₦airaland Forum

dinachi: Happy New Year Cosmass!
I couldn't say it better than you have put it. Many people on the board are experts in condemning relationships, meanwhile if you place them in the same situation, they will do worse....it is these feminist bullshit flying around these days. The moment you have any challenge with your fiance or husband , all the feminists will advice you to leave him immediately...they don't care to know...the efforts you have put into the relationship...They just want to sound tough....and usually they don't have any option for you....they are after creating an army of bitter, misguided women who hate men with the last drop of their blood.
Like I said earlier...every relationship has a history. shalom!.. enjoy your new year orishirishi...you deserve it

Happy New Year to you too!!! Thanks a lot. Sent you an email. In regards to what some of them wrote, despite them being harsh, most of them said/are saying the truth. The treatment he handled it with and to my family was really bad.

Baby mama: I came in late in this party and to the Op I would say these
How dare you insult the intelligence of people by starting a thread ,actually threads on your issues and people comment sincerely to help you then you go offline to tell details to a poster?

WOOOOOW! Hold up! Geez some of you here are really, really harsh. I did not disappear, I went to church and went out too. Wasn't available on here. I just read everything now even the fights (don't want any fight here) I have read your opinion and yes I do have parents, friends etc and they have all told me the same to forget him. They are also very upset but it's left for me to move on even without answers, even with the manner he handled it even if he didn't want to be with me again.

onegig: Seriously, I had to laugh.
It is no secret that like 80 per cent of ladies here who have advised cosmass are married and doing well with their families. So i don"t see where your jealousy idea is coming from. No one disagrees marriage is an easy thing but why would you fight for a lost cause?
Why would you fight for someone who has clearly told you, you dont figure in his plans?
Cossmass is even making excuses for his outrightly rude behaviour. If you are looking for a reason he spoilt you bad during your dating then you need not go far. He sees nothing important in you and feels you are after his money and not worth being his wife. Most Nigerian guys are like that, they spend money on you, use you while having a spare gal somewhere they are grooming to marry. Its that simple. You have been used and need to move on. He intiating marriage proposals was a mistake and "the powers that be" who control him from behind the scenes hve told him you are not worth it and just useless and quite bad for you he AGREES with them.

I think it would pay off a long way for some of you commenting to at least know the background before concluding all sorts? You reall think money is the issue Let him come and tell you where he was working when I met him, the car he was even driving, My job was better than his. He was a mere banker, marketing. Even after he showed me where he stayed, his folks, what they do etc, and there was money, I still told him point blank that I wasn't really interested deeply with him that let us take it slowly so what are you talking about Mr. onegig And there is nothing like having a spare girl etc. The marriage wasn't forced. He was the one who proposed to me. He even called his folks to tell them he has proposed. From what I heard, his mum and him were even the ones to go get the ring so I don't really understand what you are talking about.

onegig: Yes she caused the problem but what happened after is the main issue.
Why can't he forgive his potential spouse ?
Is this their first time of having disagreements?
Put yourself in the guys hoes, Your bride to be offended you, you reacted and she comes to her senses and asked for forgiveness. If you truly "wanted" her what would you have done?
If he can't forgive her, she should be the one running away from him because she would offend him 1000 times when they get married. Question is; Is she willing to be married to someone who won't forgive her misdeamenours?
Dinachi, open your eyes and reason with your brains please. I Would love you disappoint me about the preconcieved notion i have about you.
Look at the bigger picture and advise her accordingly. I

I have to agree with you on all of these. The main issue is the aftermath. Someone even told me so if you cheated, committed the worst of atrocities, then you will be finished.

kundi90: Exactly my thoughts. She came to give us the half truth and led us all to give rubbish reccomendations. That was one of the reasons I stopped commenting because saying what is really in my mind would hurt her. How can the op of a post, come to view her own thread as a guest.
Less I forget Happy new year to you all!

Haba! Relax. I am still here. i did not give half truths, I just don't want to keep narrating the same story since based on all I've said, to move on, that's why I only wanted to email him based on his opinion.

alutacontinua: I didn't wanna comment on this thread but the bolded above pushed me to punch the 'reply' button!
You expect her to change who she is because of love
What happened to the guy also easing up a little?
This relationship is nothing to write home about again, Cosmass should just let it go. Telling her to work on this relationship is not the best idea for her. To keep her sanity, she needs to let go!
If we follow your analogy, which to me is mere speculation, these people are not even compatible! Telling Cosmass to start watching every word that proceeds out of her mouth and living life like she's in prison is not a good idea (at least, not for her ego and sanity) and telling the guy to take her for who she is is clearly asking for too much!
Note: I'm just tryna see things from your perspective, not that I even bliv it!

