₦airaland Forum

vimi:
I think jonothan iis a humble guy tho...

See Jonathan common door he can't open...Worse president ever

800,000 Nigerians living in South Africa it's pure false.... Even Zimbabwes barely that figure

Ilekeh:
Most hated because he joined "amala and ewedu" party?

When stupidity speaks...Why do some igbo always try to bring down Yoruba peopl...for the sakes of nation building I reserved my comment...

These pictures was meant to be funny until I found out d pictures are actually real... Then I wept for this country of mediocrity....Mostly from South South regions

luvlyoracle:
but you use a computer

So? are u saying all computers run on windows? If so then I can't help you.

By Pius Adesanmi

Putain de merde! I exclaim in absolute contempt as I hand over my passport to the French police officer. That’s an unthinkable vulgarity! It is the father of vulgarities in French, guaranteed to catch the attention of the French policeman who now holds my passport, lost in a few seconds of confusion. His colleagues in the ongoing process of stripping Nigerians of their human dignity also stop sharply in their tracks, all eyes on me. I have them where I want them.

Putain de merde! I exclaim in absolute contempt as I hand over my passport to the French police officer. That’s an unthinkable vulgarity! It is the father of vulgarities in French, guaranteed to catch the attention of the French policeman who now holds my passport, lost in a few seconds of confusion. His colleagues in the ongoing process of stripping Nigerians of their human dignity also stop sharply in their tracks, all eyes on me. I have them where I want them. I want all four French police officers to hear me use a vulgarity that no White French man or woman can get away with using in the presence of a French policeman in the best of circumstances, let alone an African with a black ass getting off the plane - and from Nigeria of all places!

In the thirty seconds of their confusion, I can visualize what is going on in their minds. Their job, to stand right at the door of the plane, look mean and unfriendly, and scrutinize the passports of all passengers arriving from Nigeria, before such passengers proceed to face further humiliation at immigration and passport control, has conditioned them psychologically to face docile, frightful, and suppliant Nigerians pouring out of Air France flights weekly from Abuja or Lagos. Only for this six-foot-two-inch-male to hand over his passport with an air of supreme confidence bordering on intolerable arrogance and to ice that cake of hubris with unbelievable pottymouthed vulgarity.

What to do with this pompous Nigerian? Well, he did say “putain de merde”, right? It’s not just that he said it. It’s the way he said it: 100% Parisian French, complete with the accent. Nobody says it like that without being in perfect command of the French language, culture, and civilization. Nobody says it like that without having lived in Paris, without having crawled the streets of Barbes and Chateau d’Eau, without having been a habitual crawler on the platforms of Les Halles. This arrogant chap is one of us. He knows us inside out. He must have once lived here with us. He is us. He is doing this deliberately to provoke a reaction.

If this is the thinking of these French police officers, they are absolutely right on the money. Unfortunately for them, the passport I present while spewing my vulgarity is Canadian, not Nigerian. It works! I can sense their disappointment, their frustration. The only one who has dared to confront them has to go and present the passport of a fellow Western power! I can visualize the one million and one things they would have done to me if I was travelling on my Nigerian passport. Of course, my intention, the moment I saw them on stepping out of the plane, is to hide behind the strong arms of Canada and fight for my Nigerian humanity and dignity. Those of us who live transnational lives often have to do that – much to our displeasure. I shouldn’t have needed the might and power of Canada to shield me from the scorn, humiliation, and racism of these French police officers. My Nigerian passport should have been enough to do the magic. And that is why I am writing this piece in anger.

The officer looks at my Canadian passport, scrutinizes the photo in it to make sure it’s me – black folk have this annoying habit of all looking alike, all looking the same – and smiles in helpless submission to the power of the Western essence of that passport. Then he asks a few friendly questions about my time in France. For a Nigerian, your French isn’t something one encounters every day, he says. How did you learn French? When did you leave France for Canada? Then he waves me on with wide smile. I leave after registering my protest over what he and his colleagues are doing. I am not fooled by the friendliness. I fear for my compatriots still waiting on the line with Nigeria’s notorious passport behind me. Once the good behaviour and amiable mien imposed on these police officers by Canada wears off, they will snarl at first sight of the next Nigerian passport and return to character. They will resume hostilities. Whoever steps up after me with a Nigerian passport will pay the price of my rudeness. Transferred aggression.

