There are different break up reasons, cheating, lying, violence etc that people learn to let go. How do you let go of a person that was very good to you but you had to break up due to factors such as age, religion, culture etc I find it very hard because there is nothing bad to remember about the person so how do you let go?

Have you broken up with someone due to circumstances like religion, age difference, culture differences even if you both loved each other and everything was going fine? You both were compatible and had the chemistry but factors described above made you both break up. Did you find love again easily?

andromida:

patience my friend, patience give it a few wks more or is this the only time you think you will be seeing him again?

2 months??

andromida:

since you want to get back with him i would advice when you meet up do not bring up the issue of where the rship stands.i think its too early cos u actually wnt him back.
In situations like this you need to be relaxed about it and treat it casually,let him see you are having a great time without him,dnt talk about any other man/men make him knw without saying it that he means a lot to you,he"ll wnt to see you again.just dont rush things.

2 months is too early?

iice:

Ok. Then i think you should give him time (for the first half of the get together) to see if he'll say anything about the relationship.
But before you leave, you guys have to come to an understanding. Just my opinion though. Some people can let it play out for days or weeks to see if it does go back to being in a relationship. Me on the other hand, cannot handle the stress. I like to know whats up so i can deal with it. Either way, goodluck.

That's exactly what I want to do, It's been 2months and people are still telling me to be calm about it, relax, for how much longer?

iice:

What are your own thoughts about the situation? Meaning. . .do you want to get back together? Do you want to remain friends? Are not sure what you want yet? If so, if anything should happen (sexually or emotionally), would you regret it or not? When you are set with yourself, then you will know what to ask and what to do (well for the most part)

i already know what I want. I want to get back together and fix it but if it's impossible, I cannot remain friends.

Copied from Yahoo.

sevule:

Who initiated the breakup and what was the reason for the breakup?And there are two things to this situation
1) Your boyfi actually misses you.
2) Your boyfi misses the sex, is currently roasting and wants to shine your conga again no strings attached (This is the more likely situaition)

He initiated the break up and unfortunately you are very wrong in the sex part. I know him too well and he has every opportunity. Sex is the last thing.
Reason for the break up was he felt i was enjoying the attention of too many men and was not ready to commit to him.

I have been broken up with my ex for a month and a half and in between those months, he has been calling me just cheking upon me, telling me what has been going on with him, basically work and staying home, his family etc. He has even said more than twice, he misses me and still calls me by the pet names he gave me.

It's been over a month plus now and i feel it's time i need to know what to do. we have agreed to meet up. Some people are telling me not to bring up anything about the break up but have fun. How can i have fun when i want to find out what the situation is. According to him, he is hanging out casually. What can i say when we meet up. Can I ask him once and for all about the relationship and why he's giving me mixed signals?

Would appreciate responses. Thanks

Omolola1:

dont pressure him about meetng cos i think he is just trying to take his time wiv u

That's what I'm doing. He actually texted me he misses me and calling me by the pet names and things going on in his life, his busy schedule work but still hs not mentioned us meeting up even though initially he said he wanted to be spontaneous.

nikkykay:

Dont force him to hang out with u.He is not interested again.
Just leave him or forget abt him.What of if he agrees and he doesnt really say anything important when u meet.it will hurt u more.My dear just let it go.You have to start a new life

Seun:

He's not interested in you. Sorry, but move on. Men don't drop hints. They do what they want to do.

I doubt he's not interested. He texted me about his busy schedule with work, how much he misses me and calling me by my pet names though he has not mentioned the meeting up yet which i told him, he could decline, if he did not want to meet up and he said he wanted to.

more answers?

Osama10:

Na wa, I think you better wait for some time or are you in a hurry.

It's not really about me being in a hurry. Him calling me and giving me hints, he's still interested is not going to let me move on easily. I still care about him if he wants to get back and that's why I agreed to meet up to mend or close the chapter so I know the deal.

My ex boyfriend and i have been broken up for about a month and during this period, he has called me a couple of times, sent me his vacation pictures, even called me the names he gave me when we were going out, "peach" and "beautiful".

After about 3weeks, I told him, i would want us to hang out to talk but if he was not up for it, he could tell me "No" and to my surprise, he said yes, he would want to but he would let me know when our schedules fit.

It's been a week now and he has called me a lot of times checking upon me, telling me what he has been up to but has not brought anything about meeting up. What should i do?

~Sissy~:

is this person the "person" you want in a lifelong relationship like marriage? is this person the "person" you want as a lifelong partner"? 12yrs is not a "huge" age difference. i have seen it and there hasnt been any problem as regards to the age difference

Thanks for the info. Some people believe that anything above 10 yrs age difference is too much.

Loveaflame:

Their is nothing to it if you truly love the person from the bottom of your heart and it is not attached to any physical thing.

