Its also safe to turn the tables.
Many Nigerian men keep asking for what they can't give or do .

You need to understand that you are now a man and no one should make decisions for you.
If you allow anyone control who you marry, you would keep bowing to their pressures and control even after you get married.
Take your stand ! . But be very sure that she is a good choice. You are good to go.
Make your mom see reasons why you are making a valid choice. Make her see what you see in her.

Its a great idea.

Churches already do this.

You can read your bible too, there are so many powerful principles in there to have a wonderful marriage.It has practically everything you need.

You can also buy good books about marriage.

People with misinformation sef .
Who told you Yudala lost to Konga ?
The owner of Yudala "bought" Konga . If you pay attention you would see Konga changed most of its colors to Yudala colors .

Google Leo Stan Ekeh

However if you wish to be bigger than Jijiii , you can. You just have to do what is right. Its possible, but its definitely not easy.

15-16
Stay safe folks

Be your own prophet, Jesus has made it easy. Hook up to the Holy Spirit

Chidebless111:

Thank you

You're welcome
I just don't want you to read advises here and still fail to act.
Please for the sake of your daughter and for yourself.
Please leave, and be very smart and discreet about it, so he or no one else would know.
Please ACT

I responded to you on your other thread, please read it

Chidebless111:
Pls I need advice on what to do

I have daughter who is 14months old, though I'm not legally married but I and my daughter's dad live in together, and yesterday will be the third time he is physically abusing me that I almost passed out, I choked me and hit my out daughter feeding flask on my head and beat me. Now when I called his mom to reported what happened,she asked me to pack my things back inside, that she knows of a woman that her husband beat regularly And still she's still with her husband,that next time he want to beat me I should run outside,and if I decides to leave ,I should leave and if I take my daughter along she will fight me,that if I don't want her anger I shouldn't take my daughter.... Now my problem now is I can't leave my child for them,as I'm typing I'm weak and tired from all the beating, I'm 26years,I can't continue this way,cos I don't know how long this will continue

We need to understand something very clearly with relationships of any kind.

NEVER TOLERATE OR ENDURE A TOXIC PERSON

I want you to do something for yourself, close your eyes, picture yourself going through this same maltreatment everyday for the rest of your life.
How does the picture look ?

Picture this again, some years from now , he flings an object at you, but this time around it doesn't land on you, it hits your daughter in the eye leading to permanent blindness. Would you forgive yourself ?

I could go on and on
I am not trying to wish you bad, but these are possible scenarios that can occur with a toxic person. There are so many other terrible possibilities.
Things most likely won't end well.

Not only does he not care about you, his mother doesn't value you either. You are sleeping in a den filled with lions and poisonous snakes.

I understand your thinking "he is the father of my child". No sis, he is just a sperm donor.
You need to rewire your mentality and constantly remind yourself that you should never do anything or stay in a place where the disadvantages and risks outweigh the current or potential advantages or benefits.

Life, marriage or any relationship of any kind, should not be endured, it should be enjoyed. Even if it needs to be endured, there should be love mixed with endurance. Love is obviously non-existent where you are. You are surrounded by hatred .
I am worried about your mental health
I am worried about the child.

He is committing a crime, he should be punished for it.
You deserve to be treated right, remember that.
If you are in Lagos, the lock down isn't strict anymore, move to your mom's house .
His mother can do nothing to you, involve not just your mom, but other respectable male figures in your family.

I wanted to say you should speak to her about it but you said this :

endeavor:

I have talked, complained, advised and even reported. But it's getting worse.

I would have also loved to ask you to tell us her benefits or what she does right, but from all you posted, she lacks too many basic characteristics of a marital partner. Keep trying to talk to her, this time give her an ultimatum (in your mind, don't tell her the ultimatum).

Don't make the big mistake of marrying her without her making changes in line with your very salient requirements.

If after about another 6 months, there is no sign of progress or at least an attempt to make progress, its time to share the grace.

cool

Listen to the Holy Spirit
He is the best teacher and director

I was about to say it isn't important and you shouldn't bother yourself about it, but I have learnt something in marriage, everything is important .

So, let's dissect your issue starting from the root. I believe starting from the root is the best way to solve problems, to prevent a recurrence.

Let's start with WHY

Why do you want her to share your pictures ?

1. Is it because you want to do what others are doing (the ones you are jealous of). You want online validation ?
2. Or is it because you feel she doesn't love you enough, because she isn't sharing your pictures.

If your answer is number one. You really need to rethink this Sir. Online validation no dey help anybody. Its a gathering of people who really don't care about you or how much you or your wife love each other. It would put your family under unnecessary stress to "keep up" with what everyone else is doing.

You would be subconsciously pushed into basing your love for each other on what people's perception of what your love for each other should be . I hope this isn't confusing.


If your answer is number 2, you really need to take it easy with her and also treat her "issues" from the root. Ask her WHY , in a very calm manner, without looking or sounding judgmental. You need to communicate your worries to her and what you would like her to do and WHY you want her to do it. Also listen carefully to why she hasn't posted your pictures. You would be shocked to get replies like "I don't want anyone to steal you from me ". Just ask her, in a respectful manner.

