₦airaland Forum

If them deport this 1 now, them go begin shout again.[color=#990000][/color]

Smart phones can do some or all ofthe following things:




Surf the internet
Cook
Plug itself to a socket when the battery is low
Drive a car
Run errands
And most of all act as a body guard when you are attacked both physically and spiritually
Eg Samsung Galaxy S4, Blackberry Porsche design etc

genetos: Thanks yall, I spent only 200 naira on the film which was use to buy the pack of cigarette nd lighter

Very nice.

I bet say na white london you buy. Benson and Hedges na N200 without the lighter.

It's hoe-k.

Ah. RIP to those involved. But this event has the trappings of an odosiferous end time tinz saga!

Geeez! Somebody is going to loose his job. And she's a very smart baby though. ETT

This is serious oo. End time tinz.

Space booked

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Your wage/salary is dependent on how the society values your services. Millions of people all over the world see football as an entertaining sport, thus there is a huge remunerations for the footballers. But don't let ASUU know footballers earn that much oo. They may never calloff the strike oo

FortresOfChrist: The LORD of lords is calling you today. Christ the Lord of glory bless you soul with salvation.

Later you will start showing your female members a new level of grace. Ifa worshippers don't do that. So STFU!

rozayx5: Another shameless move from Ese

whatever stopped her from turning down the pastors moves if this is really true

You are very stooooopid. Why must the adultrous celebrity pastor make a move on a girl in the first place?

Banana Island
[quote author=k.style]I stay at banana iceland[/quote]

APPLICATION FORM TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER

FILL THE FORM IN OWN HAND WRITTING AND IN BLOCK LETTERS

I _______________ hereby apply to marry your daughter Ma

I am _____ years old

{Please answer the following questions honestly}

1. Do you go to church? Yes/No
2. Do you have a degree or diploma? Yes/No
3. Are you still a virgin? Yes/No
4. Are you working? Yes/No
5. Do you have a car? Yes/No

{If your answer to any of the above questions was NO Do not continue. Leave my house and don't look
back If all your answers were YES, Then continue}

1. In 50 words or more, Describe the disadvantages
of cheating in marriage _______________________________________

2. With the aid of a diagram, Explain how you can
give respect to your father in-law/mother in-law

3. Suppose your wife says "Honey I need money for my hair-style at the saloon", what would you
answer? _______________________________________

4. Explain any TEN causes of divorce__________________________________

5. What does the term 'good husband' mean to you?
____________________________________
5.b. How many times do you intend to have sex daily_________
Weekly____________
Momthly_____________
6. Do you have both dad and mum? Yes/No
If No explain why?

7.Were your parents legally married? Yes/No
If YES for how long?
If the time of their marriage is less than your age,
Explain why you were born out of wedlock

8. Explain the meaning of ''COME HOME EARLY" As
used by women (100 words)

9. Give any THREE reasons that can cause a man to
sleep outside his house

10. In case of divorce, Who do you think is the owner
of the kids between father and mother?


{ Answer the following by Yes or No}

1. Do you drink alcohol? Yes/No
2. Do you smoke? Yes/No
3. Are you short-tempered? Yes/No

LAST PART - BUT EQUALLY IMPORTANT

1. When can you be free for interviews?___________________________________

2. When is the best time to interview your dad? ____________________________________

3. When can I interview your mum? _______________________________________

4. When can I interview your church pastor

5. Please stick your passport size photo below Which will be put in newspaper to check if you have other girlfriends
Sign here: ___________
Sign again: __________

Thank you for showing interest in my daughter. Your application will be processed in 4years time. You will be acknowledged only if you emerge
successful. As you are waiting:-
Please don't call me
Don't visit me
Don't contact my daughter
If u do you will be disqualified Leave your details in case I need to ask you more
questions Postal Address: ______________________
Email: ______________________
Phone: ______________________
Facebook: ______________________

This OJB guys sef! No be scam be this? He claimed to have 8 weeks to live 4 months ago and he said the surgery was going to be in UK that's was why it was expensive. He don blackmail him colleagues collect money now he run go India go do cheap surgery

Chief Andy Uba all the way!

lanrexdo: Do you think their salary is the main problem..No.. The FG just want to make it look like they are fighting for their pocket.. they are fighting for university. they want their works to be recognized world wide, but how would they do that when there is no facility... university is not just for b.sc.. it is goes way beyond just an ordinary first degree.. there is no end to it.. Research worldwide are been conducted in universities.. how would that happen if there is no facilities and yet there own kids are in private schools or they study abroad.

