Guys should we tell him ?

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doitforyou:

You’re a feminist then you should know the bolded doesn’t align with the core definition of feminism. There shouldn’t be any restriction or condition that would prevent equal access and opportunities.

A woman shouldn’t be denied a job because of an implicit bias (women are limited by pregnancy) 1. Not all women want children; 2. Not all pregnant women are too ‘weak’ to do their job.

OP, as long as there are men/women that believe women shouldn’t have equal access to opportunities and deny women their freedom of choice, feminism will always be needed. It’s one thing for laws to be passed, it’s another for them to be enforced. There are sexist people in positions of power and authority positioned to enforce those laws or not based on their bias. Also, every law has loopholes that can make discrimination perfectly legal, these are taken advantage of by sexist people. It’s a constant battle to call out discrimination, prosecute/sue the perpetuators and continue to fight for laws to close those loopholes.

Let's be reasonable ma'am
Its not safe for a pregnant woman to be on a construction or engineering site (if you are an engineer or if you have ever been to a site, you would understand what I am saying), its not safe for her and everyone involved. These are the limits I was talking about.Its not because she is a woman, its because she isn't fully fit to do the job.

Even if she is just a supervisor, it still not advisable. For example if a machine/vehicle operator loses control, how fast can she run ?. So, her being a woman has nothing to do with this, but her condition.

Its like saying a man who has boil under his armpit or on his hand (for example), should be aloud to operate a cutting machine. Its not safe. He is "compromised".

Engineering environments are not places where one can "gamble" and assume the person can handle it.

I am not sure how it works in the medical field, but I am guessing a physically pregnant surgeon would not be allowed to operate on someone's brain. Someone else would have to take her place, whether another woman or a man. So should we demand for equal rights because she was relieved of her job ?

I hope you get my point now.

EM123:
physical violence

Please give more details, if you can.

As someone said above, avoid the triggers. But in your case I also understand your anger when people are taken for granted or injustice is carried out.

But, you have to understand that your actions would not make things better, just because you have a reason for doing it. The people who carry out injustice also have strong convictions or reasons why they do what they do.

So, I want you to gradually train yourself, renew your mind.

Understand and remember always that there is always a good and diplomatic way to solve even the worst problems

At that instant where your temper is rising, its advisable to leave the scene, take a walk, clear your head.

The only time your physical violence is "ok" , is when the person you are fighting for is actually being physically violated, then you can call that defense. But, its still best to avoid confrontation as much as possible, you can take the person away from the scene in this case, or attempt to restrain the abuser instead.

If you are a Christian, invite the Holy Spirit into your your heart and ask God to help you, talk to Him like you are talking to a counselor. It doesn't have to be in the "regular" form of prayer, make it sound like a conversation, He would definitely help you, that I can assure you 100%.Fill your mind with his word (The Bible). But you also have to help yourself by gradually training your mind and exercising restraint to react, one day at a time.

You would be ok

Hathor5:


Well, you don't have to be an engineer and pregnant to be in need of a sick leave.

Equality means absence of discrimination, bias and sexism. It means having same opportunities and rights and also freedom.

To be honest, I don't like such threads. They escalate too quickly. I am not even actively dedicated to the cause for different reasons but I don't like to read misinformed comments.

I think you are pretty fair though.

OK ma'am

PrimadonnaO:
Truly, you have spoken well! I can’t find anything to add or subtract!

bukatyne:
@Donald3d:

Apt as always.

The part on family, 100%

SirMichael1:
Injustice cannot be stopped, many people will be douches and care less about others. Just like every emotion relating with adrenaline, your anger suppreses when you move away from the source. I.e., know how to avoid triggers. There are tons of ways to confront someone who bully others or are unjust to others than reacting in anger. Pray tell, what do you do when you're angry?

Awesome response

Op what do you do when angry


Physical violence
Verbal violence ?

akinreals:
I have some items to sell off.

