₦airaland Forum

FrancisTony:
She's a luxury fashion designer.

Who are you?

MuguliciousMUGU:
This girl must be bleaching...

She is too brighter than her future

Naijasinglegirl:
They told us Lilian's groom-to-be was one of those wealthy Mobil workers.
"My best friend's wedding would be the talk of town." Lilian's chief bridesmaid bragged.

All the big girls in school heard that and ran to queue for her expensive asoebi.
Rumours also had it the groomsmen were representatives of different oil companies. The best caterers in town had been hired for the wedding. I hurriedly used my hard earned money to buy 3 yards of her asoebi when I heard that.

Back then, I was a 400level student and working on my project took a toll on me. The wedding date escaped my memory because I was too busy to catch up with my girls for random gist. It didn't occur to me that Lilian's wedding was in 4 days time until my friend stormed my hostel with her already sewn asoebi.
Between requesting an express service from a tailor or making my hair, I settled for the later. When I saw the girls in my hostel looking good in their asoebi that Saturday morning, I had to cut a piece from my 3 yards to stylishly strut around the shoulder of my yellow dress so I wouldn't feel odd amongst them.

Let me make something clear at this point. Whenever I attend a wedding, Either or all of these four things take me there.
1. The people attending. E.g Lilian's chevron, shell and mobil groomsmen.
2. The excitement of the photos I'll take. This depends on how beautiful my hair or dress is.
3. My relationship with the couple. If you are family, I might grudgingly attend the church ceremony. Reason being, I unconsciously memorise marriage vows and that is one hell of an information that is completely worthless to me. If you are my distant friend, I'll attend your reception for no4 only.
4. THE WEDDING FOOD.

Its easy to tell no1 and no4 were taking me to Lilian's.
The problem was the venue for the matrimonial service and reception were one and the same place. It was difficult to reckon when the oil workers groomsmen would be outside briefly for photos before the reception starts and when refreshments would begin.
Good thing I bullied my two friends into affirming the wedding food was our utmost priority so we all waited till 1pm before leaving the hostel.
Surprisingly, the couple were yet to recite their marriage vows when we arrived at 2pm.
Fine! One more annoying marriage vow to memorise. I cursed silently.

It was almost 4pm and the matrimonial ceremony was still going on. There was nothing spectacular at the wedding as those in Lilian circle made us believe. Even some of the so-called oil workers looked more like fillings stations attendants. The pastor had diverted from the usual Adam and Eve story to preach on fornication. I cringed in my seat as I glanced at my wristwatch and the programme booklet for the umpteenth time. My friend whispered that its because Lilian was four months pregnant outside wedlock.

My impatience state had me lamenting, ''But pastor do our stomachs really have to pay for the sins of the couple?''

My sigh was audible when the reception finally began. We couldn't leave the hall to take photos with the couple for fear that we might lose our seats.
Due to the poor timing, they had to rush most of the items listed in the programme.

We were told to form a queue beside each canopy for the buffet. It seemed like we were not the only ones waiting for food as the whole place was thrown into a pandemonium.
Nigerians sure don’t know how to queue up for a buffet. They jump in line, push whoever is in the way and makes sure those serving attend to them before anyone else. I felt like stabbing the restless guy in front of me with the heel of my shoe or strangling him with the piece of aseobi on my shoulder.

My friends and I were among the first 20 in our queue but my joy was cut short when the MC instructed we all head back to our seats. The ushers were going to serve us there.

The new directive messed everything up. Some people had already gotten food at the buffet, some got food twice while some didn't and it was difficult to tell where they sat.
The ushers were not helping matters by serving in a scalar manner.

One of my friends got first. Fifteen minutes after, the second one got hers. Thirty minutes after, nothing for me yet.
Both of them were now giving each other that 'eeyah... I pity Naijasinglegirl sha' look. Occasionally they would glance at me and give me that 'sister, relax, you will eat in Jesus name' look.

"Should I remain my food for you?" One of my friend asked.

"NO!" I voiced out in anger.

Didn't know who to pour my frustration on. From the back row I sat, I tried to eye the bride with disgust but she wouldn't even look at me. I thought of taking off the small piece of asoebi from my neck to wave at her. After paying for your asoebi, no food abi? 419 wedding!

One of my 'bellyfull' friends had the guts to suggest we head outside to wait for the mobil groomsmen. How can I listen to any man on an empty stomach? I abused her with all the curses and swear words I learnt since 1914.
As the immigration officer of our  3- female clique, both of them had absolutely no right to go out without me. At that point only the wedding jollof rice mattered. LoL

Reality set in when people started leaving. Typically of Nigerian ceremonies, once they eat, they dump your ass there and then! Even the couple finished their 'feeding of the couple stuff' and they no longer gave a hoot about their guests...including me.

You've got to me strong gurllllll... You've seen worse. Don't dare cry. I consoled myself.

I was too preoccupied with hunger to notice my friend had gone over to the catering section to complain on my behalf.
Whatever she told them worked as one of them was seen heading towards my direction with a tray.

"Errrmmm...sorry oh. You should have struggled for food na. There's rice here but the chicken and meat we have left has been packed away by the bride's relatives. Would you mind the rice only?"

Emi? Eat leftover rice? I may be a beggar but I am a beggar with class and a damn good choice.

"Let's leave please." I motioned to my friends tearfully. I could sense a violent ulcer attack ready to strike me.
My friends began consoling me.
"Don't worry, we would try to seat at the front when next we attend a wedding."

"There won't be any next time!" I retorted angrily.