People also advised me to be cautious. That assuming we marry now, I might even be scared to break plates because I now know the whole family would be involved.

kundi90: @all please you guys should leave her alone. Some humans need to experience life before they can learn. From what i can gather she is young so she needs to be heartbroken more before she understands what you are telling her. It is her type that end up being a relationship expert after so many heart-breaks. She really wants (needs) that guy, so she would not listen to those of you that are against him, but someone like dinachi. Come to think of it, that guy is really missing out on her, she really loves (loved) him.

What do you classify as being young? Who told you I haven't been heartbroken before?

ypepe: From frying pan to fire!
Very shameful.
No wonder men treat some ladies like trash. They deserve it.
We r waiting for another thread.
Oh, this might be d last cos I can c u finally wanna move on with a new admirer.
All d best to u 2.

What is the benefit of being harsh? What is about this thread that would make you/others harsh? Did I post about reconciling with him or begging or what Also who is the new admirer? Is it because I said I sent a poster an email. I sent in regards to what he was asking about the relationship, didn't not want to write another long story on here.

dinachi: I think the situation bothers on disrespect and different personalities. This is what i deduced.
Your Fiance is..
1, An introvert
2, Too close to his mum and family ( A man needs to emotionally and physically separate from his family before he can build a new home)
3, He is the type that takes perceived slights very serious and do not forgive easily sometimes.
4, He has warned you about this particular attitude of nonchalance from you several times to no avail, therefore he now thinks that you take him for granted.
5, He is a careful meticulous person
You on the other hand are...
1, An extrovert..
2, Carefree playful person
3, You are taking him for granted without knowing it.
Here's my advice....
First, decide with all these difference in personality whether you can marry such a person and live with him for the rest of your life.
Secondly, Find out why you are attracted to him. What are those qualities you love about him . This call for serious soul searching.
Thirdly, after you have successfully navigated through the second point , then make up your mind whether you should go for him or not considering that it it not going to be easy. If he is a serious christian, approach his pastor and pour out your heart.
If he is not a serious christian , approach anyone (not his family members) who he has a lot of respect for and pour out your heart.
After that make your appeal to him face to face......in all this make sure you really love him before you embark on all this if not when he finally takes you back you may find yourself resenting him.
And avoid repeating same mistakes with him.
Finally, follow your love....don't mind what you hear on the forum here.....many of them are wimps in real life.
GOODLUCK!

Sent you an email.

Oh my! Guys LOL! A lot of harsh messages. I'm not contacting him or contacted him since. I am only asking on here 'cos I wonder sometimes, what would have made someone after 2 years, wedding date set etc suddenly turn around and not just that, the manner he used was very mean, degrading, belittling and of no value. I did not cheat on him. I just wanted to hear from the men, even after pleading like a fool, talking to the mum etc, he refused to at least respect me a bit to tell me to my face, why, the issues etc and leave on a clean slate.
I have been moving on guys.

dinachi: @ OP the only way one can give you good advice is if you tell us exactly what happened. I will not advice leaving him until I hear what happened between both of you. The fact that you have been begging seems to me that you are the offender. I do not support your fiances approach to the whole matter but it could be as a result of the fact that maybe you have been repeating that particular vice. So tell us exactly why he stopped talking to you...then we will be in a better position to advice.

I wrote it in my previous post. We had an argument 'cos he kept ignoring me and so I took the laptop he was working with and struggled. He called his mum, who came over to the place and reported me to her. I do not know why he stopped talking to me. I have pleaded and done every single thing like a fool. He did not tell me anything.

https://www.nairaland.com/1474833/what-hurdles-challenges-faced-before

https://www.nairaland.com/1534628/need-serious-advice-urgently

In regards to my previous posts, it is almost 3 months now that he has refused to at least talk to me or let know why this matter was handled this way. We were supposed to get married in less that 3 weeks. There is nothing I haven't done to apologize for my own side, gone there, sent messages, went to even talk to the mum. Infact, the last my folks and I heard from them, we did not even come to any conclusion, nothing as such. Just totally blanked us.

Sisi_Kill: Don't entertain his friend. Period!!!!!

I remembered the written sentence in bold. The friend called me today, but I ignored and not even thinking of returning the call. Stronger than before, would have entertained the call but NO MORE!

hispinkolo: There's something sweet and satisfying when an ex comes crawling back isn't it?The whole I was wrong please forgive me thing.
You are giving away so much by your posts,praying and waiting for the 'jazz' to disappear then he gets back to his senses begs you and you both walk into the sunset,living happily ever after,nollywood style.You even started a thread to ask bout jazz..you haven't moved on.