If you are in love let that be your only guide.But if you have some cautions in your heart as regards the future happiness then you will do well to check the contents of your love and conviction for the relationship.

True talk

At what age did you have your first child and how old is considered old to have a child for you men?

Is it ok to marry someone 12 years older than you are? If not, what are the consequences that could result from such?

I hear some men say they would rather marry or be with a not so pretty girl and have peace of mind rather than worrying about the next guy picking her up. And this was also what my ex said. Guys do you feel insecure? or what are your fears?

2sexy:

The only thing I see here is that cosmass was in a hurry to get married and I believe that was why she went for a guy much too older and thinking that the guy was already made could be more exciting. This attitude mostly common among the female folks and frankly speaking putting guys of your age group at the back stage is not called for. You never know who is who until you try. Stop living in a fantasy world.

You may not want to accept this openly but I know what I am talking about. It was for this same reason that my girl friend ,who is a student at the University of Portharcourt, met a guy and started a relationship with him. Even though I could not prove it initially, I knew she was already dating someone else because it showed from her attitude because most times everything I do makes her angry. I was completely irritating to her. God knows that I hardly offended her. I became a nobody automatically.Though I was in Benin City and still cared for her. I sent her money whenever I could,not because I am from a rich family but because I wanted to be the best that I could.

Somehow , I caught her red handed. I spoke to the guy without revealing my true identity and the guy was saying things like , she is my love, I want to marry her, this and that. From her description, I realized that the guy could be around 35 or 37 years of age and she was just 21 then while I was 24. Though she later apologized that she was no longer seeing the guy, (lie)

Long story short, The guy deflowered her and stopped showing interest in her after deceiving her with marriage and other stuff.

Today she want us to continue, she thinks I am silly to accept what others could not. AFTER insulting me because of the other guy. saying that I dont plan ahead ,I dont have a future, I take my relationship too serious, , all this because she wanted to MARRY QUICKLY.


I know I have nothing at the moment but when I finally graduate from school in 2 years time, She will know who the real me is. She will practically see it that I had plans for the future

What she never knew then was that I had a serious plan to marry her. I dont flirt though from a very rough background, I am a really ghetto boy but my personality does not reveal it. Why? Because I know where I am going.

The girl has no choice today while I do. She really wants me but I still play mr cool until when I am done with her then I will find a nice looking chick,tall, light skinned and MARRY!

Who win at last?

So girl learn from your mistake

Cosmass, I am waiting for your comment on this

Here I am. First of all, I am in no hurry to be married, he is actually the one that is in a hurry to get married and aside the age issues, he thought i was not ready to be committed to him. Secondly, when I met him, I met him as any other guy would approach me and we connected. It happened he was of his age and I was mine.
Thirdly, He wasn't my first love or the one that deflowered me.

luap:

I married a young woman, and my life was a living hell. Now that we are divorced, I learned my lesson: Never again!!!!

How old and what was the age difference? And you should blame the woman you married or yourself not "being young". Who says older people don;t divorce

ladygaga:

i think this is your mistake, u convinced him to date you

it is a good thing it is over, how long did u think u could go on convincing him to stick with you!

let him be pls,dont force things, u might even have come across to him as desperate

I didn't convince him to date me. He wanted to walk away because he was unsure and I assured him, he should not just walk away because of age difference being that he has not tried it before. I did not tie him down. I told him, we took a break and he came back to work things.

omega25red:

well i have been with the same girl for some years now and within that time we broke up like 3 times. Our break ups didnt last for a day but we get back together and it is working well for us. so as am example it can work you just have to put some effort.

A day Is that really a break up? lol

ladygaga:

he knew he wouldnt go far with u from the onset, and i am of the opinion that he has another stable relationship , u v just been officially scammed all the way baby, moveeee on!

and pls dont be offended, how did u meet him?
btw i thought u said he told u he wouldnt marry anyone younger than 25?

He actually got out from a bad relationship with the woman he wanted to marry but she dumped him and when to marry someone else before he met me. From the onset, he was not willing to go on with a relationship because of the age but I convinced him, that he should try since we both had some connection and he did. Then the argument began, Lil fighting and be always saying "I'm done with the relationship". Until the last argument we had which was little, nothing serious but because I said I was done, he now added and said yes we are done. so i tried making up, he then brought up the arguments and the age issue.
I met him through a friend. Yes he said that when he's looking for the next girl, at least she wouldn't be below 25 or he wants 7-8years age difference.

albridge:

yup. i really dont think the guy is ready for any commitment now. actually i think that he isnt ready to be with you to be frank

He is actually very ready for commitment. His friends told me according to what he told them, That I acted like i wasn't ready to be committed to him plus all the male attention i get and all.

