₦airaland Forum

BINGBAGBO1: an ashewo went to the police to report she had been rapedd.
Police: you say u were rapped?

ashewo: yes

police: and u say u be ashewo?

ashewo: of course

police: and when did this happen?

ashewo: last night

police: where

ashewo: at the bank this morning..

police: but u said he rapped u last night?

ashewo: yes, but i realised it this morning at the bank when the cheque bounced na..







the police man had his period for the first time....

This is symptoms of Down syndrome. U need help my guy

Stegomiah: FACEBOOK INBOX BETWEEN WIFE AND HUSBAND !! MUST READ!!LOL

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi.
He saw me in darkness, He created light.
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.

WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are ..
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND: The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you..?

WIFE: ...Roses are red; Violets are blue.
Monkeys like u should be kept in ZOO.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there
too...
Not in cage but laughing at YOU

WHO KILLED IT? The wife or the husband?? ahah

You kill it

Akpangbon: What's the big deal in her smoking. Bush people.

1000 Likes

Photo kiosk

I also miss the fun in the camp most especially the RSM who is fun of saying(fucking cofers, bang ur fucking legs. Iya moji y r u marching lyk a Camel. I de parade fall out).not to forget our ashwo commander.

aneke mary: Don't even Laugh....

Folake came to Benin on a visit.
She asked me for tђε 10k I promised her. I then told her that I was on my way to Abuja, that she should take my ATM card &withdraw all she wants.
(Knowing fully well that I had less than 3k in d account)
As soon as she kissed me & left, I quickly left tђε house knowing she will come crying back to me.
As I got to my junction Sonuga-Sonex, 'Deji my friend,called me on phone saying "Kola, thanks a lot I've paid tђε 80k back into uя account".
Mheeeen, see sweat!
Tried calling folake's phone, switched off.
Next thing, debit alerts: 40k, 40k, even 2k.
Next thing I knew, I found myself on hospital bed. Now they are asking me what happened? But what will I say

Bush meat don catch the hunter.

This one nah watch out for part two

Y do u skip ur dose? Yaba left don fall my hand

You dull o

wese90: 1. Pls who is saka? Is he a brick layer or what.
2. What is etisalat? Is it a toothpaste or what.
3. What is MTN.
4. What do op mean by port? Does he mean sea-port.
Thank you in advance for your reply. Warning!!! No abusive response orelse sango times obatala fire you.

Check inside ur boxer for the answer

wese90: 1. Pls who is saka? Is he a brick layer or what.
2. What is etisalat? Is it a toothpaste or what.
3. What is MTN.
4. What do op mean by port? Does he mean sea-port.
Thank you in advance for your reply. Warning!!! No abusive response orelse sango times obatala fire you.

Check inside ur boxer for the answer

R u advertising ur blog or what?

Oloriebi22: An elderly man boarded a bus in
lagos with a pretty girl sitting
close to him. A young man
wanted to light a cigarette in the
bus.
MAN: What is wrong with you
young man, why would you light
a cigarette in this bus? Do you
want to kill this pretty girl here.
YOUNG MAN: Sorry sir...he put off
the light.
After a long time in the traffic
without movement, the pretty
girl stretched with her hands in
the air and a serious odour came
out from her armpit. Immediately
the elderly man said to young
man.
MAN: Light the ciga!
YOUNG MAN: Sir?
MAN: Are u deaf? I say light the
ciga!!!
YOUNG MAN: Ok sir.
[He lit d cigarette]
MAN: Blow it to my nose,
bloooow it!!!
YOUNG MAN: Yes sir.
MAN: It is better to die this way
than to die that way!

Old joke. first to comment

Oloriebi22: An elderly man boarded a bus in
lagos with a pretty girl sitting
close to him. A young man
wanted to light a cigarette in the
bus.
MAN: What is wrong with you
young man, why would you light
a cigarette in this bus? Do you
want to kill this pretty girl here.
YOUNG MAN: Sorry sir...he put off
the light.
After a long time in the traffic
without movement, the pretty
girl stretched with her hands in
the air and a serious odour came
out from her armpit. Immediately
the elderly man said to young
man.
MAN: Light the ciga!
YOUNG MAN: Sir?
MAN: Are u deaf? I say light the
ciga!!!
YOUNG MAN: Ok sir.
[He lit d cigarette]
MAN: Blow it to my nose,
bloooow it!!!
YOUNG MAN: Yes sir.
MAN: It is better to die this way
than to die that way!

