₦airaland Forum

Hmmm, I don't know why this is very common. But this title makes it look like women from other country are better. However, I have zero experience of other women from other countries.

Young men should be careful of all women not just Nigeria women. Don't be carried away with love. The only thing that can keep your woman is your money. Once it goes down beyond her expectation she will leave you. I haven't interacted with so many women so I am not sure of the statistics but the only one I dealt with gave me a nasty blow.

So the call to be careful is ok

For the book of job we knew the wife left job but nowhere was her return mentioned. The last book of job mentioned that the all the acquaintances of job returned. Acquaintance are friend not wife. Wifes are more than the best of friends. It is wrong to call your wife your best friend because of the followings:

1. We live with our wives but not friends unless you are a bachelor

2. We are not financially, legally, emotionally tied to our friends. If we are then something is wrong.

3 Friends can come anytime and go anytime but not wife. Unless the person makes the same mistake I made

So these are the differences between wives and best friends. So your wive is greater than your best friend in all form.

Therefore one can confidently conclude that job former wife never came back and the acquaintances or friends stated in Job 42 are just friends.

It is not hard and difficult for the bible to mention that Job wife returned if she returned.

Well my knowledge might be limited because I never attended theological school. I don't even understand myself how i had all these knowledge. The same God that said He hates divorce also said he hates his children to be lonely. I am pretty very sure God overruled some exceptional cases as Christ himself confirm that God himself wasn't angry that David ate the bread that is unjust for him not to eat. God also overruled the case of Abraham that lied and at the same time told the truth when he said Sarah is not his wife. (A very complicated topic)

All the same thanks for your response. This doesn't mean I don't accept it. Your view is also very correct as well as my view which makes things very complicated. I just realized everything can only be solved if one can get in direct contact with God himself to solve this complicated puzzle or one just pick option that he feels that is right after praying and convinced that this is the right direction to follow according to biblical instructions.

However one thing I am strongly convinced about is
1. God created marriage to be enjoyable and holy. It is not good for man to be alone which is further buttressed in psalms the woe is the person that is alone. God hates divorce and loneliness at the same time

2. Yes I made mistakes no doubt. My flexibility in marriage allowing my wife have control of somethings. Marrying a wrong woman. Not able to have money is also my fault because if I didn't open up to tell her I have so so money in the bank I will not divert it into satisfying some other things which is not bad. But I would have used it in my business to generate bigger money in a short time. These are just mistakes I realized later. Others can also learn from these. But I believe as I have repented from these errors, God will forgive me

3. If she divorces me then i am not spiritually bounded to her and can remarry. I will make sure she divorces me before i will remarry. According to the book of Corinthian I gave above. Also the pastor also told me there is always room for forgiveness if she repents and decide not to divorce me. However i don't think she will ask for forgiveness. And that forgiveness will be the hardest part. However I don't expect her to ask for it.

Thanks, everyone. I learnt a lot and I believed others young people can also learn from my mistakes. I don't regret posting this in Nairaland because it's better than going to beer parlour and training myself to drink beer I have never drank since I was born. Or pick gun to kill all actors and myself. Or in anger start sleeping with all. I thanked everyone that contributed I have some kind of peace now.

All that is in my mind is to try and enforce my position as the high priest in the family so that the politicians and women group will help my wife divorce me. God bless you all. Thanks

Kobojunkie:
1. The only man that was ever alone in the Bible as Adam and Adam was the man that God said that of in Genesis 2. So, no, God was not talking about you but about the man named Adam who was the only man that existed on earth at the time of His creation.

Since Adam, God went on to create some men Eunuchs, allowed some to be made Eunuchs in life and others to decide to become Eunuchs for the sake of His Kingdom. Jesus Christ reiterated this in Matthew 19 vs 1 - 11 when He taught that marriage is not a mandate but a choice.

Even in the Old Covenant, we see many patterns of this among the people of Israel as well. For instance, some of His prophets, Elijah, Elisha...are not recorded to have had wives or children even.

2. God never exempted anyone of His people from following Obeying His commandments. Just because you don't understand why David was able to eat the Holy Bread - David was anointed of God unlike the others who were commanded against the eating of the same bread - is no reason to assume that David was exempted from following of God's Law.

*God was not agree with Esther since polygamy and Polyandry are not sins to begin with.