Away from your concerns and your worries, please understand that people show love in different ways. Look around you carefully, everyday, and see other ways she is showing you love, apart from uploading your picture online.

Offline show of love is always more real than showing it online. Because its done out of selflessness(because no one is watching).Most (not all) people who constantly post their families or spouses online are just looking for online validation, an invisible competition to see who can display love the most. Of what use is it, when love is shown online and you are not treated right offline.

What I am trying to say Sir is, while you try to find out why she isn't sharing your pictures, appreciate the other ways she is showing you love offline, because at the end of the day, that is what really counts.

aywhy93:


You're welcome, I'll check it when I'm home... Not up to a year, 3 months or so.

Ok thanks

This is disgusting ....Chai

aywhy93:


1Kva inverter (Multi Power Smart)
300A battery (Can't remember, threw away the carton)
No solar panel (Auto-charge when there's light)

***Check the attached picture for the setup

Powers everything I listed up there, just try to ensure the watts of your stuffs are as low as possible so it will last longer, bought a rechargeable fan of 30w solely for it since the big OX fan I have is 168w, the bulbs are power saving, etc and turnoff anything you're not using or better still turn the inverter off when not in use, that way, it'll last very long. Presently using the inverter since there's no light now. Those are the details you really need. Cheers!

Thanks bro.
I appreciate your feedback.
I would have loved to know the brand of the battery. Can you kindly look at the body ?
It should be inscribed somewhere .
How many years have you been using the battery for ?

SeedofDavid:

So I need to download xender for PC right?

No you don't need to
Its quite easy
Someone wrote a tutorial here on Nairaland
It should help
https://www.nairaland.com/4260570/check-out-how-connect-xender

I pray he is found safe and ok in Jesus name

medexico:
Please I need something potent that can get rid of these cockroaches and ants in my room.

Sniper...Mixed in the right proportions with water and a pump spray container would do the job...Please keep away from children or depressed people, its very dangerous.

aywhy93:


That cannot serve you, try increase your budget to something you'll enjoy... I spent about #250k on the one I'm using and it serves me well, using it for all you listed there; 65inch 4K TV, PS4 Pro, GoTV, Rechargeable fan, power saving bulbs etc and it last for about 3 days on a full charge (depending on usage though).

Please break down the components of your setup

How many KVA inverter and what brand
How many AH battery and what brand
Is there a solar panel ? How many watts
Please give as much details as possible. Thanks in anticipation.

thehedge:
oh God bless you, this is what i was going to say

Bless you too ma'am

thehedge:
you are wise. You should coach more men, and I'll pray for a woman that will coach more women..... I know people are more likely to listen if it's coming from same gender

bukatyne:


I was going to type, then you did it for me.

Thank you.

missyojo:


Ohhhh.... My!!!
I really wish I can like this comment over and over again. You are so full of wisdom.
You always make sense in any advice you dished out and I always look forward to reading your comments.

Thumbs up to you

Thank you ma'am

Wow !!.

GOFRONT:
Bros, Go and become a baby daddy...

Marriage is overrated..

It isn't overrated. Most people aren't just doing it right.
Most people go into it with the wrong mentality
Most people go into it with selfishness and not selflessness.
Of course its not going to be a smooth ride, but being with the right person makes the ride smoother.

I shared in your fears at a point, until I got enlightened.
I would share what I have learnt

EDIT :

-You have to first of all value yourself. If you don't, no one would value you.

-You have to have good value, its different from valuing yourself. A thief might value himself, but he definitely doesn't have value.

-You also have to ask yourself if you are worth marrying. Many men focus on marrying wife materials, but they are not husband materials. Are you a husband material ?

-You have to be ready to be selfless, if you are not, marriage isn't for you.

-You have to know what you want in a spouse. If you don't know what you want, how would you know when you see it.

-If you are a Christian, you need to tell God to direct you. Pray for wisdom and the spirit of discernment.

-God might not show you a dream or vision of your wife, that's why you need the above. When you see her, and study her for a while, with divine direction and discernment, you would just know.

-Marry someone who is going to give you peace, without it, nothing else would make sense.

-Make sure she is your friend first, if she isn't your friend first, when an issue comes up it would be difficult to resolve. Your friendship with each other makes you miss each others company. You wouldn't be able to stay too long without talking to your friend. This makes conflict resolution easier and quicker.

- Make sure she is also selfless. Marriage with two selfless people is the sweetest.

- Third party ruins things. Everybody apart from the two of you are third party. This includes your pastor, your parents , your siblings. No one should live in your house.

-Pray together, always.

-During courtship, don't cloud your judgment with romantic love and sex. This is why building true friendship is the most important. Anyone can give you romantic love and sex, not everyone can be a friend and a partner.

-Make sure, you aren't a lazy person, don't marry a lazy person. Its not restricted to physical laziness, it includes spiritual and mental laziness

-Make sure she makes you happy, synonymous to peace of mind.

-Make sure she has value and can give value.


If I remember any other, I would include it.



EDIT

-IN choosing the right person, you have to pay attention to their verbal and non verbal communication. You have to watch closely how they treat other people, especially people who have nothing to offer them. This is one of the best ways to know a selfless person

Anytime I see the word 'baby' .This is the picture that always comes to mind