LG fridge 15k
Deep freezer 20k
50inches Sansui LED TV 60k
Midea 1.5 split AC. 40k

Holla 08149391031 if interested

Pictures ?

Hathor5:


Feminism has never been about biological differences. Equality does not mean that women want to have a penis or flex muscles with men.
When Black people wanted the same rights as white people, nobody claimed they all wanted to bleach themselves.

In some cases it is.

For example women clamor for equal opportunities in engineering, in some cases its almost impossible.

Imagine a woman being one of the most important engineers on a site and she suddenly gets pregnant and she vomits everyday on site , a replacement has to be gotten, that might affect the speed of the project.

This is just an example, I am not saying women should not be given opportunities in engineering.

So even with equal opportunities, they have to be done within a "reasonable context".

Black and white people, is another long argument of its own, let's not start that one here

What's your definition of equality, if I may ask ?

Most women who call themselves feminists do not understand what true feminism is.
They only champion it when it suits them, but turn a blind eye when it doesn't favor them.
Very few women who clamor for "equality" are actuality ready to give the same equality.

I like to call myself a feminist, I believe I am one.

But the truth is there can never be true equality, what we can have is equal opportunities, mutual respect and being considerate AKA loving your neighbor as yourself .

For example, most women who claim they are feminist would call their male neighbor or husband to lift heavy stuff for them. You would hear them say things like "shebi you are man". Where did their "equality" go, why should the man do the heavy lifting ?. Its very obvious than an average man is stronger physically than an average woman, this is a biological fact. There is nothing equality can do about that.

Most of them clamor for equality, but when it comes to sharing bills, a lot of them claim "your money is our money, my money is my money", "you are the man of the house, its your responsibility". So you would be using your money to flex right, while the man burns himself on both ends, without you making reasonable financial contributions to the home.

When you go for certain jobs like marketing, women are given a upper hand, you would most likely lose the job to a woman. Did men fight for equality ?
We have more female nurses(especially in Nigeria), nannies than males ...Why ?
We have more female teachers for Kindergarten, and nursery classes than males...Why ?

There are just some parts of the biological and psychological composition of males and females that can't be fully "tweaked" for equality, no matter how much we try .

I don't see women demanding for equality and asking a man to breastfeed their child, because she wants equality


Are women sidelined and treated wrongly in so many aspects of life , especially marriage ? ... BIG YES !

Why ?

Because in a way, women are one of the biggest contributors to what they call inequality and toxic masculinity .

Let's see an example:

Mrs X has two children, a boy and a girl, twins.
When she wants to cook she calls only her daughter into the kitchen.
When its time to wash, the same thing
When its time to clean the house, the girl
You say things like "you are a girl, you are going to get married one day, is this how you would behave in your husband's house ! , don't compare yourself with your brother, he is a man !"
You totally ignore the boy, he learns no home skills, he is trained to be a "man". This is deeply wired into his psychology.
The girl grows up, the boy grows up. They get married to their respective spouses and they continue the cycle with their kids, and their kids with their own kids. The cycle continues.

Am I heaping the whole blame of upbringing, on women and mothers ? NO !
Fathers have their share of blame too.
But we can't dispute another fact that mothers have greater influence on kids, because in most cases they spend more time with them.

So if you want equality, if you want to be treated right as a woman, if you want to create a world where women are treated with respect, start with your children, male and female.

Since I was a little boy, my mom constantly echoed in my ears, "when you get married, make sure you treat your wife well, make sure you help her with house chores". She taught me how to do everything. There isn't any house chore I can't do. Those words still echo in my head today "Treat your wife well " . So how and why won't I treat the woman in my life well and with "equality", I have been wired that way from an early age, its hard to deviate from what has become my norm.

What "norm" are you inculcating in your kids ?

