₦airaland Forum

P.S: I would never think of working for Hints or Hearts, those stories are just surreal

that's exactly what i'm trying to do, not make the wrong choice, settle down with a guy i can see myself with for life, a guy that i know that years from now, even when he's all wrinkly and old i'd look at and smile knowing that there's no where else that i'd rather be than by his side. so i'm not gonna just jump because i have to, or others say so, i'm gonna do it because, because i've seen my future

er, i kinda missed the phone bit
if he hasnt called, doesnt mean you shouldnt. if you want to call him, call, jus dont call him every second of the day cuz he could imagine that if you guys hooked up, you'd do worse. if you dont wanna call, send a text, you could even send the kinda text that makes him have to call. But be careful, cuz if he's a decent guy and he thinks you have a boyfriend, he's gonna keep thinkin "she's probably gonna do dis with another guy someday", tread carefully

Ure allowed to play hard-to-get so long as it doesnt get overboard. About tellin him that you dont love the guy youre with now, he may (and some guys do) think that one day, you would say the same about him to someone else, and that's not a plus. But be friends with him, you could leave a few hints here and there, but dont put yourself out there completely

he's hot, i swear it, he is
Just got off the phone with Tammy (i know i know, i'm pathetic), but hey, everybody said i should do some kinda soulsearchin and i did
Olu is a no-no (yea he apologised and said everything was just getting to him and all), but hey a guy who would leave in the heat of a moment isnt worth it, plus he's way too posessive
PJ is a sweetheart and did pop the question, and all i could do was, stare. If i had to think before answering, then it cant be him, i am afraid that i may have scarred him and he may never wanna go down that road again with any woman (oh me)
but Tammy i miss, Tammy i love. He called me and asked how i was doing and when i said fine, he went "yea i know, saw you a couple of days ago, you were getting into your car, you looked really good". I almost cursed him for not letting me know he was in Lagos, and he said there wasnt any point since he was just here for the weekend. Now he's gone, but just hearing him again talk like that, my heart just leapt, and i have finally realised there will never be another Tammy.
Oh and i did see Nnamdi on sunday, we talked for a while, he seems different (but i really could not care any less). I dint bother to ask if he was seeing anyone (cuz once again i couldnt care any less)
My love life is so, entertaining

this is interesting. dat u respect her dont mean u'll marry her, looks like all dem guys here are talkin about deir ideal wife.

how long has it been? k maybe some months, but is that enough reason? was i being to selfish in making them wait? you know letting us be friends first. today i met with olu, and we were talking and he asked where we were headed, and i told him that only time would tell, and then he said he couldnt handle that, then he said something like "if you take too long to make a decision, you are not making one or you are avoidin one", and he said he couldnt live evryday on the edge anymore, not knowin if i would say yes to him or not. Basically, since i couldnt give him a straight answer then, he didnt see the point again.
i swear ive lost every hold i thot i had over myself , because i got home this evenin and could not help cryin badly. this time it isnt even about my career , its me. people, i don't know what to do anymore. i know this friendship thing was supposed to help me see things clearer, but right now, i'm so blinded by my tears, i really don't know what to do anymore. Olu's, well, gone i guess, and PJ, PJ looks like wherever the wind blows. Right now it looks like i'm back to the start.
why do the good ones always have to leave ?

Thank u so much(@ Emperoh). as for the badboy thing, i dint exactly like being around his crowd. but sumtyms to make him happy i would hang out with them and all, but as we went on, we spent most of our time together, just by ourself, especially since for us, every minute mattered. Tammy is a great guy, and has totally matured since when we first started, then i couldnt really say marriage with him, cuz we were not exactly on the same page. i love him to bits, even now, but i'm not going to be unfair to him, because i can swear my parents will give him a hard time if we considered getting married, and i cant put him through that.

