₦airaland Forum

nelsonebby:
Cars dey get clutch?

BE811APP:
Any Place associated with dry lands and Dessert always have this kinds of problems....lol

musicwriter:
Have he ever calculated the man hour wasted on prayers in mosques by one person per day? Then, calculate the total population and do the maths.

iambijo:
That (No.6) ! the more you give them, the lazier they will become, those nigga's need to work there arses up

QueenSuccubus:


Imagining myself sealing my PHAT HU-HA while it's bleeding plus not to mention the menstrual cramps I feel that time is juz a total mess..


Naaaah, I juz can't do it..

A Kansas (USA) based chiropractor, Dr. Daniel Dopps, has invested a ‘feminine lipstick’ that seals together the labia minora to hold in period blood.

The labia minora, also known as the inner labia, inner lips, vaginal lips or nymphae, are two flaps of skin on either side of the human vaginal, opening in the vulva.

The inventor calls his device Mensez.

Explaining how the device works, Dopps describes it as “An adhesive ‘lipstick’ that is applied to a woman’s lady parts to block their menstruation. And it comes undone when the woman urinates.”

Writing on his LinkedIn profile, Dopps states, “Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the labia minora and causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vaginal opening and urethra exit.

“The Mensez compound is instantly washed away with urine, which releases the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet every time a woman urinates. No pads or tampons are needed. Safe, secure and clean.”

The application causes the lady parts to stick together, and strong enough to prevent leakage until the user urinates.

The urine instantly unsticks the labia and allows everything to wash out into the toilet.

Meanwhile, the invention has attracted acerbic reactions from females the world over:

Vicki Cupper
Administrative Assistant at Wentworth Institute of Technology
Did you skip class the day they taught female reproductive anatomy?

Devika Khandeparkar
IT Application Specialist at Symantec
Dude! Really? I am simply speechless. Please do a study of female anatomy and then invent something worth our use!

Natalie Stockard
So much FAIL.

Lisa Sokol
Legal Practice Assistant at King & Spalding LLP
Wow. Does this man even have the beginnings of an idea/clue of female anatomy? Based on this “product” of his and his comments, I would have to say absolutely not! MR. Dopps, might I suggest that just because YOU find a woman’s menstrual cycle to be “gross, crusty, smelly and incredibly awful” (your words, not mine), this cycle is a part of every woman’s life …

Annah Hinman
This has to be fake. So, to stop a period you glue yourself shut? Did this guy get his doctorate from the internets??

Robin Kleeman
Manager of Sales Operations at Cherwell Software
Three men liked this post. I can’t right now.

Richard Webb
Seasoned Software Testing and QA Professional
Even as a male, I’m speechless this is on LinkedIn and not on The Onion. Why do men think they are qualified to solve such problems?

Christina Gyimesi
Cosmetic Industry Professional and Freelance Makeup Artist
So…have you ever heard of Toxic Shock Syndrome….or what? Have you considered that particularly heavier flow days would just dissolve that adhesive with the first sneeze, or just the act of standing upright after sitting/lying down? Also on the topic of heavier flow days, would it just trickle out from the behind, or would I need to glue the entire line from my crotch..

Vicki Cupper
Administrative Assistant at Wentworth Institute of Technology
Congratulations! You are officially more qualified to be a doctor than he is.

Starmeshia Jones
School Psychologist at Indianapolis Public Schools
There’s so much wrong with this Dan. I think you missed or completely flunked out of anatomy class or you confused archaic 19th century anatomy with up to date information. Please do us all a favor and stick to your day job. I also find it funny how in your response (which was unnecessarily defensive) to this ridiculous product you call menstruation ‘gross’ etc., this speak…

Amber Ripp Smith
EMT
I read an article about this product ‘shared’ on FB. I didn’t believe it could be real. I legit though it was an “Onion” article or something. Wow. I just can’t even. And your comments about women being “distracted” 1/4 of the time, whoa there buddy. Do you think I’m ‘distracted’ now? Because I’ve had a hysterectomy, so therefore I’m “immune” to this distraction plaguing ot…

Laura Curley
Web Application Developer at PIX System
Can I use this to glue my husband’s equipment to his leg for instant (alternative) birth control! It’s obvious that this will work, but would you do the honors of being my first test subject so we have a study to show to the naysayers? Fox News is already interested in announcing my findings. Let’s get it glued down before word gets out!

