debeo:
Enorsaint

Your post is very very hilarious I must say, but why not put each point on a different line

It makes it easier to read!

Thank you!!! I never knew there are people like this (debo) on nairaland ooo

1. Nigerians don't ever rest.
Even
after death, they still work as
ancestors, collecting kolanuts,
white fowl and aromatic
Schnapps.


2. In Hollywood, you feel
people's pulse to know whether
they're dead or alive. In
Nollywood, just
pick the hand and drop it.


3. If You Marry A Girl That Can't
Cook, Bros Your Case Dey
"MR BIGGS"



4. When next you check your
boyfriend's texts. Ignore his
chats
with girls, and check the ones
with guys. That's where the
truth is


5. No matter how expensive
your Wrist watch is, as long as it
won't tell you Christ's Second
coming, its as Useless as the
"p"in Psycho


6. If you have attended over 100
weddings and you are still
single. Sister, you are no longer
different from a canopy.


7. You don't have to be in UK to
be OK, Help comes from
Above not Abroad.


8. Ladies are wicked. They will
lay on your chest and ask,
"Honey have you ever cheated
on me?" ...then wait for your
heart to beat fast. .


9. A cockroach is afraid of a rat,
a rat is afraid of a cat, cat is
afraid of a dog, a dog is afraid
of a man, a man is afraid of his
girlfriend, a girlfriend is afraid of
a cockroach. That's life


10. LAST SEEN: Whatsapp- 1Min
ago .BBM - 5Mins ago,
Twitter- 2Mins ago . BIBLE -
2002. My dear, the Devil has
soaked your cane in
kerosene


11. BBM and Whatsapp have
been rated as the 2nd and 3rd
app for chats and gossip, but
Women Still retain the 1st
position


12. Wedding ring is the smallest
handcuff ever made. So think
deep, choose ur prison mate
carefully & sentence urself
wisely
to avoid
Prison break


13. To those who commit
suicide; why are you So selfish?
Why kill yourself when so many
people are looking for who to
use for money rituals?


14. As a matter of fact, there's
no female angel in the Bible.
So if any guy calls you an angel,
na wash ooooo.


15. And if after reading this u
refuse to comment , devil dey
dance shakiti bobo for your
head....!!!

Diligent And Be Humble. Aliko Dangote was born into a wealthy home in Kano. He got his first degree in Cairo, Egypt. He had always loved trading , and reports say he hawked sweets even as a primary school child , even though his family was wealthy. Dangote is really a very humble person even by the confessions of people who have interacted with him. But Dangote is not the only hardworking Nigerian. He is not the only humble person around . He is probably not the most business savvy in Africa. But he is certainly the richest Blackman in the world . His companies employ over 11 , 000 people directly – not to mention , distributors,bc ontractors and other vendors who depend on his businesses to thrive . Dangote is a blessing to humanity.There is no family in Nigeria today that does not have a Dangote product in their home. If it is not sugar, then it is salt or the house you are living in was built with a Dangote Cement . Everyone has something to do with his business , so like Job he earns a little off everyone and that is the way to get wealthy. Dangote is the 23 rd richest person in the world and is said to be the second most powerful African alive . The question is how did Dangote attain such a height ? Yes, you can’ t take away his hard work and business acumen, but that is only the startingpoint. The answer will not be found in the Forbes Magazine or on Wikipedia. The answer is in the verse of scripture quoted above : If you are willing and obedient you will eat the good of the land .Sometime in the early 90 s Dangotebhad an encounter that set his foot on the path of destiny. Archbishop Benson Idahosa had some guests who needed to travel back urgently from Benin to Lagos to catch up their flight to the US . Unfortunately by the time the Archbishop took his guests to the airport they were told that the last flight for the days was overbooked and not a single seat was available. As a matter of fact , the passengers have boarded and were about to take off. Idahosa asked for the plane to be delayed a few minutes and walked to the tarmac where he was allowed to address the passengers. He pleaded with them about the desperate situation of his guests and asked that two persons should donate their seats for his guests to get to Lagos .Everyone in that plane was a Christian . Not one of them batted an eyelid. Some pretended to be asleep, some pretended to be praying and the man of God stood waiting . From the back of the plane , a young man asked the person sitting next to him to get up and together they vacated their seat for the American visitors. Idahosa stopped him in the aisle of the plane and asked , “Youngman , what is your name and what do you do ?” “ My name is Dangote , Aliko Dangote and this is my assistant . I am a trader, a businessman .”It was there and then, that Papa Idahosa prophesied to him that “ the World will get up for you”. He prayed that God should take his business beyond Africa and bless him beyond measure . Today God has answered that prayer . God destined that blessing for someone seated in that plane that evening. But there was a condition attached to it – Isa 1 :19 If you will only let me help you, if you will only obey , then I will make you rich! Dangote ’ s wealth today was not meant for a Christian businessman who was too proud, too fixated in his mind to offer the “flamboyant man of God”, the “prosperity preacher” his seat .My question is, if you were there on that plane , would you have taken the blessing?Enjoy your day. Nothing in life is worth fighting for. Your best clothes is someone's rag,your account balance is someone's donation at a function, your girl friend/ boy friend or fiance/fiancee' is someone's Ex. Every single prostitute you see in a hotel or on the street at night was at some point in time a virgin. So what is the squabble all about? Life is too small to feel bigger or better than anybody. We're all naked to death says Steve Jobs. Nothing can save us from it. I hate to see people who Brag about wealth, beauty, intelligence, level of education, fame and material possessions. There's nothing you've achieved in life that no one else has never gotten. There's only one thing that is worth bragging which is "BELIEVE IN GOD ALMIGHTY". SO BE GOOD TO YOUR FELLOW MAN AND ALWAYS MAKE FRIENDS. Always remember that the people you trampled upon on your way up a ladder will be the same set of people you're likely to pass on your way down, so cause no problem for others because if you do, they'll become your very problem one day. Finally, even banana stems will one day become dried leaves. God bless you all.

