kulyie: Can you give a little more details so ill understand what the arguement is all about meanwhile in my humble opinion o,i suggest you postpone the wedding so that you have time to iron out everything and all parties directly or indirectly involved are happy.remember wedding is just for a couple of hours and marriage is forever.your marriage begins when the guests and well wishers leave your reception so i think you should put in more efforts in pleasing your parents,inlaws and most especially your husband.it doesnt make sense not resolving cogent issues before marriage.

You want to have a good marriage,start now.i am sure you dont want to lay the foundation of your marriage or start your marriage with arguements and tensions.you started out well in your relationship,right?see from your husbands point of view,try and understand him now and note the things he is arguing over because if you leave it half resolved or unresolved,the issue will still rear its head again and this time in a more disastrous way.


You guys should both sit down and draw the line,let him tell you what he doesnt like and respect his decisions for it,you too do the same and let him respect yours.after all said and done you people cannot come to terms,you better break up to avoid unnecessary high blood pressure,slaps and everyday insult.




Marriage is not a joke o.your courtship should give you an idea of what marriage is.good luck,wish you all the best and happy married life in advance

The argument was not called for at all. Due to his work pressures and all, he hardly put in any time for the wedding prep. His plan was even on the traditional wedding day, he will come in the afternoon and then go back to work the next day etc. That faithful day, we went to the movies and on our way out, I wanted to pick a dress for my friend's birthday, he started doing somehow, only for me to come to where he was, the security men told me he's in the car waiting for me. I was upset but went asked him for the keys he helped to hold for me, he threw it at me.

I just wanted to go home to avoid further issues like this, he didnt tell me he was going to his house and just drove there and came down and told his brother and uncle he wanted to pick something from the house. After the uncle and younger bro left, I waited in the car for approximately 1hr before he told the guard to tell me to come upstairs. Of course I didn't go, that courtesy, he should have to me to explain why he stopped at his place and what he wanted to do. Then when no feedback, I went upstairs and to my greatest surprise, saw him working. So I flipped and started snatching the laptop away, and struggling in which he now called his mum, who arrived shortly.

We explained everything to her, she now said we needed counseling and better communication etc.. I now apologizes to her, she left. He started holding me, that we both now look bad etc, Have I learnt anything. To cut the whole story short, the next day for the meeting with the inlaws to discuss further marriage plans, the dad said it's on hold, he wants to discuss with his son, if he would have enough time that wedding week etc.

My own fear is I don't really know the cause of the hold, could it have been my action the previous day, which he even told me his parents said I owe them a detailed apology in person for things to continue, later told me not to worry, or they just want to change the date or I don't even know. They are supposed to get back to us end of the week which is tomorrow latest. I am worried sick, so are my folks asking me if any other thing happened,of course I said no, didn't tell them the laptop incident.

I really don't know what to do or think.

Few months to my wedding, my fiance and I are at it again. Argument led to him calling parents, parents now talk to my parents that they would get back end of the week if the date be postponed or same date without giving any reason except maybe the time is too short.

I am so worried, so are my parents thinking were they went wrong and my fiance isn't helping matters telling me what exactly the problem is.
We have been through a lot and to finally be getting married soon, these problems again and we really do love each other, just his parents are really giving this a tough time.

I have been told to fast and pray. I am really worried as to what they want to tell my parents, that we argued, date postponed or even cancelled. I don't know what to do.

So to those that are married and living happily, what were the hurdles you faced that you never believed you would still married to especially the same person, before getting married?
Would appreciate.

Agbaya- this is to you Chika Ike. You used to be responsible and act mature but these days, you seem to have gone bunkers. Attention seeking is what you yearn for so badly.

Grow Up! CHIKA IKE.

I'm pretty shy and worry about my dancing on my wedding day which is coming up soon. To make things worse, my fiancé can not dance either lol. Are there good dance training classes one can take that would ensure good proper dancing.

SUGGESTIONS WELCOME hehe

Hey Peeps,

I need advice on this issue. We know, we are not getting any younger,and as such our parents are also getting older. The problem here is that my dad, though, nice, good etc does not go to church. In his early 60's now and everytime when advising us his children, he mentions death a lot. I know church does not necessarily guarantee heaven but it will be nice at this age to start going sometimes, getting involved so at least even if death is not too far, you can be certain of the afterlife.

What can I do to solve this issue?

Am I supposed to move in with him after the traditional marriage/wedding, or till after the white wedding?

Mynd_44: This should be in the family section

Note taken! Moved.

Couples(to Be) In The House, How Long Did You Date Before Getting Engaged?