Above is a summary of what happened as I stepped off the plane from Abuja last week to Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris. I was on my way back from a busy week of lectures in Nigeria and was going to take a connecting flight to Ottawa. As the plane taxied to a stop at the gate, the captain announced that there would be an additional police check and passport control just outside the door of the plane. That was the beginning of my anger. I hadn’t flown Air France since the 1990s. In fact, the last time I did business with Air France was back in 1998 and that demeaning, dehumanizing, and patently racist policy of an extra passport check on passengers arriving from Nigeria had just begun. It was a fallout of the draconian racist policies of a French politician and government official called Charles Pasqua who pretty much spent the 1990s hunting and hounding African immigrants and enacting racist policy and racist policy when he served as Minister of Interior. Nicolas Sarkozy’s subsequent hounding of Africans and immigrants – who he called scum – was a Pasqua hangover. The National Front of Jean-Marie Le Pen and his loquacious daughter are boy scouts in the province of French racism and intolerance. The real deal was Charles Pasqua and his 1990s laws.

How the French moved from their usual suspects, their usual victims – Malian, Burkinabe, and Senegalese immigrants – to focus on Nigeria as an even greater object of their scorn, contempt, and racism beats me. But the profiling and extra checks began in the 1990s. Since I stopped flying Air France in 1998, all my trips to France, all my holidays, all my summer writing retreats in Paris had been from Canada or the United States, so I had no way of knowing that the practice of profiling Nigerians arriving on Air France from Abuja or Lagos had continued all these years. It was in Abuja that I first got an inkling of what lay ahead. Boarding Air France from Nigeria is like attempting to clear security and see President Obama in the White House. In fact, it is easier to see Obama as you can always scale the fence of the White House these days. Air France officials check and recheck your passport. Layers and layers of checks. Just before you board, they queue you up again and bring electronic passport scanners in big boxes looking like INEC machines. Checks, checks, and checks. They already got on my temper in Abuja. Only to arrive in France and have stern police officers waiting right outside of the door of the plane for – alas – another layer of dehumanizing passport control. Mind you, the passengers whose final destination is France are still going ahead to immigration and passport control!

Just a week earlier, I had used this same airport on my way from Canada to Nigeria. When my plane landed from Montreal, nobody did any additional passport check. Nobody was waiting at the door of the plane. I just entered and went on to the gate of my connecting flight to Abuja – unharrassed, unmolested. Seven days later, I am coming from Abuja – same me, same passports – and everything changes. Checks, checks, checks. What has changed?

That extra passport check of passengers arriving from Nigeria – after all the pre-boarding checks and verification in Nigeria and the regular customs and immigration check they will still face in France - by French police is a flagrant act of racist humiliation and discrimination that should be resisted by the Nigerian Government. That nonsense started in the 1990s and I am surprised that the Nigerian Government has allowed it to last this long. Part of my frustration with the Nigerian authorities is that they don’t always know when and how to wield Nigeria’s immense economic weight against misbehaving European powers. France is of zero economic benefit to Nigeria. How many Nigerian businesses are in France? How many Nigerian conglomerates and multinational corporations are in France? Whatever we make from trade with France is guguru and epa money. On the contrary, Nigeria is of massive economic benefit to France. Total is in Nigeria. Peugeot is in Nigeria. Schlumberger is in Nigeria. So many French corporations are in Nigeria making a killing. Air France operates weekly flights to Lagos, Abuja, and Port Harcourt.

There is nothing France can do to Nigeria because she is of little or no economic value to Nigeria. The sky will not fall if Nigerians don’t consume brie, camembert and other French cheese (we have wara). The sky will not fall if Nigerians don’t consume French wine (which they know zero about anyway. A Nigerian pretending to know French wine is usually just forming). The sky will not fall if we don’t drive Peugeot (Japanese cars are there to ensure that we don’t miss Peugeot). On the contrary, if Nigeria sneezes, France will catch an economic cold. We are that important to the economy of France. In essence, France is in no position to humiliate and discriminate against Nigerians with that nonsensical extra passport check by police waiting outside the door of a plane in Paris – creating the impression that they are about to sort through a bunch of potential and actual criminals. What sort of profiling is this in the 21st century?