as for nnamdi, i dont really know where exactly he's based,i did see him last november, and invited him for my 25th. he came but we didnt hang out so much, i dont hold anything against him. he has moments where he still acts like a jerk, cuz i ve seen him around a couple of times, and sometimes i'd say hi and he would ignore me, but hey, not my problem, i have met better people, i have moved on.

now what i fear is that olu cant handle this jus be friends thing well, PJ, is reasonable, and is not pushin (although that may not be entirely good), but olu doesnt seem to be taking it well, and i can understand, but this is my future, so am gonna tread carefully.

oh as tempting as being with tammy seems, i think i have put him through a lot, i dont think i can do that to him again, it wouldnt be fair, but i have told him, that when he does meet that person, i have to interview her, i mean he deserves someone so wonderful that would value him more than i ever did. he deserves the best.

lol, a part 4 of my story willl come out when i do decide on a guy.

in the mean time, please do show some support to boost, i'd appreciate it

Chineke!!!, dese people have turned me to story-teller

oookay, i have not had sex wiv any of dese, call it oldfashioned, but it is my stand.

@Gamine n' prospective viewers
thanks for checkin out d blog

yea, olu is nice n' its really funny cuz deyre all tryin 2 keep my attention now. i'm gettin rily frustrated. as nice as it is to be gettin the attention, its a tad bit too much, n' almost irritating.

i guess this is wat i ve 2 go thru, na wa 4 marriage o

thanks.
hey nairalanders, i need a favour. my friend's little cousin(well she's not so little shez 18), anyways she has this blog thing she does, and i said i'd support her wiv publicity and all, and i havent exactly done that well. her dream and what she's dong is truly a good thing, and i'd really like for a lot of people to get involved and all. it's http://boost-xyc..com/. you may not comment an every topic, but chip in once in a y'll, and the criticism thing shouldnt be so, you know nairaland-ish, i wouldnt want to discourage her, constructive contributions basically, and please help spread d word. it's a youth thing, and i'd like to think am still a youth, at least till i'm fifty, so i have bout 24yrs left there. spread the word, get involved, thank you all. bless you.

http://boost-xyc..com/ (oh and i swear on my fine face it's no spam)

i'm sorry i've been away for a while (but i'm happy to say it wasnt related to work), my older sister just had a baby, and you can imagine the atmosphere when a child is born. as for my age, i turn 26 this december. i really do appreciate all the comments, and i think i'll just keep them as friends for now(hard as that would be, seeing theyre not exactly open to the idea), so i'll try the friendship thing for a while, then i can better decide who is most worthy.

lol, nice one

I think amost everyone or rather almost all women have a list of the things they want in their guy, although our standards tend to change with time. Yes i do have the things i look for, but we cant always get what we want can we.
I really appreciate your comments though, and i wish all of it could be that easy, but what i failed to mention is the pressure coming from home, especially when theyre playing matchmaker

am sorry if my story is too long, but i want people to understand why dis is so hard for me to decide.
I studied Electrical-computing engineering. now my focus is on non-profit organisations and working with youths. presently i'm working in an NGO, whilst following a classical music dream, so you see, i have my hands full.

After Tammy and i ended US( and i know it's for good now), i spent more time building my career. On a course i went for, i met PJ. we were similar in many ways, except that he was rather laid-back and kind of lazy. but apart from that we became close, like best buddies, at first we told everyone we were related. i started to have feelings for him, but because of our friendship and my uncertainty as to his feelings, i did nothinga about it. other course mates teased us sometimes about loooking like a couple, but we ignored them (although in my mind i was hoping). Anyways, since he did not indicate anything, i decided not to act on my feelings,

Because i am not seeing anyone, my friends have taken if upon themselves to hook me up, so they gave my number to some guy. he is nice, very very cute, but i'm not exactly feeling him. we're rather different, but he really wants to try, and me, i don't

Yea, and then there's this guy that i grew up with, we had our schooling apart but still our families have remained in touch. i can see the hand of the two families in our union, and frankly speaking i am not pleased, for me that shouldnot be our binding force. he's aite, but we're not exactly a match. so far i have refused to go on a date with him so as not to imply that i may be considering us,