Men, how long did it take you before you finally proposed to your sweetheart and ladies, how long did you date before getting engaged?

nikkypearl: Eight years!

eight years? why?

Couples(to Be) In The House, How Long Did You Date Before Getting Engaged?

Men, how long did it take you before you finally proposed to your sweetheart and ladies, how long did you date before getting engaged?

9lifes:

Then what kind of love puts people through this kind of hell..no communication for two weeks?

No matter the argument,a matured person should be able to settle issues and address the problem once and for all instead of waiting for stupid signs.Seriously, some Christians should learn to take responsibility,this "the lord spoke to me" and "waiting on god" thing is spoiling many things.

We have communicated, spoke about 3 times and the rest messaging. He had even asked and kept calling me to tell my brother to send his resume to a particular person and asked after my folks and everything. He is saying time and space and waiting for a sign from God

Harpesin: When it come to choosing a right partner, forget the issue of sign, God does not show any sign, those who claimed that God show dem sign b4 they get married are those giving excuses today that holy spirit instructed dem to divorce their wife....My friend what you need is your real inner mind, check his approach, dressing, family, the kind of value he placed on you, when discussing does he allow you to suggest? if you suggest does he normally reason with you? does he normally open a discussion thread for both of you to talk about? ao caring is he? does he come around you even when you say no sex? does he care about ur dressing and the kind of friends to keep? do you guys go out together? is he proud of you? can he introduce you as wife to be everywhere? has he been to ur family to confirm he is d one in charge? has he taken u to his family (Mother in particular)? does his mum call u or whenever u call d mum she respond positively? did he give u free access to his mum? with all these you will know if he really want you or not.....anybody telling you he is waiting for God to show him sign will end up signing you off......

He is all of the above. I don't know why he is saying this just because of an argument we had.

baby_123: Its either he is mentally unstable or looking for an excuse. God gave us his voice in our hearts which is our conscience. Now, its that little voice that tells you right from wrong. The little voice in your heart, not your head because that is mental illness. We all know what is good or bad for us. Some of us choose to ignore and damn all the consequences. I mean, why will someone you want to spend the rest of your life with put you through so much suspense and uncertainty? Anyone looking for signs and wonders, is not mature or ready enough to make decisions on his own. What else in the future is he gonna rely on signs for?

We have been together for a year and now an argument and issue which I have rendered my whole apologies, begged still telling me time/space and sign from God.

debrief08: What was the arguement about?
If you don't feel comfortable sharing its fine.
It will help us understand the gravity of the offence that he will have to wait for God himself to tell him to forgive you

It was more of a misunderstanding.

debrief08: The common sense and direction God gave me in the Bible showed me the signs. God does not choose a spouse,. he has given us directions of what to watch out for in the Bible, both for husband and wife, a man who loves and is willing to sacrifice his life, who is not rude or baostful, who keeps no record of wrong doing, who doesnt hurt, who is ready to bare and endure, a woman who is submissive and who is not lazy, whose hands are blessed, whose worth in life is not measured in hair and fake eye lashes but in character.
These are the signs God has given us, He has important business like floods, hurricanes, wars, starving children to take care of, let your boyfriend decide what he wants and stop shifting the blame to God. He wants you to hang on endlessly without being responsible for that decision, the day he decides he wants you, he wants you to be there waiting endlessly in prayer, the day he decides to throw you away he will attribute it to God and take no blame.
Use your tongue to count your teeth.

That's why I'm so confused. He said we are not breaking up but he's waiting for a sign from God. Things were so good until the parents issue and the argument we had.

Digital: It a very good thing to get direction from God on whom to marry, b4 i got married their was a good xtain broda that was coming around then, but i never had peace for one day thruout the time we suppose to pray to God abt it and wit that i knew it was not meant to be.

Then after that 2 guys came along and we never got it well all thru. but in my mind i kept thinking another guy will come around and which i kept praying with that and he came around and he is a good guy and fears the Lord, i had perfect peace in my heart and we went ahead and marry

U dont need 1 year to see sign and i dont even know if God show anyone any sign. But for mi i had enof peace in my heart to convinced me

My thing is there have been peace of course we've had our ups and dpwns but nothing like cheating and all, maybe the trust was not that strong but we were happy and all.

9lifes: Adam did not wait for God to give him a sign before he identified eve as his wife.There is a reason why God gave us the ability to take decisions and think with our minds.No matter how close you claim to be to God,He can not walk with some one that has no expectation,vision or desire for something,and contrary to popular preaches,God does not throw or force things on people.Be careful of people that always push things to God,men should learn to take responsibilities for there actions and decisions (Proverb 16:1-3).

