₦airaland Forum

Maam, congratulation on your lovely family. Do not feel less of a wife and mother for bearing only female children. you will be happier in your old age.

However, you need peace in your home more than anything else. So if your husband has come up with the option of adopting a male child, if the financial muscle is there, commit to it, do it, wisely, ensure he is younger that your last biological child.

Taking care & training 6 children in today's Nigeria & even elsewhere in not an easy thing at all.
Count the cost & be sure you both want to commit, also , your kids may be young but they need emotional stability and needs to be engaged.
Things like this affect children more, for grown ups, it is understood as one of those things.
changing a maid/care giver can trigger negative reaction from children. Speak with a Councillor, engage your children and have their buy in - go for your legal adoption.

All the best

NwekeUG:
Dad Threw Mum Out For Not Bearing Male Child But We The Girls Feed Him Today - Nigerian Woman

A Nigerian lady, Uduak Victor, said her mother was thrown out by her father for not bearing a male child, IGBERETV reports.

Uduak disclosed this in a Facebook group, while commenting on a post about a mother of four girls, whose husband is threatening to marry a second wife if she doesn't give birth to a male child.

"Madam leave that thing and take care of ur treasures very well, my father that had the same mentality, threw my mum out but to God be the glory we the girls are the one feeding him today we were (5) female and we are all married, that y I love my mum very much." she wrote.

https://igberetvnews.com/1436919/dad-threw-mum-bearing-male-child-girls-feed-today-nigerian-woman/

On the flip side, if she ask for your nude, will you send?
Will you make everything easy because you love her?

If you eventually send your nude image, is that a confirmation that you dearly love her? Do you expect that that will make her value you more?

Mcheeew!

There is this guy that I came across, and I liked him, along the line he requested that I send him my nudes. What! that came as a shock cos I couldn't imagine that sort of request, haven't heard it before - that is quite some years back, again, I met him through someone in church.
That was a big turn off for me, and himself wasn't forthcoming after that.
We were both in Lagos, not long distance

I wasn't judgemental but i just replied that, that is not part of it, which also appeared to be a turn-off for him.
It was just a few calls and messages and things came to a halt. I came to understand another perspective of responsible looking people

Tombrown3:
Really, even when I sweet talk them to doing it against their will?

I'm who believes when a woman likes you, she makes everything about her easy for you, you might miss interpret it as she being cheap or loose.

Louder == Please increase your volume

burgermeister:
Imagine! A woman trusts you enough to send her nudes to you and you think she isn't wife material because of that? Bro, that's very low. You asked for it in the first place didn't you?

Dear ladies please don't send your nudes to men or allow them record you. Same guy you sent your nudes will use it to insult you. It is morally wrong and could lead to blackmail tomorrow.

NB: I am a man. Please not all of us are to be trusted with such things. It could bite you back in the future. Shalom!

Let us get the account number & raise money on Nairaland, little drops fill the drum - so the saying goes.

The solution lies within you and not with someone else; play your part

Don't become complacent in another person's business. Attend other interviews, review the offers and explore opportunities. That will add to your experience and enrich your CV. At the beginning of a career, you have to be on the move, don't stay long on one spot. 50k salary is too meager a take home. Look for a job that pays well, and your total earnings will be legit at the end of it all.

In the meantime, since your performance is impressive, engage your boss for a pay rise, don't approach it as a right, but an appeal that the 50k is not manageable considering the current economic situation. All the best

Melagros:
After a long-job-search, August last year I got a job in a farm as a manager through an agency and the salary is 50k, meanwhile, before that, I'd registered with some couple of agencies, also, personally, I'd submitted my CV in some organisations

To be brief! When I'd already started working, a hotel that offered me an employment as a general supervisor/assistant manager before they asked me to stop after working for two days recontacted me, I snubbed them and the salary was 60,000

Precisely, in December last year, another agency reached out to me for an interview but, I told them that I was not in town and they told me to let them know whenever I'm in town. Yesterday, another agency too invited me for an interview I replied them that I haven't returned from Christmas break

Why I glued to my current job is that, though, my 'meagre' salary is 50,000 Naira but, there are other side businesses I do that I make extra money because, within the first three months of my employment, I was able to rent my apartment, a self-contain, furnished it, I'm looking up to a bedroom flat before the expiration of my rent. I was owing my Alma Mater 100,000, for clearance, as I'm posting this thread the money is in my account, I'm just waiting for school to resume so I can go and pay the money. Also, I'm budgeting between 80-100k, for a phone by the end of this month

I have a good CV, I'm a hard worker, a good administrator, also, I'm multi-tasking. In these five months that I have been with this organisation, because of my performance, my boss made huge profit beyond his projection to the extent that he added a bus to the fleet of buses we have, he testified that, ever since he opened this business he has never seen a good manager like me and he's ready to do anything to keep in the company

Please, if I'm called for an interview again, should I honour the invitation or I should continue here? Honestly, I'm confused!
Thanks