Old joke. first to comment

chux76: If u don't get d joke...Go hit d sack

Do the part two with the other religion format

chux76: If u don't get d joke...Go hit d sack

Do the part two with the other religion format

alexis: Chaaa! Some people want to desperately associate Jesus with VIOLENCE. Hehehehe

Let me give you some Bible Study tintingz. Jesus never taught violence, never endorsed it. To prove it, when Jesus was about to be arrested, Peter drew his sword and cut of the ear of one of the priest guards. Jesus REBUKED him and healed the mans ear. That is a practical example that Jesus never supported violence.

Secondly, let me give you some education on Luke 19:27. I don't know if you know what a parable is, but let me define it for you so you can use your secular knowledge to grasp the meaning - A simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, as told by Jesus in the Gospels

Read Luke 19:11-27. Jesus was talking about a parable (He was giving an illustration) - This is called the Parable of the pounds. Jesus was illustrating a king that gave money to his 10 servants, some of them invested it with returns and one of them didn't. He kept it in a cloth and told the King:

Luke 19:20-21 = Then another servant came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. [21] I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow

The King replied:

Luke 19:22-23 = "His master replied, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? [23] Why then didn't you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?'

The King continued:

Luke 19:24-27 = "Then he said to those standing by, 'Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.'

[25] " 'Sir,' they said, 'he already has ten!'

[26] "He replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. [27] But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them--bring them here and kill them in front of me.' "

SO BEFORE YOU CLAIM JESUS ENCOURAGED VIOLENCE, LEARN TO READ ABOVE AND BELOW THE VERSE TO GET THE THEME OF THE MESSAGE. This was an EXAMPLE OF A KING and how he reacted to a servant that was stingy. IT'S A PARABLE, AN EXAMPLE, AN ILLUSTRATION.

How do they say it in Yoruba - Do you understand - Shoti-gbo?

10000000000000 Likes

alexis: Chaaa! Some people want to desperately associate Jesus with VIOLENCE. Hehehehe

Let me give you some Bible Study tintingz. Jesus never taught violence, never endorsed it. To prove it, when Jesus was about to be arrested, Peter drew his sword and cut of the ear of one of the priest guards. Jesus REBUKED him and healed the mans ear. That is a practical example that Jesus never supported violence.

Secondly, let me give you some education on Luke 19:27. I don't know if you know what a parable is, but let me define it for you so you can use your secular knowledge to grasp the meaning - A simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, as told by Jesus in the Gospels

Read Luke 19:11-27. Jesus was talking about a parable (He was giving an illustration) - This is called the Parable of the pounds. Jesus was illustrating a king that gave money to his 10 servants, some of them invested it with returns and one of them didn't. He kept it in a cloth and told the King:

Luke 19:20-21 = Then another servant came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. [21] I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow

The King replied:

Luke 19:22-23 = "His master replied, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? [23] Why then didn't you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?'

The King continued:

Luke 19:24-27 = "Then he said to those standing by, 'Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.'

[25] " 'Sir,' they said, 'he already has ten!'

[26] "He replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. [27] But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them--bring them here and kill them in front of me.' "

SO BEFORE YOU CLAIM JESUS ENCOURAGED VIOLENCE, LEARN TO READ ABOVE AND BELOW THE VERSE TO GET THE THEME OF THE MESSAGE. This was an EXAMPLE OF A KING and how he reacted to a servant that was stingy. IT'S A PARABLE, AN EXAMPLE, AN ILLUSTRATION.

How do they say it in Yoruba - Do you understand - Shoti-gbo?

10000000000000 Likes

Monimatic: LIAR Mohammed again.