What's the point of my epistle ? If women want true equality(which I believe is impossible, I prefer to call it equal opportunities), if they want to be treated right :

-They have to start the cycle with themselves and their immediate environment
-They have to stop being entitled without being ready to give what they are asking for. You can't be asking a guy to buy an expensive stuff for you, when you can't do the same, when all you can offer is sex and you convince yourself that you have given true value. You would be constantly seen as a tool, not an asset.
-They have to start training their kids to be good humans, not training them to be good "hard working" wives, and training the boys to be "home providers" alone. They should get equal quality training and upbringing.
- They also have to understand that true equality can't be achieved in everything, except they also change their DNA, change their physical strength and ability, remove their female hormones, remove their mood swings, remove their ability to get pregnant, change the wiring of their brains .

- They need to understand that as much as equal opportunities should be given and as much as women should be respected, there are certain areas of life where women are better and certain areas were men are better. The end goal should be team work and harnessing each others strengths while maintaining mutual respect, especially in marriage.

-They need to understand, very importantly, in marriage and family, that the man is the head of the home, and it doesn't necessarily mean that the woman should be taken for granted, or treated as a secondary individual. It just means that in every structured environment, there has to be a leader, who would steer the family(in this case) in the right direction and harness the individual potentials of the team, bringing out the best collectively and individually in everyone. Where there is no structure, there would be chaos.


And as for men, stop treating women like rags, take their opinions and feelings seriously, constantly put yourself in their shoes before you ask them to do anything.If you can't do same for them, don't ask them to do it.....And since we are talking about equality, this also goes to the women in the house

If we take the saying "Love your neighbor as thyself" seriously, we won't have all these equality conversations.

I decided to make my opinion from the family angle, because I believe strongly , that everything good or bad in the society and the world starts from a family. Fix the family units and the world would be a better place.

Easy solution
If he is concious make him change the will before donating the kidney.
Ensure that it's shared equally, because the 3 boys and their mother are not responsible for the man's foolishness.

As early as possible

Freest:

That’s not a problem as I still earn!
And I planned to buy tokumbo hence engine issues wouldn’t arise atleast for few years

The emboldened part isn't very true Sir, no piece of engineering ever built is 100% efficient .

Freest:


It’s a salary loan! So my salary would service it

Be patient Sir, its still not a great idea.

If you buy the car and it has an issue tomorrow, what would you do ?

If you buy the land, there are no funds to build on it, besides am very skeptical about a 1.5 M land in Lagos, except its at Ibeju Lekki, or remote parts of Lagos, it doesn't sound very genuine. Please do your findings very well, if you decide to go for the land.

jasent:
I have always been kind to people.

That's great !

You also have to understand that bad things happen for a reason. If all those bad stuff didn't happen to you, you might not be as big as you are right now, because you would be stuck in the previous job, in the previous house.

Disappointments sometimes challenges us to do better.
It removes the scales and veils of complacency from our eyes.

Treat people right always.
Thank God for your life.
Your experiences should also teach you to be kind to others.

EDIT

You also have to understand that bad things happen for a reason. If all those bad stuff didn't happen to you, you might not be as big as you are right now, because you would be stuck in the previous job, in the previous house.

Disappointments sometimes challenges us to do better.
It removes the scales and veils of complacency from our eyes.

ayobamiJR:
That's my name. My best friend is Name Withheld, please let's leave it that way but I'm a YORUBA while he's from AGBOR, Delta.

I am a GFX designer while he is into phone repair but he works in an Exam tutorial center and previously worked at an Hotel.

Over the years of our friendship, we've shared everything in common, my house, my clothes and every visible thing, even boxers, I swear.

It was and is so evident that I'm richer than him and I take care of us both, buy clothes and one thing I'm always proud of is that IVE NEVER LET MY FRIEND GO HUNGRY under my watch.

He's lovely, for real...I mean, who will wake up at 1am at midnight just to make sure your phone is charging?

Even his family trusts me to take care of my friend and to co exist without superiority but my main concern is this.

Every single thing in my room is mine and my friend that have been with me for almost 8 years have nothing to claim as his and I'm starting to get worried, what if I die and my family takes whatever and he has to just go like he wasted his whole year or fight happens and its unsolvable??