Warm wishes for her birthday. So cute

She shall fulfill the number of days that God apportioned for her; and fulfill destiny

wherever she turns to, favour will follow her

This time, Akwa Ibom is for Obi
Ado Ok

ItsTutsi:
Akwa Ibom na PDP State, nothing concerns us for there.. whatever you give us, we will humbly take

Thank you for this expository. I was born in Oron, (did secondary school & University in Uyo) but you can't believe that I have never been to Oron - I don't know Oron. I kept procrastinating until insecurity caught up within the polity

I keep saying I will take a trip to Oron; your write up is just the motivation that I needed.
Unfortunately, I just returned from Akwa Ibom (Uyo)

Oron is a "Must visit" Thanks

Unfortunately, this is the sad reality. This can be very heartbreaking to sane police officers and there are hundreds of sane police officers in Nigeria.

On the flip side, millions of Nigerians and homes have been heartbroken by policemen and police brutality.

I used to hear it & watch it on screen but on Nov 25,2022, about 10 PM. I was technically kidnapped by Policemen of Ilupeju Police station from their station - they tried to force me into keke, to Mushin to go cash out at a POS operator who they claim operates till late hours just because I said that I had only 5k on me when they demanded for 30k; I mean I do not even know Mushin. I summoned courage & refused to Oblige,
I told them I cannot go with them in their keke in the dark, I don't know the driver or the accompanying policeman, I can only do transfer or go to nearest bank. Eventually we rode in my car to fidelity bank in Ilupeju and I cashed out for them and they let me go. I have never found myself in that level of vulnerability all my life, but I knew if i had to go home with my life, I had to become a fool and not look at looses.

What was my offense? U-turn on town planning way by town planning office. I just came from the Indian quarters to head up to Gbagada, it was getting to 9PM and the road was free, so I was like instead off hitting Ikorodu road to go turn back all the way at Ojuelegba bridge or Jibowu, the road was calm with no vehicle coming, I turned, trying to negotiate to Anthony bridge inward Gbagada, The inspector & his team from Ilupeju (who were on illegal/criminal road block) stopped me, along side others that I met there and some were stopped after me.

They requested that we follow them to station, despite all my pleas, they threatened to deflate my Tyre/shoot. Eventually, I followed them, others followed behind me, the police officer with the cocked gun entered my car, sat in front and refuse to use the seat belt that it is against their rule, so the alarm for the belt was disturbing till we got to their station.

Getting to the station, I realised that all the other cars are gone, the one that was following closely while trying to pullup where he was asked to park, just reversed with speed and escaped - I was also their only female victim.

There was nothing formal about the whole process, no entry/log in their station. myself or the vehicle did not enter the station, they just used the station as a base for crime. they brought out the keke from the station.

The wise thing would be to ask them to formalise, leave the vehicle there and return to pay the appropriate fines to govt coffers( which can still be looted as against outright criminal police brutality) but I was to travel out of town with early morning flight, this is what really made me to become a vegetable for them. I did not want to disrupt my travel plans and when I returned, time has evolved, I considered it stale and decided to let it slip.
If I were to be in town, I would have returned to the station to know the name of the inspector on duty that night and the two officers who bullied me - the one who pointed the gun9rode in my car) and the other who brought the keke, to forcefully take me to Mushin(whether it was actually to extort money or outright kidnap), I leave vengeance for God - for me, I was helpless, the inspector said they don't want to see me cry, if I cry they will shoot.
I am very grateful to God, if those criminals discovered that I had a reasonable amount of money in the car, I wouldn't live to tell this story. I had to make sure that I return with that car that night.

I empathise with his current situation though.

He means that he poured a glass of water on his elder brother and expected the brother to clap for him.
Violence met violence - they have the same DNA

Harry is a grown man, now a father, he should stop being aggressive

Very unfortunate situation, God perfect her healing.

Listen up!, please be kind to animals, esp domestic animals. Even when you have care givers for your pet/domestic animal, once in a while, try to personally hand out something to them.

This woman own these dogs for 2 years but the dogs don't know her. Dogs are the most emotional of all animals ( I'm not a fan though, but I try to hand out something if possible whenever I get in contact and this help me to manage my fear of dogs)

Do not own dogs if you cant connect with your dog, it can have a positive or negative impact some day

Your wife is not comfortable with your sister staying in your house, that is what hateful ladies do. For you to have peace & a happy marriage, use wisdom and get your sister comfortably settled outside your home.

If you want to insist that, it is your house and your sister must stay - you are putting her at risk - what you see is what you get (did I read poison!)

For your wife accusing your parents of trying to poison her - it is up to you to allow her denigrate your parents & get away with it. She is your wife though, you cant fight her or do anything nasty, It is important that you sit her down and engage in very crucial conversations - she needs to understand where her excesses stops, if you do not do this, you have put your parents under her arm pit.