ACN park well, how can you compel a governor to compel a president not to perform his official duties because of a convention that will be filled with thugs.

President Goodluck Jonathan, GCFR, is going to Commission Wempco Steel Mills Ltd located at KM 8, Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.

The coming to Lagos of the President has been planned in his itinerary since last year.

So why all the fear, noise and signature propaganda by the ACN and it's supporters, when they were fully aware ahead of time, that the president will be coming to Lagos for official duty.

What are they afraid of, since they claim, they are a viable opposition party and they are the ruling party in Lagos State and the South West, then they should go on with their convention without generating issues where they are no issues.
Why are they afraid of GOODLUCK JONATHAN's presence in Lagos?

We all know the president is incompetent and unreliable, but that doesn't mean the ACN and their cohorts should use their media propaganda to brainwash and create false hood regarding anything the President does.

To be a responsible opposition, that will bring change to this country, the ACN should be practise CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and not DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

DISCLAIMER:
I am not a President Jonathan Supporter, neither i am a Tinubu Supporter or a Buhari Supporter, and i do not belong to any political party, the views expressed here,are my personal opinion, I SAY THINGS, THE WAY THINGS ARE, NO SENTIMENT OR POLITICAL UNDERTONE ATTACHED.

2000000 Likes

tintingz: Correct!!

The christians dont know the fact that the bible contains war and slavery.... Christ Jesus who said i only came with sword to the earth not peace and kill my enemies who doesnt want me to reign over them. . . . is not calling for war against his enemies??
Christians need to use their brain

Guy u r a perfect example of a first class student in a down syndrome class. U dnt knw any tin. Can u provide where is written in the bible, verse and chapter? Biggest millennium F**L

alexis: I have already mentioned 2 of them. Here are more:

Surah 2:216 - "Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not."

Surah 4:74 - "Let those fight in the way of Allah who sell the life of this world for the other. Whoso fighteth in the way of Allah, be he slain or be he victorious, on him We shall bestow a vast reward."

Surah 5:54 - "O ye who believe. Take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors. They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily God guideth not a people unjust."

Surah 8:12-17 - "Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): "I am with you. Give firmness to the believers. I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers. Smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger tips off them. This because they contend against God and his apostle. If any contend against God and his apostle, God is strict in punishment ... O ye who believe. When ye meet the unbelievers in hostile array, never turn your backs to them. If any do turn his back to them on such a day, unless it be a stratagem of war ... he draws on himself the wrath of God and his abode is Hell, an evil refuge (indeed)."

Surah 9:29 - "Fight those who believe not in God nor the Last Day nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by God and his apostle nor acknowledge the Religion of Truth (even if they are) of the people of the Book, until they pay the Jizya [religious tax] with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued."

There are just too many verses that JUSTIFIES violence. Again, the author of the Quran should have made it clear if these were defensive or offensive situations. If he was talking about the past or the present. He DIDN'T

People that said islam is a religion of peace should prove this write ups wrong ISLAMABAD

maclatunji: Boko Haram is not an Islamic organisation – Governor Aliyu

Niger State Governor, Babangida Aliyu, Tuesday condemned the activities of Boko Haram sect, saying the sect “does not represent Islam.”

Aliyu said this yesterday at the 2013 Annual Conference and Awards Ceremony organised by Leadership Newspapers in Abuja.

According to him, “Boko Haram is not a Muslim organisation. If a Muslim commits suicide, he goes straight to hell. If a Muslim kills another man without justifiable reason, the sin of that person is transferred to him. There is no compulsion to the religion of Islam”, he explained.

While appealing to Nigerians to tolerate their differences and live amicably, the governor called for devolution of power to Local Governments to bring governance closer to the people.

He bemoaned a situation where people sit down in Abuja “and plan for people they don’t know”.

Aliyu also urged politicians to promote internal democracy so that people would have the right to choose their leaders.

“Some people are a misnomer to the positions they occupy. People must be given chance to elect people they think can do better for them,” he said.