Whatever it is, I don't want my friend to live believing the delusion of owning everything I own due to the tribal difference. He won't be able to cope with the pressure.

Pls, should we stop sharing things and start to claim individual ownership of every items, this way, i am going to be giving my friend the least of 1-2k per day and even more when my hustle Is tight.

I can't stand the Shame of seeing him always looking at me with the side of his face just to take money to buy recharge card on his phone.

Advise pls.

Teach him how to catch fish.
Teach him what you do, to add more skills to his skill set.
Give him jobs and pay him for working for you.
Alternatively, he can learn other skills like web development or programming.
Since you are so close, you can work together and gradually establish a company together, since the two skills would be complimentary.

What other things does he love doing ?
How well is his phone repair business growing ?
Is he being paid in the tutorial center ?
What educational qualification does he have ?

Thank you Jesus !!
And God bless all those who searched for him.

Congrats !

At least the government is doing something right.
Allowing justice prevail.
There is a ray of hope for the "common man" to get justice

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Victorprofan:
For Sale!!!

A. 3years used inverter and prag battery 12v 200AH. Battery still good and can power a 32inch television, a standing fan, small woofer,DStv,game console and light energy bulbs for as long as 6hrs..70k

B. Two month old 32inch LED TV...30k

C. Six months used hisense fridge 100l...32k

D. One year used binatone 16inch..10k

E. Two months Century 6kg twin tub Washing machine with spinner...33k

F. Old model Dell Inspiron n5030..the battery is faulty but works perfectly wen plugged directly. U can buy for parts too..15k

G. Mtn modem..3k..

Reason for selling is to cover for a medical bill..all still with receipts .WhatsApp 08064333046..

How much for the inverter alone ?

This is a discussion you should have before you get married.

You should discuss and agree .

Marriage should be seen as a partnership

Both parties input, suggestion, health, state of mind and feelings should be taken seriously and into consideration.

All the cards should be spread out, the pros, cons should be weighed. Then a "balance" or "near balance" decision should be made, jointly .

The goal is having more wins than loses.

The goal is reducing problems/disadvantages to the barest minimum.

The goal is moving forward and upward in every way possible.

The goal is to ensure that the sacrifices are "bearable" and no one is left behind.

The goal is to act like a team and watch each other's back.

We need to start viewing marriage like a business, you want to do everything possible to make sure you move forward without suffering too many loses. All share holders(husband, wife, children) have to be as happy and satisfied as possible.

We need to start viewing marriage like two soldiers(husband and wife) on a battle field. When the safety, peace of mind of one of the soldiers is compromised, the safety of the other is also compromised. When one of the soldier gets shot, you have one weaker person on the squad, you have more work to do to ensure that you and your wounded partner don't get killed.

Marriage is a battle field , both soldiers have to be actively involved in its overall protection, a win for one is a win for both. A loss for one is most likely a loss for both.

Sorry, I am ranting. But it gets quite upsetting when people try to make certain decisions as important as child bearing solely one persons burden.

I am not claiming to know everything, I am just sharing my opinion.

Its most likely poisonous because of the color combination and skin texture. A close up picture would help identify it better.
But it looks like a cobra or a mamba.

There is a rule of thumb I always tell people to follow.
If a rat can enter your house, then a snake can enter too.

Block all holes, keep the environment clean, clear all bushes around.
Make sure your fence doesn't have holes, cement the top of the fence if it isn't cemented.
Dispose your waste as frequently as possible. They attract rats and rats attract snakes.
Fumigate often, not just inside, but outside as well.


I heard bitter kola repels them . Not sure if it does.

I read somewhere that garlic helps, lemon grass does too
https://www.pests.org/best-plants-that-naturally-repel-snakes/

Be safe

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ibkayee:

Some insecurities start from young o and can progress for many years, but you may be right

You are right about insecurities starting from a young age, some of them just "mature" into full blown introvercy.
Some are as a result of the wiring of the brain, some are introverts due to various external factors over time(upbringing,bullying, etc.) .

ibkayee:

I'm not totally convinced she's necessarily an introvert sha, she could be, I just don't think there's enough nformation to come to this conclusion.