Meredith Lindsey
Actor (SAG/AFTRA)
So can I use this if I got into pre-term labor in place of a cervical cerclage? I mean, I have played a doctor and a nurse multiple times on TV, so I guess I am as qualified if not more so than you to make that call. Please stick to cracking necks and leave our vulvas be. KTHX.

bakila:
I thought that is all Emefiele needs to do. Just go tell where the money went, as banker to Nigeria, he should point out who received the money.

Nukualofa:
.You are from the north where education is relegated to the background but you ve never taken it upon yourself to call upon your elite to invest in education because your youths are fading daily and becoming more ignorant.


You want the better south to call out your elite because you are either ashamed or you benefit from the illiteracy scourge in your region.



The igbos you malign today has a *2 of graduates the whole 19 northern states has produced. Look inward or else your children will have to travel miles to make friends with the educated South

omenkaLives:
JOGOGORO!!!

The House of Representatives ad hoc Committee investigating the alleged stolen 17 billion dollars oil and gas sales on Thursday ordered Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Godwin Emefiele, to appear before it within one week.

The money was allegedly stolen through undeclared crude oil and liquefied natural gas export.

The committee threatened to issue a warrant of arrest on the governor if he failed to appear within the period.

The Chairman of the Committee, Rep. Abdulrazak Namdas said the international oil companies allegedly involved in the deal had provided the committee documents required to commence the investigation.

Namdas expressed concern that full investigation could not begin because of the failure of CBN to give the required details

He alleged that CBN provided conflicting responses to its inquiry on the matter and as such the governor must appear in person to clarify issues and provide necessary details needed to facilitate the probe.

“We have sent two different letters to the CBN and the bank has provided two conflicting responses to our inquiry.

“In response to the first letter, the apex bank pleaded for time due to the volume of documents required but in response to the second letter, CBN indicated that it has no record of undeclared crude,” Namdas said.

He expressed disappointment over Emefiele’s absence without representation at the investigative hearing.

The chairman warned that the committee would invoke the law against any individual or government agency delaying the investigation.

“We expected him to be here and he is not, we are disappointed. “We will not allow any agency of government to delay the committee’s work.

“If in the next one week, the CBN Governor did not appear before this committee, we will not hesitate to exercise our powers in line with section 88 and 89 of the 1999 constitution.”

According to Namdas, the required details from the CBN are vital as the investigation cannot commence without them.

“Most of the international oil companies have furnished us with the information needed but CBN is very vital and key to this investigation and we cannot jump the gun,’’ he said.

The assembly set up the committee in September 2016 to investigate 17 billion dollars allegedly stolen from undeclared crude oil and liquefied natural gas export between 2011 and 2014.

Only a mad man blindly aspires to be Nigeria’s President if history is anything to go by. From 1979 to date, nobody with aspiration for the presidency has achieved it,” Shettima said.
“President Shagari was invited to contest without aspiration in 1979; President Obasanjo was invited to contest without aspiration in 1999; President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua was invited to contest without aspiration in 2007; President Jonathan who eventually succeeded
“Yar’Adua was also invited to become Vice President without aspiration. Even President Buhari with his electrifying popularity didn’t win the presidency in his 2003, 2007 and 2011 aspirations until in 2015 when he was invited to contest.

Borno State governor, Kashim Shettima, has said it is only insanity that can motivate anyone to be talking about succeeding President Muhammadu Buhari at a time when he is addressing his health issues.

Reacting to a purported call made to this effect by Danlami Kubo, the deputy speaker of the Borno house of assembly, Shettima said, “It would amount to moral insanity for anyone to be discussing succession of President Buhari at this time.”

