₦airaland Forum

If you can understand and catch the fun in this joke, you must be a smart person.

THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST:

Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0" and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition "Wifey 1.0" Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialisation and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Clubbing 5.3" no longer runs, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday Liquor 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep "Wifey 1.0" in the background, whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0" but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

........... AND THIS IS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;

Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the "Wifey 1.0" program.

Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wifey 1.0" thinking that "Wifey 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, "Wifey 1.0" is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to Run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wifey 1.0" and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0", as "Wifey 1.0" was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0" or "Wifey 2.0" but have ended up with even more problems.
(See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having " Wifey 1.0" installed, I recommend you keep it installed And deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program
and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME for a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

"Wifey 1.0", although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS \UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started)..

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for "Wifey 1.0" and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST OF LUCK!

Your Systems Analyst.



Just like after installing Windows 10, I discovered lots of changes and disparity with my previous Windows 7. I lost a host of features I cherished so much and at the same time, saw great changes. Before you run the Wifey operating system, be sure you are really ready to put up with the changes!! Congratulations to everyone who installed or presently installing Wifey 1.0 or Hubby 1.0 today! May your program never crash or get corrupted!

habib55:
Bros...how?..pls elaborate if possible share d code.tanx

I buy from a data reseller. WhatsApp him now @08075368473. Tell ur friends too

Nigerian girls be like...
Girl: where do u stay?
Boy: ibadan

Girl: doing what?
Boy: hmm. Working
Girl: which type of work?

Boy: hmm. Office work

Girl: which office?

Boy: hmm. Company

Girl: which company?

Boy: G & D

Girl: @where, cos I haven't heard about it?

Boy: @Ikorodu

Girl: ok. What's ur position in the company?

Boy: Relationship manager

Girl: which one be that? Haven't heard of that. Hope they pay you well...

Lol
Girls, I tire for una.

BlackMystery:
Tell dem o ...not "can we see n talk"

Ehen na! Make I see the person wey I wan 'talk to' na.

Ebuka2016:
which data reseller abeg. E be lyk say data resellers dey do competition for this period

WhatsApp him now @08075368473. Tell ur friends too

After successfully upgrading normally to anniversary version, my pc has failed to download subsequent cumulative updates presented. Takes forever to check updates. after displaying updates, it shows 0% downloading, then the list of available updates starts disappearing one after d other. The updates gets stuck at 0% for hours. This has been ongoing for 2weeks. I've performed Windows update troubleshooting, I've used command prompt to adjust the update system, I've disabled antivirus and firewall, I've removed batteries, I've rebooted severally... I've done all I could but none has yielded positive results. Store works fine. Internet is good. A peep into drive C shows that I now have these two folders "softwaredistribution" and "softwaredistribution.old".

@computerboy and other gurus, save a brother from Windows 10 heart attack

Lexusgs:
Click on settings - update & security - windows update - advanced options - defer feature updates
For Win10

No option to defer update on Win10 home premium. Havent seen that before

omo17:
Hw please?

I buy from a data reseller. 3.2gb @N850.

Ormorlehwah:
what is the code to sub?

Dial *474*1# for Airtel 1GB @N100. However, it's sim selective. If u dial d code and it reports "insufficient balance blah blah blah", then you're qualified. Otherwise...

Gee12:
Pls code for d 3kg for 1000

3kg ni, 3pounds ko! I didn't know data is now measured in kilograms of weight
However, the mtn 3gb @1k is just a double data promo for su subscribers who either bought a new device or just started using an mtn sim in a smart device

sauceEEP:
Mtn 1000 for 3gb? and am here wasting 1000 for just 1gb on etisalat. Wow! Please i need the code for subscription.

Guy over wastage dey worry you. You can even get glo 3.2gb @850naira

dollyjoy:
16 to 27-fhuck boys.


28 to 32_ some in these categories have seen life and have changed.


33 to 40+ mostly married or about to.



50+ and above, sugar daddies. My favorite. Hahahahahaha.

You nailed it, momma. lol @fuckboyz

Alajiki:
A big YES. Irrespective of pay. Especially all those private companies belonging to families. The prime movers can be a pain in the ass*. I once walked out on an employer in Benin whose son runs the company like a slave camp. Incidentally, the name of the company is associated with freedom. The pay was fairly okay and at that time, I had saved quite some amount to feed my self while searching for another job. Ol'boy! I just threw in the towel. As God would do His wonders, I got a job 10 times better (in pay and working conditions) not long after.

Bad bosses would give you terminal illness...you had better run bro.

You nailed it bro

uchelouis45:
Where is Buhari?