I wrote an article praising Viola Onwuliri a few months ago. Minister Onwuliri was handling career profilers of Nigeria at the international level in a way that made one proud to be a Nigerian. I even temporarily suspended my remembrance of her ignominious role in Occupy Nigeria because of the way she was doing the business of Nigeria at Foreign Affairs. The Ambassadors of India and Egypt will not forget her quickly. I think it is time for the Ambassador of France in Nigeria to be summoned to Foreign Affairs for an encounter with whoever has succeeded Viola Onwuliri. A clear, muscular, and unambiguous message needs to be sent to the Elysee in Paris. The message should be backed with threats. If the French do not stop their misbehaviour, we must threaten to ban Air France and even ban Total and Peugeot from operating in Nigeria. Nothing is more important than the human dignity of the Nigerian citizen. If the French state cannot respect that, they have no business doing business in Nigeria and raking in billions.

A note to the Nigerians who have been patronizing Air France since the 1990s. So, this practice has continued since the 1990s when I last flew Air France and una jus keep quiet dey tolerate am? This is why Nigerians dey taya me. This followership thing. This is why your rulers get away with everything they do to you. You just keep taking it. You take it from your rulers. You take it from Air France. You take it from South African Airways. You take it from Egypt Air. That is why Egypt Air felt emboldened to maltreat that Nigerian boy until Viola Onwuliri stepped in to deal with them. If, tomorrow, Air Rwanda starts to profile and maltreat you, you will take it from them.

Yeah, I know. I’ve heard it. If our rulers weren’t as useless and irresponsible as to kill Nigerian Airways, if we had our own national carrier, bla bla, and bla. That, my friend, is a yeye argument. That your system killed Nigerian Airways is no excuse for you to be treated anyhow by other airlines taking your hard-earned money. If they treat your money with dignity, they and the governments which own them must treat your body and person with dignity. End of story!


Source: www.nigeriatell.com/news/pius-adesanmi-ban-air-france-from-nigeria-now

worry359:
[size=14pt]Something very strange here!!!!!![/size]
This story is running around Nigerian web pages
But Nothing on British or other western news reports!

I suspect FAKE STORY / LIES.

There goes another low minded Nigeria, so because no western news reporting this then it must be fake? I pity you

A private Lear jet with nine passengers on board crashed on approach near Grand Bahama International Airport Sunday, killing everyone on the plane, including a prominent evangelical pastor and his wife.

Bahamas Press
"The Department of Civil Aviation has been advised unofficially that the aircraft was destroyed and that there were no survivors," the Ministry of Transport and Aviation said in a statement to The Associated Press.

The Lear 36 Executive Jet had taken off from the Bahamian capital of Nassau and crashed about 5 p.m. local time Sunday, as it was coming in for a landing at Grand Bahama International Airport in Freeport.

Dr. Myles Munroe and his wife Ruth were killed in the crash, Kelley Jackson, a spokeswoman from the Andrew J. Young Foundation told ABC News.

"Ambassador Young expresses his deep sadness over the tragic death of his friends Dr. Myles and Mrs. Ruth Munroe," the organization posted on its Facebook page tonight. "He offers condolences to the Munroe family and the families of the other souls who lost their lives as a result of this shocking plane crash."

Dr. Richard H. Pinder, a Senior Vice President and Pastor of Bahamas Faith Ministries Fellowship Church, also died in the crash, Bahamas Faith Ministries confirmed to ABC news.

Bahamas Press
People inspect the wreckage following a jet crash near Grand Bahama International Airport in Freeport, Bahamas, Nov. 9, 2014.
The group was on their way to the Global Leadership Forum, which was organized by Munroe and was scheduled for this week in Freeport. A posting on Munroe's Facebook page said the event would go on for two and a half days.