Isa Gusau, his spokesperson, in a statement said, “I received a Google alert of the story credited to a lawmaker in Borno State over issue of succession. Governor Kashim Shettima was deeply angered by that report and he has tried reaching the lawmaker to clarify if he granted that interview or he was misrepresented

“In the meantime, Governor Shettima feels it would amount to moral insanity for any Nigerian to be discussing issues of succession at a time a very popular, highly experienced and capable sitting president is managing his health.

“We have a sitting President, a popular one that we are all proud of for working more than anyone would have done in fighting the Boko Haram insurgency which is our number one problem in our state, the north-east and the Northern region.

“How can anyone in his right thinking be talking about succession when a cherished President is dealing with his health? What has gone wrong with our moral values?

“Has politics taken over our sanity? What is most precious to me is to have Boko Haram brought to an end and I don’t think anyone would have done better than what President Buhari is doing for us. This call does not represent the slightest of my thoughts.

The Borno governor further noted that nobody in Nigeria’s history nobody had successfully aspired to be the country’s president.

He said most Presidents were invited to contest without actually nursing any aspiration.

“Only a mad man blindly aspires to be Nigeria’s President if history is anything to go by. From 1979 to date, nobody with aspiration for the presidency has achieved it,” Shettima said

“President Shagari was invited to contest without aspiration in 1979; President Obasanjo was invited to contest without aspiration in 1999; President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua was invited to contest without aspiration in 2007; President Jonathan who eventually succeeded

“Yar’Adua was also invited to become Vice President without aspiration. Even President Buhari with his electrifying popularity didn’t win the presidency in his 2003, 2007 and 2011 aspirations until in 2015 when he was invited to contest.

sekundosekundo:
Pls watch your tongue, what do you mean by laziness?. For the fact that you didn't find your feet there, does not mean that those that did are lazy.

sekundosekundo:
Pls watch your tongue, what do you mean by laziness?. For the fact that you didn't find your feet there, does not mean that those that did are lazy.

SENATORS yesterday mandated the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) to beam its searchlight on some government agencies over what it described as racketeering of foreign exchange (forex) and looting of public funds.

They asked the anti-graft agency to look into the books of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) and Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs).

The Red Chamber spoke through when Acting EFCC chairman Ibrahim Magu appeared before its Committee on Anti-Corruption and Financial Crimes to defend the commission’s vote in this year’s budget.

They urged the EFCC to unmask the owners of the expensive mansions in Asokoro, Maitama and other highbrow areas of the Federal Capital Territory (Abuja).

The lawmakers claimed to have established that many public office holders, including directors and permanent secretaries in the MDAs, become overnight billionaires by corruptly enriching themselves.

They contended that such officials hide their ill-gotten wealth in building mansions in major city centres like Abuja, Lagos and Port Harcourt.
Magu led other members of the commission’s leadership to defend the EFCC allocation in the budget.

The senators, who frowned at the EFCC for always going after former public officials, asked the commission to focus more on financial crimes prevention rather than chasing after officials after crimes had been committed.

Senator Isa Misau (Bauchi Central) noted that since the EFCC was now interested in encouraging whistleblowers, he was specifically blowing whistle on the CBN, NNPC, and MDAs.

The former police officer turned politician said: “I can’t imagine the over $9 million recovered from a former NNPC Group Managing Director (GMD). If somebody who left public office has such money stashed somewhere, then, you can just make a guess about the other people who have been on the seat. Therefore, today, I am giving it as a challenge to EFCC to go and see what the NNPC, or the CBN or the finance ministry are doing.

“Look at the case of somebody who left office about five years ago. This is an era of whistleblowing. I am blowing my whistle”

But Committee Chairman Chukwuka Utazi (Enugu North) noted that going by the Act and mandate of the EFCC, over 60 per cent of the commission’s task should be specifically on preventive measures while the remaining per cent should be for all other issues combined.