Your ex dumped you like a sack of potatoes,very disrespectfully,has the guts to taunt you,sending you texts to move on and you are still hanging around.Where is your self respect.you should be filled with indignation that an ordinary guy born of a woman flung you away like Alamo bitters.you are listening to the friend,even granting him audience to chat rubbish to you.Next thing will be to light candles,fast and pray for his eyes to clear.You need to understand that you deserve sooooo much more than to be treated like a refuse dump.

Is he d only man alive or is it that his blokos is gold plated?Are you scared of aging or what?As far as I know,even if im 80 there's a 90 year old baba somewhere who wants me,so no need to reek of desperation..it stinks.Imagine a guy texting a whole you and telling you to move on,kaiiii!! That's like a hot uppercut

Don't you know his friend will go back and discuss everything with him?You have to wise up,all these noted noted you are posting everywhere won't cut it.You must be strong and say NO to any form of manipulation.

He should be the one snooping around for info about u,he should be fasting and praying,sending sorry cards,kneeling at your door ,prolly holding otapiapia and threatening to swallow if you don't at least talk to him(a bit dramatic but you should get my flow).

From the things you are posting here,if he sneezes in your direction,you will run back and claim God performed a miracle and sent your husband back to you.Always remember that the hand you give to people is the hand that they will use to follow you forever.

You'd better change your hairstyle,do correct mani and pedi,buy correct baffs and start going out on dates.Im probably wasting my breath but I had to say my piece.
The sooner you start growing some balls,dignity and self confidence,the better.

Harsh but true.

Lol no you are not wasting your breath. I actually meant it when I said noted, I have put it behind me. No answering calls or entertaining any, as I said when my ex called, I did not pick up or reply his message. I am working on healing myself and as for praying, I am praying for myself. This is a new month, new things.. I have tried a lot. Also as for the age, I'm not really scared of aging, I'm not old at all I was more like angry when I saw the call and text but also laughed at it.

veave: u keep sayin 'noted' 'noted' but u dont sound like u r noting anything dow.
do not go to his hous.
i repeat, do not go to his house.
and d@ busybody friend, cut off totally from him. he has his eyes on u. if u slack, he'll sleep with you.
all these words above mine are enof for a wise fellow!

I mean it lol to the noted. And yes I am not going to his house, if he wants to drop off my things, he could drop at my house or better still dump it in the gutter. Enough of the humilation, no matter what he felt I had done. I thought True love encompasses all things. At least no infidelity was involved or whatsoever. It will be and it is well.

Sisi_Kill: Don't entertain his friend. Period!!!!!

The fact that you are talking to his friend gives him (your ex) the idea that you are trying desperately to stay connected to him. This is why he can send you a text urging you to move on.

If you need to cry and rant and pray and whatever, please do it with your own people. His friends are his friends are his friends....nothing will change that. Heck it's even because of that, I'd be highly suspicious of the friend's motivation for contacting me, if I were in your shoes. They won't come more guarded than I will be in that kinda situation.

Look I am not saying you should fight anybody, just don't wear your heart on your sleeve, especially with people close to him. All that "God will fight for me" talk to his friend gives him the impression you are still pining, hoping, praying and waiting. Hey, you can very well be all those things (no one can fault you for that....years of relationship is not an easy thing to get over) just don't say it to HIS friend because....you don't know how the message is being conveyed to your ex.

Enough of the psychological and emotional battery abeg.

I agree with you very much and noted!

Toyinletstalk: Love will push one to believe or do anything. But the right answers and the right thing to do is usually within us. Connect with it and you will not be misled. Be patient. Some people come into our lives to teach us some lessons and when that lesson is taught and done with, they move on. Take what you've learnt from him and move on. You have to completely let him go so that a new and better man can come into your life.

andromida: Cosmass the chances that this guy will come back because he loves you is most unlikely. Men who love and value a woman don't send such silly text over and over again. He may come back to use you as a practice babe again till he finds "the one" or he may end up with you because you are convenient and will do anything to make him happy.
You have been able to do without your things at his place for a while now so leave them there you know you don't need it.
Please throw away his security man's number and anything that has to do with him. That "person close to him" stop just stop picking his calls.
Cosmass this ship has sailed. God has fought for you by causing you to escape marriage to an immature man who does not love you.

And cosmass you are not moving on, you are still stuck on hoping he will come back and infact praying he comes back. Cosmass why can't you believe that there are 2000 better quality men out there dying to know you and you are investing in nothing.