* Even your assertions about Gabriel are completely off. Zechariah was a teacher of the Law of God who taught the people to believe in the Word of God, whereas Mary was just a child. God's reasons for the different approaches are not to be assumed but understood as His.

* Where is it written that Job married a new wife and that his wife abandoned him?

That book becomes useless when you start injecting your delusions into what is written in it. The only way God can indeed bless anyone is if that person obeys His commandments. It is the same for all - even Jesus Christ submitted to and Obeyed God's Old Covenant Law in order to achieve that which He was sent to do.
So, again,

Ok. However you need to throw more light because of the followings:

1. The scripture cannot contradict itself as the Corinthian scriptures used is still valid

2. I don't think God is talking only about Adam in being alone as the man used in the passage is general.
From other scriptures you see God using proper noun when talking to a specific person. For instant in Gen 18:17, God said " shall I hide from Abraham", specifying Abraham himself. It doesn't go out of place if God says that " It is not good for Adam to be alone". God not specifying it generalised it for all men. In addition I don't believe that God was being indirect or speaking in parables in that particular sentence. Finally it doesn't flow well with the grammar. Also men as used in Genesis signifies all men. That is why we talk of the fall of man in Genesis and not the fall of Adam when we preach about the forbidden fruits.

2. Another point that buttressed it came from Ecclesiastes 4:10-12 where it says Woe is he that is alone". Meaning that God doesn't approve such a situation of one being alone be it in companionship with your wife or with companionship with God

Yes some prophets of old stayed alone without marriage but that didn't make them better either. Paul encouraged brethren to stay alone if they can but if they cannot they should get married.

About people whose sin God overlooks is real. Till today nobody can explain why God loves Jacob and hates Esau from the womb

Ps 32:1 says it clearly in NIV "Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count" also even Christ mentioned that what David did when he ate the Holy bread was not lawful in Mark 2:25-26. This means that what David did was not really lawful but became lawful because God overruled that law because of the situation David found himself in. I strongly believed God can overrule something sometimes to help his child

Omo, this is not for everyone.

From what I understand, God can decide to pardon or not pardon and He sometimes overlook in some cases if he see his beloved do something that might not really be lawful because of situations they find themselves on provided it is not self generated. Reader, please note this is not for everybody. Even Abraham lied to protect his life. Although some might argue that it is also the truth. Well it is both the truth and lie. Rather God punished the king that was a victim of the lie.

Some might also say posting this online is bad. I know. When you are really alone and lost the best part of yourself have pondering issues with No one to talk to you will understand.

Some might go and drink their life away at beer parlours. Some might kill themselves. Some might track the politicians, shoot them dead, shoot the wife and shoot themself. Some might start sleeping with all women breaking their heart in retaliation of what their wife did. Two wrongs cannot make right. These things are the current thing happening in our society. The court needs to simplify the divorce processes.

I gave everything a deep thought. I know Nairaland is a community of all types of people but I also believed I will also meet few great spiritual leaders in the same place. It Is just for to study what they said, pray and follow the best route. Everyones opinion is good, both spiritual leaders and non spiritual leaders because they can shed light on the issues in another perspective.

I am truly depressed, alone, feel dejected. I am trying to bounce back.

All the same I thank everyone. You are all great

Kobojunkie:
The person who told you such thing is wrong.

As far as the divorce as sin, it is explained in Matthew 5 sv 27 - 32 and in Matthew 19 vs 1 - 11 by Jesus Christ Himself.

If you don't even care to take time to study and learn these things on your own, why do you bother claiming to be a Christian?

I know that part of the scriptures as well.

However I believed that since God also said that it is not good for a man to be alone when he instituted the marriage it is not good for me to be alone. No doubt, i disobeyed, married a wrong woman if I come back in repentance I will be forgiven.

God exempted some people from his rules. For instance, God was not angry with David for eating the Holy bread.(this has nothing to do with marriage). God was not angry with Queen Esther for being a second wife after the king divorced Queen Vasti. Angel Gabriel answered Mary lightly but punished Zechariah when they asked the same questions (this has nothing to do with marriage). Even Job married a new wife after the former wife left him to curse God and die.

Blessed is anyone that God decides not to remember his wrong doing.