prettythicksme:
How old r u?

Any problem??

Cholls:
my brother are you afraid nemesis will catch up with you?

Lol!! Not really... Just confused..that's all

Zzyco:
BLANTANT LIES

Why would I lie? What for? FP nah money??

Hmmmm... My friend Tade just came to my house this afternoon and explained to me how his elder bro caught him having sex with his girlfriend.

Tade is 19 and he is not yet a student (waiting for admission list) and his brother just graduated out of the university of Benin. And about to serve.. this was how it all happened..

''My gf came to my house, and we discussed all the normal thing been said before we started banging.. I just finished the first round, and started the second round when my bro came home,our house-help opened the gate for him, I never realized someone came inside cause I was about to cum in my second round. Mehn..nah so I hear knock for my door.. He started shouting 'tade!!! I told him I was coming... Maybe he thought I was taking my bath... So, I told her(my gf) to dress up.. And I came out with my boxers and singlet on me... He was like 'what took you so long to open the door?'... To cut the story short, he burst inside and saw my gf... Omoh! The guy drew my ear outside.. And told me to send my gf away immediately... I followed instruction and told her to leave... Before she could leave my brother started slapping me in front of my gf.. He took off him belt.. And started flogging me.. My gf even tried to beg.. Omoh!! The guy almost flog my gf... I later told my gf to go..''



nairalanders!!! Please.. With this scenario..abeg I wan ask, did tade's elder bro did the right thing?....

Hey guys... I ignored this at first sight!!! Like seriously...am making money online, this is easier than forex trade.... Just follow this link... Don't ignore these!!!!
http://TheRevenueJob.com/?ref=7986 don't just browse in vain my bro&sis... God bless you

Hey guys... I ignored this at first sight!!! Like seriously...am making money online, this is easier than forex trade.... Just follow this link... Don't ignore these!!!!
http://TheRevenueJob.com/?ref=7986 don't just browse in vain my bro&sis... God bless you

Hey guys... I ignored this at first sight!!! Like seriously...am making money online, this is easier than forex trade.... Just follow this link... Don't ignore these!!!!
http://TheRevenueJob.com/?ref=7986 don't just browse in vain my bro&sis... God bless you

WATCHING FOOTBALL with some wives can be very frustrating and stressful! Wife : Dipo, who's that guy? Is that Chris Brown? Husband: Chris Brown bawo? No na, that's Theo Walcott!! Wife: Hey! What's that yellow card for? Husband: It's a warning to a player; and red means the player must stop playing and leave the pitch. Wife: Ohhh! It's something similar to a traffic light: Yellow - warning, Red - Stop. Husband: Yeah, yeah sure.. You are right!! Wife: What about the green card? Husband: Ohhh! there's nothing like that in football. Wife: Which teams are these? Husband: Which kind wahala be this na?!! God! It's Arsenal and Chelsea. What again?! Wife: Ok ok ok! What colour is Arsenal putting on? Husband: You no get eyes? No be red jersey be that? Wife: Ok..which team is putting on blue? Husband: (upset)...Omg! Haba! Wetin na? Don't you know its Chelsea? Wife: Hen hen? Wow! I want Arsenal to win the world cup. Husband: Wetin concern Arsenal with world cup? Where you from sef? Wife: Take am easy na! Please who's that old man? Husband: Hmmm... that's Arsenal's coach, Arsene Wenger. Wife: Oooh Ok..... I understand now. Sooo that means the other coach is Chelsea Wenger? Husband: You are silly. Wo, arabirin free me jare!! (Changes Channel to Africa Magic and left the house for a viewing center nearby!).... Wife: (Smiling to herself) If I don't do that, I won't be able to watch my favorite Telemundo