Lerrie John: Dear cosmass
I have read your previous posts and I'm sorry you have to go through so much. Unfortunately whatever I say is just my opinion but I hope it makes you feel at least a lil better.
From what you narrated on the day you had the laptop issues and his family reactions, I feel it was all a deliberate planned act to enable them postpone the wedding n I feel his family probably dont approve of you.
Notwithstanding this man hurt you and left you without an explanation. He put a gap between you guys after two years without an explanation ( whether it be jazz, I doubt , woman, or family pressure , most probably the latter). I believe everything in life happens for a reason n the reason in this case indicates he's probably not for you. Personally I do not believe in reconciliation after break up because the trust is gone.
My advice to you as a woman to another woman my dear, is to take time off to heal. Just feel the pain, cry, scream if you have to, after which stand up, wash your face, put on make up and smile at your reflection because you are worth more and you deserve much more. Take time to nurse yourself, be you, do whatever makes you happy, no rules and regulations.
As for the closure you asked about, deep in our minds, if you take a good look, is a deep bottomless well. Think about all the times you guys spent together, good, bad, whatever, after which put them in a box , and lock it with chain and just let it drop down into that well until you can't see it anymore....I read that in a book once when I had my heart broken and it helped me forget. Now and then the box may try to resurface, any time it does just go back to your mind well and let the box fall down deepery again...
When you heal, your mind will be open to love again and you will be surprised what life has in store for you.
As for your things with him if they are things you DONT NEED just forget about them. Change your number or block any contact from his. Block any contact from his mutual friend as well, whatever your ex is going through shouldn't concern you anymore. Let his family and friends pray for him.
I hope you are able to move on with your life and you heal too dear. Lots of luck and may God bless you.

Lyn Forward: Cosmass! Cosmass! Cosmass! How many times have i called you?
I've just read very mature advice(s) here and its the best so far. Truth be told i havent been in your shoe and wouldnt want to wear it but i honestly know how you secretly wish he comes around and how you also yearn for what his friend is doing to work out.
Babe, you know him better than we do. If you feel you can "darn" all the consequence and still wish to spend the rest of your life with him. Fine. If in the future he serves you divorce papers out of nothing hope you wouldnt regret ever marrying him.
Cosmass the way you're taking keen interest in him after all he has put you and your family through shows just how much you still care no matter the thing you tell yourself.
Please just take things slow dont rush back in so you dont rush out. The way you are updating us i just know you'll take him back but please make sure he apologizes to your parents.
As for the jazz aspect i dont believe it.
Be strong girl and hope you go through this maturely.
Cheers.

Thanks to everyone that has contributed their opinions so far and the advice is being heeded. No more picking up the calls from whoever that is close to him. I need to be me but I am doing much better. At least not picking up his call last night and not replying his message has given me an upper edge.

I will be fine.

Thanks again to everyone

Sisi_Kill: How many times will he tell you to move on....you ask? Errr......Maybe if you aren't giving his silly friend an audience, going on about God will fight for you instead of telling the dude to mind his business, you won't be getting text messages telling to move the eff on.

Seriously, has it occurred to you that this close friend of his whose calls you wait for with bated breath to gist you about you ex's life could be telling your ex about the calls but instead of telling him he initiates the calls, he says you do? Did that not cross your mind at all?!!!

Two men have decided to use your head to play and you are still asking silly questions. The next time that eejit calls and you don't slam the phone down after telling thanks but no thanks....then you deserve whatever you get.

Please take it easy with the words! What did I write that you do not understand? Did I tell you I am not moving on Did you not also see where I told him that I am not interested, that I just want to be on my own and pray to my own God, that I do not need his outside help? Did you not see where I wrote, he called and texted me but I did not answer or reply, that I am quietly moving on? What is it you see that you do not understand that I have written?

Chillisauce: Cosmass, you still got feelings for him. Just have an open mind, go and collect your things as he said but be strong dear. Take the things and leave.
Start healing,I believe what is yours is yours ,you don't have to fight for it.
Engage yourself in some charity work or something to make you heal faster,
It's well

Thanks dear but I have decided, I am not going anywhere close to him or his house. If he wants, he will find a way, if not, so be it.

UPDATE

My ex fiance just called me but I didn't pick and then he texted me saying " I hope you are doing well and have moved on. Please come and collect your things. The dvd is missing, I think one of the security men stole it but I'll buy another dvd for you". I read the message but did not reply or return the call.
I called the guard to ask him if my things were still with him because he had told me he dropped my things with him, the guard said no that my ex had taken back upstairs since last week.
This call and message comes after one month. How many times will he keep telling me move on. I have not contacted him since or sent him a message yet he is texting me again after how long if I have moved on. I haven't heard from him since. One of my friends jokingly said are you sure the jazz of the close friend isn't working? We just laughed but I was advised not to go anywhere, if he wants me, he will come look for me. If he wants to drop my things, he could drop them with his guard or drop them off somewhere.

This ex of mine, Oh God, take control.