I just want to key inside these mercies so that I will enjoy the things God wanted me to enjoy in marriage with a new wife.

cybertruss:
Someone gave me an answer, that if she divorces me in her disobedience then I am free from her and can remarry. It is not a sin provided I was not the one that initiated it. That spiritual freedom is what I seek. As she is proud I know what I will do that might make her divorce me. Trust me it is not against both the law of God and man. Thanks everyone for your time

Anyway, I want to say that I have fault as well. For instance, I failed to listen to some 3 unknown Yoruba elders who tried to stop me from marrying her.

I was so open and soft as one of my friend told me that I am not hard. I have tried to be hard but that is not my nature. I am trying

He explained it with 1 Cor 7: 15

Someone gave me an answer, that if she divorces me in her disobedience then I am free from her and can remarry. It is not a sin provided I was not the one that initiated it. That spiritual freedom is what I seek. As she is proud I know what I will do that might make her divorce me. Trust me it is not against both the law of God and man. Thanks everyone for your time

Anyway, I want to say that I have fault as well. For instance, I failed to listen to some 3 unknown Yoruba elders who tried to stop me from marrying her.

I was so open and soft as one of my friend told me that I am not hard. I have tried to be hard but that is not my nature. I am trying

ruggedtimi:
this statement weakened me, are you a man ?? You sound so weak.

I agree. I am weak. I reserve the fight for the future

Sometimes in a battle it is wise to know when to retreat and when to strike. This should be time to retreat, heal. I believe the time to strike will come

Thank you everyone. I would divorce her and then think before I leap.

I would love to thank you all for your contributions. From what I could gather it seems that it's my problem I saw and marry her so I should do whatever I seemed that is right, pastor or no pastor.

Well I want to advise all unmarried people to be careful when getting married.

I blame myself for all my predicament. Some unknown old men told me not to marry my current wife but I was beclouded with love. So it is my fault. Those of you that is prayerful can just remember me in prayer so as to get out of these problem without going against God.

Kobojunkie:
Well, it is your marriage!

So you want to marry again and you don't want to just go do registry and be done with it? Is that it?

Are you planning on divorcing your current wife Or are you trying to add a second wife at this point?

I will have to divorce her first then carefully remarry. However not immediate as I will have to study the new person carefully with prayer.

If I enter a second wife problem that is total destruction.

cybertruss:
I might not have prove. But experience have taught me that sometimes those waiting for prove will get it in the grave. There are medical conditions that suggest something went wrong. You need to be alive to carry out investigations. I might be lucky she did not think of it in the beginning. With her open threat before the hearing of the children the she will deal with their father then everyone will know she is the woman of the house does it need further proves

Her action of cooking and refusing to give her husband food for many days. One-day she will pretend to have repented and add poison for the poor man to die. We should learn from nollywood films because they act what happens in our society . The man waiting for proof will get it in the grave.

Omo, I ran for now

Kobojunkie:
Do you actually have proof that your wife is capable of killing you, this after over 20 years of marriage?

You followed family advise, so may I ask what evidence family presented you in order to convince you that your wife of over 20 years was capable of killing you?

You abandoned your marriage and you are wondering why you are told you should not remarry?

I might not have prove. But experience have taught me that sometimes those waiting for prove will get it in the grave. There are medical conditions that suggest something went wrong. You need to be alive to carry out investigations. I might be lucky she did not think of it in the beginning. With her open threat before the hearing of the children the she will deal with their father then everyone will know she is the woman of the house does it need further proves

bukatyne:
Why doesn't she allow you kiss her?
1. Mouth odor
2. Not properly brushed teeth
3. Poor technique i.e. slopping with spit instead of kissing?
4. No attraction/ love towards you

Six or eight times a year is a type of sexual abuse called withholding sex. The question is why? Did you tell the pastor that?

I am trying to wonder if your marriage has always been like this (for 22 yrs) or this degenerated along the way.

If it is the former, you chose her (for whatever reason) and endured for 22 years; you can do more

If it is the latter, what went wrong? If you were always in this income bracket, the. I doubt your wife would become disrespectful now because of that except she JUST joined politics.

I pray everything becomes resolved. This is the time to do mummy & daddy around the house. Your kids are independent and you both still sound 'young'.

Withholding of sex is a problem from day one. I actually Don't know why because everything she complained I tried to correct it. I changed my dressing pattern and many other things but denial never ceased. The only crime is that I did not get large money.