Leave church things aside for now, come out from that religious circle for just a minute-Now look at him with a neutral eye(hard) and ask yourself these questions

1-Will he help me fulfill my dreams/goals in life

2-Is he the kind of man i want to marry

3-Will he be a good role model to my kids

4-Is he the type that take responsibility for his actions easily

5-Does he respect you as a woman

6-Is he the kind of guy that will defend you even from his family when necessary

7- Do you trust him

If most of your answers including the last are yes,try to talk things out with him,but be careful so you don't wait for too long.

my 2 cents!

My answers to all of those above are yes. He stated he needed time and space and a sign from God. I asked him if it was because of the argument we had, he replied "yes". It has been 2 weeks plus since this happened and I just told him maybe o make things easier for him since it's like this, I suggested we just break up. He said time/space, that he is waiting from a sign from God. I asked him how and he said he would just know.

In the course of your relationship, through the ups and downs, did you still go ahead and marry the person? Did God show you a sign?

My bf of one year and I had an argument and for us to get back together, he said he needs a sign from God. I even wanted to help him by just breaking up with him and he said no, he just needs a sign from God.

I'm somewhat confused because I really don't know how God will show a sign, he said he will just know.

For those about to already married, could you share some of your stories and did you really get a sign from God?

My boyfriend of one year and I have had our ups and downs in our relationship most especially his parents went from liking and wanting to have a formal dinner with me to disliking me.

Initially they felt I was trying to change their son into a different religion(from Anglican to Catholic) and also maybe I was not a good person because I was not always showing up at their place to see them which is not true.

They agreed and told him to take things slowly with me. The problem here is we had a major argument and he now told me he is waiting for God's sign before getting back with me.

I told him to make things easier, let us just break up, he said time and space and waiting for God's sign.

Please people how does God or did God show you a sign on marrying someone or getting back?

Hellooooooooo I need opinionssss

Exponental: Personality is involved here. Why dont u narate ur problem n read from people rather than comparing with theirs. U can learn from others but there solutions might escalate urs.....above all, patience is d key.

This is my problem and what happened. I've been with my guy for close to a year now, about 10 months and has introduced me to basically his whole family, friends, church etc. I met the parents on different occasions and they pretty much seemed to like me that they were talking of organizing dinner so that they would get to know me more.
He is Anglican, while I am Catholic which is not an issue though because they knew all along and my mum is a strict Anglican.

The problenm started when they got a call from a man I had been introduced to in the church, he had told them my guy was not coming to the church anymore since he met me, that I am the one drawing him away etc, the parents got mad and also concluded maybe I was not a good person after all, that's why I was not always coming into the family and never did the dinner with them etc... first of all, they never gave any specific day for the dinner plus it would be too fast for me to be jumping into the family like that.
So my guy tried to talk things through with them which they agreed but we should take it slowly and get to know ourselves more while he(the dad) would check my background etc I even gave the mum a gift which they smiled and she even said she hoped I did not give her to bribe her and they all laughed.

Just 2 days ago, the dad met me in his(my guy) house and immediately called my guy around 7pm, and said he saw his gf in the house, he hoped I did not sleep there, he came with a priest to pray for the house but had to leave immediately because of me, that they do not want to see me in the house again.
I was lost. They say they do not know me well, what they don't know especially the dad is that my uncle, mum's brother is close friends with the dad, their very good family friend is a friend to my dad etc so it hurts they do not know all these and are judging me.

My guy and I decided to give ourselves and the parents space to sort out everything, but what is painful is my guy is almost giving up, saying he wonders why his parents are behaving like this etc.

So I would like to hear opinions from people

22 views and yet no reply C'mon people

Did you ever have problems with your spouse's/boyfriend/girlfriend's parents before marrying them? How and what did you do resolve it? Maybe they just don't like you but you both want to be together, how do/did you resolve the issue?

Did you ever have problems with your spouse's/boyfriend/girlfriend's parents before marrying them? How and what did you do resolve it? Maybe they just don't like you but you both want to be together, how do/did you resolve the issue?

I have a friend who recently got a letter for his medicals from Shell and he has gone through the whole interview process about three (3) of them. He did all of these in Lagos for Finance related field.

My question here is since most Oil companies have branches in Portharcourt, I would like to know if there is a possibility for him going to Portharcourt though he did all of his interview process in Lagos. I would like for him to stay in Lagos.

Please I would like those that are working in Shell or have had experiences or know people in Shell Company, to tell me the procedure. Would appreciate it. Thanks

Talk people, talk.....