Aliyu, who is the chairman of the Northern Governors’ Forum, advised ruling parties at the federal and state levels to tolerate the opposition.

He said, “If you have credible opposition, it will keep you on your toes. You will know you can’t take things for granted. You will know you need to consult with the people so that you can do the right things otherwise the opposition will come and take over. Those who do not appreciate the opposition have no business being in politics.” He added.

http://dailypost.com.ng/2013/04/17/boko-haram-is-not-an-islamic-organisation-governor-aliyu/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=boko-haram-is-not-an-islamic-organisation-governor-aliyu

Then what is BOKO HARAM?
Boko Haram is an Islamic sect that believes politics in northern Nigeria has been seized by a group of corrupt, false Muslims. It wants to wage a war against them, and the Federal Republic of Nigeria generally, to create a “pure” Islamic state ruled by sharia law.
Since August 2011 Boko Haram has planted bombs almost weekly in public or in churches in Nigeria's northeast. The group has also broadened its targets to include setting fire to schools. In March 2012, some twelve public schools in Maiduguri were burned down during the night, and as many as 10,000 pupils were forced out of education.
Mr Governor what r u talking about?

This is a medical condition called woof syndrome.

onila: I was sexually harassed several times when I was younger. .from gate men to male neighbors to houseboys

*you shouldnt allow your female daughters to play outside by herself. .

*you should know what your little daughters are doing when hanging around with her friends in yr neighbours house


*dont allow yr daughters interact with men who are not her close relatives

*I realized most of the guys that molest kids in Nigeria are uneducated or usually from the lowest strata of society

I thought in one of ur post u said u r a virgin.I now agreed with the guy that called u e-Virgin

onila: I was sexually harassed several times when I was younger. .from gate men to male neighbors to houseboys

*you shouldnt allow your female daughters to play outside by herself. .

*you should know what your little daughters are doing when hanging around with her friends in yr neighbours house


*dont allow yr daughters interact with men who are not her close relatives

*I realized most of the guys that molest kids in Nigeria are uneducated or usually from the lowest strata of society

I thought in one of ur post u said u r a virgin.I now agreed with the guy that called u e-Virgin

ManirBK: EARLY CHRISTIANS PROSTRATION
AND PRAYER MATS: CHRISTIANS
PRAYING LIKE MUSLIMS.

Early Chistians Prayed Like Muslims
and Jesus...
Speaking of the 7th century,
Diarmaid McCulloch tells the
Christians were praying like
Muslims before the coming of
Islam:
…the characteristic prostration of
Muslim prayer was then normal in
the Christian Middle East, where it
still survives in some traditional
Christian communities. Prayer
mats, still one of the most familiar
features of the mosque today,
were extensively used by the
Christian monks as far apart as
Syria and Northumbria or Ireland
before the coming of Islam. [A
History of Christianity, Diarmaid
McCulloch, Penguin Group, 2009,
p258]
Why would early Christians pray
like Muslims?
Could it have anything to do with
Prophet Jesus (p) worshipping
God in the manner in which
Muslims pray? In fact, even
Christian sources point to this:
Going a little farther, he fell with
his face to the ground and
prayed, “My Father, if it is possible,
may this cup be taken from me.
Yet not as I will, but as you
will.” [Matthew 26: 39, NIV]
Going a little farther, he fell to the
ground and prayed that if
possible the hour might pass
from him. “Abba,[a] Father,” he
said, “everything is possible for
you. Take this cup from me. Yet
not what I will, but what you
will.” [Mark 14:35-36, NIV]
Also see: Luke 22:39-46
Apart from the glaring theological
problem which Trinitarians
encounter from such passages
(i.e. that of Jesus worshipping
God!) we can clearly see that Jesus
appears to pray in the manner of
the Muslims according to Christian
sources. Thus, from these
passages we can understand the
usage of prayer mats within
Christian communities prior to the
coming of Islam.
Note: The word Father (Abba) is
simply a Jewish term for God. It is
not to be taken literally, Professor
Geza Vermes writes: Jesus prayed
there in the solitude, invoking God
as ‘Abba’, ‘Father’ or My Father’.
The word is given in Aramaic in
Mark and in Greek in Matthew and
Luke. Abba is a familiar but also
respectful expression. It is not the
equivalent of ‘Daddy’, as some
New Testament scholars have
unwisely ventured to propose.
[‘Jesus’ Nativity-Passion-
Resurrection, Geza Vermes,
Penguin books, 2008, p. 208]