Lerrie John: @ OP after the details you just gave I can sweetly tell you to think seriously before tying the knot with your fiancé. You both have a lot of work to do on your relationship. Seems he has little/no respect for you. In future keep your past to yourself that way it can't be used against you.

@ everyone quoting me seems y'all didn't read the part of my message that says clear things between yourselves before calling off the wedding. Whether OP decides to break up or not she has to close the chapter by talking to the guy about it, that way she can move on with certainty that her decision ( whatever it will be ) is the right choice.

I am also in a similar situation. You could check my post. My question here is what if the fiance does not give the opportunity for a reconciliation, closure, discussion, open doors to air things even if you both don't end up together? What if he just tells you good bye on the phone through a text message, how do you get the closure to move on?

baralatie: its like u want these ur ex to finish ur life!
Best of luck!

why would I want him to finish my life?

andromida: He is telling you he is going places because you still grant him audience soon he will ask for money to give one Baba. Next time he calls please tell him you appreciate his concern but you are no longer interested in whatever is happening with your ex and his GF and will be truly happy if he lets everything go as you have moved on and stop picking his calls. Again close this chapter, its not as hard as you think just believe in God and yourself that your Right man will show up and he will but don't stay stuck monitoring any ex's life, praying for him to come back infact do a thanksgiving service by yourself that he has dropped out of your life. The less attention you give your ex the quicker you forget him and move on and then REALLY move on by enjoying your life and investing in things that make you happy.

Why would you want a man who does not want you anyway when there are sooooo many men who want you forever and will treat you right. Consider this what if your ex is the wrong man for you and him leaving you is God's way of fighting for you?

NOTED.

baralatie: its like u want these ur ex to finish ur life!
Best of luck!

why would I want him to finish my life?

andromida: He is telling you he is going places because you still grant him audience soon he will ask for money to give one Baba. Next time he calls please tell him you appreciate his concern but you are no longer interested in whatever is happening with your ex and his GF and will be truly happy if he lets everything go as you have moved on and stop picking his calls. Again close this chapter, its not as hard as you think just believe in God and yourself that your Right man will show up and he will but don't stay stuck monitoring any ex's life, praying for him to come back infact do a thanksgiving service by yourself that he has dropped out of your life. The less attention you give your ex the quicker you forget him and move on and then REALLY move on by enjoying your life and investing in things that make you happy.

Why would you want a man who does not want you anyway when there are sooooo many men who want you forever and will treat you right. Consider this what if your ex is the wrong man for you and him leaving you is God's way of fighting for you?

NOTED.

andromida: I don't like this person close to him. Please tell him to stop helping you at once, i am afraid you are desperate and will be happy if the person is secretly helping you. Sometimes people leave our lives simply because they are not meant for us. This "person close to him" who has now set a watch tower over his life to make sure he returns to you is not doing you any favours infact he is keeping you stuck in an unhealthy situation dragging you back into what is not your business. If your ex and his babe are fighting and screaming at each other how does that concern you? He left you. What if he breaks up with the current babe and does not come back to you what next. Maybe God fighting for you is for you to move on and if your ex returns to you and wants to marry you all good but right now hoping God fights for you by separating him and his current babe is not good thinking. Please tell this "person close to him" you'd rather not know whats happening in your ex's life as you are moving on. Close this chapter.

NOTED! Exactly what I need to do. And also when I meant God fighting for me, I meant I do not need the guy going places, finding out for me, that let God be the one to fight for me, if it's meant to be, it will be, if not, so be it.

UPDATE:

The person close to him called me again to tell me that the girl and my fiance or ex fiance whichever he is, had an argument last night and were screaming at each other, afterwards, she was dropped back home. That he believes it is the work of those he went to see that are working against the girl. That do I stil want to go ahead to make sure she leaves and my man returns to me.

I finally told him, thanks for his help but I think I still stand by us just praying and leaving it all to God. Let God fight for me, if it is charm, God will destroy it himself. He said okay, no problem.

ebamma: It works, if u need a love charm, u can contact me, am a love doctor

Not interested. Keep it for yourself.

Is there anyone that has really seen charms/jazz work on someone? Is it really real? Do they really work on people or what?

Update

I finally called the person close to him and told him, thanks for his help and concern but I'm not interested in finding out whether and how to break the charm the girl is using on him. Asked whether he believed in prayers and God, he said he does but I know that prayer/God can take time to answer. That he just wanted me to get my man back, that in very few weeks my man would call and apologize to me but if I'm doubting and not interested, then we can just leave it.