Introverts can be shy and quiet, but not all people who are shy and quiet are necessarily introverts if that makes any sense.

She could be shy and quiet because she's scared of interacting with people and conscious of how they'll view her, but perhaps she wishes this wasn't the case, then add her insecurities to the equation. I don't know if this automatically makes her an introvert. She could just be insecure about the way she looks, causing her to shy away from as much 'scrutiny' as she can, whilst wishing she was confident enough to do the things she's shying away from

An introvert's desire for alone time is not necessarily always because they're shy or even afraid, they also don't necessarily completely dislike socializing. They just prefer a certain amount of social engagement with certain types and amounts (personal preference) of people. Introverts and extroverts differences aside, I believe there's also a wide variety of personalities within the introvert spectrum alone itself

Anywho she may very well be an introvert, she then there's also the possibility that she isn;t

The emboldened part of your write up, is what many people fail to understand .
As you have rightly said, there are various "degrees of introvercy"
Some are more extreme than others .

I believe she is one, its evident in her approach and the timeline of events from the very first day OP met her till now. She hasn't changed or loosened up to anyone except her husband (to an extent) .

If you take note, he also said she doesn't take pictures with her family(the people she has spent most of her life with !!), this sets off multiple introvert detector alarms .

sleit:
OP check out what Donald3d wrote above, there could be no better and comprehensive explanation than that. Your wife isn't damaged, she is an introvert, and there are people like her. Donald3d is one, I am another. I do almost everything you say your wive does, and I'd even react similarly if put in such positions you put her. This is the first time I will see someone describe me so accurately while trying to describe themselves.

Finally, another witness .
Thanks for sharing your experience.

Acidosis:

My advice for you most likely will break your home so I'll keep that to myself. One evident fact I must state here based on your narrative, however, is that your dear wife does not love you as much as you think [doesn't mean there's no element of likeness].

Forget about photos and focus on your love life. An introvert woman that falls in love with a man will NEVER get mad over her man's decision to upload her photo. Introverts may never upload their photos in 10 years but don't be f00led... They want to see their photos on the DP of the ONE person they love.

In fact, the introverts I know count it all joy when a man they love so dearly do for them the things they wouldn't do for themselves. Start working on your love life man.

I am sorry Sir, but you can't understand it except you are one .

I love my wife more than anyone can imagine, but each time she attempts to post my pictures or even an ordinary post on her status for my birthday I always refuse. On few, very few occasions I might have allowed it.

The day she posted it without my knowledge, I deleted it .

She taught it was because it's her own status, she has full access to my phone so she tried putting up a birthday post on my own status for my own birthday ooo, I deleted the post and told her to stop doing it . I wasn't happy about it at all.

Her wishes to me physically are more than enough.

So with respect Sir, your assumptions that she doesn't love her husband are most likely wrong.

I have also never posted a happy birthday message for my wife as well. A gift to her is more than enough. She is not even on my WhatsApp profile picture.

I ensure I make her happy in multiple ways within my means on her birthday.
Posting online is NEVER a definite proof of love.

maasoap:


If he waits too long, too late, it will get worse and he won't find the right person to marry. Imagine a broke man of 45 to 50 looking for a single woman to marry! What type of single woman would be interested in marrying him? May be single mummies of 35 and above.

The guy is already 41 and not yet rich enough, still you failed to see problem in front of him!
The only way a man can marry the woman of his choice is either he marries at a young age with or without enough money or he marries late but have enough money to entice single woman of his choice.

But a man who doesn't have age on his side and doesn't have more than enough money in his pocket will have problem settling down with his choice of woman or the right woman as you put it.

Nothing stop a serious man from getting marry latest at 35, whether he has enough at the time or not. All he needs is how to plan and manage his family according to his means. Just one kid for a start until things start getting better for him

ok