But there were times I made big money but I think I was foolish in love. She pressurised me to divert to some other thing instead of what I know best and I did

That is my other mistake. I was completely open to her about my finance and I bring everything on the table. If I want to strengthen my business sometimes I receive stiff opposition. I was succumbing to her way until l learnt to hide my finances from her

efficiencie:
Dude own your shiit. You have successfully married an assassin. I wonder what you saw in her that made you choose her. Dude you better go for deliverance first. E fit be powers of your fathers/mothers house they turn the woman head. Go for prayers but if the matter still pass you japa!

I agree

Mleeperbother:
She is in her 40's, right?
Maybe she has reached menopause.

She is close, she has not reached

Kobojunkie:
So you say she has abandoned the marriage, how long has it been? And why are you considering remarriage now?

No I ran from her as my family advice me. I was told that she is capable of killing me. I am always in contact with my children. All the drama happened before them.

So she is in the building we built together. I ran for my life. I am in constant contact with my children.

crackhaus:
I find it very hard to believe any of this.

Well. I pray no one experience this kind of thing. Experience might make you believe. But I needed more on why it is wrong to re marry.

bukatyne:
You have three kids yet claim you have no sex life?

Or are you both hyper fertile that the three times you had sex turned to pregnancy?

Unfortunately, all your problems seemed tied to money.

It seems she now has more money/access to more money than you hence the disrespect.

How was your marriage prior to her joining politics?

What about her family? Your family?

@Pastor: is he just saying you stay together without proffering solutions? Is he aware of the true picture?

What does your wife want (apart from money)? Upon engagement, what are her pain points?

@slaps and blows because of sex: that is serious sexual abuse; was she raped?

I think you both should really engage as regards your expectations or go to a therapist.

@divorce and remarriage: there are two reasons for divorce; adultery & abandonment/the other person walks away. I would also strongly consider divorce/separation in the case of physical abuse (not fighting). That is loving my neighbor as I LOVE MYSELF.

If you can remarry in scenario two is what I don't know.

From time to time she allow me touch her. No kiss. Half bread is better than none. You have no choice.

In a year we might have sex an average of 6 to eight times. The few times we met resulted to children.

My crime is well known by me. I don't have big money. Not that I am not providing but it is below her expectation but I am not relaxing

elonmuskbaby:

wait shey you don't have family members that can talk to her Abi she does not have family members you can go and meet to talk to her?

If you have exhausted this option and no changes,it's obvious she's gone so open the gate for her to Go give her the divorce except you want her to be willing in your presence or doing aristo under your nose and then she push another man pikin for you to train.if you don't want that then let her go.its obvious she hasn't enjoyed life enough before getting married.she still wants to be on the Streets so let her be before she turns into esabod aboderin Tokunbo before your very eyes and be bringing embarrassment to you

Well that has been exhausted. Family, church, friends. Nothing can change her. However I have problem with people telling me it is a sin to remarry. However, I am going to be extremely careful if remarrying

cybertruss:
She is my first love and we struggled together. We are married for more than 20 years. Our first daughter is 22. Everything was ok with us till I sold my car to build our first house in Obada, Ewekoro, Ogun State. Because I don't hear Yoruba so well I allowed her go for landlord meeting on my behalf. They elected her as the PRO of the community. That was the time the thing climaxed. I have asked her that I want to kiss why don't she allow me. No answer was given . Once in a blue moon either once in a month or 2 to 3 months she gives me green card for sex. Half bread is better than none. If you try to kiss and the green card goes you might not have sex in another months. I survive by masturbation. And in 2 ocassions I went for prostitutes (I won't lie, when I cannot take it again) but hate it because like my wife they don't want kissing.

From community meeting she recently joined politics 2 years ago. I just let her be. Things worsened after we build our house. Our contribution to the building was equal in the house.

KimberlyWest:
How am I supposed to believe that a man last kissed his wife on their wedding day?
Did she start mingling with politicians right at the wedding venue?

This one off me, sha.

If you two built a house together and she contributed the bulk of the money, I'm assuming you must have spent at least 2 years together. House no be 1 naira thing. And in that two years you've never touched your wife and she's never asked to be touched?



This one no follow, sha.