This is absolutely under your control, why think of going legal, if you head to court and they find out that you have not engaged your wife on this, the response will not be different from the majority of the responses here on Nairaland. This is family matter

Your parents should not hear about the poison talk. Spare them that rubbish

One more caution - Perhaps your wife feels that you are still more attached to your family, she is trying to get you detached; maybe the issue is how she is going about it. You need to consciously work on this

They are now on the same page - MONEY FOR ELECTION CAMPAIGNS/LAST MILE pilfering from collective purse

Money that was requested for use in 2022; was not approved or released, now multiplied by 10 and inserted in the budget for 2023 without the knowledge of the requesting minsitry/minister who perhaps may no longer need it.

But they could not pay ASUU or fix refineries, students were home for over 7 Months, now we are sleeping in fuel queues

1.5 hrs

sorry about the embarrassment. You don't have to severe all ties with your uncle. It may not mean that he hates you; he is not just seeing your value & is trying to see if you are adding value at home. Try to gain some self respect

Some guiding principles
You do not have to be too frequent in anybody's house, else you 'commonise' your presence & your person

If/when/where you go visiting, do not stay for so long and especially late into the night , except you have to sleep there, your host & perhaps the family need their own space for 'me/us only' time - otherwise you turn yourself to a 'problem'

Sometimes, reject food offers; even with an empty stomach

once in a while if you have a little change, appear with something for the kids, it doesn't have to be expensive - pop corn/bread/ice cream etc - That way you co-create value for them even if your uncle is wealthy

Your Salary cannot sustain you, if you have to move out.

If you have a trusted friend who is also willing to start live, you can come together to rent a place, but you have to be very careful about this,

If your Mum is bent on you leaving her place at 20yrs only, there is nothing you will do to please her, she loves you but perhaps not enough to protect you any more, she want you to go.

Discuss with a close aunt or cousin who can accommodate you for an agreed specified time, so you can plan, save money & rent you own place.
You also need to consider if your mum is single & has a relationship and especially if the person involved is married, the pressure is external.

God favour you

3 questions for you
1. Was she able to consume all those things?
2. Why did not watch her order for all of that? you should have said something or ask a question to help her manage her order/appetite
3. For real? no hospitality until you put a ring? - lol, how achievable?

Drunk ko
Drunk Ni

He has been "taken out"
Similitude of Female combat helicopter pilot - Late Flying Officer Tolu Arotile(God rest her soul)
Investigation is in limbo/voicemail

I empathise with you for the situation you find yourself. Pleaseeeee, do not commit suicide; It can only get better and you will be fine.
From my perspective, you cant just sit on your own & say Iv forgiven my dad, and it ends there(that might just be for your own sanity).

You all have to sit down and talk as a family. Pushing you Dad was a no, no. You have to keep reaching out to him until he sincerely forgives you(write a hard copy apology). If all personal effort fails, get a mediator (your uncle/aunt/neighbor/pastor/imam, his friend or if you are close to any of the concubines - someone that he has a lot of regards for. you need his forgiveness.

Also, you sure need some crucial conversation as a family, that your father restricted you & your mum access to some part of the house and that includes the fridge & drinking water shows how bad things were, what made him do that;we know in parts. This portrays a very toxic situation that is not healthy for anyone; your father himself cannot be happy or healthy in that situation, I suppose he did that out of frustration to ensure everyone is frustrated as well.

First you have to engage your mum to know if your father has been like this from 'get go', else when did he change? what could have made him to change. your mum has to understand that if your dad is into women, she cant totally control that, she can only manage that with wisdom/attitude and self awareness - actions/attitude and self worth will pull your dad or push him and that will determine how she is treated, which to a large extent will determine how her children are treated.

For the school fees thing, your father was wrong not to have given you the complete fees, even if he did not have, it was his responsibility to explain that & perhaps commit to when you can get the balance, you felt entitled, yes! it is your entitlement & you were trying to hold him accountable to his responsibility, but you did it the wrong way. you can not fight your father, No.
All things being equal, your mum would have smoothen things out here, talk your father to give you the money or engage him & if he does not have explain to you & of course commit to when they can sort you out. Given that he does not give your mum this room in his life you should have looked for your grandma/aunt/uncle our someone he is close to.

Walking out on your dad (with money in his hand) in other words - throwing his money at him, is a nau nau. your father is the King.
As a student, you walked out on your dad with money in his hand at that instance, going forward where do you want to start from? - The suffering you wet through was a self inflicted injury.

You cannot move through life this way, it is a lot of baggage, although it comes from a little problem that can easily be sorted, you need peace, real peace. Hurry while there is life; everyone is alive.
Start from the place of faith - pray, talk with God, if you have a little money, seek the service of a professional counselor, the counselor might even go with you to your father/parents, i have no idea of their fees but it might be worth the investment for you.
It is a little problem can be solve with minimal effort. Shalom!

Go to hospital ASAP ; get to see a dermatologist; all of you with the mark
White patches could indicate anything from simple to complex issues

Engage your prospective employer, let them know how much you value the offer and eager to start, at the same time, appeal for their understanding for you to inform your current employer& close some deliverables and exit.

That way, your prospective employer will see you as dependable, reliable & have some level of trust.

Leave on a good note. All the best.