I just told him thank you but my mind isn't at rest, finding out again and all or going somewhere. He said he is not a bad person, that he believes in prayer, that it is because I am a very nice person, he just wants to help me. I just told him, let us just be praying and wait on God. That if it is that charm, let God destroy it himself.

https://www.nairaland.com/1534628/need-serious-advice-urgently#19868757

Where is this topic MODERATORS?]\

Seen it now, thanks

theLORDreigns: Thank GOD that you see it too.
You can do better, you go girl !

In fact, I won't be surprised if the guy eventually comes begging after some time. If he does, don't send him away oo, just tell him to first beg your parents & if they agree then you'll think about accepting his apology. Make shakara well well, but don't overdo it oo.

If he doesn't come to beg you, I repeat, if he doesn't come to beg you, then just know that you can do much better than a guy who doesn't know your worth or value. He is not the man for you. Let him go. Please don't go & beg him oo.

My testimony: the right guy is ALWAYS worth the wait.

Yes I see it very well. It just hurts the way he is and went about everything but as I said, I am quietly moving on.

esmeralda1: I just read thru ur other thread and seriously I do not believe he was or is under any jazz, jazz ko jazz ni.
He told ur mutual friend to help him with dt cock n bull tale after he saw that thimgs aint workin with d other lady.
U said he is close to God so y did d nonsense jazz take him away.
My dear, really move on if he wants to apologise let him do by himself n ensure d communication is beta.

Lol @ jazz ko, jazz ni. Yeah been advised that, to heal, move on and if he does come back, he has to beg my parents for the embarassment and then I decide if I want to work things out again only after HEALING.

blank: Don't be patient anything, move on! Forget him and look for someone else to mutually make happy.
When he comes to his senses, you can evaluate and then decide on how to make him suffer. Lol.

Lol, It's not really easy justn jumping into another relationship, it happened barely two months and I don't want to be scared to trust someone else plus I'm still healing but I know I would be very fine and alrite.

WHY IS MY TOPIC NOT SHOWING ON THE FAMILY SECTION? I HAVE TO LOG INTO MY PROFILE TO GET TO MY PAGE.

andromida: I don't believe anyone used juju on your guy my guess is he fell for the other gal maybe he will come back maybe he won't better move on and don't wait around.

Well that is true but what beats me is the way he went about it. Even the mum has ried talking to him. He sent me terrible, hateful and scary messages barely 2 weeks after the slight misunderstanding. It is very strange. One would imagine where we ever together? After two whole years? Someone that, me just hitting my foot, he could even rush me to the hospital to make sure I was okay. Even a week before we fell apart, he was telling our mutual friend, that he cant wait to marry me, we would have kids immediately, even asking how much wiz kid would cost for a wedding etc. It is really strange... I have not set my eyes on him since the incident. I'm not waiting around, I was quietly moving on, my family is very upset too with him. It was just the recent news that the person very close to him brought to me, that brought me here.

theLORDreigns: @OP, I've read through your other thread. I just have to say that you are so desperate that you'll believe anything that you're told about this guy.

Going through a break-up is never easy but if there's anything that would make it easier, it'll be avoiding anything that links you to your ex.

So he sent you a text saying goodbye & now his/your friend is coming to say he hasn't been himself, bla bla bla.

I think he has caused you enough embarrassment already. This has got to stop now & you are the only one that can stop it.


You are really making a fool of yourself & stooping too low for someone whose fiance broke up an engagement with her through a text message , I repeat through a text message? How much more wicked can he be for you realise that he isn't right for you.

Trust me, you can do better! Let your heart heal & you'll definitely get someone better. You don't need him.

When he sees that you don't send him anymore, he will have a rethink. He may even change his ways, but, by then, you'll be in full control of your emotions & whatever you do concerning him will be based on your terms.

Stand up & fight girl! Be strong & you will overcome!

'Acting-under-the-influence-of-jazz' my foot !

Reading what you wrote again "Through text message" an engagement, that the wedding date has been set, halls booked, through a text message, brings me back to my senses. You are right. I have been quietly moving on, healing myself and the pains and then this news came up, that's what brought me here.
I'm still praying but also moving on, without answers, nothing said to me or my parents. They just left us hanging.

theLORDreigns: So how did he find out sef



Hmm, Dis una mutual friend better not take u to one babalawo center all in d name of luv oo.

December is nearing oo & ritualists are on rampage. A word is enough...

He said I should not really worry, it is not my own problem but mine is to be patient, continue praying and not be too angry with him. That he is not himself.

https://www.nairaland.com/1474833/what-hurdles-challenges-faced-before-getting-married

This was the last post I had posted, going to 2months now. I haven't heard from him or so except a message he sent me over 3 weeks ago. Good bye, this and that. So I started healing myself and moving on.