According to Utazi, the EFCC has failed to focus on preventive measures in its budget defence.
His words: “Looking at your core mandate, the essence is to curb corruption to a large extent but in the budget you have provided, I have not seen the issue raised in the prayers here. There is no prayer that is talking about enlightenment, which is the money thing you are expected to do.

“All we hear from the press is negative publicity; chasing people who have been caught. That is what we hear all the time. We want to change the narration to ‘what are we doing to ensure that instead of chasing after people who are giving us headache, why can’t we stop other people from joining the gang?’ There is nothing like that here in this budget.”

Utazi commended the commission’s efforts in the fight against corruption, urging its officials to put in their best in the fight to save Nigeria from corruption.

The committee chairman frowned at the commission for always going to the Presidency to ask for funds from Service Wide Vote for its operations.

Utazi insisted that the commission ought to interface with the National Assembly before going cap in hand to the Presidency to ask for funds to perform its functions.

He said: “It is expected that the committee has to be informed before such action. There should be interface between this committee and the commission on such issues of going to the Presidency to ask for funds from the Service Wide Vote for operations.”

On the budget, Utazi said that the 2016 budget performance was not properly computed.

Decrying the reduction in the Commission’s 2017 by 8.5 per cent, Magu said the reduction came against the projected growth in the activities of the commission.

He noted the commission’s proposed N17 billion in this year’s budget against last year’s N18.9 billion amounted to N1.7 billion shortfall.

Magu said that the capital expenditure was N7.1 billion, overhead N3 billion and personnel N7 billion.

The EFCC chair appealed to the committee to increase the personnel cost from N7 billion to N9.7 billion to accommodate the proposed recruitment of 750 cadets in this year and the 530 already recruited in 2016.

Magu told the senators that inadequate funding continued to hamper proper implementation of budgets.
He told the committee that the fragmented nature of the commission’s offices in Abuja posed a challenge to the effective operation of the commission.

He asked for urgent completion of the commission’s head office.

“For the umpteenth time, we like to clarify that the proposed plan of the immediate past administration to build a new official residence for the occupant of the Office of the Vice President, including the controversial gatehouse preceded this administration.

“The project which started in 2010, was initiated and funded by the immediate past administration, but had never featured in the two budget proposals of the Buhari administration: neither in the 2016 nor the 2017 spending plans.

“Any suggestion therefore that this project benefits our administration or that it reflects our spending style or preferences is not only misleading but blatantly false.

“For the umpteenth time, we like to clarify that the proposed plan of the immediate past administration to build a new official residence for the occupant of the Office of the Vice President, including the controversial gatehouse preceded this administration.

“The project which started in 2010, was initiated and funded by the immediate past administration, but had never featured in the two budget proposals of the Buhari administration: neither in the 2016 nor the 2017 spending plans.

“Any suggestion therefore that this project benefits our administration or that it reflects our spending style or preferences is not only misleading but blatantly false.

Osinbajo said this in a statement by his Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, Mr. Laolu Akande, amid continued criticism of the project which is expected to gulp over N7b.

The Acting President, Yemi Osinbajo, on Sunday said the Federal Government would at the appropriate time convert the new official residence being built for the Vice President to another use.

Osinbajo said this in a statement by his Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, Mr. Laolu Akande, amid continued criticism of the project which is expected to gulp over N7b.

The Chairman of the Senate Committee on the Federal Capital Territory, Dino Melaye, had disclosed recently that only the security post, also known as gateman’s house, in the building will gulp N250m.

This was revealed on Thursday by the ‎Senate Committee on the Federal Capital Territory.

But Akande said the decision to build the new residence and the controversial gatehouse preceded the present administration.

He said Osinbajo’s position had remained that his present official residence, Akinola Aguda House, is good enough for him.

He gave an indication that the 14 building in the residence which is already in about 85% completion stage would be used for another purpose.

The statement read, “For the umpteenth time, we like to clarify that the proposed plan of the immediate past administration to build a new official residence for the occupant of the Office of the Vice President, including the controversial gatehouse preceded this administration.