Finally there's olu, he went to school with my older sister and i have always seen him as this seniot that can punish me anytime. he's been trying to remove that image from my head, but it's ridiculous that sometimes i find myself callin him senior. but i kind of like him, he makes me laugh and i'm really comfortable around him. He's asked if we could be more than friends, and understands my passion for my career. he remembers things about me from school that even i don't remember, and he's harworking and intelligent, he's really it. plus he's called to say he's on his way to my office with a surprise (vals day oo)

Now the thing is, i'm not sure that i'm without feelings for PJ, most importantly i'm not sure if i'm using olu to get over what i may/may not have for PJ, i just want to get a good guy, and they both are. Oh and JP has admitted to feelings for me, which only came out after i told him about Olu(although i still Havent told JP that i may like him back)

Please what do i do? do i forget about what could be with PJ and try it out with Olu

the second guy was, truly amazing. he lived in abuja but we had met at a friends get together. i had heard about him from a friends because apparently they had grown up together. i wasnt in the mood for gatherings, but seeing it was for a friend, i went dere to lend a hand. that's when we met. i was talkin with some people when he came in, and i could feel his eyes on me, if i say he never took his eyes of me all night, i wouldnt be exaggerating. i knew he was staring at me, and it was making me uncomfortable. when we were finally introduced, i played it cool and just went with the "finally i meet the infamous tammy (tamuno)". i stayed away from him the rest of the night though. i do recall that for some reason, i had gotten upset at the party by a friend of his, anyhow i stayed for as long as i could and went back home. Later that same night i got a call from tammy apologising on behalf of his friend.
anyway, after that i forgot about our meeting and everything. the next time i got to speak to him again was during my two-weeks getaway when my friend had accidentally dialled his number while using my phone. of course later he called back, and we yarned for a while. he made me laugh and seeing that at that time i really needed a good laugh i was grateful for his companionship.
after nnamdi and i had seperated, i went back to school and tammy and i resumed our daily chats, he was also in school, but he was based in minna while i was in lagos. as much as i enjoyed his company over the phone and looked forward to his daily calls, i was not redy for a relationship, and i suspected that was his intention. i remember during one of our phone conversations, he popped out "i love you", and i grew silent. i told him not to say it to me and that love was a big deal for me, that i did not love him the way he thought he loved me.
for about 6mths after our re-union we went on like this, over the phone. i had grown fond of him and could not imagine a day without his calls or texts. i knew i had frustrated him with my silence on the relationship issue, eventually when i realised that i could lose him and what we had, i decided to make him happy and agree to go out with him (but not that i wasnt in love with him). i gave him my answer on a thursday, by friday night he was in lagos to see me. initially i did not think we would last because we were different, he was a bad-boy to the bone, and me a goody-two-shoes,
i remember a mutual friend of his commending me saying he'd never seen tammy like that before, that whatever i had used on him was workin. tammy and i became inseperable, despite the distance, we felt everything, we talked about everything. i could talk to him about the guys running after me in lagos (unlike nnamdi who went about beating them and getting acid poured on him, yes it did happen once). there were times he was in lagos for months and those months were amazing. he respected the fact that i did not want to get intimate till marriage, and although he confessed to wanting me, he said he would never force me. i was his first serious relationship, and according to him, his last. we talked aboutmarriage and every, i was happy.
however the time came when i had to be out of the country indefinitely. when i broke the news to him, he dint seem fazed, he just said we'd work it out. i left and true to his word we talked everyday, but it bacame harder and harder, and one day when i couldt take it anymore i told him, i said it'd be best if we focused on our lives especially since i did not know when i would be coming back. he was silent. the following week was going to be our 1 yr anniversary so we agreed to end things then. that night we spoke for 5hrs non-stop reminiscing and laffin, and crying, yes he did cry and it tore me apart. i knew that i would always love him no matter, and i knew he's feel the same.
for a while there was no ccontact, and everyday i longed to hear his voice, i asked my friends about him, and all i heard was that he was different. he had resumed his drinking habit which he had stopped because i didnt like it, and he looked worn. two months after our end, we spoke, and all those feelings were still there. at that time i met a guy at my college (the third guy),