Until recently Someone close to him that is with him 24/7 works in the same place with him, called me and informed me not to be angry with him, that what is going on is not ordinary. That because I was nice to him, he had vowed to help me to the root of this problem and got to find out a lady involved was using charms and holding him. That my guy has not been himself since, excessive spending, coming late, fast foods everyday and sometimes compare me to the other lady that I am better in everything but he can't just call or come out.

I was shocked and began to remember the harsh words sent to me and started relating them, that I believed it wasn't normal, So the person close to me just advised to be patient and keep praying that everything will be alright. I was scared at first and just told him that whatever it is please no jazz, magic, etc.. he said No that God is God, that we are just all praying. I said Okay and droped the phone.

I am confused on what's going on but I've decided to just stay on my own and pray and wait.

pickabeau1: Where. Will you live post wedding

where will I live as in?

kulyie: My dear cos,the ball is now in your ILE EJO. But the shocking part of your tale is that You actually know he is an omo mummy still you wan chook head.i bow for you o.infact my mouth to heavy to say talk to your legs but if you think you can cope with rich inlaws that will be treating you like sh1t and making you feel its an honour for you to marry their son,you can go on,but remember yorubas say what you will not eat,dont smell.however if you are sure that that is the type of marriage and baby in a mans body you want for yourself.abeg,dont come here and open a thread few months later with change of id and say,my mother inlaw said this and my husband didnt say anything.at least here in this nairaland,i read of a brother inlaw slapping his brother wife.i dont wish you that but a wealthy inlaw is very likely to be domineering and your omo mummy husband will not defend you AGAINST ANY MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY IF ANY GBEGE STARTS be it his mom,sister etc.



If he is doing all this during courtship,you know he is a mumys boy,you know they dont respect you and you still chook head,all i can say is





GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

It's not the way you are saying it. Aside being a mummy's boy which is a no no, he is a very wonderful person. He spoils me, close to God and can do almost anything for me. He truly and really loves me.

Chinwem: He's probably loaded with a rich influential family that's why they are calling the shots and putting YOUR own wedding on hold

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me......so much disrespect and maltreatment. You should be free to disagree with your fiancé without feeling like you have a gag order. So what now, you can't express how you feel in a relationship.......so why are you in it?

Are you equally yoked? Can two walk together unless they agree?

Please calm down and like somebody said if they want to postpone let them postpone, you won't die!

My dear, you got it! They are very wealthy. And they are doing all these because my so called fiance, is also letting them get away with it. If not for the incident, the part I played with the laptop issue, snatching it from him and all, I don't think I would even be bothered.

yellowpawpaw: Easy gal, I can never be in ur shoe. It seems u r very comfy with the attitude so why crying awolf?
He and his family treats u d way u want them to treat u and like a wise old woman once said to me, what u can't endure, don't allow.u allow it, cos u can endure it. Full stop.
Its ur life, ur choice and I sincerely wish u d best.

I agree with you. I have backed off and leaving it all to God.

Kanwulia: Before, during or after. . . . . .
Absolutely NONE!
Marriage is NEVER a do or die affair for STRRRRRONG BABES LIKE MOI!!!!

I call the SHOTS always!!! And still in HOT DEMAND by the most ELIGIBLE, LOADED AND HAPPILY MARRIED MEN!

TUFIAAAAAKWA TO SINGLE MEN O!

It looks like this 'almighty MARRIAGE' is the only accomplishment you aspire to have in your life! Or you must have a very WEAK MOM or come from the most emotionally-needy genetically/spiritually-engineered women folk in your heritage!

Fancy getting into marriage with all this DRAMA!!!
LOVE, SEXXX AND MARRIAGE NA BY FORCE?
All this because of one 'crawfish dude' and him '5 French-2-inch-catheter BLOKOS'. . . . . WITH EMPTY POCKET TOO?
Very unfortunate!

Too funny but also right in a way.

Blackbeauty: Am not an expert or anything but i will tell you what i hv deduced.I saw some red flags ur relationship.. A man is not perfect,does not excuse some behaviours your fiance exhibited..Firstly your dating for two yrs doesnt guarantee that you know what u r supposed to know about him.His attitude of calling his mum in the middle of an argument is way too immature for a man you will be spending your life wif,and doesn't show relationship experience..its an issue u guys could have settled easily without involving a third party.Ask yourself, do want to marry a man who will involve his parents and maybe friends to be all up in ur marital issues?
If u can then,I wish you luck..Personally I don't believe in love as being the basis for a successful marriage.. There has to be communication, mutual respect,trust,and understanding which I feel you guys lack.. He left you in the car waiting for an hour ,and you are getting married in three months time??what happened to calling u as soon as he felt he had work to do, so u come join him inside..that does not show respect to me..You definitely have your reasons for marrying him but please shine your eyes..Don't be awed by the wedding date being known to people etc etc..From now till the wedding,you should get to know him,assess his traits and talk to him on issues bothering you calmly..I can't tell you to leave ur fiance but look before you leap.and please correct DAT impression of a man being to good to leave.if that is the truth u wont be here on this forum...Forget abt the plans being made by his family to stall things.focus on analyzing your relationship and the guy in question,to know the kind of marriage you would be going into.remember no miracle happens at the altar..its what you see in courtship u see in marriage..d marriage is just ceremonial!

