins99: Thanks but I won't bother reading this...why? if someone doesn't know the difference between ovum and ovary, why should I listen to anything else that he's saying? maybe I would if today was my 'junk' day but alas, it isn't.

hahaha - what a cop out!!
ovary, ovum, egg, whatever - same difference
testes, scrotum, balls, whatever - same difference
only a twerp would actually split hair and use that to knock down a theory - lets just say you have nothing to say(pun intended)!!

ileobatojo: Baba Biology!! I dey hail o.

madam, witchdoctor - I hail o!!!!

ileobatojo: Lmao! Is it Baba (*alternative to*) biology you're talking to like that?

https://www.nairaland.com/879488/pregnancy-how-did-happen-again/4

she's just hair-splitting!
[color=#000000]s[/color]emen is not from the scrotum, it's from the testes - what has that gotta do with fertilization, madam ileobatojo? this your name sef - what does it mean?

muffins99: It is obvious that you are talking rubbish... last time I checked the ovum (egg) not the ovary is what is fertilised. The ovary is where the ovum is produced and fertilisation takes place after the ovum has been released from the ovary...please don't come here to broadcast your ....

how does this affect the process of fertilization? i just love it when nigerians run after pointless pedantry. whether its the ovum or ovaries or ovaltine, the fact remains the egg chooses what it wants to fertilise it. disprove that instead of pissing in the wind!

coded guy: @ coogar
Is this the same welbeck you were praising last seaszon when some peeps called u out on how undeserving he was of a place in man u line up? Na welbeck u dey lambast like this!

fergie froze berbatov out long before welbeck came back on loan. we didn't have welbeck when we played barcelona @ wembley! the new season came n he froze berba out completely. this was a player who could have easily moved to man city when we bought him. he travelled on his own to manchester to meet fergie when daniel levy wanted him @ the etihad stadium. how did we repay his loyalty? we treated him like crap!

Berba deserved a better treatment at United, would always respect him for what he achieved with us and his loyalty even when Fergie was trea(ing him badly.

there was a point last season when welbeck was doing nothing in the team - he missed chances after chances - the kinda chances berba didn't miss when the knives were out to cut dimitar! i understand fergie wanted to bed welbeck in but he overdid it at the expense of berba - which is not fair! we practically wasted one whole year of his career and he kept asking fergie if he was still needed and fergie kept lying to him he's important! it's unfair...

debosky: So her parents didn't do any 'iwadi'/research about the guy before they married?


This is why I don't support this church business influencing a decision to marry or not to marry - the church won't be there to receive the hot slaps when things go sour!

Was the beating a first time occurrence/out of the blue or what circumstances surrounded the incident?

Either way, if she's still contemplating reporting to the cops or not, she should leave the home and stay away to gather her thoughts out of harm's way.

i am screwed then - my pastor just revealed in a vision that tpia has to be my wife!!!

[quote author=Efemena_xy]I don talk am! Deep down, you Coogar, are no different from that wielder of a man! [/quote]yes now -
even the english people that sold us civilization has prince charles as the heir apparent, if he abdicates it, it goes straight to prince william. yes, they are not different from the ibadan welder as well! make una dey deceive unaselves!

mbulela: Interesting words from Dimitar Berbatov

"He [Ferguson] tried to explain to me that the team will be using a more direct style, with more speed but I've never been among the fastest players, I like to hold the ball, this is my style. I found it hard to accept his decision – I still have my dignity. I scored many goals, I won the league two times, and I was the league top scorer, so it's not bad. I'll have no problems playing against United as this already happened in my career. But there's no point to look back again. I said goodbye to the people, who deserve it. I couldn't say goodbye to Ferguson."

why would he say goodbye to the gum-chewing geriatric who puts his ego before the club's glory? if he played berbatov more last season, we would have scored more goals and we might have won the title on goals difference! welbeck continued to have shitstorms after shitstorms and fergie didn't drop him for the more competent strikers.......

to make matters worse, fergie left his golden boot winner @ manchester in the champions league final! owen was preferred to dimitar and fergie told the media loud n clear that if he had to choose between owen/berbatov for a late winner/equaliser, he would choose owen

the humiliation was gut-retching! [color=#000000]f[/color]uck ferguson!!!

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Before we can get anywhere with this debate of female/male children, we must first get rid of the idea that male children are "Heirs". . .I mean what does that make female children? "Spares"? [/quote]what are they if they are not heirs? you want to rewrite history?

Even Royal Families with real titles and kingdoms to pass down aren't particular about Male "Heirs" not to talk of some Joe Somebody from Iyana somewhere in Nowhere Nigeria.

only in the absence of the male child.....of course, when there's no male child to pass the baton, the female child becomes the wonderful spare to deploy to keep the family tree in power!