He's already in hell - Nigeria! There couldn't have been a better hell than Nigeria right now. The online difference is that it's inhabitants remain alive while experiencing the abysmal torture

Much to my chagrin of haven't yet received the anniversary update on my pc, I opted to using a Microsoft upgrade assistant to install the AU. Due to power issues, the update process reached 100% mark after three days. Then when it was time for the assistant to check d download and subsequently, install the update, it started the download afresh! Out of anger of loss of so much browsing data, I terminated the download. I had to go thru the normal windows update system to check for updates.

After the cumulative updates for build 10586 finished installing, I was notified of Anniversary update availability! So I hit the 'update' button to initiate the process. Took two days to get to the 100% mark. When it was time to install the update, I received an error msg, which showed a retry button. As I clicked 'retry' to retry d installation, the download process started afresh! Over 6GB & time have just been wasted.

@computerboy and other experienced gurus, how do I successfully update my pc? I don suffer for this AU hand...

It's not really about the looks but knowing who you wanna marry. The beautiful and ugly alike could exhibit monster behavioral traits. Understand who you trying to marry. Imagine her or his reaction under specific scenarios. How would she regard ur family? Can she keep family secrets. Does she have d tendency to divulge family matters to her family members. I've seen where a wife gossips with his husband's family with her siblings. Some girls are monsters. Guys una never see something. Why do most married men don't last long? Average lifespan of husbands are way less than wives'? This isn't unconnected with the fact that bad wife is a husband silent killer. It will baffle you how that once loving girl turns into a nagging monster...

YoungDaNaval:
Today will make it exactly 9years, 6months, 3weeks, 4days, 7hours, 35mins and 24seconds......................... That a # Gala seller ran away with my # 150naira change
still looking for him..

Let's observe a minute silence for your loss... May your lost #150 find peace where ever it is. Take heart, Bro. But learn to forgive & forget

Ariani:
ugly girls always think they have an opinion

Brainless, classless, mannerless and broke girls, inclusive

Why would this crap deprive me of sleep? E no reach!

I'm still enjoying my Android 4.4.2 device of 2years. Still great, no hitches. As long as it's working fine, your Android 7 or whatever doesn't move me. However, I enjoy updating my Lumia... Rocking Redstone 2, no glitches after each update

ULSHERLAN:
And we have some ladies who have sex on their first date and are married today. Only when ladies realise its not by how long you get a niqqa waiting. What will happen will still happen whether you keep him off the coochie for a year or ten. If he will drop your ass, he sure will

Nigg.a you are so fuckin.g right on this! Women fail to understand this secret.

They turn to 'bloggers'... Unfortunate bloggers. blogging lies and mongering unfounded rumours.

Unseen:
Nawa oooo, This one strong oooo.

Anyway do some checks,

1. Ensure your region is Nigeria [ I hope you are not using all this unlocked phones from Verizon etc.]

2. Remove your sims, use a wifi and search for update...

3. Keep trying............ While updating mine, I removed the sims, and tried with good wifi for hours before the update moved from 0% and I also pulled the battery severally

Im using US as my region, and previous updates came without hitch. The AU hasnt even been presented as an available update for my pc and phone let alone getting stuck at 0%.

Unseen:
Question is ''Which version of windows are you running?'' Are you still on Win 8.1 or have you upgraded to Win 10?

We are talking about upgrading to AU. My devices are running Win10 version 10586.545

Gucciboss:
what's the model of your phone?

Both on my MS Lumia 535 and Laptop! Ive checked a million times today!

Been checking but device reports up to date! How do i get d update?

computerboy:
Yes

But isn't the automatic update option not available for Nigeria yet? Has anyone within Nigeria been able to receive automatic update prompting? because I'd prefer that option to using a downloaded ISO file

rawdpiper:
BOTH

So if i download it on my pc, doubleclick on d file, it will just install like every file?

rawdpiper:
Yes. Downloaded the ISO file from their website( Microsoft's ) using IDM

Is the AU ISO file for upgrade on Pc already running win10 or for fresh installation?

Samtoby:
I play GTA 5 and PES on Win10, in fact, my GTA 5 runs faster on Windows 10... Truth

I want to try runnning one of these heavy games on my pc. Please help me with links (and steps to install) to GTA & PES. Tnx

I was updating windows this morning and the PC froze @ 45%. Few seconds later, a blue screen surfaced with an inscription of "WATCHDOG VIOLATION blah blah blah". After restarting, I went back to continue the updates, some of the updates returned error reports, while a few updated successfully. A few restarts and retrials still couldn't resolve the error. How do I resolve this windows update error and this WATCHDOG nightmare? A screenshot of the error screen is attached.

Attn: Gurus in the house