Spot on! You've said it all. Would follow this.

kulyie: @ op i think yellow pawpaw has said it all.just have a heart to heart talk with your husband to be and by the way,hope he is not a mummys boy.as in mummy said i should.....,my mummy doesnt like me.....,mummy will be happy if you.........,mummy said i should... Hope he isnt omo mummy and he has gumshion.as in a man with his own mind not a man still tied to his mum's apron

He is actually a mummy's boy. They are soooo close.

ferhyntorlah: Babe,

Take a break!!! You need it fast.
You both have communications issues and the guy sef no try.

He isn't a man yet oh; he's just a man by age but not by maturity. You are dealing with a boy in a man's stature.

Also, he doesn't respect your opinion and inputs too. Why can't he say his mind rather than sulking and over-reacting? You too, take things easy.

Forget what people will say; they will talk and forget but na you go bear everything.

Please don't let his family think their son is doing you a favour by marrying you because that's all I can deduce from your story.

There's still time; you either let him know you won't be a yes sir, yes ma person(a nodding nodding wife who doesn't have a mind of her own) or you just be a siddon look wife.

Else, when you marry him and his family are up in your business. The day you voice your mind out is the day you will be termed a PRETENDER!!!

Thank you for this. Infact THANKS TO everyone that shared their opinions. I truly and really, really appreciate it. God bless you all. Mwah

yellowpawpaw: Hello miss cos,

Some words r harsh but we hv to say them anyway. U don't need ur inlaws to postpone ur wedding for u.
Do it urself. Forget telling pple bla bla bla.
Marriage is not friendship neither courtship. Put a halt to d wedding.
Then call ur guy for a serious heart to heart talk.
Eg, u don't want his parents running things for u, let him know. Every single things that r eating u up, lay it on the table. His answer will determine if u guys will go ahead or not.
If r still hv doubt, my dear, goodbye is hard to say but at times its for the best.
Better a broken engagement my dear.

But if u 2 can meet each other at the middle, that's wonderful.

Marriage and preparing for marriage no matter how stressful it is must be a memorable thing btw couples and its a way to bring couples closer and closer to each other.

I will also suggest u guys plan to live far away from the parents too.

But on a serious note, there is desperation in ur voice.
All d best

My dear, if you are in my shoes, you will understand. t is not really desperation, more like every single person around me knows the date and keep asking me preparation and also he is a very good man you wouldn't want to let go of. He is just too close to his folks that they seem to make most of the decisions.

LewsTherin: Are you sure your guy is ready for it? Are you being too desperate for it? You guys don't seem to have such a steady relationship or is this a new thing?

Remember, people do not change after marriage. They simply fine tune their behavior.

If all that above is not the case with you then...
There are jobs in our blessed country that stress the living daylights out of people. Add the stresses of getting married and some people can snap. It's up to you to soothe his stress and teach him to rely on you and not his parents. Seizing his laptop while he's working is not the way. Help him learn to lean on you.

Stop worrying about the wedding and concentrate on your man. Be the best woman you can be to him. If that doesn't bring him over, I don't see what you're rushing to get married for.

It's not as if I'm worrying about the wedding but the date has been set, people have also been told about the date. t is supposed to be exactly 3 months from now, now all these. I even suggested the pre marital counseling, he didn't answer me.

No relationship is perfect. There is no cheating or breaking of glasses or such in our relationship, over 2 years, this was new occurrence. We are all humans. Only if he had just communicated and said he has to do something, even though I will be mad, I could still understand not disrespect me, leave me hanging and then go to work.

Chillisauce: OP, let them hold the meeting. Get your hands occupied with something else.

Sit down and talk to him like a partner, you are an adult so is he.

Btw, why is your in law planning your marriage for you. I thought it should come from the two of you .
Forgive my ignorance, but you better handle this issue now, pretending to let go while you are in doubt is no solution.

That's the issue I've always had with him. His parents are always in our business and my fiance doesn't help matters. They are soooooooooooooo close. I've begged him to talk to me, all he keeps saying is his parents will get back to my own parents soon.

Also my only fear now is because of the my action with the laptop incident so I'm also thinking could it be my fault. If he had not called, this wouldn't be happening. I'm sick worried, thinking what will be the outcome of the meeting?