kulyie:

i experience sumtin similar.my ex is 10 years older dan me but he dint dump me because of age.i caught him cheating n of cos i walked out from d scene feeling silly n used.felt bad naturally but i tink my caase is similar 2 poster's.he's just tired of u n wants 2 experince change n a differnt world of passion with someone else.so girl friend move on.it hurts,yes because i felt wot u r feling but d lesson i learnt from d relationship n i want u 2 learn is dat DONT EVA TINK DAT ANY GUY DAT SLEEPS WITH U ACTUALLY LOVES U,COS TRUST ME GUYS CAN SAY ANYTIN WEN DEY R Hot,SECONDLY DONT U EVA TINK U CAN HOLD A GUY DOWN because U TINK U R SEXY N GIVE HIM SEX,AND LASTLY N MOST IMPORTANTLY A GUY DAT SINCERELY LOVES U WILL BE MORE OF your BESTFRIEND/BROTHER N HE BCOMS your LOVER N FRIEND AFTA MARRIAGE.its hard i know but i learnt mine in pain,regrets n tears n i dont want u 2 experience d same tin.infact wen i caught my boyfriend he said "did i eva promise u marriage,yes i asked u out but i dont like u anymore like i used to so y r u now actin like i'm tied 2 u.dis is a free world n am free 2 date anyone i like so please get out of my hose" dis words kip ringin in my head till today and anytym i rememba i feel very hurt cos i loved him with all sincerity n was faithful

Wow, sorry to hear.

mylove4him:

It is quite painful but you need to move on, he sounds quite insecure and the worst mistake you could do in your life is to force an insecure man to spend his life with you. He is still a young man and you even younger, looking at the age difference he feels you are not mature enough to handle pressures of life. His excuse of men giving you attention will always come to the surface because he feels this is your time n it takes trust to overcome that in which he does not trust. Some men prefers older n mature women, because they feel they are more emotionally mature n would have lived life. So my dear girl the faster you work the better you are. I trust you in 5yrs to come you would be happy you took that decision.

I'm hoping. I even asked him if he was insecure and he laughed and said no. I think because of the so much male attention I get though I was willing to change all that.

Do you believe that once broken up, it is wise not to get back together? That it might never work? Or it is possible to get back and be better in the relationship?

Dunddy:

@ poster - yours is a 7months relationship. it shouldn't be too hard to move on really. consider the break up as an integral part of God's greater plan for your life. my relationship of 8 years was just called of today by my fiancee because she is traveling and blah-blah-blah. Extremely painful but i have to move on or i die young. i suggest you do too.

Wow! Sorry to hear. 8 years is a very long time. Yes I am moving on as difficult as it is.

lelads:

i guess he's the 1st person you fell in love with? you should consider your relationship with him as an experience preparing you for the future,
D not let your hrt be diturbed @ all 22 is still a very young age for marriage in nigeria today, a man of that age may not hesitate to spank you if you offend him, be wise my dear sister

Funny enough, he wasn't my first love. But he was a good man.

ITbomb:

Or did you always do anything childish like runnin to his shoulder cryin everytime there is problem. Or you cant handle responsibilities without his supervision. I'm not runnin you down but in the beginin of relationship guys might overlook that but when it comes to serious things like marriage, we stepup the gear. 34 to 22 is not a bad ratio. This is the best time for that ring you are not too young.

I never ran to him like a baby but yes I asked for his supervision on some things and that comes with him being my partner not about the age.

Exponental:

what an excuse!
Is he scared of dieing before u?

Honestly i can't pin point. he said he would not go for anyone younger than 25. it would be 4-8 years at most. Does not want 2 digits.

Yield:

He's just using that as an excuse to leave. If he loves you and really wants to be with you, age wouldn't be a problem. And i'm sure he knew your age when you met (?), so i'm not sure why he has to use that sour excuse about the age difference being a problem now. If someone can break up with you cuz of that, then it means he no longer wants you and probably never even loved you to begin with cuz if he did he wouldn't be leaving now. I would just let him keep walking. Why would you want to go back to someone that doesn't want you?

He mentioned the age as the main problem but other things like trusting me and also mentioned i had too many guys paying me attention even though he wasn't saying I was cheating

CyberG:

@Cosmass. . .I think I understand the situation and assuming the guy is good and decent to a considerable extent, then the age difference will not be a big problem. . .but answer the questions:

1. How often (rarely a week or two) do you "fight" (not physical) or have hot arguments?

2. Do this fights happen over rather mundane things that shouldn't be such a "big deal"

3. Do you guys have good communication on an on-going basis?

4. How often does it happen that when you are having a good time with no fights or arguments, something suddenly comes-up and causes a big (and often unnecessary) fight?

5. Some things are learned as you grow older, so you may be matured somewhat at 22 but do you think you are mature enough to possibly make an 80-year long (??) commitment (marriage)?