What point u r driving at? Jesus did ablution, carried mat and hit his head on the ground to pray?u wrote and I quote' ''Early Chistians Prayed Like Muslims and Jesus...Speaking of the 7th century,Diarmaid McCulloch tells the ''Christians were praying like Muslims ''before the coming of Islam:''
:'nw is the copy cat if u really know that christianity come before islam. So confused baseless write ups

tjfulloption: Me: Hello

Ogbomosho Babe: hi

Me: am Ibrahim

Ogbomosho Babe: am Herfusa

Me: nice meeting you

Ogbomosho Babe: you her welkom

Me: can I have your nu....num.......number pls!

Ogbomosho Babe: yes! yes!! yes!! yes!!!

Ogbomosho Babe: sero hate sero, sis hate sis, tiri hate sefun, noi~noi

Ogbomosho Babe: dats mah hen ti hen nober, take my.... *i cuts in*

Me: ok ok ok, thank you very much, this one is ok by me. thank you!

Old joke

Thunder fire ur yansh as I don comment nw

kkkp: Afterall most ppl killed by boko haram n security agents r muslims bt d media kip painting it as if dey r xtians..d Northern xtians knw dis..*** gov must give dem amnesty lyk it or nt

U r wrong. Christian r much more affected. Can u compare d number of mosque affected to that of churches?

Studio CFR: Waje is fat .. Tiwa is ugly and so sooo bleached up which is common among yoruba people

Don't generalized it F**L

Studio CFR: Waje is fat .. Tiwa is ugly and so sooo bleached up which is common among yoruba people

Don't generalized it F**L

1025: no matter how many points man u has in the league, nobody respects them for that because we have the records of all their fraudulent activities that kept them there. why won't they be there when all they do is use howard webb and mark clattenberg to rob other teams? give wigan half the favours manu gets and they will win the epl.
look at champions league and capital one or even the recent fa cup tie where both refs were not involved, man u were peacefully dumped out.
look at the position of chelsea yet man u have one won them one in three meetings this season even the devil shouted over the most obvious fraud in football where two red cards and an offside goal were the surviving grace for the best team in the world.
epl is a shame because such a low performing team can't win an organised tournament.
i am happy to be a chelsea fan because we win and loose honourably. i can always dance azonto when i remember that we sent them home in capital one cup and fa cup.

Sorry bro I don't knw may be u watch ur own foot ball match at the back of ur T.V. Ur analysis was so bad u can't even get ur point straight.I av some questions for u
1. 30matches has been played so far. hw many tyms did howard webb and mark clattenberg officiated?
2.In the history of premier league,champion league etc hw many cup has chelsea won?I beliv u ppl won more coaches dan trophy.
3.epl is a shame because such a low performing team can't win an organised tournament. Throw much light to ur point

chikk: Meaning?

U don de madt

chikk: Meaning?

COW

COW ;DCOW

CRAP

Mynd_44: Okay I don't know what else to call this. I would love to call it crap but the OP might be angry

One billion likes

Mynd_44: Okay I don't know what else to call this. I would love to call it crap but the OP might be angry

One billion likes

MR AKPORS: I have spent money on this bich than even my mama.
I rented a house for her, furnished the house, pay her junior brother's school fees
and when i got in return? she cheated on me.
i caught her pants down, red handed.
Now, i want to get back all i have given her.
Furniture, tv, clothing, laptop, BB, Panties and bras.
I have already gone to uninstall the DSTV satellite dish, and i am planning to go for the rest this evening.
Should i go ahead?

N0. She never forced u to do it in the first place. Collecting those items back ill show hw childish u r. Maintain ur personality by showing that u r bigger than her no mater what