She is my first love and we struggled together. We are married for more than 20 years. Our first daughter is 22. Everything was ok with us till I sold my car to build our first house in Obada, Ewekoro, Ogun State. Because I don't hear Yoruba so well I allowed her go for landlord meeting on my behalf. They elected her as the PRO of the community. That was the time the thing climaxed. I have asked her that I want to kiss why don't she allow me. No answer was given . Once in a blue moon either once in a month or 2 to 3 months she gives me green card for sex. Half bread is better than none. If you try to kiss and the green card goes you might not have sex in another months. I survive by masturbation. And in 2 ocassions I went for prostitutes (I won't lie, when I cannot take it again) but hate it because like my wife they don't want kissing.

taiwotimitt:
Hope she no APC member sha

I don't know her party but my children most of the time tell me that she went for political meeting.

Bornsinner7:
It look serious and at the same time funny..

I don't know what you want.. a reconciliation with your wife or the issue you have with pastors and their beliefs on remarriage..

Well.. I leave that to righteousness2 to enlighten you on the reason or reasons why it is wrong to remarry..

Back to your wife.. I don't understand what you mean by she gives you blow when you ask for sex.. blow as in ?? I want to believe it is Mouth Gig.. but if otherwise.. man!! Na wahala you marry oh

If you don't have kids.. it is best you move on with your life..

Real blow on stomach. Sometimes real dirty slap for me to leave her alone. It continues for months.

I don't want reconciliation as she seems to be enjoying her life. I only have problem with the no remarry preaching. We have 3 children

My wife no longer loves me. She always insults me, snub me and has no respect for me. I will confess I am not very rich but I work extremely hard. I noticed that my wife attends political meetings and they have overpowered me as she has no atom of respect for me.

In fact a time I sent 90% of my total monthly earning she told me real men send their wives 500,000 naira monthly but you send me this rubbish and call it money. The time I wanted to pack my things to the house we built together she told me that I cannot bring it in because it is her house.

It is a very shameful thing for me to mention that she gives me blow sometimes when I ask for sex. The day I got angry and revolted the whole world went against me that I went against the rights and dignity of a woman. I was accused of trying to rape my wife.

The last day I kissed a woman was on my wedding day when they said I can kiss her. Till today I have never kissed a woman. I take a lot of pains but cannot take that anymore. She seems to have carry on with her life in her political group in Ogun State. As she is mingling well with politicians there.

The problem is why are pastors telling me that I cannot carry on with my life.

Why is it called sin if I go for another woman. Didn't God himself say it is not good for man to be alone. I blame myself, I might have married a wrong lady. But didn't God himself say that if his people repent he will heal their land.

Why do they believe it is wrong to re marry?

It is very disappointing that graduates and learned people find it difficult to distinguish between an army and vigilante group.

Many know the truth right in their heart but cannot tell the truth because of their tribe.

It is a big SHAME.

I don't understand this ooo. IPOB have announced suspension of sit at home and unknown persons are in charge. Thanks to Buhari's tyranny which cannot solve anything.

Unknown sit at home enforcers should be begged not IPOB

When FG only know how to borrow, how can the economy be ok. They borrow money to build railway in Niger republic when Nigeria do not have good rail system. Even me that did not read banking, economic, etc knew that they are wrong

Na wa ooo. This might not be IPOB. Buhari dictatorial behaviour might have given birth to agitators without face.

Even today Monday, sit at home was observed when IPOB have cancelled it. There must be a faceless group whose name and leader is unknown.

I might be wrong. But I wanted to board a bus this morning to Lagos with the believe that there is no more sit at home at Nnewi this morning.

Someone on the road side gave me signal not to proceed. (Before then I have passed an empty Lagos park and i was greated by empty road)

Omo, I borrowed more okada tyres back to the house.

There are faceless/unknown group enforcing sit at home and fighting police which might not be IPOB or they might be the ones. It doesn't matter.

From history of mankind, agitation cannot die but lives on. The problem with our people is that they fail to learn from there histories. One-day for sure Nigeria will split unless the needful is addressed

South Africa is leading followed by Ghana(Thanks to Buhari). Ghana overtook Nigeria after bad economic policy of our FG made the economy fall yakata. Nigeria have not yet recovered economically to the state it was before Buhari took over.

We are currently living in our past glory of oil boom era. We are still flexing muscles militarily but we are no match to South Africa armies.

Ghanaians are silently building their wealth and training their young generation in technology. We will soon be given a big gap in the next 5 years if Nigeria politicians do not change focus

Na wa ooo. Can't there be ground intelligence to save civilians.