What infrastructure is needed to earn a Ph.D degree in a Nigerian university? Didn't these same institutions graduated students last year? Has the facilities used suddenly disappeared this year? ASUU members are greedy snakes. They don't see students as their products. Visit car parks in these schs especially federal schs and you will think its an automart yet these lazyy buffoons want more money? Na wa oo

Osgilliat: Restructuring finances my ass..while your entire family graduated from harvard. A bill should be passed to restrict all this politician children from schooling abroad and home base private universities, I bet they will not only throw chairs at such person but also kill him. Bunch of b.i.t.c.h.e.s. spit on thread and walk away.

You are just as foolish as you sound. Why you no go Havard? Your papa fit afford am?

that's guv Rotimi Amaechi

egift: Who is the man in white?

omenka: God Forbid!!! Tufiakwa!! If my dad licked anyone's as$ this way, I would disown him!!

"Apologise to you and the first lady"!!! God Forbid!!
This is utterly unbelievable!

Try to ask your father how many times he does it in a day at work. The answer will surprise you

Kidney transplant cost less than 3 milllion naira in Nigeria. OAUTHC has been doing kindey transplants since 2010 with a 96% success rate. http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/06/oauthc-introduces-affordable-kidney-transplant-dialysis/

This guy has gotten enough money already.

Andyblaze:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yWNilnk8TA

http://nairatunes..com/2013/06/ojb-cries-as-p-square-donates-n5.html

Is OJB is brother? You can't blackmail anybody to part with their hard earned money. Afterall, didn't OJB made money too? From all the donations so far, the guy don make over N40 million. No album. No record sales.

[quote author=val_dubem]Let them keep buying porsche while OJB keeps breathing his last at the hospital.

RIP collabo on their useless mind.[/quote]

Swaggzkid: Gbo gbo big girls outfit to a tv interview.

Big and Beautiful!

she looks like a moonpig

[size=25pt][/size]This na big investment oo

Sincere Bigot: o! i thought i saw 'computer bus'

Garri don finish you!!

Prof Corruption: Truth in an undiluted form.

SO IBB is an agent of your god to dispense punishment. Where is the place of hellfire and all?

[quote author=Ms_Steph]Beans favorite food(might sound strange) I like cooking it in different ways but I enjoy it most wit plantain. Share how you like your beans.[/quote]The best way to enjoy beans is to add vegetables to it. Especially dried ones. Add weed/igbo/ganja.....and your life will never remain the same

Me I like Tonto Decay oooo



[quote author=lumeviews.com](1) TONTO DIKEH

https://www.lumeviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/TONTOLET-300x300.jpg

Poor actress, hopeless musician, non-existent morales and constant bickering sums up our most despised Nigerian celebrity. Her terrible songs have been downloaded millions of times on the internet which earned her the title, T*T* DECAY. To be fair, Tonto stands up for herself and is not afraid to have a face-off with anyone who takes a poke at her. She has even made it easier for her haters to confront her as she took out a customized plate number “POKOLO”. Should make for easy identification if you have a grudge to settle with her.

Top Ten Nigerian Celebrities With The Most Haters[/quote]

Tonto Dike is pretty. But who is the young woman holding her neck?

NessaFresh: Though we might often see the wild part of one of nigeria's top female celebrities, only an up,close and personal relationship could make you find out she has a very huge soft spot for dogs especially puppies. She owns two herself whom she treats like her own babies. She loves them upto the extent of letting them sleep with her at night atimes.

Below are some of the pictures of #pokobaby and her puppies.

view more here- www.nairatunes.blog.com/2013/05/26/tonto-dikehs-relationship-with-her-dogs-in-pictures/

cute pictures innit?