“The project which started in 2010, was initiated and funded by the immediate past administration, but had never featured in the two budget proposals of the Buhari administration: neither in the 2016 nor the 2017 spending plans.

“Any suggestion therefore that this project benefits our administration or that it reflects our spending style or preferences is not only misleading but blatantly false.

“Besides, the incumbent Vice President, Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, SAN, has said publicly that he considers Aguda House, which he currently occupies, a befitting official residence for the Vice President and sufficient for his needs.

“While the project is now about 85% complete, the Federal Government, in the circumstances, will decide at the appropriate time what is the best use for the 14 buildings already on the project site.”

Davash222:
You can imagine?? What effrontery

By Ikechukwu Nnochiri

ABUJA – Erstwhile Group Managing Director of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, NNPC, Mr. Andrew Yakubu, has asked a Federal High Court sitting in Kano to order the Federal Government to return to him, over N3billion that was found in his home in Kaduna.

Yakubu, in a motion on notice with suit number FHC/ICN/CS/24/2017, filed by his lead counsel, Mr. Ahmed Raji, SAN, asked the court to set aside the forfeiture order that granted FG ownership of the money which was discovered by operatives of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, on February 9.

Specifically, he wants the court to set aside the order and return the $9,772,800 and £74,000,000 which he said belongs to him.

The former NNPC boss insisted that the court lacked the jurisdiction to grant FG ownership of his money.

According to him, the court, was bereft of the territorial jurisdiction to entertain the motion that culminated to the forfeiture order since it related to a crime that was alleged committed in Abuja.

Raji, SAN, contended that going by section 45 of the Federal High Court Act, an offence should be tried only by a court exercising jurisdiction in the area or place where the offence was committed.

“No aspect of the perceived offence in respect of which the Order of February 13, 2017 was made, was committed within the Kano judicial division of this Honourable Court”, Raji argued.

He further maintained that FG lacked the locus-standi to seek the interim order of the court granted on February 13.

“By Section 28 of the EFCC Act, only the commission, i.e. the EFCC has the vires to seek an order for the interim forfeiture of property under the Act.

“The power of this Honourable Court to make interim forfeiture order(s) pursuant to sections 28 & 29 of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission Act, 2004 (herein after referred to a “EFCC Act”) is applicable ONLY to alleged offences charged under the EFCC Act and not to offences cognizable under any other law.

“The ex-parte order of this honourable court dated February 13, 2017, was made in respect of alleged offences under the Independent Corrupt Practices and other Related Offences Commission Act (herein after “ICPC Act”) and not the EFCC Act as prescribed by section 28 & 29 thereof.

“The conditions precedent to the grant of an interim forfeiture order under sections 28 & 29 of the EFCC Act were not complied with by the Applicant (FG) before the Order was made”, he submitted.

Besides, he argued that the combined effect of sections 28 and 29 of the EFCC Act was that a charge alleging infractions against the provisions of the EFCC Act ought to be brought against a suspect before the powers of the court under cections 28 & 29 of the EFCC Act, to order interim forfeiture of property, could be activated.

He insisted that without a formal charge, no prima-facie evidence could be established in order for the provisions of section 28 and 29 of the EFCC Act to be activated.

“In the instant case, no charge was brought against the Respondent/Applicant before the provisions of section 28 and 29 of the EFCC Act were activated to grant the ex-parte Order of February 13, 2017”, he stated.

Yakubu was Group Managing Director of the NNPC between 2012 and 2014. He was sacked by the administration of former President Goodluck Jonathan for alleged insubordination and corruption.

EFCC operatives raided his house situated in Sabon Tasha, Kaduna State, following a tip-off by a whistle-blower. The agency disclosed that it discovered the sum of $9.7m and £74,000 that Yakubu hid in a fireproof safe inside the house.

darlenese:
You don't like to be dared !? Really

So if u were dared to suck a gonorhea infested blorkors , u will suck.

My my dear u should have taken a shot instead of baring ur nipple for free sucking