"This is what Dr. Munroe would have wanted. Please keep his family and the ministry in prayers," the post said.

Dr. William M. Wilson, president of Oral Roberts University where Munroe was a student, expressed his sadness at the loss of an "outstanding ORUalumni and friend."





Myles Munroe
Dr. Myles Munroe, internationally-known author, bible teacher, governmental consultant and leadership mentor, was one of nine passengers on a plane that crashed in Grand Bahama on Sunday afternoon, according to multiple news reports.

A Lear 36 executive jet left the Lynden Pindling International Airport (LPIA) for the Grand Bahama International Airport, the Department of Civil Aviation reports. The plane departed at 4:07 p.m. and carried nine people. The vessel crashed while making its landing approach, the Department of Civil Aviation said.

News reports indicate his wife, Ruth, and daughter were also killed in the crash.

Myles Munroe's ministry was not immediately available for comment.

adeoladrg:
Smh for you people oo!no




He dropped them in school where he knew they'll get at least some care. Do you know what it means to be jobless in this country? And more as I presume, uneducated? If you do then you'd know better than saying trash because you have little bandwidth to express yourself on NL front page. The shoes of the father and the children are very sad shoes to be in, but calling the man wicked is to be HYPOCRITICAL!

I hate commenting on NL but this person's comment getting 31 likes its so outrageous.

Sixty-seven South Africans have been killed and scores injured in the collapse of a building in the compound of a Lagos Pentecostal church last week, South Africa's President Jacob Zuma said.

"This is a particularly difficult time for South Africa. Not in the recent history of our country have we had this large
number of our people die in one incident outside the country," Zuma said in a statement on Tuesday.

"The whole nation shares the pain of the mothers, fathers, daughters and sons who have lost their loved ones."

The guest house, under construction in the compound belonging to the Synagogue Church of All Nations, headed by
"Prophet" T B Joshua, collapsed on Friday while three extra stories were being added to its existing two floors.

Local emergency services put the total number killed in the collapse in the Ikotun neighbourhood of Lagos at 61 on Tuesday.

There was no immediate explanation for the discrepancy in the numbers.

Clayson Monyela, South Africa's head of Public Diplomacy, said over twitter that numbers took time to emerge because the team in Nigeria were not getting the the cooperation they needed.

Monyela also said the death toll could rise.

Sixty-seven South Africans have been killed and scores injured in the collapse of a building in the compound of a Lagos Pentecostal church last week, South Africa's President Jacob Zuma said.

"This is a particularly difficult time for South Africa. Not in the recent history of our country have we had this large
number of our people die in one incident outside the country," Zuma said in a statement on Tuesday.

"The whole nation shares the pain of the mothers, fathers, daughters and sons who have lost their loved ones."

The guest house, under construction in the compound belonging to the Synagogue Church of All Nations, headed by
"Prophet" T B Joshua, collapsed on Friday while three extra stories were being added to its existing two floors.

Local emergency services put the total number killed in the collapse in the Ikotun neighbourhood of Lagos at 61 on Tuesday.

There was no immediate explanation for the discrepancy in the numbers.

Clayson Monyela, South Africa's head of Public Diplomacy, said over twitter that numbers took time to emerge because the team in Nigeria were not getting the the cooperation they needed.

Monyela also said the death toll could rise.

South African Department of International Relations spokesman Nelson Kgwete said in a statement on Monday that "at
least five South African church tour groups were at the Synagogue at the time of the collapse".

Another 131 people who had been in the building survived, said Ibrahim Farinloye, spokesman for the National Emergency Management Agency in the southwest.

Representatives of the church could not immediately be reached for comment.

TB Joshua's church draws thousands of followers from all over Africa and many other parts of the world, attracted by
claims that he and his inner circle have special healing powers, including cures for normally incurable ailments including
HIV/AIDS and chronic kidney disease.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/africans-killed-nigeria-church-collapsed-212623390.html#HrB9LD1

sholay2011: Genevieve looks good!!!!!

Funke Akindele makes sense. ..