I was told to lie down in front of the staff room during long break... REASON: because I wooed the principal's niece

You nor even thank God say e nor hold you as the police officer..lol

1. Your girl is your second half. Yes you are the man; she knows that you are the man; you don't need to remind her about it. It is wrong for a guy to be constantly and always telling his girl/wife that he is the head of the relationship.
2. Don't be too authoritative.
3. Don't be too hard and don't be too soft. If you are too hard, she will have phobia for you and even hate you. If you are too soft, she will take you for granted.
4. Whenever she does something wrong, scold her a little and after a few minutes, draw her closer to you, hug her and kiss her.
5. Whenever you and her have a quarrel, after a few minutes hug her and kiss her telling her sweet words.
6. Don't command her to wash your clothes; plead with her to do so.
7. Learn how to use the word,"please", whenever you want her to do something for you.
8. Don't be too over protective. Allow her to visit her to visit her male and female friends. Infact allow her to call her male friends. You should trust her. Or else don't date the girl you don't trust. For the fact that she is dating you does not mean that she cannot have male friends.
9. Always apologise whenever you offend her.
10. Treat her like an angel. She will convert your house into Heaven. l good morning

OP...if that's you in that picture, mehn!!! Its nice jhor..... Bleep haters!!!

Your MAN may not own a car. He may not earn a lot of money. He may not live in a posh estate. He may not be able to shower you with gifts all the time. He may not have a great job. . "But it’s enough to know you are the ONLY ONE He has at his heart. He has a vision. He is Honest. He is very hard- working. He is humble. He keeps that smile on your face. He talks to you every day. He actually listens to you. He always replies your messages. He tolerates you when you're moody. . His family knows you. He tells you you're beautiful all the time. He sees you every chance he gets. He appreciates the smallest things you do. He is there when you need him. He respects you. He is proud you are his…he treats you like a QUEEN because you are his everything and he fears to lose you. . " Why ask for what he cannot afford? He may not have it all now, but one day he will...
He may not be living his dream now, but one day he will…
He pictures making a family with you and he means it when he says that he loves you. . " Dear Ladies, appreciate that man in your life who strives to be all you need..
He may not be all the things you need right now but with time he will be...
He will get a job, get the money,
he will buy a land and
he will build a house for both of you. He won’t be renting or staying at his parent’s house forever. He will fulfill all his promises and he will be a good dad to your children. .
Just kindly be patient if you seriously love him. Everything will be fine between both of you. Don't be pushed around by money and what you want to eat now.

Seuncoded:
Because Guys has been hanging around here Eaning Noting Even op

Is it a must you rubbish people? #smh... Nawa oo (pikin still dey worry you)

"WHY WOMEN CRY "
.
A little boy asked his mother,
" Why are you crying?" "
Because I'm a woman, " she told
him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His mum just hugged him and
said " And you will never will".
.
Later the little boy asked his
father,
"Why does mum seem to cry for
no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason,"
was all his dad could say.
.
The little boy grew up and
became a man, still wondering
why women cry.
.
Finally he put in a call to God.
When God got to the phone, he
asked,
"God, why do women cry so
easily?"
God said,
"When I made the woman she
had to be special.
.
I made her shoulders strong
enough to carry the weight of
the world, yet gentle enough to
give comfort.
.
I give her inner strength to
endure childbirth and the
rejection that many times come
from her children.
.
I gave her a hardness that
allows her to keep going when
everyone else gives up, and take
care of her family through
sickness and fatigue without
complaining. .
.
I gave her the sensitivity to love
her children under any
circumstances, even when her
child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her
husband through his faults and
fashioned her from his rib to
protect his heart.
.
I gave her wisdom to know that
a good husband never hurts his
wife, but sometimes tests her
strengths and her resolve to
stand beside him unfalteringly.
.
And finally, I gave her tears to
shed.
.
This is hers exclusively to use
whenever it is needed.
"You see my son," said God,
"The beauty of a woman is not
in the clothes she wears, the
figure that she carries, or he
way she combs her hair. The
beauty of a woman must be
seen in her eyes, because that is
the doorway to her heart - the
place where love resides. .
RESPECT WOMEN. .
.
Dont Forget To Hit Like And
Share With Your Loved Ones.