emmanuel and i met in college and we became tight, it wasnt a romantic relationship, we were bestfriends, he knew that i was still grieving the end of tammy and i so he made no efforts. i talked to him about things that i felt, just as i would have with tammy, but he was different. he wasnt a bad guy that i had to tame, he was more of a good nerdy guy that hadnt even been in a relationship. one night manny and i were talkin, and he asked me what the worst possible thing a bestfriend cud say to the other was, and i was like "i don't know'. then he was like "ibk, i have a crush on you, no i'm in love with you, i've liked you since the first time we had lab together", he told me about the different times he had tried to make it known to me but i had been blind to. he was like "i know this is not the right time, but i want to be more than just best friends with you". i couldnt speak, i thought of how i had been finding myself again without tammy and the active role emma had played in that, so i told him to give me some time that i needed to think.
i saught advice from some of my friends, who apparently knew about his crush but hadnt told me, all i got from them was " you guys are perfect, you already know each other, there's no need for the trying to figure out each other stage, he really likes you, he called us before he asked you because he was nervous, "
they were right, we knew each other well, but it wouldnt be fair to him especially since part of me still wanted tammy. but the again this could be my chance to get over tammy. i decided to go for it, i gave manny a yes, and yea we went for it.
manny was great, but he was still more of my bestfriend, he was inexperienced with relationships, but i could see his effort, he didnt have that roughness like tammy, but he was great actually. we became 1, knowin what the other was thinking, we could speak and think for each other, but i knew that whatever we had wpould be temporal because i couldnt see marriage with him, besides, his mother would not let her son marry a yoruba girl. he didnt ever bring that up with me, but his friends has slipped a couple of times, and i was no fool.
he moved to the uk.and once again i was in a long distance relationship, of course we tried, but he became withdrawn and distant, and i was not going to make any efforts to revive him. so we decided our friendship was more important than a romantic relationship and we remain friends till today.

i came back to lagos, and met up with tammy. he hadnt seen anyone since we seperated and he had heard about manny and was angry, he wanted nothing to do with me and i was miserable, seeing him i knew that i still wanted to be tammy's girl. one night i determined in ma heart that even if he insulted me to nothing, i would talk to him, and make him feel what i knew was still there. so i did, and we talked, and i knew he was hurt,

we picked up where we left off, and it was great, he was in abuja and i was between countries, i got so absorbed in all my work and assignments, i knew i had neglected him, and he felt neglected, i kept apologising and he was patient. i recall one time i was away and he came to lagos, he demanded that i returned to lagos and that he didnt care where i was, but that before he returned, he had to see me. at this time, i had become more or less an independent woman, and he, a friend that i cherished, i tried to explain that there was no way i could get to lagos since i was out of the country. he said he's extend his stay by five days, and i should do whatever i needed, but he must see me. in my anger i returned, and i saw him, twice, but i told him that it couldnt go on like that anymore, i was creating a path for myself, and he was already on his way, that i had to find mine. he let me know that his feelings would never change, and that even if i came ten years from then, he'd still want me, we remain friends till today, infact just spoke to him this morning, he called to ask what i was sending him for valentines

now to my dilemma

i'm not exactly in search of love, in fact if i had my way i would opt out of this all thing.