Maybe they've been, but that was the last time I wasted money on asoebi's that couldn't guarantee me trival benefits like the wedding jollof rice.

don33310:
I am not a fan of IBB,he has spoken well

asuoka:
This is a "LIE" I was in church today der was no where Bishop said so..

Nigerians knw how to hip curses on their with their utterances...at the end of the day dey would say na one old woman dey pursue me for my village

When where did he say it...am waiting for answers ooo

dealslip:
Wow! Borno state, lets pray he makes it out alive of that place. The Governor did the right thing sha

niyiguy:
Call to rock yours now

basty:
I see Jonathan loosing the election.
This kind trash cannot happen in Norway. I am enjoying my life in the cold in Oslo. Ìsé ló somonù bí òkò.

I have modified this thread and talk tough that, If mujahedeen and mujahedeenat Asari Dokubo common criminal elevated to the extent of sharing and fronting for GEJ to plunder Nigerian oil resources. We shall turn Niger Delta to rubbles blow off the oil rigs.

BackDatAssUp:
APC una don enter one chance.

From perjury to forgery

Buhari or whoever forged that certificate needs to be flogged.

Prior to the formation of a central govt by Gowon, all regions had separate curriculums. Only the western region offered a local language in both their curriculum and WASC!

It was after a central govt was formed and a universal educational curriculum was developed and adopted which included other local languages in 1974!

So which WASC did Buhari write in 1961 that included Hausa?

Scroll to page 9 of this academic write up and see a brief summary of the total subjects entered from 1961 to 1974 and the percentile of students per subject. http://www.unilorin.edu.ng/journals/education/ije/sept1988/MAJOR%20TRENDS%20IN%20CURRICULUM%20DEVELOPMENT%20IN%20NIGERIA.pdf

Wahala dey ohh

Tinubu:
Ok

Salt and Maggi to the op's Jolof Rice


1- They become less 'cheerful givers'..... After spending most of their shelf-life generously donating their puna to the male community, they now try to apply the brakes and if possible, acquire Secondary Virgin status...


2- They see every man as a potential husband opportunity... That's why they are always made up and nicely dressed, even if they are not leaving their street... After all she may meet her husband-to-be even on her way to buy Akara or Premier Soap

3- They start panicking and asking all the wrong questions.... When the light of a lady's youth is beginning to dim, that's when she starts insinuating marriage tins on her boyfriend, trying to put words in the poor guy's mouth...That's when they will be like "bae, what are your plans for the future'', or ''Chukwudi, that my ex who is an importer, is really disturbing me for marriage, bae what do you think I should do?'' , etc

4- They start avoiding their family house..... In order to avoid all the sly innuendoes and loaded questions which her parents will always pop at her, she tries to keep out of their jurisdiction, until she has some dude who is ready to bring the introduction 'Aromatic Schnapps'

5- They relocate to another city... After skelewuing their life away in one city, they will most probably relocate to another city to start life afresh, and trap some unfortunate guy who has absolutely no idea about her whoring past ... After all, PROSTITUTION IS ALL ABOUT LOCATION... ASHAWO WEY CHANGE LOCATION NA VIRGIN

Tinubu:
Ok

Salt and Maggi to the op's Jolof Rice


1- They become less 'cheerful givers'..... After spending most of their shelf-life generously donating their puna to the male community, they now try to apply the brakes and if possible, acquire Secondary Virgin status...


2- They see every man as a potential husband opportunity... That's why they are always made up and nicely dressed, even if they are not leaving their street... After all she may meet her husband-to-be even on her way to buy Akara or Premier Soap

3- They start panicking and asking all the wrong questions.... When the light of a lady's youth is beginning to dim, that's when she starts insinuating marriage tins on her boyfriend, trying to put words in the poor guy's mouth...That's when they will be like "bae, what are your plans for the future'', or ''Chukwudi, that my ex who is an importer, is really disturbing me for marriage, bae what do you think I should do?'' , etc

4- They start avoiding their family house..... In order to avoid all the sly innuendoes and loaded questions which her parents will always pop at her, she tries to keep out of their jurisdiction, until she has some dude who is ready to bring the introduction 'Aromatic Schnapps'

5- They relocate to another city... After skelewuing their life away in one city, they will most probably relocate to another city to start life afresh, and trap some unfortunate guy who has absolutely no idea about her whoring past ... After all, PROSTITUTION IS ALL ABOUT LOCATION... ASHAWO WEY CHANGE LOCATION NA VIRGIN

cococandy:
another goat comes along.

MKO4ever:
".........................I attended Provincial Secondary School, Katsina. I graduated in 1961 with many prominent Nigerians, including General Shehu Yar’adua, former chief of staff at the Supreme Headquarters, and Justice Umaru Abdullahi, a former President of the Court of Appeal. We sat for the University of Cambridge/WASC Examination together in 1961, the year we graduated. My examination number was 8280002, and I passed the examination in the Second Division."

Bikko, what else do you people want from this man? why don't we just focus on the real issues facing the country? Jonathan was first and still the only phd holder to rule this country and look at what mess he has made of the certificate. Now I can't even be proud of my phd certificate if people like Jonathan carry the same certificate around.

Trailblazer1:
Is this the certificate

JackBaueress1:
Jimi Agbaje's billboard was removed 24hours it was mounted along LASU-Igando road. There was a serious road block the day it was mounted as I passed the road last week. 24hours I passed the same road,his pictures were removed.
Even though I am an APC supporter,LASAA is being biased. There must be fairness in their job.

fashrola:
the secondary school no dey give certificate nor testimonial?