-

joeydozzy:

no, I meant try and talk to his parents and beg for understanding or they should talk to him

How can I? they were the ones in the first place that caused this mess and also they think I was he one who pushed him out of his church. He is the one to tell them, I am not the one but he is very angry with them.

joeydozzy:

have you tried talking to his parents?

You mean before or after the incident. Before it is only the mum, I've spoken with, where I'm from, work etc even helped her wash, serve, ate with them and they were even the ones that suggested a proper family dinner to eat and get to also know me more with the dad.

Tenderly1: my dear, if the parents dnt like you forget abt it, cos you won't have peace in your marriage.but if you rily luv the guy you can be an anglican.

I am willing as I have been to the church once. The fault or problem is from him. He is the one that does not want to go to the Anglican church which I wanted to advise him, that he should or we should still be going to the Anglican church and after marriage, we can now decide to go to both or any and the parents are getting old but I guess he was so angry and all that he was just making decisions. We should break up. He would not call his parents etc...

joeydozzy:

well he's old enough to make decisions on his own but this definitely will cause conflict in the family. the breakup wasn't your fault and you gotta make him see that, his parents are just blinded for now. if you truly love the guy, then this is ain't the time for you to leave him alone on something that might jeopardise your future in many ways than you think even though you had no cause to that. I won't blame the parents too cos they like to keep to tradition and push blames to any new additions to his life. in summary I'm saying you should be there when he makes the decision and guide him when he makes the wrong one. I just pray he comes to his senses and not ensure a war with his parents and inevitably you

That;s what kills me. He is old enough to but his parents are not making things easier. They are sooo controlling. He was the one who suggested the break up, that now things are so hot etc and I am or have now decided, that I will move on even though I wanted to advise him not to make wrong decisions.

joeydozzy:

idiot

@ op why did he stop going to his church, was there any problem of any sorts?

No he was invited and he found the new place more fulfilling just like myself, a Catholci, he invited me and I also find this place very fulfilling.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. He is an Anglican while I am a Catholic. Met his parents on three occasions and they looked forward to having family lunch/dinner with me to also get to know me better and more. The problem is his parents are so controlling.

They travelled out of the country for few months and he started going to nondenominational church and invited me to be coming along and they are so good. Yesterday the unthinkable happened. A man from their Anglican church called the parents that he has not been coming to the church and that it was me who pulled him out of the church. The parents got mad and started making threats at him, they do not want to see me again. I\m trying to drag him away from family traditions, almost hitting him. He is 27yrs January.

This resulted in him getting fed up and breaking up with me. That he is tired of the way his parents are disrespecting him and would not even let him do what he wants. I told him breaking up is not the solution but that's what he wants for the time being and wants to stay away from his family. Which also does not solve anything.
I do not know what to do. I've made up my mind to move on for something as little as this and more painfully, I was not the one dragging him out of his family church. What do I do? Please serious advice.

It is a good sign when your boyfriend calls you several times and texts you in a day but what if it becomes wayyy too much? When from 6am till 12 midnite, calling and texting. How do you tell and let him know this is not the way to show he cares and also ladies do you like it this way?

There is a very sweet, nice guy you like which initially was good but as time went by, he is still very nice and when I mean nice, I mean "VERY". Even when you do something bad,he takes the blame,always lets you decide everything at the end, could compliment you 10 times in a day everyday, ready to overplease you at his own cost always etc

P.S I'm not saying it's bad but to some extent, he should also be able to stand for himself and sometimes please himself

How can one change or tell him he is being way tooooo nice?

~Killz~:

It seems so, but it's not the norm. It's actually abnormal. Only abnormal men cheat on their wives. . . If they had wanted to keep up the gallivanting, they should have remained single. Cheating is an insult, and it's engaged only be those who do not value the marriage institution. . .
There's nothing that can be done to stop it, as it is becoming more rampant by the day, and many married men use the shameless title "sugardaddy" to make it look official. You can only discourage the act, but the final decision rests on the shoulders of the would be perpetrator. . . It will only get worse, but it's up to you to say NO when approached, and up to me to say NO when i get the urge to cheat! Nothing good comes from cheating. . . forget the hype. If a married man cheats with you, another woman will cheat with your husband when you eventually get married. It's a vicious cycle. Do to others the way you want done to you!

Thanks Killz. I love this. Word said!

I cannot count with my fingers how many married men have approached and are approaching me. Before it used to be a taboo or shame but now, it seems like a norm where I'm no longer surprised and the temptation arises at times but most especially THE GIRLS agreeing soo easily without any form of guilt and they are living their lives rights. Imagine me confronting one and he tells me, "is it a new thing?" "and he could remove his ring too if I want"

What do you think about this?