Chidinma et al. look cheap...sorry

No comment on Tiwa garbage.

Tiwa looks gorgeous pls get over urself

What a stupid question...why would my sister want my wife to seat at the back

Oyetboy: he evaded jail...

Not too fast...wait 24hrs before you make that conclusions.

edenhazard: [size=50pt]ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC PERFOMANCE[/size]

IMPOSTER! imposter!!IMPOSTER...Silly person

Of all d problems Nigeria is having, d Fed Govt is planning to ban ponmo. Is that the next line of action?

rashygenius: S/africa 3-Nig 0

Bloody Agent

justi4jesu: Eehhh yaaaaa thank heart.....inshort wipe ur tears.

Your matter is now at Nairaland court, case adjourned until Dec 2020

O de...see me rushing to read thinking it was something serious...

Now I know the people that decides what goes on the front page are biased people...I posted this same topic last week and never made front page...Typical Nigerians...nonsense

https://www.nairaland.com/1886685/video-ebola-patient-escapes-quarantine

Oduduwaboy: I learnt the man only used style to once again heap the blames on his wife's head & the OP is here promising us a 'robust' details of how Pastor chris addressed the issue! I just tire for the people o...infact these are no more sheep being led by a Shepard but goats: proudly incorrigible! The black race is done for!!!

He made matter poorer, when he says he is a Man of God not a preacher...If you indeed a man that have a relationship with ''God'' the God that knows everything and that can do all things. Then your wife should never have thought about taking you to court. Please stop using the references in the bible I have studied the bible to some extent, but based on lies Men like you told in the past, I tell you men of the bible confined their women and their sentiments don't matter, which was the norm of those days. But in this age we don't want that, we want our women resourceful and out spoken...I hate you men of God that neglects your wives claiming to be serving the God you cannot see...Like the bible says: HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME THAT YOU CANNOT SEE,BUT HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR WHOM YOU CONVERSE WITH DAILY...Please Pastor you are human, I have been to your church several occasions and never once see your wife...common who takes care of her sexual needs which left me wondering who takes care of yours MAN OF GOD?

Fashola4thSon: KILL DEM ALL

Please no prisoners

milehigh06: wait ...think about it...why must CNN employ a Nigerian to report on 1 story? so basically they should employ one person from each country they report on....una dull

Seriously? am saying go to South Africa they have a South African reporting and she lives in SA Robyn Curnow and yes she is white, London= Becky Anderson( She just recently moved to Abu Dhabi,but they still have Atika Shubert and many British, like that Buick guy can't remember his name and so on, in the history of CNN no Nigerian is worthy of their platform...well I don't blame them I blamed stupid Nigerian government

Now I see, I was wondering why the aggressive reporting by CNN...they can't wait to add Nigeria when the first case was recorded in Nigeria, CNN was so happy...You will think the whole of west Africa are dying of EVD...haba, ...CNN is a political news station as a matter of fact majority of all this news outlet have hidden agenda both local and International.

Has anyone hear of the progress Nigeria is making towards Ebola on CNN?...No one would see that on CNN BECAUSE is not news worthy...

The new Inside Africa presenter was a big blow on Nigeria, one would think with all the Advertisement Nigerian companies have on CNN, CNN will give that Job to a Nigerian but no they gave it to one girl with such a bad accent.

They will never employ Nigerian to report Nigeria story never they rather bring in their own buy won't do that in South Africa.

redcliff: Nonsense post..

by the way it was last year Hulk Hogan came to Lagos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpK9X4Zzvjg

From Time magazine on the subject of her body, for example:

Joan Rivers claims that she is now only a thin blonde disaster area, where once she was a fat blonde disaster area. In high school, she says, “I got to be chairman of the decorating committee for the prom. We decided to hold it at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, in the Grand Ballroom. I made it look just like a gymnasium. Then what happens? I was the only girl not asked to the prom. My father is a very sensitive, perceptive person, so he said, ‘Look, Lump, we’ll get your cousin to take you.’ My cousin! Think of the humiliation! And my cousin, she didn’t want to take me either.”