6. When you fight (or fought in the past), did you call him names or said things you did not apologize for?

7. Do you raise your voice when you talk to him or yell or ever hit him?

8. Do you get angry easily, are hot-tempered and unable to control yourself, what you do and say when you get angry?

9. Do you make him feel secure such that he is not thinking that after a few years of marriage, you could want a divorce to marry someone younger?

<Note: I ask these questions from personal experience and a girl's chances of being married to a guy diminishes exponentially depending on answers to these questions>

I wouldn't say we never argued, every couple does that but those were things I feel/felt could not be enough to break a couple up. He also said he could not trust me along the line, which shows a bit of insecurity. Do I get angry, on some occasions based on what happens and all I did was say "I'm done with the relationship" That was the furthest but of course only words. I never walked away.

erotic_me:

@poster, the man is off to get another woman. My advice is u move on with your life. You are young beautiful and special, trust me, u'll get someone who'll cherish u, give u what u deserve and treat u well. That guy was neva serious, he was just having fun. U beta not buy that crap about 12yrs. Jst get over it, reasses your relationship with him and find some errors u might have made so as to guide against it in future relationships.

Thanks.

CHARLOE:

@ poster, i feel u and i feel your guy also. am 11 yrs older dan ma fiancee and i used to have such fears like she might turn out not to b matured, but i really luv her and vise-versa, dat essentially (with gud communication too) has seen us thru. She's quite matured 4 her age and knows what she wants, and we'r happy. dont worry u'll find your man/

How old are you at the moment or your fiancee?

james1:

@poster.I feel for you.
But 12 year's is a long difference;some men don't mind but some do and here is the reason:some men want to age with their wife.from the sexual angle,the men are careful,they don't want a situation of when their sexual drive is going down,their wife's own is in it peak,it will result in her cheating on him.
Some Nigeria men desire a woman that will call them name's like brother or my oga,they marry women that they are 15-18 year's older than.for them the more the age difference the better!
I will advice that you move on since marriage out of pity hardly ever work out.from your post I deduce you must be a great woman;you will find your man,very soon I believe.don't dwell on it,it is not easy but you will sail through.don't hesitate to come back for advise and counseling.

Thanks, I have decided to move on though not because of the age difference but because I have no other choice.

Please share your stories if you have let a good man/woman pass you by. Did you find another good person or better? Did you regret losing him/her?

mutter:

It could be that your bf is scared of committing himself because at your age you might not know what you want. Marriage can be very complicated, involving not just the two of you but also the extended family.
He might just be scared that you are not ready for the commitment.
You are still Young and have time on your hands.
Just keep being decent and prayerfull, many suitors are yet to come.

.

Thanks, I thought about that but I convinced him, we should walk and work together. He should not just conclude.

Rooneyboy:

The poster must have really been spoilt by her papa boyfriend whilst the relationship lasted, she cant just get over the shock, so it just suddenly occured to big daddy that u r 12 years younger ? . . . . . . Wake up girl the man is done with u , he's got prettier targets . . . . U don expire

If you have nothing sensible to say, then SHUT UP!

Gbemyte:

@op. Walk magesticaly lyk a queen out of d relatnshp cos acordin 2 u,u ar a graduate. Kip your head str8,b gud,dcent,focus. Beta half is comin. I knw u luv him, but let go he ' s tired of d relatnshp. If i may ask hw old is d relatnshp?

Thanks. The relationship is 7months.

stevetboy9:

You're too young for marriage. My uncle is 10yrs older dan his wife and ppl are always jealous of thier love and nuclear family relationship. So,age should not be a barrier . If he can wait till you're 27,by then,you'll be more matured,then its oK. But since he want to break up on the basis of age df,then leave him and move on. You'll find yours but remember your creator

27 years? Wow! I'd rather 25 at most

michelin89:

@ poster

Don't take it for granted that men prefer younger women.

My ex had a thing for older ladies, dunno why.

Besides 33 na old papa. You are 22 and fresh. You wan come dey change him diapers?

Got me cracking but honestly i don't mind changing it for him.

yorke:

He is too old 4 u.look @ it dis way.When u were 10yrs,he was 22yrs.com on think am lik dat.

It still hurts. Life is too short to be thinking of it that way. I believe if one makes you happy, go with it, rather than thinking of ifs and buts.

Rocktation:

How can he be 12 years older than you, when you're 22 and he's 33? Na wa oo. The reduced age gap now makes his case even weaker and you, very gullible for accepting sh!te from him.

He's going to 34.

yorke:

22? No are not young bt he is too old 4 u.
Try look 4 someone with 5-8 yrs difference. I think dat would be  okay.

How is he too old? 12 years age difference. if I'm 40, he'll be 52 and so on