falconey:
[color=#990000][/color]

Keep on searching..... By the time you turn 50... Am sure you will see her... lol

PLEASE, RESPECT THIS GIRL . . ¤ A Girl who tells the world that she's taken.. . ¤ A Girl who understand when the bae is broke.. . ¤ A Girl who lies to her mum just to be with you. . ¤ A Girl who is not impressed by money because she knows that her Love is priceless . ¤ A Girl who opens her legs for you (risking to get pregnant) . ¤ A Girl who appreciates her man's effort . ¤ A Girl who never mind her friends opinion about you . ¤ A Girl who changes a boy to a Man . ¤ A Girl who dont smoke . ¤ A Girl who dont party hard . ¤ A Girl who loves much . . This type of girls are like diamonds, they are rare to see.. Show your self if you are among them

800million to Never have sex again in ur life will u accept or turn down the offer?......

I hear you oooo

tpiander:
you mean on a woman or on a man?
@ op.

Woman...

dazzlingd:
This question ought to come from a girl...
let a girl ask and I will answer, not from u

Lol!! Why?? If I may ask

I brought this here because of what happened today at work.

I work as a cafe attendant..just this morning, when I got to work. my friend and I were gisting.. Since there was no customer yet..that was when this NICKI entered my office oooo... She said: 'please.. I want to check the merit list for unilag' and I ushered her in and offered her a seat.. Nah him I look my friend ooo.. JESUS!!!! (Him eyesballs don wide pass JACKIE APPIAH own ooo.. 'Kileleyi(what is this?)

When the girl left, I went closer to my guy and I asked him why that mumu look on his face, and he said: 'michael.. You nor see that babe Mehn see as she full'

And I was like : 'hmmmmmm' that was when this topic came ooo.....



PLEASE!!! What's so special about it?? Why don't we get moved when we see their legs,hands and all that....

Lol..... Mrs sanusi(CRS) she was gifted with big ass oooo....But, she was the strict type, she doesn't joke with male students. FUNNIEST PART....nah my french teacher dey BANG her...#rumours shaaa

A LETTER BY AN ANGRY OLD SCHOOL CLASSMATE.
.
1. To my classmates who refused to tear the middle of their higher Education notebook for me to write a test, I hope you are still using that note.
.
2. To those who refused to open their notebook for me to copy, I hope you are all working at Chevron or Microsoft company now.
.
3. To class captains who always writes my name as one of the noise makers in the class simply because my name is very easy to spell, I hope you are the chairman of your local government now!
.
4. To those seniors who seized my belongings, belt, necklaces, foot wears, etc, and never returned them, hope you have obtained the highest rank in custom force!
.
5. To those who always collect the little money my parents gives me and made me go hungry without pity, and those who always break into my locker and steal my belongings, hope you have broke world bank now!
.
6. To those who ma-treats me because I was too tender, and those who always refuse to fix me in school football matches because you think I cannot do it, I hope Chelsea or Barcelona has
picked You!
.
7. To those who made a drawing on the school board, specifically Car, and asked me to push it (imagine pushing a drawn car?), I hope you are a mechanic now
.
Signed
An angry old school classmate.

joshbam:
Why is this thread so boring na? Does it mean AAU Applicants are not that many on Nairaland? Anyway, if any of you wants to process (runzzz) admission into Ambrose Alli University (AAU), Ekpoma, call 08169730673 for negotiation. The processing of admission is going to close this week, so if you wanna process yours, try act fast. The man that collects names from me is gonna submit his list by next week monday!

Na only first list based on merit, the other batch na based on who you know. So try act fast. I need only two candidates because the man collects 5 names from me every year and I've already gotten 3. I need only two, so act fast!!

seriously....I tell you...its damn dry...

Aspirie!!! Wishing you all the best of luck...(Streetlight)

Please..I need help...I didn't reach cut-off mark for medicine....how can I change to another course that suits my mark...or will I be given another course automatically Please..I need replies ooo....

If what she is saying is true,.. Then, she dey use JASS be that.. #buh, I don't belive it