Take wigs. The ordinary woman puts a wig on her head and that’s that. Joan’s wig gets run over by a car—and then the driver gives her $10 and his sympathy for having killed her dog.
But even when she was at her most caustic, her idea that nothing was sacrosanct didn’t mean she didn’t care. In 1983, when TIME called her “the funniest woman in the country,” she explained that the best comedy is “always on the brink of disaster,” walking the line between boring and going too far. The article began with the following anecdote:

“If I say anything vicious, just add afterward the words: ‘She laughed.'” So, to grant the lady her request and, at the same time, to avoid repeating those two words several dozen times, please regard most of the punctuation marks that follow as shorthand symbols for “Joan Rivers laughed.”

→ I've learned only to make jokes about public figures. I went pretty far with Elizabeth Taylor, and I told my very good friend Roddy McDowall, who was her best friend: "But I only make jokes about people who make $40 million a year!" Then again, Cher got upset when I took her out of the act!

→ I've learned not to have regrets about plastic surgery. I have made America prettier! People should be thanking me! The plastic surgery assocation should be giving me freebies!

→ I've learned not to take those "World's Most Beautiful" or "Sexiest Alive" titles too seriously. People can be named the best anything depending on who's voting. Sometimes it's three people. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote. The people voting for the Oscars are so old: I always say, I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

→ I've learned not to slow down. I'm so lucky to have my life. In a previous life, I must have been the Jewish Mother Teresa: Mama Selma. I didn't cure lepers, but it's not so bad to lose a finger. It's not so terrible if you have another finger to put the ring on.

→ I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. I got a lot of flack for a joke I made about Heidi Klum and the Nazis ["The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens"], but I never apologized for it. I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness. But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

→ I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business. He loved me, loved me, loved me, and I left his show very honorably to do my own show. Then the minute I was competition for him, he cut me off at the knees. He said I never called him, and it followed me for 10 years. I would go on a set, and people would say, "We heard you were terrible to work with." It was NBC who did that to me. I've never done Jay Leno, but I'm sort of glad about that. He wouldn't know what to do with someone funny.

→ I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper. My gardener Jose is invited -- he asks me to bring him his sombrero to clean it for him.

→ I've learned you don't always listen to your agents and managers. Sometimes they know nothing. ABC once offered me a daytime talk show a long time ago. My agent and manager said, "Joan, you're a nighttime personality." So I turned it down. Then ABC went to Chicago and found this girl with blue eye shadow named Oprah Winfrey. Now she's got $500 million, and I'm part of the crew. I do the catering for Obama.

Guykhena: Tho I never liked your show,but I still miss you R.I.P .

Do you know what I hated her shows but her jokes are killers...

check this out!!

Look at Gwyneth Paltrow being named the most beautiful this year. She got Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder to vote.

I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is the boss -- no matter what they tell you. They tell you that Rupert Murdoch and Barry Diller own 50 percent, and I own 50 percent. Well, forget it -- you get zero if they decide you get zero

I hate you some times but you made me laugh so many many times that I forgets the pain you cost me at times with your expensive jokes.
For many years you've tried to improve yourself, physically and spiritually, from career in acting to stand ups to late night shows; you did it all.

What a fulfilled life...Like you lived your life making expensive jokes about people I hope you look better in death than you looked when alive, with all your surgeries men you ugly.

We love you and you will be missed.

“We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak- Joan Rivers

“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”- Joan Rivers




_{JOAN RIVER'S Fans please write famous quotes you can remember.}


1. “Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.”

2. “I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer’s. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.”

3. “At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”

4. “When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.”

5. “I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.”

6.“There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.—I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.”

7. You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.”

8. Had a friend who is going through menopause come by for lunch today. Her hot flash was so bad, it steam-cleaned my carpet

9. That comes with age:knowing its their problem not mine

10. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking

11. “The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I’ve been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.”

12. “I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

13. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made



And below my personal favorite

I have learned how to appreciate land mark moments like the Emmy I won in 1990, ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY CAREER, unfortunately when I went to pawn it. it turned out not to be gold.


Please guys add more Joan's jokes or quotes.

May she rest well...