i've only ever had three serious relationships,

the first was an experience and ended because of his infidelity, i couldnt put up with it anymore. truth be told i knew when it began, it was a long distance relationship, but we made efforts to see each other on the weekends. i got to hear that he had an affair with a classmate of his. not being one to jump to conclusions, i confronted him and he admitted that it was brief and indeed over. some months after that, i had to travel out of the country for about a month, anyhow, on getting back i found that he had a fling with one of my co-workers that he had met while at my workplace. i felt a bit embarassed to hear it from other co-workers. i decided to ignore it all and act like i hadnt found out, i had been with this guy for two years, and was hoping when things were settled, we would get married. afterwards i found that he began to act rather odd, normally we would swap sims and use each other's phones, but he became reluctant. i decided not to invade his privacy. one day after leaving his house in festac town, and i discovered that i had left my planner in his house, i went back to get it and lo and behold his classmate (the one he had the affair with) was there already. since they were not in any incriminating position, i was cordial and went to get my organiser. some weeks after that incident i confronted him, especially because news of a possible relationship with MY colleague had begun to spread round the office, ny friends even had to answer a lot of questions on my behalf. when i confronted him, i recall we were in a public place, just chiling, and then he got angry and blew his top, he said it didnt matter if there were other girls, that he had chosen me, in his words "look, it is not as if they some of them are not finer than you, but it doesnt matter, because i chose you, i could have had any of them, but i'm with you, so stop making noise because they'll still be there", that stung, he said it like he was doing me a favour by remaining with me, (we were still young, and i was only doing IT, i was going to return to school), at that point, i didnt know why i was with him anymore, he had never hit me before (except once when we had a brief arguement), and i had always done my best never to provoke him.
The one that tore it for me was when he had travelled with a couple of his friends from school, i didnt ask him of what had gone on during that week because i was away as well. i got to find what i hadnt bargained for, i was transferring some images from his friend's phone when i saw picture of their portnovo trip, MY boyfriend and this same girl were in so many intimate positions that even i had not thought of experiencing with him till marriage. , afterwards i decided to go away with a couple of friends for two weeks, just to get myself together. i hadnt told any of my friends of any of it because as much as it was bad, i did not want them to look at him wrongly.
one thing i knew for sure was that he thougt me too fragile to ever end things with him, and so he was confident to an extent that he had a hold over me. i was going to suprise him. Before i went on the getaway with my friends i had left him a note saying that we needed to cool off for a bit, because there were too many things not right with our relationship. Throughout my two weeks away, he kept callin, durin that period MTN signals werent so strong there, but somehow, his calls still managed to come through. To cut it short, he kept calling, singing love songs, at a point he got to me when he sang backstreet boy's incomplete, but i was trying to be strong, i had told myself that i would not be moved and i was going to end things, whether or not he had seen the light.
when i got back to lagos, i went to see him, i told him that i had thought things through and that i was not going to continue with us anymore, when he asked why, it took a lot in me to hold back from shouting "you want to know why?, how can you even be asking me after everything, have i ever once been unfaithful, and so on", but all i said was, "just because"
for months after our seperation, he sent messages, he sent people, he begged, but my mind was made up, i wanted him to just leave me. he had upset me, he had made me feel small.
afterward i promised myself that i would be no man's puppet, yes i may be softspoken, but i was going to be firm and strong and no matter what, no guy would feel that he had that control over me again.


i'll keep you posted on the other two, and my current dilemma

i was raised baptist but not am an atheist. any problems??

goody for you!! enjoy your new found faith, ALONE!!! and let christians, the bible and everything that has to do with the God (that you dont believe in), BE!!!

it's bad enough that you don't believe in HIM, it's worse that you're taking centuries and centuries of what we christians have lived by (and you at one point falsely lived) apart. Blasphemy (the sin against the holy spirit) is the only unforgivable sin by God (which means it doesnt go unpunished no matter how hard you pray), and you my friend are in too deep.

Let whatever you believe in save you.

saw sumfin similar on Boost (http://boost-xyc..com/) , actually its on y we even bother wiv valentines

why are you so adamant on watevr it is ure tryin 2 do?, if u do not believe in God, dat is ur issue, dont take odaz wiv u, more importantly, don anger God(some of us believe in him)

YEA!! text messages are kinda d thing now, so yea twud def do